do i keep trying to help or just give up??????

fit_and_fab_after_kids
fit_and_fab_after_kids Posts: 43 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
i started this weight lose journey along with a friend of mine! and i stayed on track and feel great and well my friend lost her way :( im trying to be supportive of her and help her to get back on track but she's just full of reasons to not start! it's the middle of the week, i wanna go to the gym first then i'll eat healthy and so on and so on! do i just give up and let it be or do i keep perservering and try to help??????? i don't wanna be the annoying healthy eating works out friend who keeps harping on about mfp but i can't help it i'm in love, lol!

Replies

  • gbbhey
    gbbhey Posts: 188
    One of the best ways you can help her is to continue your own success. I say keep trying, for now, if you care about your friend and want to see her reach her goals as well. Invite her over for dinner, cook something healthy, go out on walks together and talk about your day, etc. If she sees how happy you are with it, maybe it will inspire her!

    That being said, you can encourage all you want, but she's got to be the one who commits to it. Don't let her drag you down.
  • bigloo2001
    bigloo2001 Posts: 2 Member
    I have to friends who started this program with me as well. They both gave up and are going up in weight. I tried to get them to start again but they had nothing but excuses. They seem to be resentful of my progress so I just keep my mouth shut. Grown ups are gonna do what they want to do anyway. I just got tired of being fat. So I guess your friend isn't there yet.
  • fittertanme
    fittertanme Posts: 259 Member
    tell your friend to stick with it as there are times when it might not come off as quick as you had wanted but your doing well and she might just change her mind
  • BlackTimber
    BlackTimber Posts: 230 Member
    I've been on your friends side of the equation. Sometimes your just not mentally ready to do the healthy weight loss thing. I would suggest including your friend in your activities with invitations, don't ignore her, but don't push her.
  • lollyfidy1965
    lollyfidy1965 Posts: 15 Member
    Sometimes the best (and only) thing you can do is to model good behavior. Make healthy food choices, go to the gym regularly....do what you need to do to get healthier. She will notice, and eventually she will see the results. Maybe that will motivate her to get back on the wagon with you...and you won't run the risk of alienating her by bugging her about her own failure to act.
  • hughtwalker
    hughtwalker Posts: 2,213 Member
    i started this weight lose journey along with a friend of mine! and i stayed on track and feel great and well my friend lost her way :( im trying to be supportive of her and help her to get back on track but she's just full of reasons to not start! it's the middle of the week, i wanna go to the gym first then i'll eat healthy and so on and so on! do i just give up and let it be or do i keep perservering and try to help??????? i don't wanna be the annoying healthy eating works out friend who keeps harping on about mfp but i can't help it i'm in love, lol!
    Bottom row - 5th from the left.

    Persevere - it's what friends are for
  • jerman01
    jerman01 Posts: 34 Member
    I hear it all the time. I just laugh and order a salad. Or I don't to out. Eating healthy is for life. Not just until you reach a goal.

    I have a friend that is always telling me that I am losing too much. Eat something. Last week at work, four of my co-workers said that I am too disciplined. I won't eat a donut. Or some of the candy they bring in.

    Don't give up. Everyone should look good and feel good. Don't let your friends be a reason you are fat.
  • Ani45
    Ani45 Posts: 47
    When she sees you skinny she will be jealous, I bet :)
  • grrrlface
    grrrlface Posts: 1,204 Member
    I had this with my Mum, she started over a year ago (at the same time as me) and then gave up. I've just stuck to it, shown her some new recipes and fitness stuff and about two weeks ago she started on it again because she was impressed with how I had done! :) She wasn't ready to do it for herself but if you give it time and show them what can be achieved they may join you again. :)

    You've got to look out for you, keep doing what you're doing and don't let people drag you down! xx
  • Twiliightmoon
    Twiliightmoon Posts: 39
    I've been on your friends side of the equation. Sometimes your just not mentally ready to do the healthy weight loss thing. I would suggest including your friend in your activities with invitations, don't ignore her, but don't push her.

    This...I don't know how to actually say this, but there has to be a "click" or maybe a "light bulb" that goes off in our heads that gets shut off somehow in other people's heads. Some of us get that "push" and keep going, with others they lose the "push". People have to get that feeling all on their own. We can't do it for them.
  • awisegirl84
    awisegirl84 Posts: 82 Member
    Bottom row - 5th from the left.

    Persevere - it's what friends are for
    ...huh??
  • Shua89
    Shua89 Posts: 144 Member
    You never give up on friends but it's time to stop pushing her. She's obviously not ready to make a real commitment to losing the weight and she may be feeling pressured. Just tell her that when she's ready to make the change you will be there to support her.

