Mike’s Daily Rant 10/23/12 Topic: Fat Neck Liar

I’ve been called many things in my life. Fat, ugly, insensitive, lame, jerk and the list continues. The thing that I hate being called the most is Liar. I pride myself on telling the truth even if it means me being hurt or someone else being hurt. Yes at times the easy way out is to lie but it also complicates all situations. To prevent it all the headaches just tell the truth.

Yesterday on my day off from work, I decided to do a little shopping after the morning spin class and my early voting failure. (Went to precinct and that was the wrong place for early voting) I pull up to the mall with catching a sale in mind. The plan in mind was to get 5 slim fit dress shirts and 5 bowties to match each. The challenge was to do this for all under $175.00 I knew that it would be tough but I consider myself to be an advanced shopper.

I walk into Macy’s. There were many nice shirts in the style that I wanted, none on sale. Next store that I went to was Dillard’s. The same story just a different store. Prices were less than Macy’s but not the kind of prices that would put me under my budget. I move on to Belk to see what they have. I should have just come here first they always have what I like and the price is right. I have picked up 3 shirts and 2bowties that match my criteria as far as price, style and color scheme. Things are going great! Then I look behind me and a woman is standing right there. She politely asks, “Can I help you find anything?” I say “no. thank you” and keep looking. She then says, “Well if you need anything I’m Diane” I say, “Thanks. Well actually I’m buying these shirts and ties for sure. Can you take them to the counter while I do a little more shopping?” She smiles and extends her arms out to grab them. She looks at the shirts and then looks at me. She tells me, “Sir, these shirts will be too small for you. It says 15 - 15.5. You wear a 16-16.5” I tell her that I wear 15-15.5. She asks me if I want to be measured to make sure. I say no and reassure her that I know what size I wear. She proceeds to walk away and take my shirts and bowties to the register.

Now that she has walked away, I have time to analyze what just happened. Diane just called me a fat neck liar. I should be offended but it takes a lot to offend me. I decide to walk around the rest of the mall to figure out exactly how I want to approach the situation at hand. It hits me and I also think of how my plan could backfire.

I see express and go inside. I like any and everything in express but its way out of my price range. I feel like taking a gamble this day though. I pick up 5 different color 1MX shirts and buy them. I can’t believe that I just spent $450.00 dollars on 5 shirts. I’m still hurting inside but hoping that my plan works in my favor. I walk back to Belk’s to exit the mall AND to let Diane see that I have purchased shirts elsewhere. My luck is great today! I see Diane talking to an older gentleman that works there also. She looks up and says, “Sir you ready to check out now?” I say “no thank you. I went to express because they don’t call their customers ‘Fat Neck Liars’. She turns beat red and the gentleman that she is talking to looks at her and asks what’s going on?

She attempts to state her case and is very truthful when telling the gentleman what happened. He is the store manager and is very appalled at her actions. I am thinking bingo! This is where he makes it right! She says that she never called me a fat neck liar. I say “Very true but you might as well have called me that.” She apologizes and so does the manager. He hands me a $100.00 gift card and I contain my joy outside of my body but inside I am screaming like a teenage girl at a One Direction concert. I am so thrilled that my plan worked the way that I envisioned it. However, I didn’t even have to ask to see the manager because he happened to be standing in the right place at the right time.

While at Belk’s I decide to go ahead and pick out 2 more shirts and 3 more ties which was the original plan before I was so rudely interrupted. In my mind I feel kind of bad that Diana was in a little bit of trouble but still can’t get over how she knows what size I wear and she has never purchased any clothes for me. Now to add insult to injury, I ask the manager to measure me just for giggles. His name is Michael also. He gladly measures but I know he is thinking that I am doing this just to be a jerk. He is right. He says “15-15.5” I say thank you and that I’m ready to check out. I am laughing inside but keep my composure with my facial expressions.

He scans everything, takes tags off of my shirts and bowties. He then places them in a bag and press the button on the register and says that will be $174.36 I hand him my gift card while looking down in my wallet thinking Oh My God! I’m only going to have to pay $74.36 for all this stuff! He says your balance is $74.36 I hand him $75.00 and he gives me the change and a receipt. I pick up my bag and start walking off. He apologizes again and tells me to come back and shop on Saturdays which is when they have the best sales. I nod and say Thanks and that I will.

As I get out of the store, I run and jump and click my heels together but almost get hit by a car because I didn’t look both ways before crossing the road. I apologize to the older woman driving who yells for me to watch where I’m going. I run to my car and put my Belk’s bags inside and I clutch my Express bags hard. I take a deep swallow and start back walking towards the mall. I walk back into Express a little disappointed that I don’t get to try any of the shirts on. However, I just sent half of what I planned on spending so I return 4 of the shirts and keep my favorite one. I still feel as if I came out a winner in this situation. The shirt cost me $80.98 I went over my budget by $5.98 which means that I got a 1MX shirt for $5.98. VICTORY!!!! The best sale ever!
Moral of this story is that if you work at a department store, don’t ever tell someone what size you think they wear. Ask for a measurement or let them figure it out on their own that it doesn’t fit. Also I got 5 pair of new socks from Kohl’s for $20.00. I love cool comfortable socks that match my shirts. I can’t wait to go back on Saturday after Spin Class and get those door buster sales!