Will power.... not working for me
ToniChansNewLook
Posts: 52 Member
So excerise really isn't a problem with me. I half-walk, half-jog in the morning before I get ready for work, and during my lunch breaks I walk 2 miles.
It's eating that's my problem. While I try to count calories, I usually end up saying to myself "The heck with it, I'm having McDonalds tonight!" or something like it and overduldge...
It's disheartening, because I set up all these goals for myself, and it doesn't help that well-meaning people all around me keep saying "You can treat yourself once in awhile." But the thing is, it's NOT once in awhile! It's ALL THE TIME! Everytime an opportunity presents itself, I take it. Someone bought pizza? A slice for me! No, two!
I can't help it! I MUST have some cookies!
And then I get depressed when I either don't lose a thing, or worse, I GAIN a few extra...
I know self-control is the key... but what do you do when you have little to none? Say, "Oh well, you're screwed"? I see so many people with success stories... So HOW do you maintain this "self-control"?
My goal ATM is to lose 10 lbs, My Ultimate GOAL is to lose 70 altogether (preferably by summer)
Anybody else have the same problem? Maybe if I had a buddy to motivate me and wants to lose with me, that might help. ^^;
It's eating that's my problem. While I try to count calories, I usually end up saying to myself "The heck with it, I'm having McDonalds tonight!" or something like it and overduldge...
It's disheartening, because I set up all these goals for myself, and it doesn't help that well-meaning people all around me keep saying "You can treat yourself once in awhile." But the thing is, it's NOT once in awhile! It's ALL THE TIME! Everytime an opportunity presents itself, I take it. Someone bought pizza? A slice for me! No, two!
I can't help it! I MUST have some cookies!
And then I get depressed when I either don't lose a thing, or worse, I GAIN a few extra...
I know self-control is the key... but what do you do when you have little to none? Say, "Oh well, you're screwed"? I see so many people with success stories... So HOW do you maintain this "self-control"?
My goal ATM is to lose 10 lbs, My Ultimate GOAL is to lose 70 altogether (preferably by summer)
Anybody else have the same problem? Maybe if I had a buddy to motivate me and wants to lose with me, that might help. ^^;
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Replies
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To be blunt, there is no secret to having will power, you either have it, or you don't. That doesn't mean to say you can't "get it" tomorrow, but you have to make yourself "get it". You can read all the pseudo-psych books you want, but that won't give you the secret, it will come to you when you WANT IT. It really is about seeing what you WANT, knowing how to evaluate the pros/cons of TAKING IT and being able to resist if if the cons outweigh the pros. EX: you see the cheesecake, you want the cheesecake, but you know by taking it you will be repeating the same cycle you have been that got you in the situation you are in now, so you don't have the cheesecake. It isn't about totally abstaining from what you enjoy in life, it is abut knowing when and how to say NO when NO is the better answer than YES.0
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We have limited will power. You need to create structure and different habits, for example, avoiding McDonald's. Rely on them, not will power.0
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To be blunt, there is no secret to having will power, you either have it, or you don't. That doesn't mean to say you can't "get it" tomorrow, but you have to make yourself "get it". You can read all the pseudo-psych books you want, but that won't give you the secret, it will come to you when you WANT IT. It really is about seeing what you WANT, knowing how to evaluate the pros/cons of TAKING IT and being able to resist if if the cons outweigh the pros. EX: you see the cheesecake, you want the cheesecake, but you know by taking it you will be repeating the same cycle you have been that got you in the situation you are in now, so you don't have the cheesecake. It isn't about totally abstaining from what you enjoy in life, it is abut knowing when and how to say NO when NO is the better answer than YES.
Most people know that there are consequences when they eat too much cheesecake, but they it anyway. That's why I suggest avoidance.0 -
LOL, will power will ALWAYS fail you when it comes to dieting. If you want to lose weight and maintain that weight loss, you need to find ways to avoid relying on will power. For example.
1. Don't keep snack food that you like in the house. No more cookies!
2. Keep healthy snacks available (eg fruit, NOT pretzels, chips, snack-packs, etc. . . those are almost as bad as cookies).
