Will power.... not working for me

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  • madisons_mummy
    madisons_mummy Posts: 169 Member
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    Will power didn't work for me either. I had to rely on other things to get me through.

    First, like others have said, I had to want it - not just like I've wanted it for 15 years, but really want it. Enough to make it an absolute priority. Enough to be prepared to get up again every time I fall. This isn't something that comes easy. I always like that saying "Losing weight is hard, maintaining weight is hard, being overweight is hard - choose your hard". You have the choice to stop trying, but it doesn't sound like you want to take that path. Unfortunately the other option is also hard work!

    Second, I've gradually changed my habits. Habits don't change overnight, it takes practise. I don't brush my teeth twice a day because I'm worrying about tooth decay twice a day. I do it because it's habit, and it feels weird if I don't. I exercise most days because now, it feels weird if I don't. That didn't happen overnight though, it took practise. Calorie counting has become a habit.

    Third, I haven't made radical changes to my diet that I can't sustain. Eating completely "clean", or raw vegan, or paleo, works for some people. Not me. I want to eat the food I like. I plan carrying this lifestyle on forever, and for me, that means including all the foods I like to eat. I use the food diary to help me fit those foods into my calorie and macronutrient goals. If you don't over=restrict yourself, then you won't feel like you're "on a diet", and you won't feel like you need to fall off the wagon. If you like cookies and McDonalds, then eat cookies and McDonalds. Make them fit into your goals. At least to start with. You might find that your tastes and/or priorities change later on, but it doesn't sound like cutting them out is working for you right now. I usually allocate a portion of calories for an evening snack, usually chocolate, sometimes cookies or something. Knowing I have that to look forward to, helps me throughout the rest of the day. To be honest, I don't even need that as much now.

    The truth is that unless you're an extremely driven person, will power isn't enough. However much you want it, motivation will wane. There will be times when you just can't be bothered. Try to work out strategies that keep you on track when it's tough. Try not to give up on the logging/counting. It's such a useful tool to keep you on track even when you're eating isn't great. Hopefully, the success you have along the way will give you momentum to carry on.

    Awesome :) I save approx 400 cals a day for evening snacks (usually rice cakes made with brown rice that have choc orange topping...yummy!) Helps me stay sane
  • ToniChansNewLook
    ToniChansNewLook Posts: 52 Member
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    Wow, you lot are so great! :)

    I was worried for a bit I might get scolded for my bad habits and my terrible efforts to watch what I eat, but I carefully read all the replies, and I appreciate all the support.

    I will keep all your kind words in mind, and I wish you all the best of luck on your goals as well. :D
  • mfpcopine
    mfpcopine Posts: 3,093 Member
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    "Losing weight is hard, maintaining weight is hard, being overweight is hard - choose your hard".
    Awesome and true.

    Yes, admirably succinct.
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,326 Member
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    i think trying to do this solely through will power is inefficient and setting yourself up for failure since there's only so long you can keep up force of will.

    think of it instead as being committed to your goals. do you even have goals beyond something as vague as weight loss?
    make goals like being healthy, getting a blood pressure under a certain amount, reaching a certain amount of body fat %, being able to run a 5 miles a day, etc. you dont need will power for that just be committed to seeing them done. for instance every day i don;t have the will power to show up at my job but i'm for damn sure committed to paying my bills :laugh:

    there's a huge difference between pushing yourself and being pulled towards your goal.
  • mfpcopine
    mfpcopine Posts: 3,093 Member
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    LOL, will power will ALWAYS fail you when it comes to dieting. If you want to lose weight and maintain that weight loss, you need to find ways to avoid relying on will power. For example.

    1. Don't keep snack food that you like in the house. No more cookies!
    2. Keep healthy snacks available (eg fruit, NOT pretzels, chips, snack-packs, etc. . . those are almost as bad as cookies).
    3. Curb your hunger by eating high protein at every meal and choosing non-processed foods.
    4. Get plenty of sleep, and go to bed hungry if you can
    5. if you're having cravings, drink some coffee or tea instead of snacking.

    Exactly. This also comports with current psychological theory, which is that we have limited amounts of will power, so it's better to shape our lives (to the extent possible) in ways that make it easier to avoid having to rely on will power. Trying to eat the right way every day (or most days) can consume a lot of energy so it's better to streamline the process as much as possible.

    Attempt to make it a no-brainer. If you don't have snack food in the house you don't have to think about whether or not you're going to succumb to the temptation.
  • californiagirl2012
    californiagirl2012 Posts: 2,625 Member
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    So excerise really isn't a problem with me. I half-walk, half-jog in the morning before I get ready for work, and during my lunch breaks I walk 2 miles.

