Big Oops

vblair77
vblair77 Posts: 180 Member
in Motivation and Support
I am in a competition at my gym for weight loss. I spent most of last week out of town on business, and therefore ate out every day. SO, of course at last nights weigh in I hadnt lost an ounce. Well, I was pretty sad about it (but I know exactly WHY it happened). And today my husband brought me some medicine at work, and he thought he'd be nice and bought me a blueberry muffin. From the bakery. I didnt mean to say it, but I just blurted out a rude comment about how the heck could he buy me that KNOWING I was upset about last night. I was not nice about it and i feel terrible. I told him I am sorry, but he just said I made him feel like crap. How do I handle this? Also, how do I (nicely) make him understand that buying me sweets or fried foods are just NOT acceptable now. I am really trying to focus on weight loss here. He said he bought it because he didnt see me eat breakfast, he didnt know I had oatmeal here at work. Any ideas on how I can properly appologize will be appreciated. I dont think the "I'm sorry" email cut it (we are both at work now). Thanks everyone.

Replies

  • wwmorrow
    wwmorrow Posts: 118 Member
    Just explain it ( and I'd just email it...he will get over it by this evening)- tell him that you really wanted to do well this week, and you feel discouraged that you didn't lose any weight this week. Tell him that you would LOVE to eat a big muffin right now, but that will only add to the problem.

    I mean, in hindsight, it would have been better to just take the muffin and then throw it away or give it away, but you reacted emotionally because you don't feel well.
  • BFG50
    BFG50 Posts: 3
    I could go crude, but no-one wants that. :)

    Sounds like he tried to do something nice for you and you bit his head off - don't apologise over email that's just a copout and believe me getting into that sort of habit can spell the beginning of the end of a relationship - I speak from experience.

    Call him and apologise properly, or wait til you see him in person. Later - as in a day or 2's time - sit him down and explain why you flew off the handle, and that it wasn't his fault but you can't eat stuff like that now. Maybe give him a list of treats that would be acceptable in a similar situation.
  • SeaChele77
    SeaChele77 Posts: 1,103 Member
    Tell him "I am very sorry about my comment earlier. But honey you need to understand that I am really focused on my weight loss and buying me sweets and other "bad" foods just isnt helping me achieve my goals. We/I can have a cheat day and I can eat a muffin or go out to eat. But every other day I really need you on my side and help motivate me to stay on track. I love you, please know I appreciate the gesture of the muffin this morning, it was very thoughtful" <kiss kiss>

    He'll get over it, but he needs to understand how serious you are....best of luck!!
  • MSam1205
    MSam1205 Posts: 439 Member
    What BFG50 Said!! Call and set the stage to talk about it later. It's truly not his fault, and am sure he was trying to be comforting. Suggest next time maybe the egg white flatbread from DD, instead of the Muffin :wink: Or maybe suggest diamonds next time :laugh:

    I would guess that food used to be your go to for comfort, and he doesn't realize you've changed that habit. Whatever you do, talk it out:grumble:
  • ethansmug
    ethansmug Posts: 159 Member
    Sex is your only answer, tell him the only blueberries you want are his.

    It will make him laugh and then moan if you do it right.
  • tadpole242
    tadpole242 Posts: 507 Member
    You ate too much, didn’t lose any weight and you yell at your husband for trying to cheer you up. Now you post it as an opps and try and make it out it’s your husband’s fault.
    To top it all, you email him your “Apology”

    From a mans point of view I doubt you could have got it more wrong if you tried.
    Well done.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    I put my foot in my mouth like that to a co-worker shortly after starting my diet a few years ago... It was just after the holidays and the managers had had a big meeting and had some leftover treats. She came in my cube and asked if I wanted one and I said "oh God no!". Thankfully she thought it was funny but even thinking about it now, I feel awful!

    Just let him know how sorry you are and that you appreciate the thought but muffins don't fit into you new healthy eating plan. Give him some other options on what might be a better treat if he decides to surprise you again - because you hope he does.

