Any other divorced parents that share custody

ohtobe140
ohtobe140 Posts: 93
in Chit-Chat
Are you the primary parent? I am, my kids transition fairly well back and forth between households but today was not so good. They came home exhausted because they don't take the naps they still need at his house. He is not a bad father, but every weekend, it's going somewhere super fun and it's like a freaking "life experience" every weekend. And I cannot compete, not that I think I should have to, but tonight it was "Daddy is more fun because he buys us stuff and takes us places" I just said "I know, it does sound fun" I simply do not have the money to do what he does. All of the child support I receive goes to cover the daycare and after school care costs and then what I make covers what we need to live on. He makes a lot more money and he just moved into his girlfriends house and she owns her house so there is less cost there. I am just venting really. I really wish I could do as much as he does but I also know that stuff is not love. I am just frustrated and I have three melty kids because they are exhausted. It's bedtime soon and they have all finally calmed down. Tomorrow is a new day.

Replies

  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    I do and I WISH my child's father would do things with the kids instead of sitting them in front of the TV or the computer.
  • katglaze
    katglaze Posts: 45 Member
    I don't share custody but my teen comes back a different animal. It takes him three weeks to return to normal. We have a very scheduled life, dinner times, bed time are set. He does better on a schedule. His eating habits there are not consistent, and yes his dad buys him all kinds of things now. My advise is ignore it, raise your child as you know is best. The rest of the time is not your concern, you can only fix what you can control. You are not alone it only feels that way.
  • emilydumarce
    emilydumarce Posts: 46 Member
    im currently going thru a divorce and am not looking forward to this ): although im a fulltime student and not working so its the other way around-he has to pay nearly 1k a month in child support since i am "unemployed". his own fault thou, i never wanted this. but anyways, sorry i couldnt be more help ):
  • CassiusKnox
    CassiusKnox Posts: 305 Member
    I shared custody of my two boys 50/50 with my ex-wife.

    Try not to make it a competition. They will appreciate being with you for different reasons to being with their Dad... and the reasons might surprise you. They might actually like or appreciate 'slower' weekends with you where they can rest or play the x-box or whatever.

    If Dad is wearing them out and it's causing a problem like them being tired at school or something you might have to have a friendly word to Dad about it... but keep it civil and about what is best for the kids.

    Good luck with this. It ain't easy... but it's do-able. :smile:
  • ohtobe140
    ohtobe140 Posts: 93
    thanks. I really am glad they have fun with him, I know a lot of divorced moms who had non-involved exH. It's just the re-entry that's hard. Our kids are well bonded to each of us and they are okay most of the time. My oldest and I had a meltdown today (she's 6) because she gets nervous during transitions and I asked her why she was all wound up and she said because it's hard going to one person and leaving and going to the other person and leaving. It was so sad. I told her that her life is complicated for her age and that she could always talk to me.

    thank you all for the relating. Being divorced was never in my life plan, but neither was his girlfriend. LOL. It's been 3.5 years and it's better than it was in some ways and worse in others. I truly never thought this would be my life. Oh well, what can you do?
  • CassiusKnox
    CassiusKnox Posts: 305 Member
    How often are they going to their Dad? Half of every week? Every second weekend?
  • ohtobe140
    ohtobe140 Posts: 93
    he has them every Tuesday at 5 until Wednesday at 5, every Thursday at 5 until Friday at 5 and then every other weekend from Saturday at 10 until Sunday at 4. He just filed a motion to increase his timeshare, we are in a battle right now for a myriad of reasons, 10 days until the judgement is made. sigh... I hope the judge just tells us what to do and we move on. I hate court, it's not my motion and I hate rehashing everything all the time. We hve 38/62 split with him being the 38, I proposed a more equitable time share if he agreed to start giving our son the medicine he needs daily and he said no that he thought it was not necessary despite his doctors indicating by prescription differently. It's just exhausting. Our oldest is almost 7, middle is 5.5 and baby is almost 4, the baby is the one with the medical needs. This isn't going to end any time soon.
  • CassiusKnox
    CassiusKnox Posts: 305 Member
    Oh man... that is a LOT of swapping around... which will test you and the kids I'm afraid.

    We did half a week each. She had them Monday, Tuesday... to me Wednesday night. I had them Thursday, Friday to her Saturday morning UNLESS it was my weekend to have them in which case kept them and took them to school Monday.

    Half a week each and every second weekend worked well for a long time but eventually the boys themselves asked if we could go week for week. So now they are with me for a whole week including the weekend... then with their Mum for the whole week including the weekend. It's a long time between seeing them but they are soooo much happier with less 'back and forth'.

    I hope you get it sorted and that whatever arrangement you end up with suits you all. But mostly it's about the kids. If they are unhappy changing houses every few days (and frankly who wouldn't be) hopefully you can come to a better arrangement.

    Good luck to you :flowerforyou:

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