Concerned about my outlook

I explained that I doubted that even if I was able to slim down to a size 6, I would still feel & view myself as a fat cow.

I really don't mean to be a prick over semantics, so forgive me for asking for clarification here. Do you mean that you THINK even if you were to reach size 6, you'd still feel like a fat cow? Or you DON'T think (i.e. you doubt) you'd feel that way once you get to that size?

Reading the last paragraph, it seems like you mean the former (i.e. you think), so I'll base my response on that. I realize my response is going to be way off if I understood your post wrong; in that case, I apologize in advance.

I can kind of relate. I'd been fat all my life too, until last year. I grew up in Korea, where my current weight for my height is considered borderline obese! And I weigh less than I did in middle school, so I was definitely a fat cow by their standards back then.

The funny thing is, when I look in the mirror, it's really, really hard to see any changes. They talked about eating disorders in PE class, and when we went over how an anorexic sees a fat girl in the mirror, I had a hard time believing it. How could they not see what's in front of them? But it's happening to me now. I know I'm much thinner, but in my mirror, I look the same.

But I don't let it affect my self esteem.

I think the key is finding valuable traits in you that have nothing to do with your weight or size. Things like your skills, personality traits. Acknowledge them and respect them, even if other people fail to see them in you. Be strong for yourself. My personal belief is that it's okay to never be satisfied with the way you look, as long as you're happy with yourself OVERALL. After all, the way you look is only one part of you.

Basically, no matter what size I get to, I will never see myself as anything but a fat person. I do not love myself, another toxic mindset, I know.

How are you so sure of that? I cant predict any part of the future. Who's to say weight loss doesnt change your mindset. Just a thought. And I completely agree about not wanting to buy new clothes.

You are not going to know that until you get there. In the four years I have been at this the one thing I can tell you is that weight loss should be more about the journey and less about the destination, if you don't take the time to really learn about yourself and take in all there is in this process, how can you really appreciate the end result.

The whole point of this is that you are not comfortable in your skin right now, right? So if wearing a corset makes you even more uncomfortable, that's completely fine, but don't dismiss it and in the presence of others don't place judgement on it. My sister and I certainly don't dress the same and that's ok. Just simply state what you said here, you are not comfortable in it. You may never be, but they don't have to know that.

Take the time to get comfortable in your own skin and find clothes that will make you feel comfortable and don't make the same mistake as me and wait to buy clothes, I am not much of a shopper, but I tell you nothing beats the high of walking into a store to buy new clothes in the size you think you are and realizing it's too big.

I think by the time you reach your goal you will see what is in front of you, because if you enjoy the journey you will know how far you had to come to get to that destination, who knows maybe you will comfortable at a size 8.

Let tomorrow worry about itself and focus on the attitude you currently have because that's what you control. Stop equating self-worth to weight. Stop equating beauty to a size.

Basically, no matter what size I get to, I will never see myself as anything but a fat person. I do not love myself, another toxic mindset, I know. I hate how hard it is to shop....for something simple like a costume for an upcoming Halloween party. I had to custom order one, since I had ordered one I thought would fit, since they labled it a 3x/4x. Not quite. It was tight, I couldn't get it to fit where it was supposed to. I don't know if it was mislabled or what. So I ended up going to a website that caters to plus-sized women & custom ordered a costume. I dream of the day when I can go out & get something cute/sexy & wear it in confidence that I don't look utterly ridiculous in it.

I am not saying that folks who wear these items look this way, not at all. I just don't have the self esteem to see myself that way.

If you've never been slim, how do you know you'll never see yourself as anything but fat? Look at all the success stories here. People losing 100+ pounds is common. When they post their pictures, they post pictures of them wearing far more stylish clothes than in their before pictures. Why? Because they feel better about themselves and they want to flaunt their new bodies. At any weight, you need to stop knocking yourself. If you're defining yourself by your appearance, others will define you by it as well.

Thinking about it in terms of "self esteem" may not be helpful (maybe it's just me, but that seems like a meaningless term).

If you're not going to BELIEVE that you have lost weight, start preparing now, and you can do that by changing your thoughts and changing the language that you use when you think about yourself.

Start paying attention to thoughts and beliefs you have about yourself. Write them down.

After you get a list, look at the thoughts you want to change.

So if you've got "I am such a fat cow" on there, start changing it to "I am a f*cking goddess" or something else that suits your fancy.

"I will never be anything but a fat person" might be "I will work hard and get skinny."

You're the only one who can do this for yourself. It sounds like it might be even more important than losing the weight!

If you've got a few bucks to spend you can check out some self-help workbooks on Amazon.

Good luck, goddess

I am not sure how much you want to lose but I really doubt you will always see yourself as fat. Right now I am no where near my goal weight but I see my stomach getting smaller and so on.

Tight clothes will change...You may not wear what they wear but soon you will realize that clothes that FIT look better on you than clothes that are loose.

Jillian Micahels says "if you have a why to live for you can tolerate any how" Sounds like you need to find you why and make a reasonable goal.

Good luck to you