    It's eating that's my problem. While I try to count calories, I usually end up saying to myself "The heck with it, I'm having McDonalds tonight!" or something like it and overduldge...

    It's disheartening, because I set up all these goals for myself, and it doesn't help that well-meaning people all around me keep saying "You can treat yourself once in awhile." But the thing is, it's NOT once in awhile! It's ALL THE TIME! Everytime an opportunity presents itself, I take it. Someone bought pizza? A slice for me! No, two!

    I can't help it! I MUST have some cookies!

    And then I get depressed when I either don't lose a thing, or worse, I GAIN a few extra...

    I know self-control is the key... but what do you do when you have little to none? Say, "Oh well, you're screwed"? I see so many people with success stories... So HOW do you maintain this "self-control"?

    My goal ATM is to lose 10 lbs, My Ultimate GOAL is to lose 70 altogether (preferably by summer)

    Anybody else have the same problem? Maybe if I had a buddy to motivate me and wants to lose with me, that might help. ^^;

    You can't do this journey on will power alone. You must set up your environment for success. You must get a team on board in your real life to help you (not just online friends). You have to make sacrifices, get trigger foods out of the house, pack your food so you have better control and are not tempted (stay away from fast food restaurants unless you know you can be strong when you go in and get lower calorie items and only eat a set amount). You might have to say no to some social events to help you stay on track.

    When you have any stress it will turn on your hunger hormones and you can't out will them. Stress can be caused from work, family, kids, finances, school, pressure, lack of sleep, fatigue and muscle soreness, not getting rest, etc. Everyone is different and can handle different amounts of stress, it's not bad or good, it just is and you have to deal with "what is" for you. Sometimes when there is too much stress you need to just maintain or stay neutral with your calorie budget. This is not going backwards and can be a good strategy in the long run for short periods of time, then do a slight calorie budget for a period of time as long as you can take it. It is better in the long run then too many days of over eating. You do not have to be perfect. You just have to have more forward days than neutral or backward days, you really want to find a way to limit backward days.

    To find the exact amount of calories for you to be in a sustainable calorie deficit is correct. Some people can handle a deeper calorie deficit than others. Some people have emotional eating disorders and it comes into play. Even a small deficit puts your body in a state of flux with hormones and such and everyone is different.

    I was able to handle a pretty deep calorie deficit because I'm very disciplined and eat healthy (good fuel for the body so I can perform well at the gym) and I do not have emotional eating issues. I have a very low RMR so my doctor said I could go lower than 1200. Not all small people with low RMR like me can handle it, and certainly it would be too low for taller people with a bigger RMR. Comparing calories amounts and telling people how much to eat without even knowing others heights and RMR is ridiculous.

    To find the exact calories needed for YOU to be in a healthy sustainable calorie deficit is the right answer. Wait, if you need to adjust by 100 do it, wait, adjust, wait, adjust, wait. The tortoise wins this race.

    All that matters is calories. A healthy balanced diet within a calorie budget for a deficit that is right for YOU is all that matters for weight loss. Don't make it complicated.
  • MindyG150
    MindyG150 Posts: 1,296 Member
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    For starters get more friends, you need more voices in your ears that are working towards the same goals as yourself.

    List your age, height & goal. Find like minded people and get involved with them.

    Don't give up, making the decision to move forward with this journey is such a big step, you just need to keep going :)
  • Archer512
    Archer512 Posts: 3
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    Trust me, I've been there. It's easy to avoid certain foods when I'm on a special diet, but once I'm "free" it's hard to control myself.

    Like others have said, you need to find your trigger. Mine was different every time, but I've found myself pausing for a minute to think "am I actually hungry?," "why do I want to eat this?" and "is this what I'm actually craving?" I found out that I crave sugar when I'm actually thirsty and I also found out that stress and boredom are the key reasons I eat.

    It helps to only keep healthy food in the house and to drink water in the car on the way home so you're not tempted to find a drive thru. I also like to use food as a game- I may try to find a dish with broccoli as the main ingredient, or take an unhealthy recipe and turn it into a healthy one, or invent a new salad (just had a thought- a "thanksgiving" salad would be delicious!).

