Really In Need Of Support! *Long*

Lauralsaur
Lauralsaur Posts: 50
in Motivation and Support
So guys I'll try and explain as much as I can. In May of 2011 I weighed in at 188 lbs and was only 20 lbs off of my goal weight, but then my Papa (grandfather) died. He was like a dad to me since my dad lives in MA which is literally 16 hours away from me. My dad never bothered with me until I got "skinny", which really got me mad. So I gained back almost 75 lbs since my Papa died. I'm in a bad depression and currently weigh 263 lbs. I'm always stressed because of my mom, who isn't much of a mom anyways (I'm only 18 btw). When I lived with her I would have to live in dog crap (no joke). A few times I can tell you guys is back in April when I had pneumonia. I was terribly sick and it took her 3 weeks to take me to a hospital (but that was only because my dad called and said he would find someone to take me). The doctors told her not to smoke in front of me, since she's a heavy smoker, but she did. Now our basement is full of dog crap and pee and she made go down into that basement to find french fries out of the freezer! And you can smell the dog crap and pee from the front door of the house! But that's not the worse thing she's done! She got mad at me back in May after I gave her the best mothers day possible and she punched me! She told everyone I punched her first, and my psychologist was ready to pull me out of the house. This past Thanksgiving (yes I'm Canadian), she let the dog poop all over my bed and when I asked her to clean it she said I would have to when I got home (this was 2 days before I was even supposed to go home), and she got mad and started saying that she just worked for 6 hours and didn't want to do it, so I got mad and told her I wasn't going home for thanksgiving if I was going to have to sleep in a bed of crap, and I even told my brother I wasn't going, but he came anyways even though i told him I wasn't going and they blamed that on me that he had to drive all that way for nothing (even though he was picking up 3 people!) Now she's telling everyone lies back home (I now attend university 5 hours away so I can't defend myself). Everyone hasn't talked to me in over 2 weeks! I'm so stressed that she's pulling stupid crap like this and hurting me so much! Of course I'm going to gain weight because of this....and just last week my dad called me to tell me that my Papa never loved me to begin with....I really need support guys :/

Replies

  • nikinyx6
    nikinyx6 Posts: 772 Member
    It really stinks when your family is your worst enemy...I know exactly how you feel with these issues.

    I could say 'sit them down, have a talk about you feelings' but I think that advice is crap. You're 18, if this is ongoing behavior from your family, wash your hands of them. it will save you stress, heartache, and likely save you a visit to a shrink :)

    I'm sorry about your Papa, losing a close family member is tough, but keep in mind, he would want to see you succeed, and be happy
  • Cutie_browneyes2004
    Cutie_browneyes2004 Posts: 13 Member
    The best advice i can give you coming from a screwed up family myself is support yourself and get out on your own.... the less you depend on them the less you have to deal with their negativity. The next thing is you need to wrap your mind around the fact that you don't have to be around any of these people. It is not a requirment for living that you associate with a family that you were brought into.... you didn't have a choice to be born into this family but you have a choice now as an adult to not allow these people to talk down to you and to hurt you. Find support in real true friends (which are hard to find) and they will become your family and support system. Don't allow people to tear you down. Remove yourself from the situation. Good luck :)
  • Lauralsaur
    Lauralsaur Posts: 50
    Thank you for replying. I wasn't sure if anyone was going to reply. I would love to just forget and move on, but they try so hard to stick their insults at me hard. As I was growing up my parents fought constantly and my brother and I were brought into the cross-fire when they divorced. I wish so bad that I can be back to 188. I've cried countless times just looking at the old pictures. My mom would even call me down when I was smaller. She would tell me I was a 'skinny *****' and a '*kitten*' or a 'slut'...it's so difficult :/ Sorry for the vulgar language, I don't mean to offend anyone!
  • Serenstar75
    Serenstar75 Posts: 258 Member
    Some parents really should NEVER be parents. I feel for you. I'm also thankful that you're 18, because as much as it might hurt, it's time to move on and move forward. Sometimes we have to cut the most important people out of our lives for awhile so we can heal and become strong. My family wasn't my issue, just two really bad husband choices. It really takes someone to break you sometimes to learn that you do NOT have to take this from anyone. Those that aren't talking to you now? Forget them. If they will take her word and not even get your side, they aren't worth your time. Turn your energy to exercise and school, things like that. Focus on you for awhile. They may think it's selfish, but at this point, it's survival. You need to become strong and you have to be rid of the negative and hate for that to happen. When you're strong enough and ready to contact them again, just imagine, you'll be a new and better you and what they do can't and won't hurt you nearly as bad. I did cut my dad out of my life for about 10 years, then we mended and I will never regret that. I say this because I've been there.

