Unrealistic expectations?
auntbliz
Posts: 173 Member
I have my goal weight set at what I weighed in high school, I'm pushing 33 years old now, so it's been awhile 
I was talking with my husband about it the other day, and he said that was probably unrealistic, as I've had 4 kids since then, and my hips are wider, not from being fatter, but from having kids, and that my feet are bigger because they grew during my third pregnancy (the bones actually got longer and wider) and so it stands to reason that there have been other changes to my body also. Now, in high school I had a very nice body, and that's what I want again, but his theory is that I might have to settle for a very nice body at a higher weight. So, my question is, should I increase my goal weight 5 or so pounds, to account for being 15 years older, or is he full of hooey, and I should just keep the same goal?
I was talking with my husband about it the other day, and he said that was probably unrealistic, as I've had 4 kids since then, and my hips are wider, not from being fatter, but from having kids, and that my feet are bigger because they grew during my third pregnancy (the bones actually got longer and wider) and so it stands to reason that there have been other changes to my body also. Now, in high school I had a very nice body, and that's what I want again, but his theory is that I might have to settle for a very nice body at a higher weight. So, my question is, should I increase my goal weight 5 or so pounds, to account for being 15 years older, or is he full of hooey, and I should just keep the same goal? 0
Replies
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What I used to do and still do is just set small goals for yourself. I used to just aim for being at 290, 280, 270 etc.....
Its nice to have a long term goal weight....I do..but that doesn't mean I wouldn't be happy if I was a little over or under that goal weight.0 -
I think for most of us a "goal weight" is just a best guess anyway. My "goal" is a weight I have never been at my current height, let alone with my current frame and muscles. I may not even be able to get down to 150. Or it may turn out I can get to 130 -- I have no idea, really. But I'm going to shoot for 150 and if I look fan-freakin'-tastic at 170, then I'll stop there. If not, I'll just keep going until I'm happy.
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I was never near my goal weight.....so I could look good at 160lbs or 180lbs
Right now I know I do need to lose more weight, but once I lose a little more I am just going to focus on getting my body in shape and build more muscle.0 -
I don't think us "real" moms ( as in not celebrity moms) have much hope of ever looking as fit as we did in highschool after having children. That doesn't mean you can't lose weight and learn to love your fit post baby body. I know my hips will never return to the size 3 that I was before, but I can be happy as a 5 or 6 as long as I know I did all I could and I FEEL good. Set your goals and get as close as you can, but try not to be too disappointed if you can't quite get there. Having children changes our bodies, but a woman's metabolism naturally slows down around age 30 or so as well. Good luck and no matter what you'll look great!0
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Really you should ask your doctor.. But I see where you're going with this.. Your body was still growing in high school, so I would say5 or 10 lbs would be an ok up.. But really you can weigh whatever you want to weigh, you may not be healthy or healthy looking, but your body could get down to your high school weight. I weigh less now than I did in high school, so I don't wanna weigh what I did back then.. I asked my doc and she told me 150 would be a great weight to be at.. And on the BMI is puts me at healthy.. What is your BMI at your high school weight?0
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i set a goal weight of my highschool weight and i actually went lower than expected ( i am 40 with 3 kids ages 16, 14 and 3). i just started losing and then decided i was more concerned with body fat than numbers on the scale. i did the bod pod (a sophisticated body fat measuring device at my gym) and decided i wanted to be in the athletic range. i am now approx 18% body fat and have a goal of 15%. i dont really want to lose any more weight, i am in a size 2-4 (depending on the brand) but want to keep toning certain areas. dont focus on the scale but on your body and how you look and feel.0
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Hip bones get bigger after pregnancy? First time I've ever heard that story. :huh:
Not to sound mean or anything, but anybody that says they can't go back to their pre-pregnancy size & weight are just not willing to put the work into it. I know plenty of moms (non-celebrity) that have done it. One those is my cousin which is 30 yo, and this is a pic of her 8 months after her 2nd child:
Right after 2nd birth: http://svfitnessnutrition.com/images/clients/vachon/me adam n sara.jpg
8 months later: http://svfitnessnutrition.com/images/clients/vachon/P1050915.JPG
How did she do it? A lot of hard work, & good nutrition. Bottom line, anything is possible.0 -
My BMI according to Web MD back then was 21.1 with a body shape of .4 (never heard of that before today). That's this website http://www.webmd.com/diet/calc-bmi-plus Today at the same weight, my BMI would be a touch higher because I have lost half an inch of my height since HS (back injury). It doesn't allow you to enter info for bone structure though, which is medium to large (I've been told).
