At my highest weight and feeling lost

My summer job ended and I had to leave my regular job as well. Things have been different and with the lack of money I'm home all day. Cue the boredom eating and feelings of failure. I knew that eating all the junk and not being active was catching up to me when my "fat" pants became tight...YIKES! I braved the scale this morning and even though I knew I had gained weight I was still shocked to see that I now weigh more than when I was pregnant. That was over 7 years ago.

I am officially at the highest weight I have ever been. It's a mix of emotions swimming in my head right now. Sadness, embarressment, fear, but mostly anger. I'm angry at myself for letting it slip back to this point. Being this overweight is bad for my health. Let's be honest, it's also having adverse affect on my love life.

How do I get this in control before it gets out of hand? I am overwhelmed right now and I don't even know where to start. I just want to be healthy and not obese.

Replies

  • aStrongerSteph
    aStrongerSteph Posts: 161 Member
    We all come to the point were change is triggered in us! Maybe this is your moment of realization :) I wish you nothing but blessings along the way.
  • I completely am right where you are right now. I am at the highest weight I've ever been and the number is shocking (260 when I joined, I'm 5'5). I have had lots of "I've got to get my *kitten* together" moments but for some reason, this week something just clicked.

    Think of your goal as small, like a pound a week. And literally take it one day at a time. Weigh yourself once per week on a certain day. And every day, eat a little bit less and a litle bit better than you normally would. AND LOG YOUR FOOD EVERY DAY. It makes such a difference, it makes you aware and accountable for what you eat and do.

    Do reading other's success stories help you? It helps me. It makes me feel like it's not impossible.

    My goal is 100 pounds by June. I want to go on vacation with my (very athletic and in-shape boyfriend) and feel amazing and do all the sight-seeing and water sports and everything. I don't want to feel FAT for once in my life! So I'll be glad to be there for you and vice versa. You can do it!
  • aclowe01
    aclowe01 Posts: 14 Member
    schroederkl - My wife. CleanKim, is a stay at home Mom and has been for quite some time. She was in the same boat as you. Together we started a new eating lifestyle and now she has become my catalyst for my motivation to get healthy. You'll have to clean out the cupboard and fridge and stock only clean and healthy food. That's the start and remember it's one meal at a time and one day at a time.

    Add me and CleanKim as friends, we'll help with the tough days!
  • asaw00
    asaw00 Posts: 1,904 Member
    I've been a diet rollercoaster forever it seems. Turn being home into an advantage instead of a problem. try to add excercise a couple days a week. Drink water with your meals. Find healthy recipes and try them, if it serves 4 divide it into 4 and you've got 4 lunches. small changes can have big results but it does take time. Don't be hard on yourself if you have a bad day. Just start back the next. Set real goals! If you'd like to add me as a friend we can support each other. Good Luck!
  • sarajaxon
    sarajaxon Posts: 21 Member
    hi there. we have all been in that spot, so you are not alone. i was so unhealthy and depressed in jan that it took all i had to get out of bed and put a smile onmy face for my family, then i would waddle off to work and live through my day with shame. i was at 259. i really get the part about being overwhelmed and where to start. start with this morning. leave the house, go outside, walk, do yardwork, run some errands, anything to get you going. plan a healthy soup or other meal for today, make enough for left overs. when you go bed tonight, you will have one whole day done that included activity and thoughts/actions about healthy food. log it in here on the site. start with a goal of having three days per week that are healthy, so you don't get discouraged when when you have days without activity or days of overeating. i am still amazed that i have lost 43 lbs. i have never lost 43 pounds in my life! you can do this. write anytime and i wish you the very best luck, health and happiness.
  • usafmsc
    usafmsc Posts: 6 Member
    Only you can control you. I've come to the realization that I want to be there for myself, my family, and friends. One very practical reason I'm "being good" with food and increasing my exercise is due to the fact that is the frugal/right thing to do...it also is good for the environment (less garbage in the landfill)/saves precious food resources for others that might not have what we have. My deployment to Afghanistan offered me the opportunity to see people living like animals (not by choice)... Sorry for the long winded advice..
  • chocl8girl
    chocl8girl Posts: 1,968 Member
    Hey! You can DO THIS! YOU have the ability to take control. Take small steps. Stop looking at the bigger picture, it will only overwhelm you and make you want to give up before you even start. "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Or something like that. It sounds cliche, but it is SO true! Set your MFP weight loss goals for 5-10 pounds at a time ONLY. Go for those. You didn't gain it all overnight, it won't go away overnight. A year from now you will be wondering what all your fuss was about. I promise. I believe in you!
  • zombilishious
    zombilishious Posts: 1,250 Member
    Welcome to the place many of us have been. It starts with an hour by hour, day by day commitment to your health. Using MFP to track your food intake is a great tool, because it requires awareness and accountability. Along the way, you will gain friends to motivate and inspire you. I was 14lbs away from 200 when I decided enough was enough. I lost 10lbs on my own, then found MFP. I've lost 30lbs using MFP, and working toward another 20 to my goal. You won't be perfect - most of us aren't! - but you will find self-confidence and motivation here!

