I really need advice.. that doesn't have to do with fitness

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  • juicy_cat
    juicy_cat Posts: 145 Member
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    Lol!! I'm just sorry I read your original post from start to finish and wasted 30 seconds of my life.

    Legend...
  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
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    its pretty simple really. either he is "the one" that you want to be with because love, real love is very hard to replace and you recognise that he is doing something good and try to find ways to get a little more time together because you are in this together for the long haul,

    OR

    Although you love him and you have spent 3 years together, maybe you want to experience someone else because you're not totally committed to him because hes "not the one".

    so is he or is he not "the one", that is the question.

    in the end this is about what you want. maybe flip a coin, before it lands, you should get a feeling of what you really want.

    :D
  • Sjudit84
    Sjudit84 Posts: 24 Member
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    I tottttttally know what you mean! My bf is Korean which means his society has this image of a man having to provide solely for his family and him having to work his butt off. He is ALWAYS thinking about work and being stressed about money and he says he needs me to support him. I try to be as supportive as I can but...sometimes it is just too much. He rarely calls me, doesn't know at all what I am doing in my life, never asks me about it...and when I complain, he says I should be supportive bcs he has to work a lot. Like I don't work and study at the same time!!!!! But of course men always think their job is harder than a woman's. And yeah I do have my own life and hobbies but are we in a relationship or are we just neighbours living next to each other? If you share your life with someone then you should SHARE it, and not just meet a couple of times....anyway...my bf doesn't really like his job but yours does, which means he really wants to do it well and succeed, which means double as much effort and less time for you.

    I would tell you to be supportive and all that but there is only so much we can handle or endure. I am to be honest sick and tired of women always having to be supportive of their man and not getting anything back. Yeah, yeah, work but don't waste your life with working and then wonder why you will come home to an empty house later....you know what I mean?

    By the way, have you tried talking about this with him?
  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
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    Lol!! I'm just sorry I read your original post from start to finish and wasted 30 seconds of my life.

    you read fast!
  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
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    I am to be honest sick and tired of women always having to be supportive of their man and not getting anything back.

    the equivalent of that line is: "women are always nagging and dinner is never on the table"

    my x girlfriend cheated on me, quite a few times it turns out (she had emotional problems lol) but I dont think all women are cheaters. just like men arn't "always" not supportive.

    really you should choose better men. right? you can say "I always seem to end up with guys that are not supportive" but you cant tar all men with that brush.

    I know theres a lot of douches out there, but theres an equal amount of douchettes on the other side of the fence.

    if you are using always in a generalisation it has to be something that is actually 100% true like:

    "men always seem to have penises"

    capiche?
  • djsupreme6
    djsupreme6 Posts: 1,210 Member
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    Very tough situation and I feel for you. Its hard for anyone to tell you what you should do not knowing you personally. This world is tough and jobs that make somebody happy can be hard to come by. He's found something that he does enjoy and although you seem like you support that its not mixing in with your wants and needs. You've already been together for quite a while so even if the restaurant is busy for a while are you able to do this for that long?..or...do you wanna just say the hell with it and move on..regardless though he's still gonna be working..you're still gonna be miserable and probably feel guilty as well

    In saying all this no matter how much he works there's always time for a significant other. What he should be doing, he just isn't and maybe he will begin to do this and maybe he won't...who knows but...it would be the best thing to show he cares about you and not just this job...maybe if you told him you're going out to hang with a guy pal his tune would change quick lol
  • robin52077
    robin52077 Posts: 4,383 Member
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    If he is the one for you, you will be happy he is doing something he loves, realize it is not forever and it will calm down, and realize he is doing it for YOU GUYS and your FUTURE.
    IF he IS the one, he is providing a career that will support you and the house you guys buy together and the children you my have.
    Sometimes you have to make sacrifices early in life to have a long happy successful life for the next 50 years.
    Deal with no texts for a while so you can retire together and watch your grandchildren play in your backyard while you sit on your porch swing.

    IF all of this sounds right, he is the one. If it sounds like crap and you'd rather just have him text you more, move on, your mind is not ready to be settled down...
  • Manda86
    Manda86 Posts: 1,859 Member
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    It's common for chefs to work crazy hours if they ever want to be more than a "cook" somewhere. Grow up and encourage him in his success. Find something to do with your time apart. Do something constructive.

