Did I do the wrong thing?

Dormouse85 · October 2012

My hubby is a big man, but he is fit. He goes for long cycle rides maybe once or twice a week, when he will burn over 2500 calories...but he is looking porky (so am I, I know - but I'm trying to do something about it!) He has a fairly physical job - he works in a supermarket, standing at the till, restocking shelves etc - but when he's not cycling or working he is slumped in front of the TV.

He eats my low cal dinners that I cook, but lunch is more "free for all" - that is we have bread, toppings, soup, and each makes their own sandwich. He'll also supplement this with a yoghurt/a couple of biscuits/ a banana (or all three!)

I'm worried that, even though he is burning off the cals when he rides, other days maybe he's not. Today I watched what he prepared for lunch and logged it into MFP. It came out as about 1,200 calories - just for lunch!!!!!!!! I told him this - I started by saying I was concerned, but he just got really cranky and said he objected to being told what he could and couldn't eat and could I please mind my own business, especially as he was actually losing weight (I have to say I'm not convinced by that, but there you go)

Do you think I did the right thing? Is there anything else I could do? I don't stock many biscuits and stuff, and what I do is low calorie - but that just means he eats more of them! Or do I just hope that what I said has planted a seed and keep on feeding him Hairy Dieters recipes for dinner?

CoachReddy · October 2012

unfortunately you can't tell or force him to do anything. it's the tricky thing about relationships when one person decides they want to get healthy and the other doesn't. i just had it blow up in my face actually - 2 year relationship ended yesterday, partially due to my new obsession with fitness and health. she started resenting me for being so driven, and didn't like that it seemed to take over every part of my life. Which - i'll grant her - i could have scaled back on talking about it so much - but the point is, they have to want it themselves, and nothing you can say or do will convince them. In fact, it will probably do the opposite. So the best thing you can do is just focus on yourself, do it for you, and if he sees your results and wants them too, then GREAT! If not... you're gonna have to deal with it and love him anyway. This isn't a gender-specific thing, happens just the same with men and women. No one likes being told they're imperfect - especially when that person is their husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend.

KeithChanning · October 2012

You are far from alone with that particular problem, but that doesn't make it any easier.

I don't have any answers, or even useful suggestions. My only observation is that, in my limited experience, it takes a trigger to make someone want to address these issues. In my case, the trigger was the Hairy Dieters - a very positive trigger that produced in me a response based on how well they looked, how much more vital and alive, and they did it without sacrificing their love of food. I wanted some of that. Looking at various profiles, the trigger seems frequently to be a positive one. This is good.

I have known people for whom the trigger was a negative one - in one case the man needed an operation to correct a serious issue, but they wouldn't consider operating until he had dropped a couple of stones. Not good.

That's it. That's all I have. Sorry.

ctgirlscout · October 2012

My experience is that you can't make people want to do something until they are ready. You say your husband is a big man, is fit and active. He *might* be losing weight, but you can't force him to cut back if he really doesn't want to. You might have to be happy that he's eating the healthy stuff that you prepare, and just hope that at some point in the future he will decide to take it a step further. Good luck.

Did I do the wrong thing?

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