    Start simple. Plan your meals for the week and shop accordingly. There are so many great sites where you will find healthy, easy recipes that your whole family will enjoy. www.skinnytaste.com, www.dashingdish.com, www.sparkrecipes.com are just a few.

    Good luck in your journey!
  • sapphireswi
    sapphireswi Posts: 583 Member
    January 2012 I weighed my heaviest ever, my life was a mess, unhappy with my then job plus some more personal rubbish.
    On Jan 10 2012 - I started my first baby step- eating a healthy lunch at work (I would eat the same junk for breakfast and lunch)
    4 months later I lost 6 pounds
    Then I decided to eat healthier breakfast- eliminating sugary cereals and oily fried stuff in the morning
    2 months on I lost 2 more pounds
    halfway through the year I started slowly eating smaller portions
    By september I lost 6 pounds more
    I started working out in october
    and in total I have lost about 20 pounds.from 141lbs to 121lbs
    I know its not much but I haven't weighed this low in 3 years and for a short girl like me who loves fried stuff it was tough.
    When I started working out I would do it for 10 mins and give up
    But everyone at MFP is so motivating, you pull yourself up again.
    You have all of us so don't worry. You are going to get your life in order :flowerforyou: Just believe.

    Hugs.
  • ChristineS_51
    ChristineS_51 Posts: 872 Member
    Start logging exactly what you eat, don't try and be "good" straight away. As you log you will see where you can make changes to what you eat, portion size, get some food scales (digital are cheap and very good), start to plan out your day, get some exercise, even if it is marching on the spot in your lounge room. These first steps will get you started; as you start to feel better and lose some weight you will be energised and rewarded with weight loss and feeling better about yourself and you are on your way. This is not a "diet" to come off and on, it is about learning better ways of eating and moving, and do it for you.

    Read some of the success stories, and know it can be done when you are ready to do it.

    Good luck :flowerforyou:
  • sunshine4me
    sunshine4me Posts: 69 Member
    You are an amazing human being! You have recognized a need for change and are here to do something about it. Since you get to be at home you have the opportunity to add more movement into your life. I suggest a little dancing in the kitchen to your favorite song, you can start with one song and work up to a whole cd. Just have fun! Go outside and walk around the neighborhood! Drive to the park or the mall and walk there.
    As far as eating goes..... You have to take it one item at a time and log it all!!! That's the key to staying in control. Forgiveness is important too. One cookie isn't going to ruin your week! Don't let it become a road block. Every day is a new beginning, but you have to keep your attitude positive and you will find plenty of wonderful folks here to cheer you on!

    send me a friend request and I will help too!
  • bodyjammin85
    bodyjammin85 Posts: 34 Member
    The best things to do are -

    Set a few small goals for this time next week. Use things like, 'eat a healthy breakfast every day', 'go for a long walk daily', 'get a skipping rope and do 5 mins of skipping everyday', 'clean out the cupboards of all junk', 'log my food every day' etc.
    Make it small and manageable. Don't go in at the deep end and change everything at once, you will only set yourself up for failure.