I guess having smaller goals for now would be the best, and just see how I feel and look when I get close. It's hard for me to remember that the numbers on the scale don't equal your overall state of health.0 -
Hip bones get bigger after pregnancy? First time I've ever heard that story. :huh:
Not to sound mean or anything, but anybody that says they can't go back to their pre-pregnancy size & weight are just not willing to put the work into it. I know plenty of moms (non-celebrity) that have done it. One those is my cousin which is 30 yo, and this is a pic of her 8 months after her 2nd child:
Right after 2nd birth: http://svfitnessnutrition.com/images/clients/vachon/me adam n sara.jpg
8 months later: http://svfitnessnutrition.com/images/clients/vachon/P1050915.JPG
How did she do it? A lot of hard work, & good nutrition. Bottom line, anything is possible.
I don't think the bones get bigger but for some women they spread out a little to accommodate the baby. I will disagree with you that a person who cannot get back to their pre-pregnancy shape is not willing to work for it. For some the hips will never go back to a the same shape they were. They will be fuller. There is no way to push them back to their original form. Some women can get back into that shape., some cannot. It depends on what carrying that baby did to her body. I know a child-birth educator who says she can look at any woman walking down the street and can tell by how her hips look if she has had a baby or not. Carrying a baby can make your hips have a different shape than before you had the baby. Your cousin was one of those that appears to look about the same after a baby! Not everyone's body can do that.0 -
I think you should realistically look at yourself in the mirror and decide how much more weight you can lose healthily. You're right that your body has changed since pregnancy so you may not be able to get back to where you were before but you can look in the mirror and realistically decide what can be lost. I had a friend who was obsessive to the point of bulimia on getting rid of her "baby belly". Unfortunately for her, even though she got down to a size four, the baby belly didnt go completely because it wasnt fat, it was extra stretched out skin and would need to be surgically removed if she wanted rid of it.
Also depending on how fit you were in highschool you may not be able to get down to your highschool weight because you didnt have as much muscle then
Because of the variables (stretched skin, more muscle, wider hips) I would recomend going my inches lost over lbs lost and set yourself some small goals, and keep an eye on you progress to make sure you're not overdoing it. 0 -
A "goal weight" is a handy and easy target, but a certain number of lbs should never, ever be an absolute goal. It's easy to measure, but in reality most people who are losing weight do it for two reasons, to look better and/or to be healthier.
For purposes of either of those real goals, the absolute weight is of very little relevance. What's more important is body composition, lean body mass, muscle condition and bodyfat percentage.
Someone can go from 160lbs to 130lbs, and if staring just at the numbers and doing the weight loss all wrong, can look flabbier, less healthy, less attractive and even fatter.
Most of us have our goals set as target weights, and that's all fine as long as we're still ways away from those goals. Once we get closer to them, we need to re-evaluate if they're appropriate or relevant anymore. For the final push, scale becomes nearly entirely irrelevant compared to mirror (and perhaps a measuring tape).
