Q for recovered eating disorder peeps

walnut · May 2008

Yesterday was the first time I stepped on the scale and wasn’t happy to see that I’ve lost weight. Why? Because I am back at the high end of my pre-recovery eating disorder (bulimia) weight and am still not happy with my body. In fact, I thought I’d actually gained weight cause I wasn’t feeling as good in my body lately. I had actually lost 3 lbs. I only weigh myself about once or maybe twice a month, so I don’t think this is a random fluctuation, and besides, my weight never fluctuates down.:laugh: Now I’m thinking that the scale I use at the gym must be messed up or something. :noway:

I’ve always thought I must have had a really distorted body image to think I was fat at this weight (in the mid- to high-end of healthy BMI). Fortunately, I don’t think I’m "fat" now, and really am doing quite well. But it is just disappointing to get to my goal and find out that I’m unsatisfied here.

I try to stay away from the scale for this reason, but I feel the need to weigh every so often so I know how many calories I should be eating.

Do I just need to wait for my body image to catch up? I feel like I’m the same size as when I started, about 15-20 pounds ago.

Has anyone had this experience? Or any advice? I don't know what I need to hear. :indifferent:

walnut · May 2008

Yesterday was the first time I stepped on the scale and wasn’t happy to see that I’ve lost weight. Why? Because I am back at the high end of my pre-recovery eating disorder (bulimia) weight and am still not happy with my body. In fact, I thought I’d actually gained weight cause I wasn’t feeling as good in my body lately. I had actually lost 3 lbs. I only weigh myself about once or maybe twice a month, so I don’t think this is a random fluctuation, and besides, my weight never fluctuates down.:laugh: Now I’m thinking that the scale I use at the gym must be messed up or something. :noway:

I’ve always thought I must have had a really distorted body image to think I was fat at this weight (in the mid- to high-end of healthy BMI). Fortunately, I don’t think I’m "fat" now, and really am doing quite well. But it is just disappointing to get to my goal and find out that I’m unsatisfied here.

I try to stay away from the scale for this reason, but I feel the need to weigh every so often so I know how many calories I should be eating.

Do I just need to wait for my body image to catch up? I feel like I’m the same size as when I started, about 15-20 pounds ago.

Has anyone had this experience? Or any advice? I don't know what I need to hear. :indifferent:

opatt23 · May 2008

I want to be able to say something really great here :ohwell: but Im not sure what..except that I think a lot of people (myself included) deal with body image distortion. Im at a healthy weight right now..but for some reason it doesnt seem good enough. I definitely know what it's like to be unsatisfied. I guess maybe the key is to just slowly try to learn to accept yourself.

Usually when I look in the mirror my first instinct is to nit pick and critisize certain areas...lately I've been trying to look at my body differently and think of all the great things my body allows me to do.

I hope this helps on some small level and you learn to appreciate all the wonderful things your body has achieved.

If you ever need to chat...
opatt23@yahoo.com :flowerforyou: Have a good day.

iojoi · May 2008

if u have a therapist i would have a chat with them or ur doctor
i was the same along while ago but eventually i seemed to have come thru it but all the same a chat with somebody qualified to advise u can do no harm :flowerforyou:

gabi_ele · May 2008

First and foremost congratulations:flowerforyou: you might not feel like it but you have acomplished something a lot of us are still working on. I'm not sure if there is anything I can say that will help you but my friend lost a lot of weight and it took her forever to not feel fat anymore ( and she had a lot less to loose then I do)
I have the opposit problem... I look at pictures and can't believe I am that fat :laugh: but you know I'm working on that and there is so much more to me then just what I look like...
Maybe you could benefit from some counseling and there is no shame in that, been there done that. Sometimes focusing on other things might help too, like valentiering at a hospital or homeless shelter or childrens home brings our problems into a different perspective.
Ok I better shut up bevore someone misunderstands me. I hope you will get the help you need and I wish you showers of blessings.

skiski · May 2008

:flowerforyou: Hi walnut...

i have experienced both ends of an ed anorexia and bulimia...and although i am pretty much recovered (bar the mental stuff!) everyday is a challenge!

one of the hardest parts of having an ed is the way it impacts on your view of yourself..and although we can resume some insight...the truth is it is it kinda seems to lurk in the subconscious waiting for a moment of insecurity to pop up and kick in...i hope this makes sense!

thus weighing yourself seems to be a trigger as opposed to helpful, if you feel this is a must maybe getting a close friend to be around/or go to you dr/therapist and have it done there...this way those old feelings are able to be airred out and are not sat with you for days on end...as for weighing at the gym..best to stick to one scale ideally your dr's...

i too struggle still to leave the scale alone as it feels safe to be able to "check" i am not getting "out of control" as such...in truth i am only reinforcing negative feelings about my body...this i know is illogical and is merely my ed wanting to stick around visibly...

in truth if you are relying on the scale to tell you if you are eating the right amount of calories, i wonder if you may need some additional support to reassure you as opposed to having to weigh yourself, which only feeds the disorder...

i know it may feel impossible to let it go...but it seems like you have made some really positive steps...in truth my next step is binning my scale and learning to trust myself...using the site helps keep me realistic about my goals and if i feel it is too much or becoming too triggering i take time away and get support...

sorry for the long reply i hope this has helped a little and feel free to ask questions xxx skiski xxx

walnut · May 2008

Thanks everyone for your replies. It helps just to hear other people understand.

I do have a therapist, and have been talking about how I will know where within the healthy range of BMI is right for me. So far it seems pretty subjective ("when my belly fat is gone" - well, how much belly fat is realistic to get rid of? "when I feel good in my body" - I'll feel good for awhile, then feel the need to loose more. Maybe I just haven't hit the right weight/fat percentage yet?)

opatt23, "...lately I've been trying to look at my body differently and think of all the great things my body allows me to do." - I agree, that is a great way to look at our bodies!

Gabi_ele, thanks for the congratulations. I too often forget what an accomplishment it is.

skiski, "the truth is it is it kinda seems to lurk in the subconscious waiting for a moment of insecurity to pop up and kick in...i hope this makes sense!" - that totally makes sense. Always seems to happen when there's something bothering me.

I wish you all well on your journies through body acceptance, too. :flowerforyou:

FUZZBUZZ4 · May 2008

i am goin thru the same thing.. (anorexia)... lets just say old habits die hard... i am at one of my goals and i keep reaching for a harder one not waitin to appreciate how much weight i have actually lost.. so ur not alone.. i hope we can all be happy or satisfied or just okay with our body image soon!
:flowerforyou:

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