3. Curb your hunger by eating high protein at every meal and choosing non-processed foods.
4. Get plenty of sleep, and go to bed hungry if you can
5. if you're having cravings, drink some coffee or tea instead of snacking.0 -
'' do it anyway. ''0
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If you can't "treat yourself once in awhile" don't treat yourself at all. If you want the weight loss BAD enough you HAVE to make some changes. Nobody can do this for you, but YOU.
Some people can moderation. I can do moderation with certain things. French fries and soda are the things I choose NOT to eat because I can't have just one. But I can also buy a gallon of ice cream and it be in my freezer for weeks before I even think about it. The longer you are on this journey you will learn what is worth it and what isn't worth it.0 -
For me, I had to come to the realization that I had been in control all along. I had CHOSEN to stuff myself to the point of misery because then I couldn't do anything else about my life and my many problems (son on meth and living here, etc), I was too defeated and miserable.
When I realized that I had chosen ON PURPOSE to do that to myself, I also realized that I could choose to do something else.
It's still a struggle. Overcoming bad habits is always a struggle; no surprise there.
Really pay attention to yourself. There's a reason that you sabotage your goals.0 -
The problem is not will power, but habits. I completely understand because I had the same problem. Changing habits is difficult, but not impossible. If you try to all of the sudden be someone you are not you will keep falling back. Pick one behavior and work with it, when you master that one pick the other one. One good way of seeing it is, if you eat fast food four times a week cut it to two, the following week to one, etc. If you eat something sweet after every meal cut it to one, and so forth. There will be times when you will feel like crying because you want something real bad (been there), but just promise yourself that you will have it next time and soon you will see how the behaviors start changing. Analyze your life, find out what triggers your actions, and be aware of your moves. If you do it again, don’t punish yourself, your will have better control next time because it is not a blind reaction anymore.0
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Look up Radiantrecovery.com. Dr. Kathleen Desmaisons has found that there are people who are actually addicted to sugar. There are chemicals in our brains that tell us to eat more and they won't be shut up until we eat it. Also, like a drug addiction, the longer you are addicted, the more it takes to satisfy you.
I was happy when I found this info, but I still haven't kicked it yet. She has a program that you can follow. I started it: Step one is eating breakfast within one hour of waking and it has to have enough protein in it for your body weight.
To me, this all explained why I haven't been able to follow any one diet for very long.0 -
I have had a few days were I just didn't want to hunt down the healthy alternatives - days when I was on the go from 5am to 9pm and ate 2-3 meals in the car - days where even though I managed to meet my calorie goals, my sodium intake was outrageous due to drive thru food and I "gained" water weight.
I use the MFP iPhone app and I find religiously logging all my food helps my "will-power". Knowing that if I have that snack I think I need that I will be 100's of calories over goal, and my friends, while not drill sergeants and won't harass me, will still know that I was a glutton... That helps. Shame is a great motivator
I'm starting to get in the mindset of "if I eat this, I will need to jog 40 minutes to get rid of it" and that laziness is a great motivator too.
Yesterday, I a bit more for breakfast than I usually do. And then a co-worker brought me my favorite Starbucks. And then the boss ordered in pizza since it was a company-wide training day. And then I had my usual Wednesday dinner out with my brother and my Mom.
All of that left me way in the red calorie wise, even picking a fairly light calorie. I could have said no to the Starbucks. I could have had one slice of pizza instead of two. I could have declined to met Mom and David for dinner. But I wanted all of those things, and I knew how to correct the imbalance. I burned 340 calories in exercise before going to bed, even though I had been up since 3am.