I have fairly arbitrary goal weight that's still about 40lbs heavier than I've been at my lightest. Once I'm somewhere in that neighbourhood, I have every intention to bulk up a bit and and let the mirror decide what looks the best.0 -
Thanks for helping me put things into proper perspective, I tend to lose sight of the fact that I can be much healthier and look better at a higher weight than someone else at a lower weight, just based on how you eat and move. I guess I need to keep an eye on my target jeans instead of my target weight. I have one of those baby bellies too, and that's sad to me, because even when I've been able to look slim in clothes a few years back, I still have that yucky tummy flab under the jeans
I hate to think that surgery is the only solution to that though. Thanks for the replies 0 -
body shape can change after a baby even if the weight doesn't. before my first child, i was 105 and a size 0. losing the weight after he was born, i was 96 and could never get lower than a size 4. your hubby may be right, but you won't know unless you try. good luck!
dawn0 -
Dude,,, this is why women hate us sometimes...Hip bones get bigger after pregnancy? First time I've ever heard that story. :huh:
Not to sound mean or anything, but anybody that says they can't go back to their pre-pregnancy size & weight are just not willing to put the work into it. I know plenty of moms (non-celebrity) that have done it. One those is my cousin which is 30 yo, and this is a pic of her 8 months after her 2nd child:
Right after 2nd birth: http://svfitnessnutrition.com/images/clients/vachon/me adam n sara.jpg
8 months later: http://svfitnessnutrition.com/images/clients/vachon/P1050915.JPG
How did she do it? A lot of hard work, & good nutrition. Bottom line, anything is possible.
My wife's body absolutely changed after 2 pregnancies. Is it possible for (just about) any woman to get back to (just about) where they were at the age of 17,,, probably, mostly. Is it realistically attainable or even necessary for most women? I don't know, I'm not a woman.
The lady in the pics is most impressive, but you left out some stuff. Hard work, yes, good nutrition,,, yeah, that too. You left out a supportive environment, quickness of action, youth, exceptional genetics, etc.etc.etc. Most women can't do that, and they're not all just "lazy".
We can all get better, but not everybody can get back to where they were in high school. I'm a little reluctant to toss out a blanket statement calling 40%+ of humanity lazy.0 -
Dude,,, this is why women hate us sometimes...Hip bones get bigger after pregnancy? First time I've ever heard that story. :huh:
Not to sound mean or anything, but anybody that says they can't go back to their pre-pregnancy size & weight are just not willing to put the work into it. I know plenty of moms (non-celebrity) that have done it. One those is my cousin which is 30 yo, and this is a pic of her 8 months after her 2nd child:
Right after 2nd birth: http://svfitnessnutrition.com/images/clients/vachon/me adam n sara.jpg
8 months later: http://svfitnessnutrition.com/images/clients/vachon/P1050915.JPG
How did she do it? A lot of hard work, & good nutrition. Bottom line, anything is possible.
My wife's body absolutely changed after 2 pregnancies. Is it possible for (just about) any woman to get back to (just about) where they were at the age of 17,,, probably, mostly. Is it realistically attainable or even necessary for most women? I don't know, I'm not a woman.
The lady in the pics is most impressive, but you left out some stuff. Hard work, yes, good nutrition,,, yeah, that too. You left out a supportive environment, quickness of action, youth, exceptional genetics, etc.etc.etc. Most women can't do that, and they're not all just "lazy".
We can all get better, but not everybody can get back to where they were in high school. I'm a little reluctant to toss out a blanket statement calling 40%+ of humanity lazy.
Casper you're a hero to women everywhere. I was planning to responding to this guys comment-but decided against it due to the fact that Mike would probably kick me off the site.
I weigh less than I did before becoming pregnant. I have excess skin and strechmarks that will never go away without surgery. My abs split (yes that can happen)-the only way they can be fixed is to have them sewn back together (not something I'm worried about). I'm in great shape (I have a 19-20% body fat) but there is nothing I can do to get my belly back (and yes...I'm young-25 last month, I was 18 when I had my daughter-it's been six years and I have tried my hardest to get my bikini body back-I will forever wear a one piece due to the excess skin). Here's to Casper-:drinker:0 -
Right back at ya' cupcake.
BTW - hipbones may or may not get "bigger", but they do open somewhat to birth the young'un, kinda like a snake swallowing. Usually they go back together, but not always, and not always all the way.