    One thing you don't want to do is dissuade him from thinking he's a screw up at gift giving so he just throws in the towel. And yes, as others have said, definitely have this conversation face to face!
  • MissAnjy
    MissAnjy Posts: 2,480 Member
    Honestly, your hubby probably thought that a blueberry muffin was healthy, in his defense. A lot of people just assume that muffins are a diet food/health food (when they aren't up to far with fitness and nutrition). I admit, back in the day, I had NO IDEA how many calories was in a muffin, and I would have thought it was a "smart choice".

    Just go home tonight, give him a big kiss & hug, apologize and then do your work out, in your bedroom.......
  • Onesnap
    Onesnap Posts: 2,819 Member
    In a non-blueberry related topic...the part of this post that jumped out at me is the traveling for work and not losing an ounce.

    I travel a lot for work in both the spring and the fall. I have to do something active each day of the work trip (I make sure to schedule in a visit to a gym or a yoga studio). Eating out 3x/day is killer. Activity is a must.
  • Stenobun
    Stenobun Posts: 166 Member
    You ate too much, didn’t lose any weight and you yell at your husband for trying to cheer you up. Now you post it as an opps and try and make it out it’s your husband’s fault.
    To top it all, you email him your “Apology”

    From a mans point of view I doubt you could have got it more wrong if you tried.
    Well done.

    Smacking someone around when they've already admitted they made a mistake is just unnecessary. We're all trying to change the way we think about food, and that means changing the way our SOs think about food, as well. We shouldn't be jerky to each other about it, though.
  • NikkiSixGuns
    NikkiSixGuns Posts: 630 Member
    When you apologize, don't explain right away why you got so upset. You don't want it to sound like you're justifying why you did what you did.

    Explain to him that you really are sorry that you hurt him. Show him that you recognize he was doing something nice for you. Tell him that you appreciate him caring for you, and going out of his way to help you. You might add something like, "I was in a bad frame of mind at the moment, and I reacted poorly. But that doesn't justify my behavior. I really am sorry that I made my problem into your problem."

    Promise him it won't happen again. Then make good on that promise.

    I wish you luck. Losing weight is tough, and we really need our support network. They may not always know how to support us in the way we want to be supported, but they do try. Just be kind to each other.

    ETA: As another poster said, explain your reasons LATER. Then give him a couple of options for what he CAN do for you in the future. He wanted to do something nice for you, and you took that away from him. Give it back to him in a way that works for you, too.
  • vblair77
    vblair77 Posts: 180 Member
    I appreciate all the respones. Even the mean ones. :)
    Sometimes "mean" is what we need I guess. I will make it up to him tonight...in the best way(s) possible. Thanks everyone.
  • shrinkinginQualicum
    shrinkinginQualicum Posts: 131 Member
    When you apologize, don't explain right away why you got so upset. You don't want it to sound like you're justifying why you did what you did.

    Explain to him that you really are sorry that you hurt him. Show him that you recognize he was doing something nice for you. Tell him that you appreciate him caring for you, and going out of his way to help you. You might add something like, "I was in a bad frame of mind at the moment, and I reacted poorly. But that doesn't justify my behavior. I really am sorry that I made my problem into your problem."

    Promise him it won't happen again. Then make good on that promise.

    I wish you luck. Losing weight is tough, and we really need our support network. They may not always know how to support us in the way we want to be supported, but they do try. Just be kind to each other.

    ETA: As another poster said, explain your reasons LATER. Then give him a couple of options for what he CAN do for you in the future. He wanted to do something nice for you, and you took that away from him. Give it back to him in a way that works for you, too.
    This^^ definitely. And I love the idea of good alternatives for him. My hubby is slowly learning that a large bag of potato chips is no longer acceptable, but I didn't think of giving him options. (Other than a small bag, which I don't really want either. {Well, my brain does, lol, but my body doesn't need it!})
    He loves you, obviously, so a conversation like above should clear the air.
  • tadpole242
    tadpole242 Posts: 507 Member
    You ate too much, didn’t lose any weight and you yell at your husband for trying to cheer you up. Now you post it as an opps and try and make it out it’s your husband’s fault.
    To top it all, you email him your “Apology”

    From a mans point of view I doubt you could have got it more wrong if you tried.
    Well done.