    There's a book called 'Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle' by Tom Venuto. He talks alot about setting goals and visualisation before going on to helping you understand food in a way it sticks with you.

    This is a lifestyle change so take one step at a time and you will get there

    'All i have is today, all i have is this meal, this workout, this moment. If i do what i know i must right now, i will reach my goals eventually' - Tom Venuto
  • Like said before, one small step at a time - look at your daily comsumption, is it all food, soda's, empty calories. Eliminate certain foods that you have weakness for. In my case it was soda's, I can't do diet soda's for they are a migraine trigger for me. When do you eat, is it boredom, mindless snacking while watching tv, eating leftovers off the kiddo's plates. Become aware of when you eat and why... Start to make adjustments from there than will fit into your life.
    Water instead of soda, Healthy popcorn instead of bags of chips, have fun, go for walks with friends, hula hoop with the kids, go jump in leaves to be active. Once you start moving and are aware things will get much easier, When I get stressed I call up a friend and we go talk and walk the stress away...MFP is a great help to be aware of the calories and fats in things that we eat and not even realize what they contain.....YOU CAN DO THIS it won't happen overnight but set a small goal and go for it, then set another and hit it, so on and so forth. Good luck and welcome>>> friend me if you'd like
  • hiawathaperez
    hiawathaperez Posts: 71 Member
    I agree a great deal with christine s 51. Stop fretting that will only exacerbate what is happening to you. I am a protein gal...low carb...as I swear I am lugging around on my bottom the fat from another life time. Any who for me personally I find that if I ADD good foods I will eliminate some BAD foods without being denied. Incorporation of good things will make you feel better and tracking tracking tracking. You will find lots of support here. Good luck.
  • cay165
    cay165 Posts: 2
    I am right there with you...unhappy with what the scales is telling me...I am done letting it win though...This time I WILL reach my goal....sometimes we have lto get to that "rock-bottom" to realize just how much we want something!!!
  • TrailRunner61
    TrailRunner61 Posts: 2,505 Member
    I don't know if this will work for you, but this is how I started.

    I got up one day (Christmas Eve morning) and like you, got on the scale and had hit 179lbs. I am 5ft 3" and I looked and felt horrible. Even when I was 9 months pregnant, I only weighed 126lbs! I'm short and very small boned so I looked like, welllll an inflated toy in a Macys parade is what I looked like to me. That was it.

    I finally had enough. This part is key. YOU have to be ready to do something about it and since you posted your topic on here, I'd say you're ready. It's YOUR choice.

    I asked myself.. what am I going to do? I had tried 'dieting' and I had no willpower, my family is huge (over 90 nieces and nephews alone - my father had just died, along with my grandmother, 2 aunts and a sister in law) I was stressed to the max then found out my husband has a terminal illness! I had to do SOMETHING to lose weight and alleviate the stress.

    I decided that I was going to 'exercise'. Not jump up and down, run, lift weights, swim hard.. nothing like that. I was mentally exhausted and decided that I wanted to do something that I'd want to do again tomorrow, and the next day and next. So I got on my treadmill and told myself that I was going to walk as slow as I could stand it, and easy enough that I could enjoy it and WANT to do again the next day. I think I only walked 20 minutes that day at about 2mph.

    I did that daily for 2 weeks and had quickly noticed changes! My jeans felt a little looser, I had more energy, etc. So I thought, hey this is great AND it's easy.. so I'll walk a little longer. So I started watching movies while I walked, on my laptop. I started out with Raising Hope. I wanted some Hope and I thought it sounded like an 'inspirational' show and it ended up being a somewhat vulgar comedy. I was hooked! I still love that show. LOL

    Ok so then after that I decided that since I liked even more changes, I wanted something to encourage me to walk even more. I told a dear friend of mine that I was going to walk 1,000 miles for her son, 5 now, who has an inoperable brain tumor. I got people to sponsor me one penny per mile. Ok so now I had more encouragement and the responsibility to finish! lol Ok, that's extreme and I don't expect anyone else to walk 1,000 miles, but my point is that sometimes we need something or someone to inspire us. That little boy certainly has inspired me.