"Is there an obstetrician in the house?" :happy:0 -
I made the mistake the last time I lost weight of tyrying to obtain a goal that was not realistic.
So when I got to where I looked and felt great, I was not satisifed because I had 15 lbs to go until my "goal".
That dissatisfaction turned into an eventual 30 lb gain.
I am positive that if I had accepted myself at that weight, I would still be there.
This time I will stop where my body says to.0 -
Great post Lucky,,, thanks for that.
My goal is/was 200 even, and I may get there this summer. But I look Ok and I feel great and I'm pretty satisfied, and that's important too.0 -
I wanted an accurate goal weight. Right now you might as well disgreguard anything that mentions BMI. BMI is a load and should be banned from the medical community.
Go to a local gym or doctors office and have your Body Fat Percentage tested. Heres a site that will show you the norms:
http://www.sport-fitness-advisor.com/bodyfatpercentage.html
Dont use any online calculators, they're not accurate. When you get tested, what you want to go for is Caliper test, water displacement or a handheld Omeron analyzer. They are the most accurate.
http://www.google.com/products?hl=en&source=hp&q=omeron+body+fat&oq=&um=1&ie=UTF-8&ei=yOuCS8fNAsq0tgf80IjQBg&sa=X&oi=product_result_group&ct=image&resnum=3&ved=0CCkQzAMwAg
To calculate a goal, select your ideal percentage. Lets say 20%. And for example right now I'm 40% and weigh 245. So first of all you need to calculate you're lean weight, that is your body with absolutely no fat on it. (which is not healthy at all, mind you, lean weight is NOT a goal weight).
245 * 0.40 = 98 lbs body fat
245 - 98 = 147 lbs lean weight
So once you have your lean weight then we can make an equation to figure out what exactly you're ideal goal weight will be. I like to use fracitons so I can illustrate the equasion easier...
You are trying to find x which is your new ideal poundage of body fat.
x / (147 + x) = 20/100
you could also write this as:
x / (147 + x) = 0.20
The 20/100 is to illustrate that the new ratio of body fat to total weight is equal to 20%, your ideal percentage. Solve for x...I use cross multiplication because its what I understand best.
x * 100 = (147 + x) * 20
100x = 2940
x = 29.4
That means 20% of your ideal weight is 29.4, all the fat you will have when you're at your goal. To find your ideal weight, simply add the new poundage you calculated to your lean weight. In this case...
147 + 29.4 = 176.4 lbs goal weight.
I know this probably wont help because most people on this forum make it known they're not good at math..but I use this equation all the time because I believe that BMI is defunct and will lead people to become unhealthy. BMI tells me that my ideal weight is 153. 153 would make me anorexic and malnourished because of my large frame. this is why I believe body fat percentage is the best way to go. It seems like alot of work but in my opinion its the only concrete illustration of a realistic goal weight I've found for myself. I think I will truely be happy at 170.
I really hope someone can use this and it can help in some way. I'm thinking about writing a small windows program as a calculator to perform this function with one click of a button. Maybe then people could use it easier.0 -
wow Mari... you're my new hero! I have no clue how you came up with all that but I need to get that test done and send you my info so you can figure out my numbers for me!0
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*double post*0
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Dude,,, this is why women hate us sometimes...Hip bones get bigger after pregnancy? First time I've ever heard that story. :huh:
Not to sound mean or anything, but anybody that says they can't go back to their pre-pregnancy size & weight are just not willing to put the work into it. I know plenty of moms (non-celebrity) that have done it. One those is my cousin which is 30 yo, and this is a pic of her 8 months after her 2nd child:
Right after 2nd birth: http://svfitnessnutrition.com/images/clients/vachon/me adam n sara.jpg
8 months later: http://svfitnessnutrition.com/images/clients/vachon/P1050915.JPG
How did she do it? A lot of hard work, & good nutrition. Bottom line, anything is possible.
