& I thought I was gonna be big forever!

Heya,

Just wanted to post a response after reading your entry. Glad to hear you've seen some early results! As I have gone through similar circumstances in my life, I'll give a quick over view. I have always been a big guy, in High school I weighed in between 300-330 lbs. for all 4 years. I'd go down in size slightly playing sports and when the season ended I'd slowly climb back up. My understanding of nutrition was terrible and I also bought into the "just don't eat so much" line that everyone seemed to offer up as advice when discussing weight loss with peers. Around 22 I decided enough was enough, got a personal trainer, sorted out my nutrition, started a 4 day circuit of monday-thursday cardio and lifting and in 8 months I had dropped down to 248 Lbs. Best feeling ever. The thing is, slowly but surely my diet/training waned and I lost sight of my great accomplishment...

Now 29 years old and back up to 338 lbs at my first weigh in last week. How could that happen, you ask? The simple answer is changes. Changes in career, motivation, mentality, and drive. These are all very real things and happen to every one at some point. Believe me when I say, I tried to stop the regression and hard but something was missing. No matter what I did, I still seemed to gain or at best level off. Ultimately it boiled down to excuses. I’d find a way to justify every bad decision, be it skipping training or eating for pleasure instead of purpose.

You mentioned that you have a small frame, well I found out I had a medium frame when I did my first weigh in all those years back with the personal trainer. I didn’t believe it at the time because I had always had a rather large frame and figured the guy was just saying that as a motivational tool. However, I can attest that he was right after losing almost 90 lbs. But just having that knowledge of not being where I was supposed to be and that someone else could see it was enough fuel to push me everyday, even if I could not.

Well fast forward to present day and my second weigh in, i’m down to 330 lbs. a week later. How did that quick turn around happen I thought? What is different now than all those years ago? After a great deal of personal examination, I found it is balance. Balance for me meant I found a way to track nutrition (MFP mobile), keeping my training interesting enough that I look forward to it, stopped needing to justify bad choices by making a majority of good ones, and finally, this may sound weird, but hatred.

Now before everyone goes off the deep end on me, allow me to elaborate a bit on hatred. There are some people amongst you that feed off of negative emotions. You work with them, seem them at the bar, at the gym, so suffice to say are all around you. Now most people view hate as a negative emotion and it certainly can be, but it can also be a positive emotion if you use it to better yourself. For me it does that. I hate that I let myself down, I hate that I have missed out on opportunities, be it work related or otherwise because of the way the world views obesity. I hate that I gave up on myself for so long, and instead of letting that hatred burn inside of me and do something bad like over eating, hurting myself, or worse, I use it fuel my progress. I let it dominate my mind while I work out and when I am done, the residue left behind gets washed away in the shower as I can reflect on the good that I have done for myself that day. It gives me the clarity to remember to continue to track intake and exercise, and reminds me to never forget. Never forget that the second you start to doubt yourself is the second you began to fail. Gains are gains, no matter how small.

I guess what I was trying to get at with all of this is that no one can help you find balance but you. Not your SO, family, or friends. They certainly can help and should be a great support, but not everyone has those luxuries in life. But the one thing we all do have in common is that we all answer to ourselves first and foremost. Keep fighting. because you are worth so much more than you think.


TL;DR
Used to be obese, got un-obese then obese again over time. Found balance that works for me, as should we all. Believe in yourself and progress will come.

hey nice one keep it up!.. i think the main goal is eating the right stuff. just eat the right food and dont think that you are starving yourself (e.g. you don't eat what you eat before because they are BAD.) and sooner you will be losing those weight and keeping it out!..

good luck.