    Smacking someone around when they've already admitted they made a mistake is just unnecessary. We're all trying to change the way we think about food, and that means changing the way our SOs think about food, as well. We shouldn't be jerky to each other about it, though.
    I’m sorry but as an adult I can think before I speak, and I tend to think about others before I think about myself, so the OP had poor impulse control about eating too much and poor impulse control over her reactions to him. He noticed that she had left without eating; I mean he’s a man and noticed that his wife had skipped breakfast.
    Give him a break, he provided in a simple way a perfect example of a modern man. He was not afraid to show he cared; he went out of his way to get a muffin, and her meds. And all he wanted was her to appreciate his attention to her, but what did she do? Dismissed his gesture and unless she is high enough on the office ladder to warrant a private office, and ran him down in a totally public way.
    I doubt that the OP understands the extent of the damage she has done.
  • sundancer1966
    sundancer1966 Posts: 478 Member
    I would wait and talk to him tonight, and apologize for flying off the handle, many of the others above me here explained it well. I would also bring him a small gift, maybe a flower or something to repay the kindness he tried to show you. Or wear a sexy teddy during the apology.
  • skylark94
    skylark94 Posts: 2,036 Member
    Tell him "I am very sorry about my comment earlier. But honey you need to understand that I am really focused on my weight loss and buying me sweets and other "bad" foods just isnt helping me achieve my goals. We/I can have a cheat day and I can eat a muffin or go out to eat. But every other day I really need you on my side and help motivate me to stay on track. I love you, please know I appreciate the gesture of the muffin this morning, it was very thoughtful" <kiss kiss>

    He'll get over it, but he needs to understand how serious you are....best of luck!!

    Not this! An apology should never include blaming the other person for your inappropriate behavior.

    A simple, "I'm sorry I snapped at you. You were trying to be nice and I overreacted" will suffice.
  • vblair77
    vblair77 Posts: 180 Member
    it wasnt public (thank GOD!)...it was just us. No one else.
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
    Wait, what's wrong with a blueberry muffin? Just eat it, feel good, appreciate him and work out harder to make it fit in your calories.
  • vblair77
    vblair77 Posts: 180 Member
    He felt crappy because he WAS trying to help me. I will make it right tonight.
  • Chuckle_n_Dwindle
    Chuckle_n_Dwindle Posts: 134
    Sex is your only answer, tell him the only blueberries you want are his.

    It will make him laugh and then moan if you do it right.

    lmbo!!!
  • Lisa760
    Lisa760 Posts: 113 Member
    Apologize properly, in person tonight. An email is weak and he deserves better. Apologize for snapping and tell him that he didn't deserve your anger especially when he was thoughtful enough to bring you medicine and breakfast. Validate it from his point of view. Your explanation for it (being upset about not losing weight) doesn't need to be part of the equation at this point. Believe me, he gets it now and I seriously doubt he'll do it again.

    Make sure you're not concentrating on damage control for yourself and your feelings, as in trying to rid yourself of guilt. It's not about your guilt, it's about his feelings.

    If you're lucky enough to have a next time (because that means he's trying to do something he believes is nice), graciously thank him for his thoughtfulness, tell him you're the luckiest gal in the world for having a sweet husband, and unfortunately you need to decline so you can concentrate on being a sexy goddess for him.

    As far as your non-weight lose, don't sweat it girl. Today is a new day and there's great decisions to be made. Hang in there!
  • JacksMom12
    JacksMom12 Posts: 1,044 Member
    Sex is your only answer, tell him the only blueberries you want are his.

    It will make him laugh and then moan if you do it right.

    This is the right answer!

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