It's really a matter of what do you want more. Unfortunately, I really think it is a "Suck it up, Cupcake" kind of thing.0 -
I have will power because occasionally when I do give in - I regret it and beat myself up, saying never again. Be strong!0
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Remember 80% of success is what you eat!!! I have weak will power so I hired a trainer....if im spending $65 an hour I am not eating crap. Also try packing your lunch and snacks!! snack on veggies and nuts you wont need fast food if your not starving0
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To be blunt, there is no secret to having will power, you either have it, or you don't. That doesn't mean to say you can't "get it" tomorrow, but you have to make yourself "get it". You can read all the pseudo-psych books you want, but that won't give you the secret, it will come to you when you WANT IT. It really is about seeing what you WANT, knowing how to evaluate the pros/cons of TAKING IT and being able to resist if if the cons outweigh the pros. EX: you see the cheesecake, you want the cheesecake, but you know by taking it you will be repeating the same cycle you have been that got you in the situation you are in now, so you don't have the cheesecake. It isn't about totally abstaining from what you enjoy in life, it is abut knowing when and how to say NO when NO is the better answer than YES.
Well said!....you have not FULLY come to place where you REALLY want to lose that weight.... when you do you WILLL have the WIL POWER to resist the junk food.....I knwo because i have been there for MANY times, and NOW i am .... been junky food free for 6 weeks now... and I have lost 18 pounds!0 -
Try going cold turkey on the stuff for two weeks - it won't be easy but if you are like me, you have an addictive personality and sugar drives me nuts for more of it.
I have been learning how to manage it - but try to cleanse your system - try healthy "versions" of these foods - there are food restaurants that specialize in healthy eats like Energy Kitchen, Eva's, Pump, etc...
Also it may sound silly by try self-talk - keep repeating to yourself -- "I take excellent care of my mind, my body and my health" or "I eat healthy things that nourish my body and mind" -- Say them EVEN if you are not doing those things. And say them repeatedly every day (after a couple of weeks it's funny how it can change your decision-making process.
The brain has a funny way of believing things you tell it. It's almost a way of reprogramming yourself... That may sound silly, but it helped me enormously.
Good luck!
Erik0 -
What works for me is repeating this quote before making any bad choices...
"Once on the lips, FOREVER on the hips!"
Works for me...most of the time!0 -
To me, it comes down to this: which one do I want more, this cookie or my dream body?
Don't add "at the moment" or "eventually" or ANYTHING. You want one of them more than the other. No buts or ifs, no nothing. You have to want it.0 -
Willpower works like a muscle - you have to exercise it for it to get stronger, and saying "I'm going to eat only right things from now on even though I don't have a near-perfect diet now!" is the same as saying "I'm going to lift this car over my head even though I've never done anything harder than a 16-oz curl at the bar before today!"
It's just like any other exercise program - you have to start small and work your way up, which at first means avoiding situations where you feel out of control. If dinner's the problem, plan it out the night before, do once-a-week cooking and portion it out, or even stock your freezer with a couple of crappy but less-crappy-than-the-alternative lean cuisines for emergencies - whatever you need to do to keep from going, "eh, too tired to cook, five big macs for me!" Get rid of anything in your house that doesn't support your goals. It's not wasting a bag of chips to throw them out - it's wasting your health to eat them. Toss it.
If you have a hard time refusing treats, start by just writing down what you feel when people offer them. Is it "I deserve a treat!" or "I'm hungry!" or "This seems like a fun way to be social!"? Then figure out what you can do to satisfy that feeling that isn't eating. (Well, except for "I'm hungry!" - if you really, really are, then eat whatever it was you had already planned to eat for that day.)
In your spare time, start coming up with some strategies for dealing with other situations - "if I'm feeling snacky, I'll drink a glass of water and walk around the building" or "if I'm bored I'll walk over to the water cooler and see if anyone's there instead of checking the snack machine" or "When someone offers me a cupcake, I'll say (polite refusal) instead of taking it." Once you start noticing your triggers, you can start working out plans to avoid or overcome them.
Mostly it comes down to paying attention - the lizard brain is excellent at sneaking in suggestions when the higher functions aren't keeping a close eye on it. That's what makes sites like this work for a lot of people - the act of having to write down "8 slices large double-meat cheezy pie" breaks through enough that they can interrupt the unconscious action and replace it with something else, like not eating an entire pizza.