    Then, I was introduced to MFP. :) I started logging my food and was horrified. I started eating less, then started eating better, then less sodium (I"m still working on that one), then started eating more.. It's amazing that when you eat healthy food, you get a LOT more of it. I feel like I'm always eating!

    Then the weight started melting off! I've lost 40lbs, I no longer am pre-diabetic, I have no more indigestion, I'm off one of my blood pressure pills, I'm 52 years old and I CAN WEAR A BIKINI. If I want to anyway. lol

    I'm happier, healthier, have tons of energy and now I bike, run, trail run, do water aerobics and of course, I'm still walking. I've gone over 950 miles and should finish by the end of this month. I lost most of my weight in 4-5 months and now, while I have a goal of weighing even less, I'm happy with how I look and if more comes off, that's ok, if it doesn't, I know I'm still building muscle and it will in time. I think I look great for my age. I did all of this without going to a gym, although I may join one this winter.

    I know that was a long SPEECH, but what I'm trying to say is that you don't have to jump in and do everything all at once. You don't have to DIET. If you do that, you'll get burnt out, you'll feel deprived and you'll quit. Start slow with ONE thing, then add something else when you're ready. You'll be amazed at the progress you see and like me, be encouraged to work at it even harder. Do this in a way that you can maintain it later.

    YOU CAN DO THIS, YOU'RE READY! Start something today! <HUGS>
  • I just got on here a few days ago and I just love this. You are doing something for yourself and its Great.I have found the best thing about this is you can eat what ever you have in your house or you can afford, as I cant afford to buy all healthy items and Im haveing to watch my portions . Every day remember this is for you and each day you get through it you will feel better about yourself because you are doing this for you 1st. Your beautiful!! I wish you the best on the new you. :) Phatgirl4
  • Me too. {{{hugs}}}
  • ar1ms
    ar1ms Posts: 98 Member
    You have my condolences, but look on the bright side, at least you are realizing it now and not later and maybe even a few pounds heavier.. so this is a perfect time to start a new lifestyle! The only thing in the way is you, so get out of the way! You have to want it bad enough, and either you do it or you don't, simple as that.

    Goodluck :)
  • Malcah1
    Malcah1 Posts: 32 Member
    You are at the start of an exciting future.
    Stop looking at what is, and see what can be...
    It will be challenging, but healing....you are worth it!

    One step, one choice, one day at a time. Pray for strength and a renewed love for you. You are wonderfully and beautifully created and you deserve happiness.

    Get excited!
  • schroederkl
    schroederkl Posts: 20 Member
    Thank you everyone for the wonderful outpouring of support and advice.
  • I was exactly where you are just a week ago! I haven't touched the scales for a while, and shocked when I realised I was at my heaviest, ever, but determined that was the last straw.
    My first day I didn't really track what I ate, just was careful not to binge when I was sitting alone. Instead, I ran up and down the stairs 4 times. OMG was I shot! The burning in my thighs really threw me - not so many months ago I was actively fit doing an hours zumba class 4 times a week!
    My goal to myself was to keep using the stairs (free, can take it at my own pace and irrelevant what the weather is doing), and after a couple of days was doing the 4 sets of stairs twice a day. Without making much of a change to my diet, I have lost 3.5lbs this week - thus pushing my determination even more.
    You will crack it - just be honest with yourself and track every thing that passes your mouth :) And if youre feeling low, come here and type out your frustration instead of resorting to snacking and binging.
    Here's to our new start! :happy:
  • miriamwithcats
    miriamwithcats Posts: 1,120 Member
    I have been exactly where you are now. Money worries are so stressful. All the above posters have some very good ideas, but I have two more to throw out there.

    Meditation. Right now, because of your stress levels, your body is throwing out cortisol like crazy. It is really hard to fight against this hormone that causes belly fat weight gain. Taking five or ten minutes twice a day to destress will help. There are many ways to learn how to meditate. You basically get in a comfortable position, close your eyes, and repeat something rythmic to help focus on your breathing. Something like saying In-out or deep-slow as you breathe. Your thoughts will try to intrude, just let them go and focus on your breathing again. It really helps your ability to cope with stress.

