Eating disorder has morphed, help!

tracypk
tracypk Posts: 233 Member
edited January 3 in Motivation and Support
So I have lived a life of battling my relationship with food. I was diagnosed with anorexia but I didn't fall into the physical guidlines, so some would say I have EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified). Anyway, I have committed to becoming healthy. No restricting and no purging. I have done well but now I feel like the obsession went from how little calories can I eat to eating exactly what will allow me to lose weight. Now that sounds simple and quite healthy, but I'm obsessed with it. I feel the same as when I was heavily restricting my calories. It consumes me everyday. I struggle with what to eat every meal. It's all I think about.

I also have Bi-polar disorder so my mania helps out with the obsession. Then the depression makes me feel like I have to take drastic measures. I can feel myself spiralling (sp) out of control. I'm scared that this will send me over the edge. Especially if I don't get the results I'm looking for. I have made some progress and I don't want to start practicing unhealthy behaviors again. Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Replies

  • tracypk
    tracypk Posts: 233 Member
    Please someone, anyone.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    I don't have an experience with eating disorders or Bi-polar disorder but I would advise that you seek professional help with this. It sounds like you need professional help, not the advice of a bunch of anonymous strangers... Take care and good luck
  • LoraF83
    LoraF83 Posts: 15,694 Member
    I'm sorry you're struggling with this, but I second the advice of talking to a professional. This is an awful big subject to try and tackle on your own.
  • tracypk
    tracypk Posts: 233 Member
    I don't have an experience with eating disorders or Bi-polar disorder but I would advise that you seek professional help with this. It sounds like you need professional help, not the advice of a bunch of anonymous strangers... Take care and good luck
    Thank you for responding. I would gladly go to counseling, but that is not an option for me right now. I'm really just looking for some inspiration and kind words, something. I know there are other people on here that have bi-polar and/or eating disorders or have experience with them through family or what have you. Thank you again. Just knowing someone is listening is nice.
  • supermodelchic
    supermodelchic Posts: 550 Member
    My son had a girlfriend that suffered from anorexia also, it was hard to watch her battle it at 5'6' went down to 94 lbs one time, but I am glad to say she found something that worked for her , she dove head first into making and eating raw foods, super healthy style, she now weighs 120 still low but much better , she learned to think of food as fuel for her body, learned to rethink her realtionship with food, , you should try to find a free cilinic to get help with your bipolar , meds will make you feel better I'm sure. goodluck :flowerforyou:
  • guidothecat
    guidothecat Posts: 141 Member
    It is hard...tracking the calories to make sure your are eating them can morph into the restrictive eating. (and this is how some of us got here to begin with)...is there a local ED support group around you? Are you working with a dietician or nutritionist? They can help you get off the 'safe food' list and help you expand your food choices. And see if there are any 'free' counselors in your area?

    And just by knowing that your ED is starting to get to you again is half the battle. Knowing that it is there (and they can change) is the first step to controlling it?

    Not sure if this helped, but I hear ya! Stay strong and on the path to recovery.
  • thethingirlinside
    thethingirlinside Posts: 101
    You can get a sponsor ,some one you can talk when you need help., for know I would just take it one meal at a time deep breath pause and think what your goals are and why you have them make that choice and go do something else so your note stuck on it . I know its hard but you can do it
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
    There are a lot of resources available on the web, but for disordered eating and negative relationships with food, it is best to get personalized advice from a counselor.

    I happened across this article and I could relate to it in some ways, especially when it comes to the preoccupation with calorie/macros and the stress it was bringing me. It helped a bit to read it and understand the situation a little more.

    http://www.niashanks.com/2011/10/my-battle-with-disordered-eating/

    Here are is also a link to many articles and resources for disordered eating.

    http://www.something-fishy.org

    Please take care of yourself. You deserve to. :flowerforyou:


    Best of luck.
  • geonbaeLeilee
    geonbaeLeilee Posts: 606 Member
    You need to go talk to some professionals. Talk to your doctor; talk to a therapist.
  • Vince_1964
    Vince_1964 Posts: 359 Member
    I don't have an experience with eating disorders or Bi-polar disorder but I would advise that you seek professional help with this. It sounds like you need professional help, not the advice of a bunch of anonymous strangers... Take care and good luck

    ^^^ This ... you need professional help - not amateurs ... Best of luck!
  • lachesissss
    lachesissss Posts: 1,298 Member
    There are a lot of resources available on the web, but for disordered eating and negative relationships with food, it is best to get personalized advice from a counselor.

