Discouraged... and Depressed

AmberJo1984
AmberJo1984 Posts: 1,067 Member
edited January 2 in Motivation and Support
I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder. I've been to counseling. I'm on medicine. And, I've been doing great. Until the last few days. Especially TODAY! I really don't know how to exactly describe how I feel.

First off, I'm slightly sick today... so I've felt blah all day. I also have a bummed knee, making it impossible to put much weight on my right leg, much less exercise. The slightly depressed feelings have made me want to just EAT, EAT, EAT today... which only adds to the depression. And... then to top it all off, I look like a big whale drowning in a blue sweater that is 2 sizes too large.

I know... clothes that are now too big for me should make me feel better (because I'm actually losing weight). BUT... I can't afford new clothes at the moment... and all of my clothes look 2 sizes too large. I would actually like... just for once... to be able to wear NICE clothes, without having to feel even larger in them.

I guess it all comes down to the fact that I still can't tell a difference in myself... even though everyone else says they can. I've lost 17.2 pounds... but, it doesn't feel like much. Not to me. I still feel and look HUGE! And, for once, I would just like to be noticed for something other than being the "fat" girl.

OK.... I'm done ranting now. Start the bashing. :ohwell:

Replies

  • CarmenBox
    CarmenBox Posts: 1
    Ok, so you can't do exercise that requires your bum knee...work your upper and mid body, small hand weights, sit ups. leg lifts don't require putting weight on your knee. Work around it, you can make the best of a difficult situation. Be thankful you have a knee and that you have been blessed with another day, even if you do use it to rant...Keep your mind positive YOU CAN DO THIS AND YOU ARE NO QUITER!!
  • mamasmaltz3
    mamasmaltz3 Posts: 1,111 Member
    We all have bad days. Earlier tonight I got done working out and I thought "I'd have some pretty nice looking muscle if I wasn't so fat!". I can feel the muscle, just can't see it. If I stayed focused on the fat and not the awesome muscle I am building I would get pretty depressed and feel like giving up. Sometime you have to make a conscience choice to focus on the positive. You have lost over 17lbs! That is 17lbs gone! People are noticing and that is great. No one noticed my wieght loss until I had lost over 30lbs so you are definitely doing something right. Don't focus on how much you have to lose. Focus on the good choices you will make the next meal you have. Focus on the next workout you are going to do and when you are going to get it done. I am finding it is making more good choices than bad that add up to success. You can do it!
  • gramacanada
    gramacanada Posts: 557 Member
    Those of us with depressive disorders always view a single 'off' day as the beginning of the end.
    And we know the first thing that comes to mind is Eat Eat Eat. But it's only Today.
    The bum knee will ease up. You can do lots of exercises while sitting or lying down.
    I know how hard it is to move when you're depressed. So do you.
    And you and I both know, getting up to do something is the best cure for depression.
    I can never see the difference in me either when I lose weight, because i always wear the same clothes.
    Could you check a thrift store? Lots of them actually have nice clothes for a reasonable amount.
    Even a couple of new things can make you feel much better about what you 'see'
    If you can't afford to buy new clothes, measure yourself. Keep track that way.
    Mirrors aren't the best way to judge. Because we are judging the worst of what we think we see.
    The more you tell yourself you look like a big blue drowning whale. The more you'll feel like one.
    You'd never talk to a friend like this. Be nice to you. No bashing. Just a gentle reminder.
    This sucks right now but it isn't for ever. And maybe when you can afford a new sweater it can be three sizes smaller.
    Good Luck You're worth more than you know.
  • AmberJo1984
    AmberJo1984 Posts: 1,067 Member
    Ok, so you can't do exercise that requires your bum knee...work your upper and mid body, small hand weights, sit ups. leg lifts don't require putting weight on your knee. Work around it, you can make the best of a difficult situation. Be thankful you have a knee and that you have been blessed with another day, even if you do use it to rant...Keep your mind positive YOU CAN DO THIS AND YOU ARE NO QUITER!!


