Sad Weekend

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SoldierDad
SoldierDad Posts: 1,602
in Motivation and Support
So this is a pretty tough weekend for me. I am really trying to force myself to eat today. Its been a struggle. Eating anything just seems hard. I don't even know why I am talking about this... Guess cause the baby is asleep (thankfully she seems to be getting better, no more fever) and the house is quiet. My son is gone to the store with my wife so its just me and the baby. I have everything a man could ever want, (not asking for anyone to feel sorry for me).. A beautiful wife, an amazing son, a new baby, a nice house, a good job, and a loving family. But over 10 years ago I was in my early 20s and had a stupid affair with a married woman. As a result she gave birth to my baby but just a few months later, on March 1st of 2000 little Katy passed away. I never got to hold her, never got to kiss her little fingers, tickle her tummy, or hear her cry. The woman I had the affair with, Amy, her family barred me from the funeral.... Everyday I think of Katy.... Everyday... Spent a couple years in the bottle over it, but I pulled myself out.
Sorry, guys, I promise my next post will be cheerful. I believe you have to keep looking to the good no matter what. My heart is just heavy right now....

Thanks for letting me talk. I love you guys and I am so proud of each of you. Remember each of you is the perfect you God has made you to be and are beautiful beyond belief.
God bless.
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Replies

  • Nikiki
    Nikiki Posts: 993
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    wow I'm so sorry, I will be saying a prayer for you & for Katy.
  • drvvork
    drvvork Posts: 1,162
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    You and Katie are in my prayers... just know, she knows your love. :flowerforyou:
  • mgunders
    mgunders Posts: 1
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    Sorry to hear you are having a tuff weekend. Loosing a child is one of the hardest, if not THE hardest thing someone can go through and I feel your pain. Kiss and hugs your kids that are with you and cherish every moment with them...I'm sure you already do. :smile:
  • vhuber
    vhuber Posts: 8,779 Member
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    This made me cry! My heart goes out to you! Please feel comforted in knowing she is with God and you WILL get to see her and hold her one day!!! May your day and your spirit be blessed today!!
  • balance9
    balance9 Posts: 160
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    Because all of your posts have been such an inspiration to others, I'm sure you were chosen -- it was no accident -- to be Katys father. Even though you never were able to see her or hold her, she was given to you for a reason, for her brief time here; At some point in your life, it will make sense; someone will need you, and you will have the experience to help them through their pain.

    We all bear a burden, my friend...but only the strongest soldiers are given the heaviest crosses.
  • cdavis1126
    cdavis1126 Posts: 301 Member
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. Have you gone to her place of rest to say goodbye? If not, it may help you move on. My prayers are with you. Christine
  • SoldierDad
    SoldierDad Posts: 1,602
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    Because all of your posts have been such an inspiration to others, I'm sure you were chosen -- it was no accident -- to be Katys father. Even though you never were able to see her or hold her, she was given to you for a reason, for her brief time here; At some point in your life, it will make sense; someone will need you, and you will have the experience to help them through their pain.

    We all bear a burden, my friend...but only the strongest soldiers are given the heaviest crosses.