    PS: If you are going to be a victim, you will drive him away. Enjoy the time you have together.

    This.

    It's not a 9-5 job and it won't ever be, I'm afraid. If he wants to have success in that business, he has to do what he's doing - put in the long hours and make sacrifices in his personal life. Great chefs are driven to the point of fanaticism. It's not likely that he will change to accommodate your emotional needs, it might be best if you move on with the knowledge that you need someone that is going to be able to spend more time with you.
  • ktillotson14
    ktillotson14 Posts: 331
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    Honestly it just seems like you are far too dependent on him for your happiness. What would you do with your time had you not met him? Men don't like to be smothered or pushed into talking/texting. I was in a relationship years ago where we texted all day...until he started medical school. It was a very difficult adjustment to make because he had set a sort of precedence.

    What you really need to do is focus on yourself. You admitted to not having much else going on other than weight loss so you should try and change that. Now that you have more time for yourself you should get out there and do things that make you happy.
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
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    If he is the one for you, you will be happy he is doing something he loves, realize it is not forever and it will calm down, and realize he is doing it for YOU GUYS and your FUTURE.
    IF he IS the one, he is providing a career that will support you and the house you guys buy together and the children you my have.
    Sometimes you have to make sacrifices early in life to have a long happy successful life for the next 50 years.
    Deal with no texts for a while so you can retire together and watch your grandchildren play in your backyard while you sit on your porch swing.

    IF all of this sounds right, he is the one. If it sounds like crap and you'd rather just have him text you more, move on, your mind is not ready to be settled down...

    That. Think of all the ladies (and men) who have had their loved ones deployed for war, not speaking or talking to them for months. Hell, my SO is 2000 miles away at the moment and see each other a few times a year. If you think you'll have a long lasting relationship that's worth staying with him, stay. If not, don't pull him around until you decide you don't like his hours.
  • Tangerine302
    Tangerine302 Posts: 1,509 Member
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    I know that since you were used to being able to text a lot and it stopped, that is why you feel this way. The first impression I get is that if he is working from 10 am- 1:30 am, that's 15 1/2 hrs per day. If he can not take 3 seconds to text a message to you then there is a different problem going on. He surely has to use use the restroom during that spand of time.
    I wish you the best.
  • ar1ms
    ar1ms Posts: 98 Member
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    I tottttttally know what you mean! My bf is Korean which means his society has this image of a man having to provide solely for his family and him having to work his butt off. He is ALWAYS thinking about work and being stressed about money and he says he needs me to support him. I try to be as supportive as I can but...sometimes it is just too much. He rarely calls me, doesn't know at all what I am doing in my life, never asks me about it...and when I complain, he says I should be supportive bcs he has to work a lot. Like I don't work and study at the same time!!!!! But of course men always think their job is harder than a woman's. And yeah I do have my own life and hobbies but are we in a relationship or are we just neighbours living next to each other? If you share your life with someone then you should SHARE it, and not just meet a couple of times....anyway...my bf doesn't really like his job but yours does, which means he really wants to do it well and succeed, which means double as much effort and less time for you.

    I would tell you to be supportive and all that but there is only so much we can handle or endure. I am to be honest sick and tired of women always having to be supportive of their man and not getting anything back. Yeah, yeah, work but don't waste your life with working and then wonder why you will come home to an empty house later....you know what I mean?

    By the way, have you tried talking about this with him?

    This is exactly it, He has no time for me at all and i feel completely lonely and he doesn't understand. and He says, that he has to work and i understand that but it really does hurt me so much that he just doesn't have time for me anymore. Like things just completely switched for me. I can't tell him about my day, I can't tell him anything, its horrible i just want my best friend back. Yes I have talked to him but he is so stressed out that he is just tired of hearing it because he thinks i should be supportive but i really am trying because i want him to be happy. And when I am with him, ALL he does is talk about work, literally all he does.:cry:
  • loveanyway
    loveanyway Posts: 13
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    that's the nature of the business.. very long hours, especially if it's a new restaurant. all I can say is, time will tell... yes, there should be compromise, but if your lifestyles remain so incompatible that it leaves you feeling constantly unhappy, you will have to come to a decision. matters of the heart are never easy..
    but I HOPE it turns out the way you wish- good luck :)

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