It's not easy, but it is possible - you can do it!0 -
So excerise really isn't a problem with me. I half-walk, half-jog in the morning before I get ready for work, and during my lunch breaks I walk 2 miles.
It's eating that's my problem. While I try to count calories, I usually end up saying to myself "The heck with it, I'm having McDonalds tonight!" or something like it and overduldge...
It's disheartening, because I set up all these goals for myself, and it doesn't help that well-meaning people all around me keep saying "You can treat yourself once in awhile." But the thing is, it's NOT once in awhile! It's ALL THE TIME! Everytime an opportunity presents itself, I take it. Someone bought pizza? A slice for me! No, two!
I can't help it! I MUST have some cookies!
And then I get depressed when I either don't lose a thing, or worse, I GAIN a few extra...
I know self-control is the key... but what do you do when you have little to none? Say, "Oh well, you're screwed"? I see so many people with success stories... So HOW do you maintain this "self-control"?
My goal ATM is to lose 10 lbs, My Ultimate GOAL is to lose 70 altogether (preferably by summer)
Anybody else have the same problem? Maybe if I had a buddy to motivate me and wants to lose with me, that might help. ^^;
I too need my cookies and chocolate. 100 calorie packs work wonders for the chocolate and cookie cravings. I eat at fast foods sometimes. Just make it a conscious effort to know the nutritional value of things at Mcdonalds etc. Like obviously a big mac and fries are way over 1000 calories. Get a side salad and small hamburger. Even better kids meal with apple slices instead of fries and it comes with yogurt. I know some people will say don't eat it all, but sometimes you can't help yourself. 0 -
Will power didn't work for me either. I had to rely on other things to get me through.
First, like others have said, I had to want it - not just like I've wanted it for 15 years, but really want it. Enough to make it an absolute priority. Enough to be prepared to get up again every time I fall. This isn't something that comes easy. I always like that saying "Losing weight is hard, maintaining weight is hard, being overweight is hard - choose your hard". You have the choice to stop trying, but it doesn't sound like you want to take that path. Unfortunately the other option is also hard work!
Second, I've gradually changed my habits. Habits don't change overnight, it takes practise. I don't brush my teeth twice a day because I'm worrying about tooth decay twice a day. I do it because it's habit, and it feels weird if I don't. I exercise most days because now, it feels weird if I don't. That didn't happen overnight though, it took practise. Calorie counting has become a habit.
Third, I haven't made radical changes to my diet that I can't sustain. Eating completely "clean", or raw vegan, or paleo, works for some people. Not me. I want to eat the food I like. I plan carrying this lifestyle on forever, and for me, that means including all the foods I like to eat. I use the food diary to help me fit those foods into my calorie and macronutrient goals. If you don't over=restrict yourself, then you won't feel like you're "on a diet", and you won't feel like you need to fall off the wagon. If you like cookies and McDonalds, then eat cookies and McDonalds. Make them fit into your goals. At least to start with. You might find that your tastes and/or priorities change later on, but it doesn't sound like cutting them out is working for you right now. I usually allocate a portion of calories for an evening snack, usually chocolate, sometimes cookies or something. Knowing I have that to look forward to, helps me throughout the rest of the day. To be honest, I don't even need that as much now.
The truth is that unless you're an extremely driven person, will power isn't enough. However much you want it, motivation will wane. There will be times when you just can't be bothered. Try to work out strategies that keep you on track when it's tough. Try not to give up on the logging/counting. It's such a useful tool to keep you on track even when you're eating isn't great. Hopefully, the success you have along the way will give you momentum to carry on.0 -
Awesome and true."Losing weight is hard, maintaining weight is hard, being overweight is hard - choose your hard".0 -
Will power didn't work for me either. I had to rely on other things to get me through.
First, like others have said, I had to want it - not just like I've wanted it for 15 years, but really want it. Enough to make it an absolute priority. Enough to be prepared to get up again every time I fall. This isn't something that comes easy. I always like that saying "Losing weight is hard, maintaining weight is hard, being overweight is hard - choose your hard". You have the choice to stop trying, but it doesn't sound like you want to take that path. Unfortunately the other option is also hard work!