My wife's body absolutely changed after 2 pregnancies. Is it possible for (just about) any woman to get back to (just about) where they were at the age of 17,,, probably, mostly. Is it realistically attainable or even necessary for most women? I don't know, I'm not a woman.
The lady in the pics is most impressive, but you left out some stuff. Hard work, yes, good nutrition,,, yeah, that too. You left out a supportive environment, quickness of action, youth, exceptional genetics, etc.etc.etc. Most women can't do that, and they're not all just "lazy".
We can all get better, but not everybody can get back to where they were in high school. I'm a little reluctant to toss out a blanket statement calling 40%+ of humanity lazy.
Casper you're a hero to women everywhere. I was planning to responding to this guys comment-but decided against it due to the fact that Mike would probably kick me off the site.
I weigh less than I did before becoming pregnant. I have excess skin and strechmarks that will never go away without surgery. My abs split (yes that can happen)-the only way they can be fixed is to have them sewn back together (not something I'm worried about). I'm in great shape (I have a 19-20% body fat) but there is nothing I can do to get my belly back (and yes...I'm young-25 last month, I was 18 when I had my daughter-it's been six years and I have tried my hardest to get my bikini body back-I will forever wear a one piece due to the excess skin). Here's to Casper-:drinker:
I concur :drinker: here's to you Casper!0 -
Dude,,, this is why women hate us sometimes...Hip bones get bigger after pregnancy? First time I've ever heard that story. :huh:
Not to sound mean or anything, but anybody that says they can't go back to their pre-pregnancy size & weight are just not willing to put the work into it. I know plenty of moms (non-celebrity) that have done it. One those is my cousin which is 30 yo, and this is a pic of her 8 months after her 2nd child:
Right after 2nd birth: http://svfitnessnutrition.com/images/clients/vachon/me adam n sara.jpg
8 months later: http://svfitnessnutrition.com/images/clients/vachon/P1050915.JPG
How did she do it? A lot of hard work, & good nutrition. Bottom line, anything is possible.
My wife's body absolutely changed after 2 pregnancies. Is it possible for (just about) any woman to get back to (just about) where they were at the age of 17,,, probably, mostly. Is it realistically attainable or even necessary for most women? I don't know, I'm not a woman.
The lady in the pics is most impressive, but you left out some stuff. Hard work, yes, good nutrition,,, yeah, that too. You left out a supportive environment, quickness of action, youth, exceptional genetics, etc.etc.etc. Most women can't do that, and they're not all just "lazy".
We can all get better, but not everybody can get back to where they were in high school. I'm a little reluctant to toss out a blanket statement calling 40%+ of humanity lazy.
Casper, you always make SO much sense, your wifey is a lucky woman!! Yes, those things make such a difference......
While a "goal weight" is definitely a figure in my head, like so many of the posters above, that's a "negotiable" number for me. If I feel good, and feel like I look the way I want to look, THAT is what will be important to me. I may go higher or lower than that magic number.... it all depends! 0 -
Dont focus on the number. Focus on how you look and feel. Our bodies have a way of deciding which weight is best for us. Plus, set small goals and go for those. I have learned it makes life much easier seeing smaller numbers to shoot for then a HUGE one!0
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wow Mari... you're my new hero! I have no clue how you came up with all that but I need to get that test done and send you my info so you can figure out my numbers for me!
Please do! I'd be happy to calculate it for you. :bigsmile:
Eeep, i see an error in my calculations. let me fix it because I'm OCD.
x / (147 + x) = 20/100
x * 100 = (147 + x) * 20
100x = 2940 + 20x
80x = 2940
x = 36.25
147 + 36.25 = 183.25 lbs goal weight.0 -
Thank you! I just did my calculation and feel that that is more realistic. It also matches what my fitness trainer suggested as a realistic long term goal. When I get there, we will redo the Omron test, and see how close I really am, than adjust accordingly. Too many people lose muscle when they lose weight. I don't want to be one of them, or I will be hungry and miserable all the time.0
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