Is it just me?
lisablah
Posts: 15
On the one morning of waking up at my heaviest weight I screamed at my husband of 17 years "WHY DIDN'T YOU EVER TELL ME I WAS THIS FAT? :mad:" and I must admit for the first month I really did blame him because it was easy to blame him rather than look at myself. Looking back not once did he ever say 'oh Lisa you're looking a little bigger today' even though he had married me weighing at only 51kgs, he failed to say anything 40 kilos later. I would consider my husband like I would my best friend, if he had told me sooner or made me aware I honestly think I would've done something sooner, but I just got swept away in the almost perfect existance I lead. I think I'm perhaps the only one in my family who is overweight which made it all the more frustrating, my husband eats what he likes when he likes and still remains at a healthy weight, my 2 teenage sons are both health freaks and live for sport, so weight has never been an issue for them and I doubt it will be in the future.
So this very same morning of screaming at the poor perfect bodied husband I had woken up feeling sluggish as usual, maybe it had something to do with the abusive 3000 calories + I was cramming into my body daily, but I'm not really sure what strange force took over my body or my brain, but that morning I changed everything about my diet, the motivation kicked in, I found a brilliant PT and since that day I have not looked back, that was about 4 months ago and almost 20 kilos gone, sometimes I feel guilty for the blame I placed on my husband, sometimes I feel guilt at feeling angry because the perfect bodies eat what they like, and there I am eating celery and sweating my *kitten* off daily. What I want to know is, am I the only one who has ever blamed someone else for their weight gain? and is there anyone else who struggles daily with being surrounded by people who can eat whatever they like?
So this very same morning of screaming at the poor perfect bodied husband I had woken up feeling sluggish as usual, maybe it had something to do with the abusive 3000 calories + I was cramming into my body daily, but I'm not really sure what strange force took over my body or my brain, but that morning I changed everything about my diet, the motivation kicked in, I found a brilliant PT and since that day I have not looked back, that was about 4 months ago and almost 20 kilos gone, sometimes I feel guilty for the blame I placed on my husband, sometimes I feel guilt at feeling angry because the perfect bodies eat what they like, and there I am eating celery and sweating my *kitten* off daily. What I want to know is, am I the only one who has ever blamed someone else for their weight gain? and is there anyone else who struggles daily with being surrounded by people who can eat whatever they like?
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I blamed my husband for a long time.... He can eat almost anything at it really takes him months to pack it on if he does at all... We have two beautiful children and for a while I blamed them too... I was really bitter and hateful to all of my friends who were skinny, had a baby and went right back to skinny... I was even very mean to them! I didn't like who I was, so I decided to look at myself in the mirror long and hard and realize the only person who shoved disgusting food down my throught was myself.0
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I blame my mother for all bad things that happen in the world.
Your poor husband :laugh: if he would have said anything like "You look like you've put on a few" - you wouldn't have talked to him for a week. This is the definition of lose/lose.0 -
Oh believe me I understand. My husband is tall and fit and very good-looking to boot. My grown daughter is an actual model and very slender and beautiful. My teenage sons are very fit and just as attractive as their sister and dad. I am surrounded by pretty people. Then there is me. While I'm cute, I'm no super model LOL. and I somehow managed to put on 108 pounds!! since the time my husband and I started dating. I too was very angry at my husband for never, ever saying a word about how fat I'd become...but I realized he had zero blame in my becoming obese. It was all my fault and responsibility. I owned up to it and took charge, and here I am 60 pounds later with only 48 to go!!
You can do it!
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My boyfriend (now ex) told me I was "plump" after gaining 10 lbs. It made me feel horrendous which caused me to start binging and purging, and I blamed him for starting up my bulimia cycle again. And my friends just sit around complaining about how big they are, but they don't do anything about it; it's almost as if they have come to accept it. I don't want to be like that. It's my fault that I put on the extra 10 lbs and then dealt with it negatively. Every food decision I make is MY choice, as is the choices I make daily about whether or not to exercise. So, yes, I have felt just like you! It boils down to this: Blaming others will get us nowhere. The fact that you have realized your mistake and are taking steps in the right direction is what really matters. You won't be one of those overweight people who are in denial about their condition because you have stood up and said, "ENOUGH!" That is my definition of courage and determination!! :flowerforyou:0
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yes. my 3 sisters!
but after awhile you reach that space where you realise that you have to take what God gave you , and work with that
Good on you for taking that step!
and God bless your hubby - he sounds like a saint :drinker:0 -
ok, be honest... you would have yelled at him if he had said you were looking "bigger today" ..wouldnt you? lol. I know my girlfriend would.