    The other thing is TURN OFF THE TV. TV is full of commercials. Ones that feature food make you head to the fridge. Ones that focus on material things make you stress about not having money. All the "too skinny" people on there make you feel bad about yourself. (And yes, I believe that people can be too skinny- an old fashioned concept from my youth.)

    I was basically unemployed for four years, not able to get a job because of my disability. I finally got on disability in January, and now know that I will get a small amount every month to survive on. It has decreased my stress level so now I am able to focus on losing weight and getting healthy. I have gone from three blood pressure meds to one, and from two antidepressants to one even before I started here or started losing weight. Stress is a killer.
  • LovePBandJ
    LovePBandJ Posts: 288 Member
    The weight not only affects your health, it also affects you emotionally .Let this be your rock bottom. Be overwhelmed with sadness, anger, and fear. Use that negative energy and catapult yourself into a new life.

    You are no longer bored with your day, now schedule your day. Start each day with a long walk. DON'T SKIP IT. We know all of the excuses: weather, phone calls, kids, body aches ... These are excuses - you can always find the time. After your walk, come home and take care of housework. Then make a healthy meal plan for you and your family. Search healthy snacks. Add them to your grocery list. Go and get your groceries for your new healthy life. I can imagine money is kind of tight for you right now, but on this first day, go out and buy a food scale, if you don't already have one. And weigh your food before you cook it and before you eat it.

    Each day have a schedule. One that starts with exercise. Keep your days filled, then you can't even think about the snacks. Stay off the couch. Couch = calories, both consumed and not burned. The first week may be tough, but focus on your goal and cling to your plan. Visit frequently the success boards here at this site. You will see dozens of other women with your story who clung to their plan on those early days and now are on the other side. Friend these women. Create a network of support here on this site. We are all here to encourage and cheer because we all want to see you succeed.

    You now have the time to become the best, most amazing you possible. You will be amazed at how quickly you will start feeling good about yourself again. It may be a week or two, but once the weight starts to come off, you will feel and be AWESOME!

    Oh, and take pictures and measurements these first days. Yes, you will feel silly. But, nobody has to know. There will be days when it gets tough. If you look at those pictures and measurements, you will see progress, and that will help you stay on track. Also, you will want to have them to post right next to your success pictures.
  • tamba01
    tamba01 Posts: 110 Member
    I was at that point a few years ago. I ended up with pneumonia and in the hospital. It was so hard to breath and after I some what was on my way to recovering, I started walking to build up my system again. I loved it and just kept walking every day. It helped me get out of my depression, some kind of endorphins or something kicks in. That was the first steps to losing 50 lbs. Find something that you like to do, dance, walk, something to keep you moving and commit to doing some of that every day. When you do this, you will feel so much better and the rest will follow. I feel like that once you find something that makes you feel better everyday, you will get in the mood to do more. Don't try to lose it one in day, you didn't gain it in one day.
  • orchidmother
    orchidmother Posts: 15 Member
    I had to leave my full time job in 2008 due to severely arthritic back coupled with degenerative joint disease, and a few other things. A 5-minute walk put me in agony and standing to cook in the kitchen more than 10 minutes at a time was torture. I settled in to my one relief spot, my recliner and that is where I stayed for the next 3 years. A few work days per week left me in pain for days afterwards.

    I came to believe that this was to be the way I would life the rest of my life. My weight topped out at 298 which scared me. I had considered weight loss surgery 6 years ago, but it was not covered by insurance and other things depleted any possibility of doing it out of pocket.

    A year ago, my hubby came to me and said ... "We're going to do it." He changed insurance companies (to one much more expensive) and that was the beginning. I had surgery this past June and have found a warm water therapy pool to do my exercises in. I feel so much better already and those around me have been amazed in my transformation so far.

