failed again

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somemansdream
somemansdream Posts: 88
in Motivation and Support
I am not sure what it is about me that makes me fail every time at this weight loss game. Over 20 years of struggling to get the weight off and I am as big as I ever was. I have not been exercising or counting calories. Off the wagon I went. I do this..same exact pattern. Go go go...mmm...go maybe....dead stop. Sometimes its for weeks or even months...or even days like this time.

I cant give up. I have health issues. Yet, get so tired of wondering why I fight so hard to only do myself in at some point.

This is not whining but more of a wondering why I cant be like some others that can do what needs to be done. I accomplish everything else but not weightloss.

Thanks for listening, Debbie
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Replies

  • Dragonldy69
    Dragonldy69 Posts: 368 Member
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    You are a STRONG Lady and YOU CAN DO IT:flowerforyou: .. Don't give up just get on that horse and ride it.. Keep on trucking and keep going forward.. I have been threw that samething and I always say to myself .. YOU CAN DO THIS Kathy keep going .. There is a quote that says : Motivation is what gets you started Habit is what keeps you going.. Remember the reason you want to loose the weight and GO FOR IT..
    Hope this helps:drinker:
  • jkestens63
    jkestens63 Posts: 1,164 Member
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    The only time you fail is when you give up. If you fall down nine times get up nine... never stay down.

    Doing this is very hard - take it one day at a time. When I started I aimed for 1 healthy day a week. I kept track on a calendar with smiley faces. Initially had 4 smileys a month. When I could do that consistently, started 2 days a week... eventually worked up to six, i always have one day a week where I don't think about it. Its taken 4 years but I've lost 266 lbs and still have more to go... but I will do it. YOU CAN TO! Determine what you want, start slow, but stick with it!
  • dawnp1833
    dawnp1833 Posts: 264 Member
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    Your ticker says you lost 6 pounds. that's not a failure. Everyone struggles. Today was a bad day? The good thing is your calories reset at midnight and you can try again tomorrow. Baby steps.
  • somemansdream
    somemansdream Posts: 88
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    Thank you so much everyone.
    I am getting back on track today with exercise and counting calories.
    It was a down moment because it had been several days of doing nothing and I realized there I go again.
    Debbie :heart:
  • Skinny_minny_mo
    Skinny_minny_mo Posts: 1,272 Member
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    one of my MFP friends put this quote up today:

    ""I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost more than 300 games. Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game-winning shot - and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life... And that is why I succeed".

    Michael Jordan

    You will succeed, but it will also take hard work. It's in your hands and your control although that doesnt mean it will be easy. Prepare yourself mentally and surround yourself with support mechanisms - cheerleaders who'll encourage you when you've had enough.

    Step up to the plate and take another shot.

    :flowerforyou:
  • SugaSnak
    SugaSnak Posts: 4 Member
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    It is hard. You have good days and you have bad days, but it is important to just keep trying.
    keep your head up and love yourself.
    K
  • Dave198lbs
    Dave198lbs Posts: 8,810 Member
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    set specific but SMALL goals. they add up faster than you think.

    dont try to do too much at once.
  • cjosenga
    cjosenga Posts: 37 Member
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    Take it one step at a time
    1. What is your vision? Where do you want to be in a year?
    2. Set short term goals as stepping stones to your vision
    Where do you see yourself in 3 months?
    What can you do this week to get you closer to your vision?
    3. Focus on the positive. Instead of "I didn't" think in terms of "I did"
    Good luck with your journey!
  • zenchild
    zenchild Posts: 680 Member
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    Thank you so much everyone.
    I am getting back on track today with exercise and counting calories.
    It was a down moment because it had been several days of doing nothing and I realized there I go again.
    Debbie :heart:

    A few days is just a setback, not a failure. Maybe try to start by just tracking food for a month or so. Get really good at tracking food. When you're comfortable with that, then add exercise. Starting both at once can be overwhelming. I'm not saying you shouldn't exercise at all but for the first month or so, exercise when you want to, don't force it.
    I broke my tailbone last fall and pretty much fell off the wagon all winter. When I restarted in the spring, I first worked at getting my diet back in order and when I had that straightened out, I started exercising. I know if I had tried to jump back in with both feet I would have given up.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    Maybe you're trying TOO hard.

