week 6 started, 11lbs down, and "friend" says im fatter

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Fastidiouscrys
Fastidiouscrys Posts: 3 Member
in Motivation and Support
So I meet up with a friend who I had not seen since May (191lbs), I currently weigh 179. This person we will call Jane, is also struggling with weight issues, she mentioned how she fell off the wagon and has gone back up in weight and clothes because she eats badly, sleeps in a lot, and is no longer exercising… (her words) she said she planned on getting back on the ball, to which

I said sounds good you can do it, I wasn’t going to say anything but your face is a little chubbier than last time

she said yeah, then proceeded to say , you look bigger too .

I said oh okay well I’ve actually lost 11 pounds since the last time we saw each other , and am wearing jeans I didn’t fit into from last year, but okay.

she said, oh but yeah you look bigger, you really out did yourself last time you lost what like 115-100 lbs then

(she is referring to a time I lost 30-40lbs from 185 to 150ish at my smallest ever)
Am I just being sensitive, or am I getting insulted along with exaggerated back-hand compliments???

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  • fallenoaks
    fallenoaks Posts: 19
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    What goes around, come around. If you don't want to hear her insensitive comments, don't talk about the size of her face.
  • Fastidiouscrys
    Fastidiouscrys Posts: 3 Member
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    i understand , and tone can not be expressed properly in text , but i so didnt mean it offensively. The topic only ever came up after she complained about her current weight and having to buy new clothes and etc. ....
    Note taken in the future i will not comment on her face.
  • AnjaZ89
    AnjaZ89 Posts: 235
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    i worked as a manager at a restaurant for 2 years.
    the last 6 months working there people were telling me DAILY that im so skinny and losing more and more weight (well, i was maintaining for 9months..).
    then i quit my job, thats 4 months ago and last sunday i went to the place. one of the guys told me "wow, you gained weight. finally!".
    nice thing to say to a women... and worse: i started exercising a month ago and lost a couple of inches and a little weight.

    i would say: dont bother. dont get mad, angry or whatever. it may be the clothes your waering (even if its a smaller size) or silly people making unnecessary comments.

    i just dont care what others tell me when i know MUCH better then they do!
  • Fastidiouscrys
    Fastidiouscrys Posts: 3 Member
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    i wouldnt be offended if it was true, plenty of times in the past i've been told i gained weight, and i didnt mind the honesty , (i did go from 150ish back to 180 and bigger than before) in hindsight i really do think maybe i offended her and she reacted the best she could at the time, or maybe to her i do look bigger.... I know im smaller than then, and in the end maybe i'll get somewhat close to that 100lbs she thought i lost before...
  • jennibee70
    jennibee70 Posts: 1,067 Member
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    It is a while since she saw you, she probably has a mental picture of how she remembers you looking at some point and doesn't remember that you were bigger last time. My weight has yoyoed so much over the last few years, I don't think people realise I have lost weight because I'm still bigger than I was maybe two years ago, and that's how they picture me.
  • erika101710
    erika101710 Posts: 13
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    Personally I think she was maybe a Lil jealous bcuz she fell off of the wagon and she could tell u lost weight misery loves company
  • AsellusReborn
    AsellusReborn Posts: 1,112 Member
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    No matter how you meant it, I think you opened the door commenting on her seeming heavier. Even if she thought you were thinner, she may have reacted defensively =/
  • judcost
    judcost Posts: 33 Member
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    i understand , and tone can not be expressed properly in text , but i so didnt mean it offensively. The topic only ever came up after she complained about her current weight and having to buy new clothes and etc. ....
    Note taken in the future i will not comment on her face.

    Even if I say it the nicest way with flowers "Your face looks chubbier" is your face looks chubbier. Nobody wants to hear that from other people even if they say it about themselves. Weight is a sensitive subject.

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