We all have to make the choice to change for ourselves and not amount of someone else saying " you need to change " will make you change. Im glad you made the choice to change and be a healthy you:) That is awesome. I cant really relate as for most of my life, I was one of the people that could " eat anything and everything I wanted " but having said that, I choose not to. I worked very hard for all of my life for the first 35 years of it. Worked out every day practically since I was 10 years old...did I wanna eat crap, hell yes, did I?? not very often. It was only until about 5 years ago..im 40 now...that my health and fitness went to hell. Im now getting ( unfortunately ) to see the side of what overweight ppl feel. Its hard working out again and it sucks starting from scratch- Ive never had to do this before- not sure where I am going with this, lol. Anyway, you cant blame anyone but yourself but the great thing is, you have finally made that change and for that, congratulations.0 -
I blamed my husband for my weight gain because I was so content with him. Of course, I knew it was really my fault. Unlike your husband, mine did drop hints. I knew when I married him that he wasn't attracted to heavy women. Now, we're both much happier with my weight.0
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I don't blame anyone but myself. No one force fed me. Yes I am short and a lot of my relatives tend to gain weight easily. But it's what I choose to do with what I was given and nothing else.0
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On the one morning of waking up at my heaviest weight I screamed at my husband of 17 years "WHY DIDN'T YOU EVER TELL ME I WAS THIS FAT? :mad:" and I must admit for the first month I really did blame him because it was easy to blame him rather than look at myself. Looking back not once did he ever say 'oh Lisa you're looking a little bigger today' even though he had married me weighing at only 51kgs, he failed to say anything 40 kilos later. I would consider my husband like I would my best friend, if he had told me sooner or made me aware I honestly think I would've done something sooner, but I just got swept away in the almost perfect existance I lead. I think I'm perhaps the only one in my family who is overweight which made it all the more frustrating, my husband eats what he likes when he likes and still remains at a healthy weight, my 2 teenage sons are both health freaks and live for sport, so weight has never been an issue for them and I doubt it will be in the future.
So this very same morning of screaming at the poor perfect bodied husband I had woken up feeling sluggish as usual, maybe it had something to do with the abusive 3000 calories + I was cramming into my body daily, but I'm not really sure what strange force took over my body or my brain, but that morning I changed everything about my diet, the motivation kicked in, I found a brilliant PT and since that day I have not looked back, that was about 4 months ago and almost 20 kilos gone, sometimes I feel guilty for the blame I placed on my husband, sometimes I feel guilt at feeling angry because the perfect bodies eat what they like, and there I am eating celery and sweating my *kitten* off daily. What I want to know is, am I the only one who has ever blamed someone else for their weight gain? and is there anyone else who struggles daily with being surrounded by people who can eat whatever they like?
I have never blamed anyone for my weight gain. I had a sister who stayed the same weight all her life.She took after my dad so was always slim and i took after my mum so was inclined to put on the weight but it still comes down to choices. Some people just have to watch their weight and what they eat, others can eat what they like and never put the weight on. Thats life.0 -
You women are insane. It's part of the man code - if you love the woman you're with, never. ever. tell her she's getting a little chubby/fat/plump/heavier.
If it comes from the guy, then he instantly becomes the villain.
I mean - seriously can you imagine being grateful when somebody comes up to you and says "Hey honey, it looks like you've been packing on a few extra pounds."
I apologize for my incredulity, but I can not believe that you never noticed that you just couldn't fit into your old clothes any more.0 -
You women are insane. It's part of the man code - if you love the woman you're with, never. ever. tell her she's getting a little chubby/fat/plump/heavier.
If it comes from the guy, then he instantly becomes the villain.
I mean - seriously can you imagine being grateful when somebody comes up to you and says "Hey honey, it looks like you've been packing on a few extra pounds."
I apologize for my incredulity, but I can not believe that you never noticed that you just couldn't fit into your old clothes any more.
lol.....
And if she ever asks " am I gaining weight?" ...a guy is never supposed to look...the direct immediate answer is always " NO ".
Men are well trained, lol .0 -
My ex once very politely mentioned that we were both a little bigger than when we first met. He had only gained like 3lbs but my gain was significantly more. Tbh I was mad at him that night and slightly hurt, but after sleeping on it and talking to him the next day I realised it was the wake up call I needed. I am so grateful that he was man enough to talk to me about it.0
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ok, be honest... you would have yelled at him if he had said you were looking "bigger today" ..wouldnt you? lol. I know my girlfriend would.
