When is it appropriate to date...

ShellyKay67
ShellyKay67 Posts: 489 Member
in Chit-Chat
Just curious as to others thoughts...
Would you go out with someone after they are separated from their spouse, or would you wait until their divorce was final to go out with them?
The wait may just kill me, but i think it's best to wait until the divorce is final...sigh!

Replies

  • coliema
    coliema Posts: 7,646 Member
    Waiting for the divorce to be final would be a good idea, but I've seen plenty of people date beforehand.
  • smiley245
    smiley245 Posts: 420 Member
    My ex and I were legally separated for 5 yrs. We finally got a divorce this past Feb.
    I would say it would depend on how fresh this separation is?
  • n0ob
    n0ob Posts: 2,390 Member
    I was concieved while my mom was still married to her first husband.

    I'm glad my dad chose not to wait...
  • ShellyKay67
    ShellyKay67 Posts: 489 Member
    yeah, i think so too, but this will be the biggest test of my patience ever i do believe......especially when i see this person 5 days per wk (no we don't work together)
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    If you find somebody you want to date, date.
    If you don't don't go out looking?
  • HeavyLiftGirl
    HeavyLiftGirl Posts: 1,267 Member
    Wait.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    Wait.... Don't be that person...I have seen too many stories where the person winds up reconciling with the ex.
  • ShellyKay67
    ShellyKay67 Posts: 489 Member
    thanks for the thoughts......wasn't gonna change my mind to date before the divorce was final, but i'm daydreaming! haha
  • holeshottdr
    holeshottdr Posts: 364 Member
    Just wait it out but daydream all ya want.
  • Dub_D
    Dub_D Posts: 1,760 Member
    I would want to wait a year or so.
  • ShellyKay67
    ShellyKay67 Posts: 489 Member
    Just wait it out but daydream all ya want.

    Good advice......and trust me, i will!!!!!!!!!!! :happy:
  • Nix143
    Nix143 Posts: 522 Member
    Ha! I left my husband when my son was 3, came out a year later and am only now getting divorced - my son is now 18 and at University! Sometimes people don't get divroced straight away - I know for me and my ex husband we just never got around to it. And you can bet your sweet life I've been dating in the intervening 15 years :wink:
  • ShellyKay67
    ShellyKay67 Posts: 489 Member
    Ha! I left my husband when my son was 3, came out a year later and am only now getting divorced - my son is now 18 and at University! Sometimes people don't get divroced straight away - I know for me and my ex husband we just never got around to it. And you can bet your sweet life I've been dating in the intervening 15 years :wink:

    O Lord.......it's gonna be hard enought to wait a year or so let alone 15! lol
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    Ha! I left my husband when my son was 3, came out a year later and am only now getting divorced - my son is now 18 and at University! Sometimes people don't get divroced straight away - I know for me and my ex husband we just never got around to it. And you can bet your sweet life I've been dating in the intervening 15 years :wink:

    That makes no sense... :huh: Why not just get divorced? If I was dating a man that stayed separated for 15 years and never made the move to finalize it, I would run for the hills. Lol
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
    Just be careful. He sounds very fresh out of a relationship (and if you don't know the wife, only half the story)
    If he says "diverorce will be final by -x date" and it's come and gone, red flag. I'm assuming he no longer lives with her.

    Just keep in mind, you might be ready but he might not. You could end up the rebound relationship. You might not, but there is a chance.
  • SVCat
    SVCat Posts: 1,483 Member
    Being recently divorced...under two years ago. The first couple of ladies I dated while I was seperated never stood a chance. They were ready for more than just dating, I was just warming up for the dating world.

    So depends on what you want out ot this particular person...if you're just looking to date, then go for it...just don't go catching feelings for this person, it probably won't end good if you do.
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
    Getting a divorce when kids are involved can be expensive. I know 2 people who've been together 10'ish years and only recently married because they were both separated from their ex's
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,416 Member
    Just be careful. He sounds very fresh out of a relationship (and if you don't know the wife, only half the story)
    If he says "diverorce will be final by -x date" and it's come and gone, red flag. I'm assuming he no longer lives with her.

    Just keep in mind, you might be ready but he might not. You could end up the rebound relationship. You might not, but there is a chance.

    Well said. People who don't get divorced should be a red flag. Not only because of poor decision-making skills, but because every financial mistake the spouse makes while still legally married can come back to bite the other.

    I'm divorced. I would not have tied my future to someone I had decided I couldn't live with....that's just.....odd.
  • Cameron_1969
    Cameron_1969 Posts: 2,855 Member
    The final Divorce is (usually) just a date on the calendar. The key is time. Separation begins the process of getting ready for the next relationship, but it's a long hard slog and I can attest that I thought I was ready to date WAY before I really was. It turns out that I was finally healthy enough to date about the time the Divorce was final 8 months later (Some of my dates might disagree on this point. lol).

    So. . I wouldn't necessarily wait just because the divorce isn't final, but be aware that you might not be quite emotionally ready to make a new commitment. . even thought you THINK you are. . It's impossible to know without hindsight. . Listen to your family and friends, because they probably know better than you do. .

    Good Luck!
  • RunIntheMud
    RunIntheMud Posts: 2,645 Member
    I personally won't date someone that is separated (lesson learned). There are still too many emotional issues going on, whether they realize it or not. If there was cheating involved, that's even worse. If there are kids involved, then there's the baby momma drama (as well as she could use your dating against him when trying to fight for custody).

    There are also men out there that will tell you they're separated and working towards the divorce when in reality they're actually working to make the marriage work. Then you stand the chance of having her track you down....(yeah, I do have experience with that one).

    Some men don't understand when I tell them, but I just say that I can't start a new chapter with them until their old chapter is completely done.

    My .02
  • ShellyKay67
    ShellyKay67 Posts: 489 Member
    The final Divorce is (usually) just a date on the calendar. The key is time. Separation begins the process of getting ready for the next relationship, but it's a long hard slog and I can attest that I thought I was ready to date WAY before I really was. It turns out that I was finally healthy enough to date about the time the Divorce was final 8 months later (Some of my dates might disagree on this point. lol).

    So. . I wouldn't necessarily wait just because the divorce isn't final, but be aware that you might not be quite emotionally ready to make a new commitment. . even thought you THINK you are. . It's impossible to know without hindsight. . Listen to your family and friends, because they probably know better than you do. .

    Good Luck!

    Thanks! Good advice! I know waiting is the best thing.....and probably one of the hardest. I've been separated for over 2 yrs and divorced for a year....it does take time to be ready to date again! (Especially after 20 yrs of marriage).
  • ShellyKay67
    ShellyKay67 Posts: 489 Member
    I personally won't date someone that is separated (lesson learned). There are still too many emotional issues going on, whether they realize it or not. If there was cheating involved, that's even worse. If there are kids involved, then there's the baby momma drama (as well as she could use your dating against him when trying to fight for custody).

    There are also men out there that will tell you they're separated and working towards the divorce when in reality they're actually working to make the marriage work. Then you stand the chance of having her track you down....(yeah, I do have experience with that one).

    Some men don't understand when I tell them, but I just say that I can't start a new chapter with them until their old chapter is completely done.

    My .02
    thanks for advice from experience! appreciated!
  • coachblt
    coachblt Posts: 1,090
    Well, for one, the person is still married no matter how you want to twist it. So I'd wait until he is divorced officially. Then again, I'm the guy who hasn't dated in 7 years so waiting isn't a problem for me.

    G'Luck

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