Second, I've gradually changed my habits. Habits don't change overnight, it takes practise. I don't brush my teeth twice a day because I'm worrying about tooth decay twice a day. I do it because it's habit, and it feels weird if I don't. I exercise most days because now, it feels weird if I don't. That didn't happen overnight though, it took practise. Calorie counting has become a habit.
Third, I haven't made radical changes to my diet that I can't sustain. Eating completely "clean", or raw vegan, or paleo, works for some people. Not me. I want to eat the food I like. I plan carrying this lifestyle on forever, and for me, that means including all the foods I like to eat. I use the food diary to help me fit those foods into my calorie and macronutrient goals. If you don't over=restrict yourself, then you won't feel like you're "on a diet", and you won't feel like you need to fall off the wagon. If you like cookies and McDonalds, then eat cookies and McDonalds. Make them fit into your goals. At least to start with. You might find that your tastes and/or priorities change later on, but it doesn't sound like cutting them out is working for you right now. I usually allocate a portion of calories for an evening snack, usually chocolate, sometimes cookies or something. Knowing I have that to look forward to, helps me throughout the rest of the day. To be honest, I don't even need that as much now.
The truth is that unless you're an extremely driven person, will power isn't enough. However much you want it, motivation will wane. There will be times when you just can't be bothered. Try to work out strategies that keep you on track when it's tough. Try not to give up on the logging/counting. It's such a useful tool to keep you on track even when you're eating isn't great. Hopefully, the success you have along the way will give you momentum to carry on.
Awesome I save approx 400 cals a day for evening snacks (usually rice cakes made with brown rice that have choc orange topping...yummy!) Helps me stay sane 0 -
Wow, you lot are so great!
I was worried for a bit I might get scolded for my bad habits and my terrible efforts to watch what I eat, but I carefully read all the replies, and I appreciate all the support.
I will keep all your kind words in mind, and I wish you all the best of luck on your goals as well.
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Awesome and true."Losing weight is hard, maintaining weight is hard, being overweight is hard - choose your hard".
Yes, admirably succinct.0 -
i think trying to do this solely through will power is inefficient and setting yourself up for failure since there's only so long you can keep up force of will.
think of it instead as being committed to your goals. do you even have goals beyond something as vague as weight loss?
make goals like being healthy, getting a blood pressure under a certain amount, reaching a certain amount of body fat %, being able to run a 5 miles a day, etc. you dont need will power for that just be committed to seeing them done. for instance every day i don;t have the will power to show up at my job but i'm for damn sure committed to paying my bills :laugh:
there's a huge difference between pushing yourself and being pulled towards your goal.0 -
LOL, will power will ALWAYS fail you when it comes to dieting. If you want to lose weight and maintain that weight loss, you need to find ways to avoid relying on will power. For example.
1. Don't keep snack food that you like in the house. No more cookies!
2. Keep healthy snacks available (eg fruit, NOT pretzels, chips, snack-packs, etc. . . those are almost as bad as cookies).
3. Curb your hunger by eating high protein at every meal and choosing non-processed foods.
4. Get plenty of sleep, and go to bed hungry if you can
5. if you're having cravings, drink some coffee or tea instead of snacking.
Exactly. This also comports with current psychological theory, which is that we have limited amounts of will power, so it's better to shape our lives (to the extent possible) in ways that make it easier to avoid having to rely on will power. Trying to eat the right way every day (or most days) can consume a lot of energy so it's better to streamline the process as much as possible.
Attempt to make it a no-brainer. If you don't have snack food in the house you don't have to think about whether or not you're going to succumb to the temptation.0 -
So excerise really isn't a problem with me. I half-walk, half-jog in the morning before I get ready for work, and during my lunch breaks I walk 2 miles.
It's eating that's my problem. While I try to count calories, I usually end up saying to myself "The heck with it, I'm having McDonalds tonight!" or something like it and overduldge...