    Ok... I was on my way to bed... but, I decided to use my frustration and depression as a reason to push myself even harder (without putting more weight on my knee). I did 8 minutes of strength training and situps. I know it's not a lot... but, I'm hurting from my waist down (and especially my knee). So, according to many people, I shouldn't do too much. OH.... and, I was able to do 2 sets of 10 SITUPS tonight instead of only 5 situps (from 2 days ago). I'm getting stronger. Frustration can be a good motivator (if you use it right). I wasn't using it to my advantage before. I will now.
  • SarahAFerguson
    SarahAFerguson Posts: 250 Member
    Good for you!
  • mygrl4meee
    mygrl4meee Posts: 943 Member
    Hi. As far as weight loss. Remember it's not a race. You didn't gain it all at once and your not going to lose it all at once. Take pride in stepping on the scale and if it's stays the same then your still doing well. Maybe, not the best but hey it's not a gain. I am going into this weight loss with such a cool head that I believe it's what keeps me motivated to keep trying.

    Congrats on the clothes being too big. It's a nice feeling but I get what you mean about clothes looking bad due to being too big. Shop at the thrift stores. Pay attention to when they have specials and you can get clothes at an even better price.

    I have never been a real fan of used clothes due to never finding clothes that fit me. Now, I am having much better luck and it feels great to walk out with the majority of clothes that I thought would fit me.

    I have dropped from size 20 to 16 and 2x to large and I haven't bought anything new. I have replaced almost everything and probably at the most spent 30 dollars for all new jeans, work clothes and shirts.

    Remember one day at a time. You can do it!!
  • Gennybunny96
    Gennybunny96 Posts: 69 Member
    Absolutely. Good job. When I would go through a bout, my biggest accomplishment was taking my multi vitamin before bed, doing a few push ups and brushing my teeth before bed. If I could do that before bed, I felt like I was on the right track. I also used to write in a journal if I was feeling down, I'd look out my window and write about what I saw. It could be watching a squirrel going by or someone walking there dog and I would write something positive about that. Something that put a smile on my face.

    We all have bad days, even those who have never suffered from depression. All you can do is something little today and know that tomorrow is a new day.
    Take care of yourself. You are worth it ((hugs))
  • misslindseylou
    misslindseylou Posts: 141 Member
    I've also suffered from MDD, and I know where you're coming from. And you know, beating yourself up over it isn't good for you, and you don't deserve that! I'm so glad you decided to go work out instead, because that will definitely help you feel better! As for the clothes, maybe you could go to your local Goodwill or Salvation Army store? Those kinds of shops usually have clothes for very little money and that'd perk you up! If not that, maybe check out the clearance racks at Walmart or Target?
  • Cathleenr
    Cathleenr Posts: 332
    Do you know:
    That you see yourself everyday and it's very difficult to see changes over time that way. People who have not seen you in a week or so will say something because you DO look different.
    Listen to them.
    That even when the size 6 fits and it's loose, when the scale (blech) says you are below your target weight, when people constantly tell you 'o you are getting so thin...eat something!', when you hug yourself and think 'um,,hullo? where is the rest of me?',,,,that your mind will still inhabit the body space you used to be when you (and other people, if they were mean like that) told yourself you were fat. It takes months to reprogram your brain to believe what you see.
    That the best analogy for almost everything I ever heard was about bamboo? When you plant it, it sits there, with its two leaves and little stems. ANd doesn't sprout new leaves. Or grow any taller. Or do anything for about two years. But that is just what is visible above ground: below ground, the rhizomes are going crazy, seeking out new places to root and start shoot buds, wandering far away from the initial root ball for other nutrients. That takes about two years. And then, all of a sudden, bamboo is EVERYWHERE!. Shoots spring up daily and grow inches in a day. There are so many leaves that it looks like a fern. Shoots come up out of the ground feet away where you never even WANTED bamboo!
    Do not mistake what you don;t see for inactivity. Every day you stay within your macros, every workout, every effort, even if you are sick and can only manage a walk around the block....those are the building blocks for the transformations going on.
    Do not quit. Do not say 'tomorrow'. Say 'now", even if its just the decision to do better.
    It is very worth it....the journey and the prize along the way.
    :)
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