How to adjust to being single?

Dani_wants_to_be_fit
Dani_wants_to_be_fit Posts: 550 Member
in Chit-Chat
I'm sorry to post a post that doesn't really go with this site but I'm out of people to ask (My friends reply was being single sucks)

I was in a long relationship for 3 years which ended 4 months. I went on a fair share of dates and started dating this guy about 6 weeks ago and... he is awful! He can become very distant, be teasy to the point of being rather mean, admits he can be quite mean and a bit of a d**k, can go from being very affectionate to pretty much ignoring me, talks about how his first ex really hurt him so he doesn't really get deep into relationships easily and is always saying I'm so much more into him than he is to me. Pretty much told me to diet and go from a UK 10 to an 8 (I can't lose weight under pressure) always talks about how I should get into girls as well... oh and he passes gas... a lot.

Now yeah, reading that back I'm like... ditch him -____- but here comes the really pathetic part. I don't know how to be a single, which is why I've stayed with someone who has been hurting me for 6 weeks and would probably stay with him if certain events hadn't kicked off tonight. I'm a little scared of being alone since I've been use to being with someone for so long (okay so I know only 3 years compared to marriages that lasted 10 is nothing really) But I really don't know.

I have borderline personality disorder and depression which really doesn't help this. How do I get use to being single? Can someone tell me how awesome single life can be? Talk sense in to me? =(

Replies

  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,219 Member
    Being single is way better than being with an *kitten*. It isn't something you prepare for like a job, it's just something that happens. Find ways to fill your time like joining a group and going to the gym.
  • SomeoneSomeplace
    SomeoneSomeplace Posts: 1,094 Member
    Find a guy.

    Use him. Abuse him. Lose him.

    Lol that was meant to give you a laugh.

    Seriously tho it just takes time, look at it as a chance to get to know yourself, be free to do what you want without having to worry about another person. It gets easier with time.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    I just got out of a 5.5 year relationship recently and am actually enjoying being single. It took a few weeks, but you'll start to enjoy the freedom. Break up with that douche and don't date anyone for a few weeks.
  • NU2U
    NU2U Posts: 659 Member
    Liquor.....and Seinfeld. It'll atleast cheer you up for a little while.
  • Diary_Queen
    Diary_Queen Posts: 1,314 Member
    Sounds like you need to practice at being single.... and you can only do that while actually BEING single. Stop jumping from one relationship to another. That isn't doing any good. Date, casually and selectively. If you enjoy their company in a non-sexual or romantic way on the first date or two, then see them again... if they act like a douche... move on and date someone else. No one said you had to be good at being single. No one said that you have to define yourself by your relationship status. Just be you. Go out and do some stuff that you want to do. Do it alone... it won't be as crappy or scary as you think. Perhaps if you did, you would meet another brave person at an event or activity that you know enjoys the same things you enjoy. You don't have to be afraid to be yourself and shine.
  • RunningOnPurple
    RunningOnPurple Posts: 119 Member
    For four years I dated an unpleasant person because I thought he would change or somehow I could change and adjust, but he didn't and I couldn't. After we broke up I met my late boyfriend who was a sweet, kind and gentle and wonderful man. Our time together was entirely too short. But what I've learned from it is that I'd rather be single the rest of my days than spend another minute with someone who isn't good to me and others.

    How to be single? Just do it. Every day is a new day and some days, yes, it sucks, but believe me when you've had a happy relationship you'll never settle for another bad one again. Believe in yourself. Know that maybe for now being single is the best thing. But someday you will find a good and kind person who will love you and understand you and they will make your world a better place just by being in it just the way my beloved did for me.
  • kimad
    kimad Posts: 3,010 Member
    From my own personal experience you will never have a good healthy relationship if you can't be comfortable alone. A man CAN NOT make you HAPPY, only you can, and if you think a man can you are going to be sadly mistaken. Once you spend time alone and realize who you really are, you will gain your own interests, spend time with your own friends, etc. you will realize you don't NEED a man, you WANT a man. And since you will be valuing yourself ALOT MORE, you won't attract these *kitten*. You will appear more secure and confident, things worthy men adore.

    This guy you have been dating for 6 weeks is not worth a second more of your time. He is giving you all the classic symbols that you should walk and you will never go anywhere with him. If you choose to stay he will accept this as approval to use you becuase he came out and laid out his rules up front. It's these first weeks that you need to interview him and see his true colors - he sure showed his.

    I stayed with a guy for 9 years, we had kids, but still it was more becuase I didn't know how to be alone either, I thought it would get better, I thought since i made my bed I had to accept it etc. etc. etc. leaving him was the hardest but BEST thing I ever did. Trust me on that one.

    You can do it, it won't be easy, but we recover quick. Find your interests, hobbies, friends and keep yourself busy!
  • xo_Sarah_xo
    xo_Sarah_xo Posts: 308 Member
    Oh sweetie, you are too sweet, smart and beautiful to have someone tell you those things....You will be just fine without that loser. You already know that though. You can do it and even enjoy being single!!!:smile:
  • Dani_wants_to_be_fit
    Dani_wants_to_be_fit Posts: 550 Member
    Liking these replies =) I take others advice a lot better than my own ha ha.

    Guess I should ditch him and get myself to the gym and enjoy some me time. Just have to try and not get into anything else for a while.
  • Dani_wants_to_be_fit
    Dani_wants_to_be_fit Posts: 550 Member
    I'm really sorry if this sounds a little pathetic =/
  • Heyyleigh
    Heyyleigh Posts: 268 Member
    You posted a ? you already know the answer too.
  • Dani_wants_to_be_fit
    Dani_wants_to_be_fit Posts: 550 Member
    You posted a ? you already know the answer too.