    There is hope. There is a way. For me, becoming aware of my caloric intake was huge. Once I made it a game, to score each day and give myself a means to track progress... that helped me. But the real kicker in terms of motivation was to put something way out there to motivate me to keep going even when I hit a plateau. A year from now, I will be at goal weight. I will be ready to get on with my life and to commemorate that new beginning, my hubby and I are renewing our wedding vows on our 35th anniversary.

    The other thing that helped me enormously was to do some spiritual housecleaning. I have come to the realization that I am not in this alone. And how I think is what will be. I changed my thinking and now, even though I am only about half way there, I have already seen my future success. I have already been there in my mind. It is so real to me, it is only a matter of time. I cannot fail. I may make less than perfect choices along the way, but my goal is a done deal. I am just not there yet. I believe in my destination and am patient as I know it is my future reality. I am grateful and thankful already for this and am enjoying seeing myself progressing. There is joy to be had along the way and I am more aware of it all.

    God bless you as you choose your path. I believe in you and your future reality. Go for it!
  • crazybookworm
    crazybookworm Posts: 779 Member
    First of all, you should be proud of yourself right now. You openly admitted your problem and that your ready to make a change. That is not an easy thing to do! It's hard to admit that you lost control of yourself and that you let yourself down. I remember that day for me, and I remember how horrible I felt. Now you can either do two things.

    1)Accept the fact that this has happened and take action to fix the problem
    2) Accept the fact that this has happened and do nothing about it.

    I have a feeling you will be choosing option 1.

    I was in the same boat at you! I lost my job, and got too comfortable with being at home and enjoying the day-time television. And yes, it was taking a toll on my love life with my Fiance as well. It was a Christmas family photo that kicked my butt into gear and I started using my time at home to work out myself. I exercised, I ate clean, I joined a walking group that walked every morning to meet new friends and to get outside. After about a month I joined the gym and found a job! The rest is history.

    The reason I shared my story is because I was a classic example. I lost my job, got a little lazy, lost control of myself and was almost okay with it. But I woke up and changed my life...If I can do it, then trust me YOU CAN DO IT!

    You've already completed the first step successfully. Take your life back and get back into control. Go out to Walmart and buy an exercise DVD, start doing it every day, clean out your fridge, prepare healthy snacks. Research gym memberships or exercise groups in your area. If you put in the work (which I know you will) you will get the results.

    You got this!!!
  • hi
    i was also at my biggest weight before i started my journey. a few pointers that have helped me this time around that i am trying to stick to. 1 keep a food diary/journal. be honest with yourself about what you eat and drink. you will be surprised at the end of the day .
    2 write a list of why you want to start, what you want to achieve and keep them where you can look at for motivation.
    3 don't beat yourself up if you have a slip up we all do, its how you react that can make a difference.
    4 keep in touch with others when you feel you need to talk it helps if others have been there, they understand.
  • x4vior
    x4vior Posts: 1
    I know the feeling. My entire life I have been over weight and I hate it. I have made more progress in the last month than I have ever made in my entire life and that is enough to keep me going. I saw a helpful quote that will hopefully help give you some motivation.

    "A year from now, you'll wish you had started today." -Karen Lamb

    It won't be easy or fun. I can't tell you how many nights I have sat with my friends as they go to town on McDonalds or Taco Bell and I sit with a rumbling stomach because I hit my calorie limit hours before. It sucks. It's not fun. But every day I wake up and see a slightly better version of myself. You can do the exact same.
  • You are already at a good start :smile: you are acknowledging what you need to do, I was in a similar position a few weeks ago. I am a house wife of almost a year, I used to be really healthy and active before the wedding. But after I got married I was so busy trying to be the ideal wife and I was done cleaning my diet consisted of Oreo's, whole milk, chips, Ramen, Instant Mac and Cheese and candy. Needless to say I went from 130 to 152 in 8 months. I only recently kicked my butt into gear and found this great woman called zuzka (zuzana) light. Her work out's are only ten minutes and are intense, but so worth it. She breaks the work out's down before she begins so don't worry about copying her exactly. (This is if you want to try it :wink: ) She normally doesn't use any equipment and you can also just do the workouts at home :D I think we all know you can do it because you are already willing to admit openly that you want to fix the problem.