    I happened across this article and I could relate to it in some ways, especially when it comes to the preoccupation with calorie/macros and the stress it was bringing me. It helped a bit to read it and understand the situation a little more.

    http://www.niashanks.com/2011/10/my-battle-with-disordered-eating/

    Here are is also a link to many articles and resources for disordered eating.

    http://www.something-fishy.org

    Please take care of yourself. You deserve to. :flowerforyou:


    Best of luck.


    This.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    I don't have experience with this either and I already see that you responded that counseling is not in the cards for you right now, but I highly recommend finding some kind of support. Regardless of your religious beliefs, A LOT of Christian counselors offer low cost or free counseling servings in many communities. Check into it in your area. Hugs.
  • Krizzle4Rizzle
    Krizzle4Rizzle Posts: 2,704 Member
    http://www.something-fishy.org

    Is a great website! I struggled with Bulimia for a while and I can say it does get better and easier.
  • tracypk
    tracypk Posts: 233 Member
    There are a lot of resources available on the web, but for disordered eating and negative relationships with food, it is best to get personalized advice from a counselor.

    I happened across this article and I could relate to it in some ways, especially when it comes to the preoccupation with calorie/macros and the stress it was bringing me. It helped a bit to read it and understand the situation a little more.

    http://www.niashanks.com/2011/10/my-battle-with-disordered-eating/

    Here are is also a link to many articles and resources for disordered eating.

    http://www.something-fishy.org

    Please take care of yourself. You deserve to. :flowerforyou:


    Best of luck.
    I will definately check this out.

    Thank you to everyone. There are some good starts here. I know a professional is the best, but I have to start somewhere.
  • madworld1
    madworld1 Posts: 524
    Hi. I want you to know that you are not alone. It's hard because there is always an internal battle going on. I like to use my blog to get my emotions out. Plus, I see a pdoc. Counseling is not always easy because they want you to go every week. Financially, that adds up. When I have bad thoughts, I try to bring myself to reality. I have to remind myself that my thoughts are irrational.
  • RealWomenLovePitbulls
    RealWomenLovePitbulls Posts: 729 Member
    focus on being healthy, maybe you can plan your meals out in advance that way you know what you are going to be eating that day and you don't have to stress out about it all day long. is it possible for you to plan out your meals, say a week ahead of time and keep healthy snacks around so that if you don't follow your plan exactly, at least you will be reaching for something good for you instead of junk
  • tracypk
    tracypk Posts: 233 Member
    Hi. I want you to know that you are not alone. It's hard because there is always an internal battle going on. I like to use my blog to get my emotions out. Plus, I see a pdoc. Counseling is not always easy because they want you to go every week. Financially, that adds up. When I have bad thoughts, I try to bring myself to reality. I have to remind myself that my thoughts are irrational.
    You are so right. The internal thoughts are what I fight with constantly. It's nice to know I'm not alone.
  • mackzaj
    mackzaj Posts: 42
    Hi there,

    My step-father is in exactly the same position as you are in terms of bi-polar and an eating disorder. He is on his umpteenth round of weight watchers, has a trainer 3x week, and has lost a grand total of 12 pounds in 10 months. His trainer is beginning to question him about his diet because his stats don't make sense on a 280lb, 6'3" man.

    Basically, he binges secretly. My grandmother, who lives with him and my mother, has to hide her chocolates and brownies that she loves or else he will eat them without regard for who they belong to. If there is anything within his reach, he will eat it in large volumes. It drives my mother insane, because as the main breadwinner (he is retired), she is mostly paying for his trainer and WW. He buys food in huge volumes at Costco for a family of 4, and spends most of his day in the kitchen. Food is his comfort and his addiction. I know he fights with himself, and he feels awful for what he is doing, but he can't stop. He went to counselling for years, and is coming off of medications, which I'm not sure is best, but that's between him and his doctor.

    I think once the issues affect relationships, trust, financial dependence, all of that - it's time to make a major change. I think people have given you some terrific suggestions. Mostly, I think human nature is such that people are ready and willing to help - if you show you are helping yourself.

    Oh, and I too get into obsessive mode so easily around counting calories and food. This time, I am doing Jenny Craig so that the food is done for me and it takes obsession out of the equation, and I'm being successful. I'm using MFP for additional support and motivation, as well as a place to learn as I go. But I'm not wasting my work day on WW forums or here as I have in the past.

    All the best.
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