    Think of it like remodeling a house, while you're living in it. You have to tackle one room at a time... you can't gut the whole thing and expect to be able to live a normal life.

    Remodel your breakfast first. Once you're used to eating a healthy breakfast, remodel your lunch. Then your dinner. And snacks. Add a little bit more activity, even if it's just going for a walk around the block. Take a camera and snap pictures of the fall leaves. Then add more exercise when you're comfortable with adding more. Don't overwhelm yourself by doing everything at once. Make small, sustainable changes.
  • Becoming_A_Butterfly
    Becoming_A_Butterfly Posts: 2,534 Member
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    I completely relate to what you are saying. I get fired up, go at it a day or two, then start sliding backwards. It's like I can't keep my momentum. I love the ideas and suggestions here, especially starting small with something you can handle, then building onto that. Expecting 100% right off the bat is a lot of pressure.

    You can do this! Falling down can make you doubt yourself, but here you are, logging in, asking for suggestions, ready to try again. That shows you are capable of getting back up and taking another shot. :flowerforyou:
  • witchy_wife
    witchy_wife Posts: 792 Member
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    Maybe you're trying TOO hard.

    Think of it like remodeling a house, while you're living in it. You have to tackle one room at a time... you can't gut the whole thing and expect to be able to live a normal life.

    Remodel your breakfast first. Once you're used to eating a healthy breakfast, remodel your lunch. Then your dinner. And snacks. Add a little bit more activity, even if it's just going for a walk around the block. Take a camera and snap pictures of the fall leaves. Then add more exercise when you're comfortable with adding more. Don't overwhelm yourself by doing everything at once. Make small, sustainable changes.

    This is some excellent advise. You aren't giving up, we all have blips. As long as you keep going and keep trying and never give up. I've tried all sorts of things, intermittent fasting, low carb etc. But I never last very long. But I don't say that I failed.... I just keep on trying. And it's slow hard work but I am over 40lbs down this year, I can do this and so can you! x
  • megsmom2
    megsmom2 Posts: 2,362 Member
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    No doubt about it...this is hard! But we don't help ourselves by being hard on ourselves. All we can do is our best, nothing more. I think some of us (I know I do) think too much in all or nothing terms, and that is not a way to succeed. The minute I tell myself I can never have something, its exactly what I want. The trick is to just make a series of choices...and sometimes choose to have something you know is not such a healthy option, in controlled amounts of course. Don't say never...say not now. Make most of your choices good ones....and treat yourself with some gentleness and care....its what you'd do for someone else, isn't it?
  • HypersonicFitNess
    HypersonicFitNess Posts: 1,219 Member
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    Take it one day at a time and if that is too much, take it one meal at a time. You have to really want it bad...make sure you are doing exercise you can stick with (you like it and enjoy doing it...if not, find one you do like and can enjoy; try new things), make sure you are eating enough calories...too few calories will surely seem too difficult to stick with and cause you to feel like you can't continue to do it, so you quit...make sure you are eating enough that it is a sustainable amount for you. I'm not sure what calories MFP put you on, but you may want to re-check some calculations, maybe it isn't enough for where you are right now...make sure to eat lots of healthy foods - fresh fruits & vegetables, whole grains, lean meats, low fat dairy, nuts/seeds. These will give you that full/satisfied feeling after eating where processed foods leaving you wanting more and you've already used up your calories.

    http://www.fitnessfrog.com/calculators/tdee-calculator.html

    http://www.cordianet.com/calculator.htm

    http://calorieline.com/tools/tdee

    http://scoobysworkshop.com/calorie-calculator/

    And lastly here is a thread on BMR and TDEE which will also help with understanding the calories you body needs (in case this is the problem)

    Good Luck! I know you can do it!!!
  • anntyson
    anntyson Posts: 23 Member
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    I know how you feel....i believe that we all struggle...i know i do...its a constant fight to eat healty and to exercise...sometimes i'm walking/jogging on my treadmil after midnight cause i can't seem to have the energy to walk at a decent time...and i force myself
    to get on that treadmil. There are days i just want to give up and go eat fried chicken, french fries and a lemon pie...and get back
    to drinking my diet coke!!! I struggle with these thoughts. So don't give up, lets support one another and do the right thing for our
    health !!!
  • pawoodhull
    pawoodhull Posts: 1,759 Member
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    Me too. That failure is exactly why I had the gastric sleeve bariatric surgery July 2011. With that tool I am finally succeeding at weight loss. It's only a tool, no magic bullett, I still have to eat healthy and exercise. It's a lifestyle change for sure or the weight will come back. But I will tell you it's the best thing I've ever done for myself.
  • Ccushing88
    Ccushing88 Posts: 1
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    Debbie,

