Diet busted when with friends. Help.

irismoon · February 2010

So I have two friends I've been hanging out with lately because one of them recently found out she was pregnant. However, since we've been hanging out almost daily the last week I've gotten distracted from my weight loss plan. I've been trying to do extra exercise to make up for the extra calories, but I feel unhealthy from eating the junk food. It's starting to seem hard to stay on track while hanging out with them as they are both over weight and don't watch what they eat. I love them to death, but need to find a way to be with them and still be able to stick to my plan. It seems like I should just be able to turn the food down, but I find it getting harder and harder. I know I have the self control for it most of the time, but it's hard if we are running around town with them during lunch time when I haven't eaten. You know? So I guess I'm looking for tips and advise on dealing with this type of stuff.

kiffypooh · February 2010

I think we all have people in our lives like this. It's a hard one. I quite smoking 5 years ago but when I'm with particular friends (even though they have quite too) I want to smoke.
I'm assuming you are going out to lunch and making bad choices. What I do is pick a place where I can get the menu before hand and figure out what I'm going to get. I choose Chili's a lot because they have their full menu in a PDF online. I always think about how proud and how much better I'm going to feel when I leave after eating what is good for me and my body. I also always order first so I don't get distracted from my path.
Congrats on realize this, it's a huge step to a lifetime of success.

muth3rluvx2 · February 2010

Gosh, irismoon - this is a really tough situation and what may need to happen is for you to have a difficult but honest conversation with your girls. They probably don't even realize that they're making things hard for you and would be happy to change their habits for an afternoon to accomodate yours. It's not like you all live together and you're asking them to change their lifestyles! Maybe, the more you hang out, after this conversation, they'll start picking up some pointers and follow your lead! :-) Never know!

It'll be hard when you first open your mouth but if they really are your friends, they'll feel horrid that they've put you through so much misery and be more than accomodating - which then makes it so much easier to continue saying your piece. Write down what you want to say and rehearse it until you're comfortable with the message delivery.

birgithooker · February 2010

Could you try and hang out at times that aren't during meal times? You said you hang out for lunch. Perhaps you could pick a different time to hang out. Or if you meet for lunch, perhaps you could pick the place. Then you could plan ahead for the day, have a lighter breakfast, a lighter dinner and accomodate the extra calories you eat at lunch. I had the same problem when I was working. Someone would always suggest a place to eat for lunch and I have zero willpower. Thankfully, that problem ended when I decided to be a stay at home mom. Also, I have been very vocal about my weight loss goals so people know when I turn down food there's a reason. It is hard at times.

Badtz · February 2010

I know EXACTLY how that is! Before I had mt baby, I was always with my girlfriends, who are all 50+ lbs. heavier than me, and not everconcerned with losing any weight. They NEVER wanted to go on diets with me or anything! And they were (are) ALWAYS eating crap!!!! It's sooo hard no to eat chili cheese fries & drink beer when it's right there in front of you and they ask "hey, want to share?'

SOOO, I just have to stand my ground and compromise. I find when I'm with friends doing the fast food/ junk food thing, I just try to get both a smaller amount of food, and get something that won't kill your diet- like if my friends were going to Carl's Jr., I'd get a burger- no cheese or mayo- with a lettuce wrap, NO fries, and unsweetened tea. Then I can still hang out, but can feel better about it.

But there's no denying it's rough!

Hollycat · February 2010

Definitely a tough one. It's hard enough to battle your own inner demons without battling someone else's too. Plan ahead. That's about the best advice I can give. Even at fast food places, there are healthier choices. At McD's, there are salads and fajitas. I always choose the fajitas and bypass the fries. It's about 400 calories and along with a diet coke, it's not too horrible. Not the best food choice, but not the worst, either. Subway is always easy to do by getting your sandwich in a wrap and believe it or not, chicken mcnuggets or strips anywhere are not the worst choice you can make while eating out with friends who choose to eat 'whatever'. Just stay away from the fries. Have an apple in your purse and honestly, you're not doing too badly and you won't have to explain yourself either and subject yourself to the possible sabotage of others who feel more comfortable if you're fat too.....If you're eating with them to avoid having to explain yourself, ask yourself if you would be willing to stay fat for them, just to avoid a minor confrontation or stay friends on their terms. If the answer is no, you have your resolve. I have one rather competitive friend that begins offering me food as soon as she starts noticing I'm losing weight. The trick is to stay one step ahead of them and anticipate their sabotage. Nobody likes to be left behind, but that's not your problem. You are. Suggest an activity together that involves exercise, as well as eating. Roller skating anyone? Bowling? Volunteer for dog-walking at your local ASPCA? Not too difficult if you're large and actually kind of fun! Plan ahead...

Hollycat

UnderCoverShyGirl · February 2010

Oy i so know how you feel - i think that what i'm used to doing with my friends is eating out and when i'm the only one who really needs to pay attention, well it's hard and i tend to just want to let loose and not care. And of course alcohol is usually involved and yep, slippery slope. Often i'm okay, i go to sushi since it's easier to behave there, at regular places i try to make good choices, eat a lot of carrots and celery and buffalo wing sauce lol. I don't think the hard part is telling my friends, it's having an alternative activity that's just as fun! Maybe it would help if you brought some easy snacks so you aren't starving when you get to a restaurant (like if you are out shopping) and as someone above said, try to check out menus ahead, etc..and go to restaurants where you can behave (i realize i just can't do chinese, and probably not mexican either because it is just too easy for me to go nuts). I'm also wondering about maybe trying to move our gatherings to coffee shops and even wine bars - places where i can feel cozy with just a glass or mug - for me, i'm not too tempted by lots of wine or pastries, etc...

irismoon · March 2010

Thanks everyone for the advice. It's nice to hear some good ideas on the situation. I think I will mention to them about my diet being serious. They have been making fun of me slightly for the diet as they see me as thin since I'm 40lbs+ lighter than them. I guess I need to straighten that out so I don't feel so bad. As for the lunch timing, the thing is that me and one of my friends are disabled so we hang out when ever we are bored. If it's just me and her I do fine as she doesn't have a car or the money to go eat out. It's the one who is pregnant. She has a car, money, and cravings. And that isn't the worst part! When we go to a place (even if I already ate), like a buffet, she will pay for my anyway and tell me I should "have a little fun on my diet". I ask her not too, but she does it anyway. Then I feel like I need to eat or something. It drives me crazy. It will be hard getting her to understand, but I'm really gonna try. This diet is very important to me. I'm trying to keep from getting an ankle joint replacement by lowering my weight so that my leg can better tolerate walking. I'm sure they would understand that if I explain it to them. *crosses fingers*

muth3rluvx2 · March 2010

Iris,

If your pregnant friend continues to encourage deviation from your committments, even after your ankle/weight talk with her, perhaps the next phase would be to tell her that real friends don't sabatoge like this and you consider her a real friend and really hope she values you equally - and if she does - then please respect your boundaries and stop. Make sure she knows that you have no desire to force your new lifestyle on her and that there's no reason she can't satisfy her cravings with you present - you'd just rather not engage in teh eating; but the company is well worth the time! Or something to this effect.

You know your friends better than any of us here so ultimately, you're the best one to determine what the next move(s) need to be. I'm sure we all wish you the absolute best of luck. It's hard when you have to confront friends in this manner. I've personally found though, if someone really is a friend they will understand and not be too upset with me for my confrontation and in fact, be rather glad that I let them know before it became a REAL issue - the kind that can ruin such close relationships. I really hope you get the same outcome!

Diet busted when with friends. Help.

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