    What someone else said is also probably true in that she's a little jealous that it's working for you and not for her. That's a fairly normal response. A woman in our church lost 55 pounds and looks awesome. So many other women got on her case that she was too skinny, she was unhealthy, etc...... then they started the whispering and eventually drove her out of our church. Why? Jealousy. Be prepared for it.
  • hughtwalker
    hughtwalker Posts: 2,213 Member
    Bottom row - 5th from the left.

    Persevere - it's what friends are for
    ...huh??
    See Misspiggy1983's profile photos - bottom row 5th from left
  • funkycamper
    funkycamper Posts: 998 Member
    When people push me, I usually push back and do the opposite just because I don't like being pressured. It has to come from within. Hopefully, your friend will see your success and want to join you. However, also be prepared for her never wanting to join you. Your friendship may be less close at some point as you make friends with new people who enjoy doing active things with you so you have less time for inactive friends. Or it may change because she may become jealous and be less of a good friend to you.

    I wish both you and your friend well.
  • lilpoindexter
    lilpoindexter Posts: 1,122 Member
    Don't say anything to her, unless she asks. Don't talk to her about your diet and exercise plan, or how you are getting fit.
    It's not important to her right now.
  • Dr229
    Dr229 Posts: 39 Member
    KEEP TRYING AND HELP THEM MAKE SMALL ACCOMPLISHMENTS I.E. IF YOU GUYS WALK SOMEWHERE GIVE THEM CREDIT FOR THAT AND REMIND THEM OF WHAT THEY HAD JUST ACCOMPLISHED. AGAIN IT IS EASY TO QUIT AND GIVE UP AND ONCE YOU QUIT IT CAN BECOME A HABIT. GREAT FOR YOU THAT YOU ARE CONTINUING TO FOLLOW THRU
  • JesterMFP
    JesterMFP Posts: 3,596 Member
    I don't think there's anything you can really do if she's not ready for this. It's such a personal thing, I'm sure she knows logically what she would need to do to lose weight, but she's just not in that place right now. I would just keep doing what you're doing, eating healthily, exercising, and then hopefully, when she is ready, she's going to see you as a huge inspiration. I think sometimes when we try to "help", it can get on people's nerves a bit, and if they already feel bad about the changes they're not making - someone else going on about it won't change things, but will just make them feel worse.

    I've been on both sides of the equation and I honestly believe that you can't push someone to do this - they've got to make that choice themselves. I've recommended MFP to a few different people, and most of them have either not been interested, or have fallen by the wayside - for now. Believe, me, I would love to have the power to convert them! But, I know it won't work, and it would just annoy people. I don't go on about it to them; they know what I'm dong and the results I'm getting. If this is the right thing for them, they'll come back to it when they're ready. You obviously care a lot about your friend and her well-being, so maybe just save all your good advice and motivation for when she comes around to it herself, and don't let this drive a wedge between you by making her resent you. Don't hide what you're doing, by any means, but maybe don't keep bringing it up in conversation unless she seems interested.
  • fit_and_fab_after_kids
    fit_and_fab_after_kids Posts: 43 Member
    thanks everyone for your advice :) i think i will just wait until she is ready!!
  • thebigcb
    thebigcb Posts: 2,210 Member
    Hey , you can led a horse to water.
  • IronTitaness
    IronTitaness Posts: 117
    I would do everything for my friends but the thing is you can't help somebody who doesn't want to be helped.

    It would be good if you stayed with the weight loss and let her watch your success. Go together for some clothes shopping and try on a smaller size which you fit in. It is a good way to get her intrested again in the matter and start again.

    It would be also a good idea to give her a ring and say: 'He it would be nice to chit chat with you. I am going for a walk. Would you like to come with me for some chit chatting?' See how she reacts.

    I would say do not give up on her yet. That is an aspect of friendship.

    Take care :smile:
  • k2charmed4u
    k2charmed4u Posts: 282
    From personal experience in a different situation this is what I learned:

    You can only help someone who is willing to make the effort to help themselves. I spent 5 years trying to help my best friend get out of a bad situation but she wasn't willing to put the effort in. You can only do so much for them but ultimately it's your friend who has to make that leap.

    As a result we no longer speak to each other because she claimed I wasn't surporting her enough!! :noway: when in fact myself and teachers bent over backwards to get her life on track and she couldn't be bothered so I gave up and focused on looking after myself instead.

    P.S. my best friend from school was hospitalised and now in a homeless shelter somewhere in nottingham. No idea on how to find her as her sister doesn't speak to her anymore either.

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