It's disheartening, because I set up all these goals for myself, and it doesn't help that well-meaning people all around me keep saying "You can treat yourself once in awhile." But the thing is, it's NOT once in awhile! It's ALL THE TIME! Everytime an opportunity presents itself, I take it. Someone bought pizza? A slice for me! No, two!
I can't help it! I MUST have some cookies!
And then I get depressed when I either don't lose a thing, or worse, I GAIN a few extra...
I know self-control is the key... but what do you do when you have little to none? Say, "Oh well, you're screwed"? I see so many people with success stories... So HOW do you maintain this "self-control"?
My goal ATM is to lose 10 lbs, My Ultimate GOAL is to lose 70 altogether (preferably by summer)
Anybody else have the same problem? Maybe if I had a buddy to motivate me and wants to lose with me, that might help. ^^;
You can't do this journey on will power alone. You must set up your environment for success. You must get a team on board in your real life to help you (not just online friends). You have to make sacrifices, get trigger foods out of the house, pack your food so you have better control and are not tempted (stay away from fast food restaurants unless you know you can be strong when you go in and get lower calorie items and only eat a set amount). You might have to say no to some social events to help you stay on track.
When you have any stress it will turn on your hunger hormones and you can't out will them. Stress can be caused from work, family, kids, finances, school, pressure, lack of sleep, fatigue and muscle soreness, not getting rest, etc. Everyone is different and can handle different amounts of stress, it's not bad or good, it just is and you have to deal with "what is" for you. Sometimes when there is too much stress you need to just maintain or stay neutral with your calorie budget. This is not going backwards and can be a good strategy in the long run for short periods of time, then do a slight calorie budget for a period of time as long as you can take it. It is better in the long run then too many days of over eating. You do not have to be perfect. You just have to have more forward days than neutral or backward days, you really want to find a way to limit backward days.
To find the exact amount of calories for you to be in a sustainable calorie deficit is correct. Some people can handle a deeper calorie deficit than others. Some people have emotional eating disorders and it comes into play. Even a small deficit puts your body in a state of flux with hormones and such and everyone is different.
I was able to handle a pretty deep calorie deficit because I'm very disciplined and eat healthy (good fuel for the body so I can perform well at the gym) and I do not have emotional eating issues. I have a very low RMR so my doctor said I could go lower than 1200. Not all small people with low RMR like me can handle it, and certainly it would be too low for taller people with a bigger RMR. Comparing calories amounts and telling people how much to eat without even knowing others heights and RMR is ridiculous.
To find the exact calories needed for YOU to be in a healthy sustainable calorie deficit is the right answer. Wait, if you need to adjust by 100 do it, wait, adjust, wait, adjust, wait. The tortoise wins this race.
All that matters is calories. A healthy balanced diet within a calorie budget for a deficit that is right for YOU is all that matters for weight loss. Don't make it complicated.0 -
For starters get more friends, you need more voices in your ears that are working towards the same goals as yourself.
List your age, height & goal. Find like minded people and get involved with them.
Don't give up, making the decision to move forward with this journey is such a big step, you just need to keep going 0 -
Trust me, I've been there. It's easy to avoid certain foods when I'm on a special diet, but once I'm "free" it's hard to control myself.
Like others have said, you need to find your trigger. Mine was different every time, but I've found myself pausing for a minute to think "am I actually hungry?," "why do I want to eat this?" and "is this what I'm actually craving?" I found out that I crave sugar when I'm actually thirsty and I also found out that stress and boredom are the key reasons I eat.
It helps to only keep healthy food in the house and to drink water in the car on the way home so you're not tempted to find a drive thru. I also like to use food as a game- I may try to find a dish with broccoli as the main ingredient, or take an unhealthy recipe and turn it into a healthy one, or invent a new salad (just had a thought- a "thanksgiving" salad would be delicious!).
Feel free to message me if you need some motivation! I know I couldn't have lost the weight I have so far without my coworker- support is a must-have for a diet if you ask me! You can do this- you just need to figure out how.0 -
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For me I had to retrain the way I thought about food.. I make myself think of it as a way to stay alive, not an indulgence. Since this is a lifelong choice, not just a diet, it's the only way I can think.0
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