New body a bad thing?

jrbowers83
jrbowers83 Posts: 282 Member
edited September 20 in Fitness and Exercise
I've been at this weight loss thing for about 6 months now, and over the last month I've reached a plateau. So I decided to switch things up a bit in my workouts and started doing Jillian Michael's 30 day Shred. I'm on Day 4 of Level 2, and wasn't seeing a huge change in the way my clothes fit or in my weight loss (though I haven't weighed myself, didn't want to get discouraged by this dreaded plateau). But yesterday I was lifting a candy bar to my mouth and happened to cross my arm over and felt...a tight bicep. Well, this had a two-pronged effect, I threw out the candy bar and I went "wow, I'm actually getting some muscle from this workout!" I went to the mirror and had to flex to see some real definition in my biceps, shoulders, quads, and glutes.

But last night when I tried to share the progress with my husband, he touched my flexed muscles and said "Gross, I like you better all soft." Well, I just had to cry. I mean obviously I'm doing alot of this for me, and primarily for my health, but if it's not impressing those that are closest to me my husband and kids, then what good is it? I'm especially nervous because we've had a rocky marriage and just recently reconciled and I just can't stand the thought of losing him again over something so trivial.

So I would like some advice as to what I could be doing different as far as my workouts. I want to burn this fat, and I have particularly large arms, so I wonder if I lose some of the fat they won't look so bulky and he'll be ok with the tone. I want to be able to get the benefits of strength training (increased metabolism, better bone density, more endurance) without all the extra bulk. Right now I am using 5lb weights doing the shred about 5 days a week and doing at least 20 min. of cardio (stationary bike, jogging, step aerobics) 7 days a week.

Replies

  • drvvork
    drvvork Posts: 1,162
    Maybe start yoga / pilates - something of that sort for strength training - it tones without building bulk. :flowerforyou:
  • atynk
    atynk Posts: 400 Member
    Sounds like your husband might be a little afraid of your success... when you start looking and feeling good about yourself, people can see that... maybe he is scared you will leave him for someone better. What did he say when he made you cry?? Hopefully he will encourage you and your new success
  • questionablemethods
    questionablemethods Posts: 2,174 Member
    I don't think the shred is going to get you bulky. I mean, is Jillian bulky? The fat is probably what is creating most of the bulk. It is really difficult for women to actually get a "bodybuilder physique" without taking drugs. It is good that you are doing this for yourself and not to please other people, but I understand how it could be super upsetting to hear a comment like that. "Gross"?!? Really? I would also question if, like tynkaluk said, he is a bit afraid of your success.

    You look really great, by the way!
  • laurelmartin
    laurelmartin Posts: 6
    You need to keep doing this for you! Remember the moment you found the muscle and how great you thought it was!!! It is common for partners to not like changes in their partners body. They don't want to lose you because you have more confidence and are probably starting to look really good. If your man is secure in himself and he loves you he will be excited about your excitement. If he is telling you he likes you better the other way. Explain to him the reasons why you want to make changes and that you need to feel better about yourself. It's a proven fact that the closer you are to your appropriate weight you have better sex!!! throw that in for good measure :) You need to have an honest talk with your husband about how good this is for you, but also for him because of how much better you feel about your self. Don't change your workouts or try to stay the way he wants you!! Remember you have to live in the body not him!!!
  • lt_mrcook
    lt_mrcook Posts: 389 Member
    Um...you've got muscles now...kick his *kitten*!!!

    If you like the new you, then be happy with the new you and proud of the work you have done. With the weight you are using, you will not be building bulk. What you are doing is toning the muscle, and it will feel more solid. Have your children told you they don't like the way you look?

    A healthy you, who has more energy and will live longer with your children is NEVER a bad thing. Maybe the problem isn't with you or your kids. Good luck.
  • lt_mrcook
    lt_mrcook Posts: 389 Member
    Stoopid laggy computer and mouse clicking...#@$#@!$#@%^$#@$#@.

    See, guys are idiots!
  • lt_mrcook
    lt_mrcook Posts: 389 Member
    Argh!!!
  • HOSED49
    HOSED49 Posts: 642 Member
    It is not a bad thing, jealousy seems to be the culprit for his comment in my opinion. Your going to gain muscle by working out, it is inevitable, thats what toning is! There is a huge difference between muscle tone and hypertrophy(building more muscle). I get the same thing from my wife, I have cut a boatload of bodyfat here in my first month and my abs started showing again. She also is dieting but not geting the results that I have, so she is not always happy about her results and makes negative comments to me about mine. Fropping the candy bar and being happy about your progress is a huge step and very commendable for you. You have your set goals in your head that you want to achieve. Just know that these videos arent going to turn you into a female bodybuilder, but they are going to help you feel better and be in better shape and heatlh which is the number one goal. Besides, your not necessarily gaining muscel, its always been there, your just stripping off the layers that were hiding it! As your bodyfat decreases you will become more defined, more tone,and yes more solid. Might be reaching on this one, but its like my wife, she isnt happy with her progress and its hard for her to be happy with mine since I adapt to it easier than her. But I know she still loves me, she just wishes her results would come as fast. Maybe he cant be envious becasue he doenst workout and resents your progress, maybe he is working out but not getting the results you are. Either way, YOU are getting the results you want and it makes you happy to reach and see those goals. Just my opinion.
  • JCassedy
    JCassedy Posts: 9 Member
    I, too, am prone to very large arms, and at one time they were over 16 inches around. So when I started the weight lose journey I refused to use anything over 5 pounds and I kept to strict cardio with some strength training using the balance ball and band. I used Denise Austin (she is really annoying though) Shrink your Female Fat Zones. I am tone, but not muscular. It takes a bit longer to see results - about 3 weeks, but it works and is worth it to stay softer.
  • sofaking6
    sofaking6 Posts: 4,589 Member
    Maybe your marriage has been rocky because your husband is a ****. Nobody who loves you should EVER touch you and then say, "gross". It's not about your body but rather it's about knowing that you deserve to be treated with respect and compassion. I'm impressed by you, so there.

    I've never seen a woman get bigger from weight training unless she was a seriously dedicated bodybuilder so don't worry about that. Every bit of muscle that you train burns calories for you all day every day so treat those guns with love!
  • jrbowers83
    jrbowers83 Posts: 282 Member
    Thank you all for your advice. As far as the way he commented, yes it was harsh and is something he's working on, but his personality is to be "brutally honest." He never learned the parable from Bambi, "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." And he works LONG hours so this was just a quick talk before bed last night. On his day off I can probably talk to him a little more and find out exactly what is bothering him about the muscle, be it insecurity or what. I'm just so torn because I don't want the bulk either, but I also feel like the muscle is going to help me burn fat and when alot of the fat is gone I'm going to look GOOD. I like the idea of doing pilates to get lean muscle and it's a good calorie burner. May start doing that a little along with my regular cardio.

    My kids don't care how I look-they're 6 and 1. But they do hate that I keep "doing Jillian" all the time. LOL. At the same time, as I'm getting stronger it means more piggy back rides, airplanes, playing and running around with them. So maybe just one more reason to keep at it? I feel much better after reading these posts. :happy:
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