Diary of a Compulsive Overeater - Day 40 - CRASH & BURN

ellelit
ellelit Posts: 806 Member
edited September 18 in Health and Weight Loss
oh my god. oh my god. yesterday was HORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIBLE!!!! i just could not stop eating, and ate right from when i work up until i went to bed. i'm so embarrased and so ashamed that i don't even want to write it down. but it is my resposibility to be accountable for my actions. i am the one doing this to myself. i have to be held responsible. here is how it went. oh my god.

breakfast:
2 eggs
3 tsp becel
2 pieces multigrain toast
150g slice of ham

snack:
1 banana

lunch:
1 dq ultimate burger
1 super size fries
1 super size pop
1 large gravy
1 crispy chicken sandwich
1 ice cream cone

snack:
1 large ice cream cone (2 big scoops)

supper:
1 ring of polish sausage. the entire f-ing thing.
1 large bag of chips. ate the whole bag
1/2 bottle of diet pepsi

WHY WHY WHY!!! i am so pissed off at myself. i'm completely sabotaging my efforts. i'm totally out of control. i want to curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out. why would anyone do this to themselves!@!!! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

i dont have a plan for today. my only goal is not to binge. from there, i don't give a crap.

Replies

  • ellelit
    ellelit Posts: 806 Member
    oh my god. oh my god. yesterday was HORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIBLE!!!! i just could not stop eating, and ate right from when i work up until i went to bed. i'm so embarrased and so ashamed that i don't even want to write it down. but it is my resposibility to be accountable for my actions. i am the one doing this to myself. i have to be held responsible. here is how it went. oh my god.

    breakfast:
    2 eggs
    3 tsp becel
    2 pieces multigrain toast
    150g slice of ham

    snack:
    1 banana

    lunch:
    1 dq ultimate burger
    1 super size fries
    1 super size pop
    1 large gravy
    1 crispy chicken sandwich
    1 ice cream cone

    snack:
    1 large ice cream cone (2 big scoops)

    supper:
    1 ring of polish sausage. the entire f-ing thing.
    1 large bag of chips. ate the whole bag
    1/2 bottle of diet pepsi

    WHY WHY WHY!!! i am so pissed off at myself. i'm completely sabotaging my efforts. i'm totally out of control. i want to curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out. why would anyone do this to themselves!@!!! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

    i dont have a plan for today. my only goal is not to binge. from there, i don't give a crap.
  • ranibauer
    ranibauer Posts: 73
    First of all you have already lost 21 lbs so you are doing good! Everyone has there cheat days. Today if you need a burger with fries and an ice cream cone, thats ok, just go to the store and make them yourself. That way you can buy the healthiest foods and make the healthiest version possible. It might help also to write down a journal of your feelings yesterday. Were you angry or sad? Could something have triggered this? Why do you want to sabatoge yourself? Those kinds of things. When it comes down to it, dieting and losing weight is a mind game, and our own mind and subconcious are the only things that can slow us down. Good luck!
  • Shannon023
    Shannon023 Posts: 14,529 Member
    If you can do one thing, make yourself a vow to never, EVER give DQ another f'ing dime, EVER!! You're paying them to slowly kill you.

    You have a huge support system here so let us talk you out going there. {{hugs}} :flowerforyou:
  • ellelit
    ellelit Posts: 806 Member
    honestly... i thought about why this morning... the only thing i can think of is that i'm not going to be able to eat for most of the week because of getting my teeth out, so it's like i'm stocking up or something.

    I VOW NEVER TO EAT FAST FOOD AGAIN.

    i have to make this vow or i'm going to die. it scares the crap out of me.
  • edyta
    edyta Posts: 258
    Today is a new day :flowerforyou:

    Ellelit, can you tell us (or just write it down for yourself somewhere) why you chose to eat those specific food? Were you so busy? Just did it without thinking? Were you sad/happy/angry?
    My mom is also that kind of emotional eater. She eats cause she's angry/bored/helpless...
    She says that she's got nothing better to do and eating is the biggest pleasure in her life...
    :noway:
    If this is so in your case - don't do that, there are plenty interesting things to do in life apart from eating :flowerforyou:
  • Shannon023
    Shannon023 Posts: 14,529 Member
    honestly... i thought about why this morning... the only thing i can think of is that i'm not going to be able to eat for most of the week because of getting my teeth out, so it's like i'm stocking up or something.

    I VOW NEVER TO EAT FAST FOOD AGAIN.

    i have to make this vow or i'm going to die. it scares the crap out of me.

    Atta-girl!!! Honestly, once you get that crap out of your system & consistantly eat healthier foods, you won't miss it nor will you crave it. But you're right, you HAVE to stop eating fast food.
  • Lavendersunday
    Lavendersunday Posts: 458 Member
    Just one small change today will turn the tide:

    Picture in your mind that the Sunami has passed.
    Although there is destruction everything within you has been washed away.
    You have a beautiful calm feeling within yourself now.

    Meditate on this:

    You are like the sun, the stars, and the moon...all good things is what you are.

    Quiet your mind...enjoy the rebirth of nature--do not resist the change happening in you.

    Take time tonight to look up in the sky and meditate on them.

    All this binging is your resistance to becoming who you really are.

    ~Namaste
  • GravyGurl
    GravyGurl Posts: 1,070
    :cry: sorry you had a bad day.... but it's a new day...

    Maybe you are trying to concentrate on too many things at once... maybe you just need to concentrate on not binge eating....

    Do you have a hobby of any kind that will keep your hands and mind busy in order to help you with the struggle?

    Here's to a better day today ((((hugs))))
  • LokiFae
    LokiFae Posts: 774 Member
    I'm so sorry yesterday didn't go well for you. But just remember, today is a new day, and it doesn't help to dwell on yesterday. Just try your best to keep on track today. It is going to take a long long time to overcome your emotional overeating and one day doesn't sabotage ALL your effort. The biggest positive is that you know that you did it emotionally, you don't want to do it anymore, and you CAN overcome this. Just keep on trucking. We all believe in you. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • icupfunny2000
    icupfunny2000 Posts: 470 Member
    common girl you can do this get back on track and make it happen!!!!!! your already are doing awesome look at all the weight you have lost!! you should be so proud of what you have done instead of beating yourself up for the mistakes you have made!


    jackie
  • maverickyanda
    maverickyanda Posts: 422 Member
    :flowerforyou: it could be worse.

    you could have ate two bags of chips

    :)

    no, really. it happens. so that was yesterday. today you probably feel like crap. you should get a book on what to get when you order fast food (there's guidebooks all over the internet, too).

    i mean, get a chick fil a sandwhich encased in lettuce.

    but i don't think it was really the food you wanted but the feeling of being stuffed and eating the crap part.

    you lost 21 lbs. you can keep going. just stay off the scale for a week or two and and drink lots of water today. it's like a really bad hangover. you'll feel better in the AM.

    good luck.
  • maverickyanda
    maverickyanda Posts: 422 Member
    ps if you had a hard boiled egg or an apple instead of a banana for snack you could have saved yourself up to 130 calories and filled yourself up better. also, eating three eggs and 1 slice of toast, or even four eggs and 1/4 cup of oats may have filled you up better than the 2 slices of toast and 2 eggs. if you aren't keen on eggs, try cooking them differently.

    perhaps part of the problem is that you aren't eating the right foods in the AM? you started out OK but i imagine you were quite hungry by noon.
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