    Thank you for that. I really needed it today. Thank you all for your kindness and support.
  • vanillasugar
    vanillasugar Posts: 246 Member
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    I haven't been on here long, but long enough to have noticed that you usually have very encouraging, uplifting posts. I was sorry to read about your loss and that you're having a hard weekend. I like what someone else suggested about visiting Katy's place of rest. A thought I had to go along with that - maybe try writing her a letter. Pour your heart out. Tell her everything and everything you ever wanted to tell her. Leave it at her place of rest if that is an option. Or keep it in a private place of your own. ((hugs))
  • lchisum
    lchisum Posts: 18 Member
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    My daughter lost her first child, my first biological grandchild last July. Isabella Rose, "Bella"... The loss of a child is a nightmare to our humanity but our spirits know that they rest in a cradle of wings in God's house. I will pray for you.
  • heather62803
    heather62803 Posts: 266 Member
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    I lost a baby in my eight month of pregnancy two years ago on March 18th. I know how sad it can be to lose a little one. We were lucky enough to hold her, but never heard her cry, felt her breathe or see her beautiful eyes. Some times life is tough, and we can either do two things - let it beat us down, or use these experiences to give us the strength to move on. I have been struggling for the past two years over the death of our little girl, even with the birth of our beautiful son. It has taken a long time to heal and I am still healing, as I'm sure you are too, but I have recently had the realization that I need to move on and live life to its fullest to enjoy each and every opportunity with my two boys. I am still very sad for the little one we lost, but I know she is looking down on us and pushing me to succeed to enjoy a happy healthy life with our family! Keep your head up and know that you are not alone. Prayers for you on this sad day.
  • iRun4wine
    iRun4wine Posts: 5,126
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    Hang in there... thank you for sharing your story- sometimes we all need a little reminder of how precious life can be. :flowerforyou:
  • NykkieC
    NykkieC Posts: 622 Member
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    Because all of your posts have been such an inspiration to others, I'm sure you were chosen -- it was no accident -- to be Katys father. Even though you never were able to see her or hold her, she was given to you for a reason, for her brief time here; At some point in your life, it will make sense; someone will need you, and you will have the experience to help them through their pain.

    We all bear a burden, my friend...but only the strongest soldiers are given the heaviest crosses.

    What she said. :flowerforyou:
  • SoldierDad
    SoldierDad Posts: 1,602
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    Thank all fo you for your support.
  • guajataka
    guajataka Posts: 11
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    my thoughts and well wishes are with you. i am also the parent of an angel
    ~hugs~
  • sportsqueen32
    sportsqueen32 Posts: 115
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    What a touching story. It feels like an honor that you decided to share with us such a personal heartbreaking moment in your life. If you need strength we are here for you, encouraging words we are here for you, a virtual shoulder to cry on we are here for you. Thank you for sharing, it took a lot of courage to admit a failure, a true blessing, and tremendous loss to a site full of strangers,
  • Jenna1972
    Jenna1972 Posts: 26 Member
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    Prayers and positive thoughts. Sometime's it's good for us to feel bad. It cleans the soul and allows us to strengthen our heart for the great loves we have. Katy is loved and I am so sorry for your loss.
  • shaggys
    shaggys Posts: 140 Member
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    I lost a baby in my eight month of pregnancy two years ago on March 18th. I know how sad it can be to lose a little one. We were lucky enough to hold her, but never heard her cry, felt her breathe or see her beautiful eyes. Some times life is tough, and we can either do two things - let it beat us down, or use these experiences to give us the strength to move on. I have been struggling for the past two years over the death of our little girl, even with the birth of our beautiful son. It has taken a long time to heal and I am still healing, as I'm sure you are too, but I have recently had the realization that I need to move on and live life to its fullest to enjoy each and every opportunity with my two boys. I am still very sad for the little one we lost, but I know she is looking down on us and pushing me to succeed to enjoy a happy healthy life with our family! Keep your head up and know that you are not alone. Prayers for you on this sad day.
    i just about burst into tears,so sad!Thankgoodness you have your two sweet little boys,God bless ...
    KOG,Everyone makes mistakes,I hope that you find the peace and forgiveness that you are looking for:flowerforyou:
  • kiffypooh
    kiffypooh Posts: 1,045 Member
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    You are in my thoughts! I'm so sorry you had to experience that loss.
  • porterbaby38
    porterbaby38 Posts: 1,401
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    i'm very sorry. you are wonderful man KNIGHTOFGOD. i've miscarried twice 1995 and 1996. but hurts the most as much as i want kids, i can't have any little ones running around. i'm very ,very sorry for lost. you are in all of our thought and prayers.
  • GTOgirl1969
    GTOgirl1969 Posts: 2,527 Member
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    Prayers, love and sympathy for you. May God hold you and baby Katy in the palm of his hand :flowerforyou: :brokenheart:

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