    I keep trying to get one of my best friends to let her dad go awhile too, and he does similarly with spreading stuff around about her. She's 22. But he hurt her in a lot of ways and it's up to her not to be hurt anymore. Now it's up to you to not let these people hurt you anymore as that's one thing you control, not them.
  • Lauralsaur
    Lauralsaur Posts: 50
    Thank you cutie_browney. I'm so grateful that I can vent now. Now I just need to apply all of this to life. My boyfriend has been very supportive (even though he hates going for walks lol!) and now that I have someone like him, my family blames him and calls him down all the time!
  • nikinyx6
    nikinyx6 Posts: 772 Member
    As I was growing up my parents fought constantly and my brother and I were brought into the cross-fire when they divorced.

    Me too. I was dragged in and out of court hearings, saw one parent try to run the other over, violence, drugs, alcohol.

    The good news is, you're an adult now, and the best way to give your family the slap in the face they deserve, is to do well for yourself all BY yourself
  • Serenstar75
    Serenstar75 Posts: 258 Member
    “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”


    ― Rumi
  • Lauralsaur
    Lauralsaur Posts: 50
    Some parents really should NEVER be parents. I feel for you. I'm also thankful that you're 18, because as much as it might hurt, it's time to move on and move forward. Sometimes we have to cut the most important people out of our lives for awhile so we can heal and become strong. My family wasn't my issue, just two really bad husband choices. It really takes someone to break you sometimes to learn that you do NOT have to take this from anyone. Those that aren't talking to you now? Forget them. If they will take her word and not even get your side, they aren't worth your time. Turn your energy to exercise and school, things like that. Focus on you for awhile. They may think it's selfish, but at this point, it's survival. You need to become strong and you have to be rid of the negative and hate for that to happen. When you're strong enough and ready to contact them again, just imagine, you'll be a new and better you and what they do can't and won't hurt you nearly as bad. I did cut my dad out of my life for about 10 years, then we mended and I will never regret that. I say this because I've been there.

    I keep trying to get one of my best friends to let her dad go awhile too, and he does similarly with spreading stuff around about her. She's 22. But he hurt her in a lot of ways and it's up to her not to be hurt anymore. Now it's up to you to not let these people hurt you anymore as that's one thing you control, not them.

    I'm so sorry about your friend :( I guess I feel like if I let everyone go then I won't have anyone to go back to. My Papa was the only person I could trust. I know what my dad said about him never loving me is a bunch of bull, but there's always that one part of me saying it could be true
  • Lauralsaur
    Lauralsaur Posts: 50
    "Me too. I was dragged in and out of court hearings, saw one parent try to run the other over, violence, drugs, alcohol.

    The good news is, you're an adult now, and the best way to give your family the slap in the face they deserve, is to do well for yourself all BY yourself"

    It's a terrible situation to be in and it literally haunts you every single day, well for me it does :/ they always need someone to blame their problems on
  • MamaTeter0912
    MamaTeter0912 Posts: 14 Member
    I am so so sorry to hear about your home life. That is absolutely awful. I thought my home life when I lived at home was bad. I grew up with a bipolar mother & an alcoholic father that still to this day cause chaos and havoc in my life. I will say a prayer for you, not trying to push the religion thing on you. Just letting you know I will be thinking of you. I wish you only the best of luck with your journey!
  • Lauralsaur
    Lauralsaur Posts: 50
    I am so so sorry to hear about your home life. That is absolutely awful. I thought my home life when I lived at home was bad. I grew up with a bipolar mother & an alcoholic father that still to this day cause chaos and havoc in my life. I will say a prayer for you, not trying to push the religion thing on you. Just letting you know I will be thinking of you. I wish you only the best of luck with your journey!

    Thank you very much! I wish you luck as well :)<3
  • MichelleLaree13
    MichelleLaree13 Posts: 865 Member
    Coming from a bad family myself, the best advice I can give is to get out. I was homeless on multiple occasions trying to get on my feet but would not go back. For me nothing was worth staying there. Now I have an education, good jobs, a house and a reliable car. It took a lot of determination but I made it, you can too. :flowerforyou:
  • Lauralsaur
    Lauralsaur Posts: 50
    Coming from a bad family myself, the best advice I can give is to get out. I was homeless on multiple occasions trying to get on my feet but would not go back. For me nothing was worth staying there. Now I have an education, good jobs, a house and a reliable car. It took a lot of determination but I made it, you can too. :flowerforyou:

    People like you is what I try and model myself as :) I really hope I can go through and try to forget them and their insults :/

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