    Weight loss can be a huge challenge. It is perfectly normal to feel like giving up. Dont let that stop you though! So, you hit a bump in the road. Does that mean you just give up? Of course not. You keep moving. One of the most important things I implement is family support and accountability. Sit down with your family and friends. Explain to them how important it is to you to regain your health and wellness. Ask them to encourage you and hold you accountable for healthy eating habits and regular exercise. Then, on a day you dont feel like exercising, your family will remind you of your goals, and push you to do what you need to, regardless of any excuses you may want to come up with.

    You mentioned that you achieve everything else in your life. This is PROOF that you CAN do it. Your thought-process is what is holding you back. Write yourself a letter of encouragement. List the reasons why you want to lose weight. Write down what frustrates you about being at your particular weight. Make a promise to yourself that you will stick with it. Remind yourself that you are worth your time.

    Best of luck!
  • icimani
    icimani Posts: 1,454 Member
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    I consider myself (to steal someone else's phrase) a success-in-the-making. I've lost a lot, but i still have a long way to go. And there are several things that have helped me:

    - It's a marathon, not a sprint.
    - I will ALWAYS have to watch what I eat. For the rest of my life. (this was a huge one for me!)
    - make small changes at any given time. don't try to just get rid of bad habits - replace them with healthier habits.
    - i WILL stray from my plan, have a cheat day, make bad decisions, splurge, whatever you want to call it. It's ok. Stop beating myself up, and get back on my plan NOW - not tomorrow morning, not Monday, not the 1st of the month, not the 1st of the new year - RIGHT NOW.
    - set small goals so it doesn't seem so overwhelming


    Feel free to friend me!
  • danasings
    danasings Posts: 8,218 Member
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    Great advice on here!! (especially LorinaLynn, she is a Godsend!!)

    Sometimes the hardest thing to do is get started...then staying motivated is the challenge. But the first thing you MUST change is the defeatist mindset - "I can't do it" needs to leave your mental and verbal vocabulary forever. If you continue to tell yourself that, you will make it true. Changing that was critical for me. Even when I have a bad day (and I still have them), I treat myself with kindness and start again the next day. It took me YEARS to make that change, and I still hear that voice in my head from time to time. When I do hear it, I tell that voice to STFU. :D
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
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    You are definitely not alone! I went through the same thing for 18 years and even considered trying to find some sort of counseling at one time. I just couldn't figure out WHY I kept failing! Then I finally had an aha moment... Every diet I ever tried involved extreme measure - pills or shakes, low carb, etc. And I took a hard look at some of the folks in my life who are able to stay trim and realized the difference. They still eat junk from time to time but mostly they eat well and stay active. So that became my goal. I've continued to eat the foods I like instead of cutting out pizza and chocolate because they're "bad". I'm determined to be active for at least 45 minutes 5 days a week. And I'm giving myself a break if I do happen to go overboard instead of just throwing in the towel like I used to.

    This is a lifelong deal and therefore every change you make, you should ask yourself "could I do this for years?". I think what happens for many folks is that once they decide to lose the weight and get healthy, they're so gung ho with revamping their diet and exercising like a fiend that it's exhausting and only lasts until that exhaustion gets the better of them. So like others suggested, start small with daily, weekly, or even monthly goals. If you've been overweight that long, does it really matter if it takes a few years to get the weight off? Take me as an example. I've been at this for almost 3 years and it'll probably take at least another year to get to goal. Could I have lost all the weight in 1-2 years? Sure, probably but it would've taken a more extreme approach and I know now from experience that I would probably have given up way before now. This is the longest I've ever stuck with a healthy lifestyle so I could care less how long it takes me to get there!

    Also, just because you have one bad day now and then doesn't mean you've completely failed. So you had a bad day...move on and get right back on track the next day. THAT is more important and more worthwhile than giving up.

    Good luck to you!

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