Hmm honestly knowing my husband and knowing he never says a nasty word about anyone or he never likes to make anyone feel bad, had it of come from his mouth it wouldn't have upset me, I would have known he was worried about my health and it wasn't said with any nastiness, it would have made me get on the scales sooner, made me look at what I was eating, I actually compare it to that 'perfect' dress you wear and you think it looks perfect until you later see photos and think UGH, I could always count on him to say 'ah no not that one' yet I couldn't rely on him to say 'you really need to do something about your weight' I know it sounds really cheesy but I want to be perfect in his eyes, but perhaps he wasn't wearing his glasses the past few years :glasses:0 -
My husband never said a word about me getting obese. Nada. And I love him all the more for it because, when I would complain about being fat, he would tell me that I'm beautiful and sexy to him no matter what I weigh. How can you not love a man like that?
Now, he would sometimes mention that he was sad that I was so out of shape because I could no longer do activities that we used to enjoy like long hikes, long bike rides, etc. And he was concerned for my health. But he never brought it up repeatedly or made me feel guilty about it, just gentle comments once in a blue moon when it was appropriate to the situation, i.e., we'd be camping and we'd start hiking and I've have to turn back or sit and take a lot of rests, etc.
Anyway, treasure a man who loves you and finds you attractive no matter what your weight and size are. There are other men that would divorce a woman for gaining 10# and not looking like a photo-shopped Cosmo cover girl.0 -
Maybe the opposite end of the scale... when I was in high school, my then "boyfriend" told me "ooh you're getting fat". I was 55 kilos (121 pounds) and 167 cm (5'5).
I'd give anything (except chocolate, so that's my problem), to be that slender again!0 -
I can't say I have ever blamed anyone else for my poor choices. Every ounce of fat on my body is there because I am the one who ate the food, and I am the one that sat on my fat butt not doing anything about it. I have seen what happens when people mention another persons weight to try to make them aware of how much weight they have gained and people freak out at that too. They say, 'Like I don't know I'm fat! How DARE they say anything to me!' So, seems like a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation for some people. People need to be accountable for their own choices. If people can be so oblivious to their own bodies I don't think that anything anyone else says is going to cause some epiphany to make them take control of their health. Don't blame other people!
(ps-didn't you realize you couldn't fit into your clothes anymore or look in a mirror and say WHOA, I'm getting to be a chubbalub? I know I did! LOL)0 -
You women are insane. It's part of the man code - if you love the woman you're with, never. ever. tell her she's getting a little chubby/fat/plump/heavier.
If it comes from the guy, then he instantly becomes the villain.
I mean - seriously can you imagine being grateful when somebody comes up to you and says "Hey honey, it looks like you've been packing on a few extra pounds."
I apologize for my incredulity, but I can not believe that you never noticed that you just couldn't fit into your old clothes any more.
Firstly I just want to say that I no longer blame anyone for what I did to my own body, the blame was just my initial reaction at the weight I had gained and I can honestly say I didn't realise the extent of my weight gain, I am extremely happy with my life (besides the overweight part), leading a full life, with a full time career with 2 teenage sons, I never really took the time to look at myself, and over the years it had slowly crept on, I'm always buying new clothes, so clothing sizes vary, well that's the excuse I told myself :blushing:
But now I know the importance of looking after myself and I find the time to plan meals and gym sessions, and now the career is riding in the back seat, my boys are 'too cool' to be around mum, and my husband now supports my weight loss journey, even though he wasn't aware I needed to lose wight to start with!0 -
What husband/boyfriend/whatever is gonna step on THAT landmine?0
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No, I never blamed anyone else because I was always aware that I was getting big. My clothes stopped fitting and then the next bigger clothes stopped fitting and so on. I make the choice of what goes in my mouth and if I move my body. Blamed no one but me. And, no one else but me is going to change this body I have made.0
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What husband/boyfriend/whatever is gonna step on THAT landmine?
Ha ha, so true!0 -
I don't blame my boyfriend for my 40 pound gain. I will say its because I got comfortable with him. Got comfortable with him naked- when I was like 140 and felt fat- so when I started gaining weight, it became a little uncomfortable but my main problem would be me brushing it off and saying "oh well- guess I'm fat now"
When I ask my BF if he thinks I'm fat he always says "no" or "your not fat baby- not like..." so really ya he's saying its lol= like some nice young men have mentioned in this thread- but when I ask him if I've gained since we've been together his response is "we both have sweetie" :laugh:
Ya- he wont step on that land mine either- BUT I will say I wouldn't get mad at him if he called me fat- Because I'm not in denial- I know I am. I have like 40 pounds to lose- that's a huge number for me. So I can see how a woman can "blame" her husband/boyfriend.0
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