    Feel free to message me if you need some motivation! I know I couldn't have lost the weight I have so far without my coworker- support is a must-have for a diet if you ask me! You can do this- you just need to figure out how.
  • tpt1950
    tpt1950 Posts: 292 Member
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  • Rhia55
    Rhia55 Posts: 247
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    For me I had to retrain the way I thought about food.. I make myself think of it as a way to stay alive, not an indulgence. Since this is a lifelong choice, not just a diet, it's the only way I can think.
  • brownbear14
    brownbear14 Posts: 3
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    I was watching one episode of Biggest Loser before and heard them say "will power is overrated" so they started dumping salt on top of steaks and potatoes so that the contestants wont eat them... I mean sure this would work, but i thought what a waste of food, (thinking of all those kids that go hungry)...

    I've heard it from someone before that if you have a craving for something in particular, imagine that food with something gross (eg i hate mayonnaise and vinegar) and so I just imagine pouring vinegar over my favorite ben n jerrys chocoalate fudge brownie ice cream and i get so grossed out i dont want to even get close to it :sick:

    i do believe weight loss is 90% mental..
  • Graceious1
    Graceious1 Posts: 716 Member
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    You really have to be ready to change. What you need to make it happen is:
    1. Wanting change
    2. People around you for support
    3. Healthy snacks

    You can do it but you need to be ready and want to make that change.
  • angiechimpanzee
    angiechimpanzee Posts: 536 Member
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    Okay, you have to change your mindset about food. Realize that junk food is HORRIBLY *kitten* FOR YOUR BODY. It's crap. No nutrients, no health benefits, but addictive as all ****s. You may as well be eating lard & smoking cigs all day.

    Think of junk food like demonic spirits that make you fat & healthy food as the graceful angels who will always have your back. Healthy food has sooo many benefits besides just weight loss. You feel better, you lose the addictive eating behaviors you once had, your health increases exponentially. Food is for NUTRITION, it shouldn't be used solely for pleasure & instant gratification (like junk food basically is).

    I like to go by the 90/10 rule. 10% of the time I can have junky crap. But 90% of my diet must consist of healthy, nourishing, angelic, beautiful REAL food. For me, it became less about having will power and more about educating myself on how important good nutrition is. Will power isn't going to power you through your entire journey. What you need to do is educate yourself, change your mindset about food, practice GOOD EATING HABITS that will stick, and then it becomes second nature. Now I don't even think twice about having a burger or fries or a pile of candy bars (unless its a cheat meal or something) because I know that the negatives of it far outweigh the temporary satisfaction of it. Sure, once a week maybe, but in my daily diet? No way dude.
  • angiechimpanzee
    angiechimpanzee Posts: 536 Member
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    This right here.
  • ToniChansNewLook
    ToniChansNewLook Posts: 52 Member
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    I hope nobody yells at me for bumping my thread after 2 weeks, but I just wanted to thank everyone again for the kind words and support! I had another craving for junk, but looking over your messages helped me overcome it, since I've already had a few bad days this week....

    I know this is going to be a hard change for me, but the friendliness of this forum can help anybody through anything!
  • liapr
    liapr Posts: 648 Member
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    Wow I really needed to read this today too... so much great advice and practical strategies
  • anemoneprose
    anemoneprose Posts: 1,805 Member
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    **** willpower. I don't have it, and I don't trust it.

    Don't keep stuff in the house that's tempting but doesn't help your goals. Just DO NOT BUY IT, and it's not a problem.

    Plan your meals so you're not starving at the end of the day. Eat at regular times (doesn't matter what they are, just so you're not in a weak place at any time - scheduling helps.)

    Include lots of protein, fibre, and healthy fats so you're full.

    And don't undereat during the day, get enough calories in, again, so you're not in a weak place. If it means a smaller calorie deficit, so be it, the weight loss will still happen.
  • derekj222
    derekj222 Posts: 370 Member
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    One day it just "clicks", until that day, try the hardest you can. I tried for years and years, and this year is that year for me! This is YOUR journey!
  • soulfulsally
    soulfulsally Posts: 326
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    What has helped me is to think in terms of weekly daily calorie average instead of striving for a certain number every day. That way, if I go over in calories one day, I know I haven't "blown it" for the week. I can cut back a little the next day to even things out.
  • kenazfehu
    kenazfehu Posts: 1,188 Member
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    So many nay-sayers, but I feel that I've kept myself going on sheer force of will for more than two months now. I can't control what food is in my home because husband keeps his favorites on hand, and some of them are my favorites, too. I find myself in the kitchen with the refrigerator open and sternly tell myself - sometimes out loud - "NO! It isn't meal time, and you can wait."

    I really enjoy making it to meal time and putting together something in my calorie range. I even enjoy feeling hungry before my meal because for so many years I was never hungry; I was always eating too much.

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