    Yes. I know I should leave him but the post was about adjusting to single life.
  • kimad
    kimad Posts: 3,010 Member
    Liking these replies =) I take others advice a lot better than my own ha ha.

    Guess I should ditch him and get myself to the gym and enjoy some me time. Just have to try and not get into anything else for a while.

    It's not pathetic whatsoever, it is super *kitten* hard, especially when you already said you don't know how to be alone.
    But look at what he is saying to you - he is saying he doesn't give a crap about you. Trust me, you will be much much happier spending time alone, working out, seeing friends, etc. etc. then having a guy tell you that you put more in than he does. A man should be CHASING YOU, they should be WOWING YOU... not telling you that crap. Its almost unbelievable.. Leave quick, leave very very quick.
  • strikerjb007
    strikerjb007 Posts: 443 Member
    Youngsters these days! You're 23!!!! What do you mean you don't know how to be single? Go out and you'll learn in 10 mins...
  • Dani_wants_to_be_fit
    Dani_wants_to_be_fit Posts: 550 Member
    Youngsters these days! You're 23!!!! What do you mean you don't know how to be single? Go out and you'll learn in 10 mins...


    I know it's stupid especially with my age ha ha. Just after 3 years I forgot.
  • CarmenLynn75
    CarmenLynn75 Posts: 118 Member
    Loud music, dance and vodka. In whatever order you choose.
  • strikerjb007
    strikerjb007 Posts: 443 Member
    Youngsters these days! You're 23!!!! What do you mean you don't know how to be single? Go out and you'll learn in 10 mins...


    I know it's stupid especially with my age ha ha. Just after 3 years I forgot.

    It's not stupid. It happens to everyone. But have some self love and don't stay it's someone who doesn't treat you right.
  • CarmenLynn75
    CarmenLynn75 Posts: 118 Member
    o crap- ur only 23?
    ok.. loud music, dance and shopping. In no particular order. And go to school for something!! Learn something new :)
  • Dani_wants_to_be_fit
    Dani_wants_to_be_fit Posts: 550 Member
    o crap- ur only 23?
    ok.. loud music, dance and shopping. In no particular order. And go to school for something!! Learn something new :)

    Already a psychology student and trying to teach myself violin ha ha.
  • grizzlymaze
    grizzlymaze Posts: 185 Member
    Oh my oh my! Nobody has the right to ever treat you with disrespect, even your spouse. Jesus says to love one another as you love yourself. I don't know about you but Jesus saved my life, I owe him huge. He is the light! Your bf needs to get straight with God, and I know that if he doesn't than he will remain the way he is.

    That being said, please don't listen to him and cut yourself away from him and all people like him in your life. Its a tough road but must be traveled. Feel free to friend me and I'll be there by your side.
  • hoosieral
    hoosieral Posts: 11
    As a man commenting on your question, I have but one question? Why would you take such sh..! Get rid of that loser and take the time to make yourself happy as a single person before you even consider another relationship. When you get lonely, think of the ration of crap that loser was giving you. Think enough of yourself to make YOU Happy !
  • strikerjb007
    strikerjb007 Posts: 443 Member
    o crap- ur only 23?
    ok.. loud music, dance and shopping. In no particular order. And go to school for something!! Learn something new :)

    Already a psychology student and trying to teach myself violin ha ha.

    Walk over to the Engineering School! Trust me. :-)
  • monicalosesweight
    monicalosesweight Posts: 1,173 Member
    You can find a local group through Meetup.com (or other web sources) that does lots of activities. You can look into whether any local churches have singles groups or hunt around for groups that are into health in your area. Basically, you won't feel alone if you develop friendships. If the depression is a big issue, I would get with a doctor and see what sorts of holistic treatments may help you (like fish oils or vitamin supplements). Basically, you need to make sure that is dealt with. If the depression is because of the last marriage - time to get yourself over that funk and get involved in your community. If you do that, join a group of some sort, you'll enjoy being by yourself.
  • Dani_wants_to_be_fit
    Dani_wants_to_be_fit Posts: 550 Member
    o crap- ur only 23?
    ok.. loud music, dance and shopping. In no particular order. And go to school for something!! Learn something new :)

    Already a psychology student and trying to teach myself violin ha ha.

    Walk over to the Engineering School! Trust me. :-)

    I'm too stupid for engineering 0_0
  • Dani_wants_to_be_fit
    Dani_wants_to_be_fit Posts: 550 Member
    You can find a local group through Meetup.com (or other web sources) that does lots of activities. You can look into whether any local churches have singles groups or hunt around for groups that are into health in your area. Basically, you won't feel alone if you develop friendships. If the depression is a big issue, I would get with a doctor and see what sorts of holistic treatments may help you (like fish oils or vitamin supplements). Basically, you need to make sure that is dealt with. If the depression is because of the last marriage - time to get yourself over that funk and get involved in your community. If you do that, join a group of some sort, you'll enjoy being by yourself.

    I think this is exactly the advice I needed. I'll have a little ask around and see if I can find any groups.
  • strikerjb007
    strikerjb007 Posts: 443 Member
    I meant there's tons of guys! Pick up new hobbies, use exercise to keep you busy, call friends, make new friends.. Rtc.
  • Tyrone_S
    Tyrone_S Posts: 94 Member
    Can someone tell me how awesome single life can be? Talk sense in to me? =(

    Single life is awesome. I got out of a bad relationship a few months back and have felt great. I see my best mates all the time, I can workout properly and I can sit on my *kitten* as play xbox for an entire day if I feel like it.

    Suggest that one, you set yourself some goals so that you have something to keep yourself focused. And two, try to hang out with your girls a bit, go out to bars and have some fun.

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