when will the comments start?

MissSusieQ
MissSusieQ Posts: 533 Member
in Motivation and Support
I've lost almost 10kg since August, and people started noticing and commenting almost straight away, except for one person.

I live with my best friend, and despite her seeing me every day and knowing I'm trying to lose weight, it's like she's refusing to compliment me, and it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong and she's choosing to ignore it.

I'm using Herbalife shakes, but as part of a low calorie diet, and I feel like she thinks I'm cheating because I'm 'not doing the hard yards'. If she looked a little closer she'd see that 1200 cal per day isn't easy!

the thing that bothers me (because it happened last time I tried to lose weight) is that if someone comments on my weight loss in front of her and asks how I've done it, I'll say 'I watch what I eat', and she'll butt in and say 'no, she's been using crazy diet shakes' like its cheating.

I did a weight loss challenge earlier in the year and list 5kg, and it was the same story - everyone else told me I looked great, she pretended it wasn't happening. I'm pretty sure it's because she also wants to lose weight but never gets round to it, but I really wish she could swallow her pride and compliment me!

Replies

  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
    Sounds like an insecurity issue to me. You could invite her to the gym or ask her to workout with you one day. As for her snide remarks, let her know it bothers you and makes you feel like she is being judgemental. She may not even be aware that she's doing it.
  • MissSusieQ
    MissSusieQ Posts: 533 Member
    She doesnt want to go to the gym, and frankly I dont want to go with her. she's quite competitive and so am I, so if we go together we just end up trying to outdo each other (in a non-friendly way).
    and I know from previous experience that she'll deny deny deny if I speak to her about it - she hates to be the person in the wrong, so she turns it around so that it's not her fault, or just refuses to talk about it ( she's a teacher and that tactic works on argumentative ten year olds)
  • scoilcolm
    scoilcolm Posts: 11 Member
    its very hard to please all the people all of the time, but you have to ask yourself the question - why is what she thinks so important to you? do you feel like a cheat or are you happy with the way you have taken control and lost the weight your way? if she is your friend then it might be wise to just ask her.
  • 3dogsrunning
    3dogsrunning Posts: 27,167 Member
    I suspect that since her attitude is that you are cheating and using "crazy diet shakes" that she may also believe that you won't keep the weight off. It may deter her from congratulating you on losing weight she sees as temporary. Just a thought. You could always talk to her about it.
  • MissSusieQ
    MissSusieQ Posts: 533 Member
    its very hard to please all the people all of the time, but you have to ask yourself the question - why is what she thinks so important to you?

    because she's my best friend. what she thinks about everything is important to me, just as what I think is generally important to her.
  • kenazfehu
    kenazfehu Posts: 1,188 Member
    You know the old saying - if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything. I think that's what's going on.
  • scoilcolm
    scoilcolm Posts: 11 Member
    its very hard to please all the people all of the time, but you have to ask yourself the question - why is what she thinks so important to you?

    because she's my best friend. what she thinks about everything is important to me, just as what I think is generally important to her.
    it sounds like your very good friends i think you'll work it out good luck
  • MissSusieQ
    MissSusieQ Posts: 533 Member
    You know the old saying - if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything. I think that's what's going on.

    But she does have something nice to say! she just won't.
  • dorianaldyn
    dorianaldyn Posts: 611 Member
    Well, for one, when you see someone everyday, it's harder to notice things like weight loss. People tell me my kids have grown so much all the time but I just don't see the growth like they do because I'm too close to it.

    That doesn't excuse her comments though. I know her lack of encouragement is hurtful, but try not to dwell on it. My guess (which you've also alluded to) is that there's some underlying jealousy or insecurity that she's battling. I doubt she's trying to be a bad friend, she just can't help herself because she's too wrapped up in how she feels about herself to take a step back and be happy for you.
  • Retiredmom72
    Retiredmom72 Posts: 538 Member
    You said that you had lost weight before. Did you gain it back? She is your best friend, and she knows your habits. Share a healthy meal without pointing out that it's low-cal. You said at the gym that the two of you are competitive. Does she need to lose weight? Sometimes it is hard to compliment someone who is doing what you want to do. Keep working hard. She will come around. Have you complimented her on something recently? Find something positive to say about her (be sincere). That will open the way for her to say something positive about your weight loss.
  • kenazfehu
    kenazfehu Posts: 1,188 Member
    To elaborate, it sounds obvious to me that she doesn't approve of the way you're losing weight, and I think that's why she won't say anything. If she gets started, her remarks will become critical.
  • bexxgirl
    bexxgirl Posts: 260 Member
    To elaborate, it sounds obvious to me that she doesn't approve of the way you're losing weight, and I think that's why she won't say anything. If she gets started, her remarks will become critical.

    This.

    I'm not judging the way anyone wants to lose weight (unless they're into ED territory, of course), but perhaps she thinks the way you're doing it is unhealthy.

    I know if it were me and I didn't approve of something someone was doing, even if it had short-term benefits for them - I wouldn't want to praise and thereby encourage their behaviour.

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