100 lbs lost but losing motivation/severely depressed.

jjennasmithh
jjennasmithh Posts: 96
in Motivation and Support
I started my weightloss in February 2012. I have been doing well, exercising 3 - 6 times per week, and keeping track of my food while eating a low carb diet. I recently hit the 100 pounds lost mark, but a lot has been happening in my life and I feel like I am sabotoshing myself. For the past 20 years of my life, I have had severe mental disorders. Including depression and bi polar disorder. My mother has been my main support for all of my life but on Oct 15th, she moved to Mexico for the winter. Most of this depression has gone away over the months that I have been losing weight, but recently I have been packing and we're moving. This move has really brought me down. I feel like we are downgrading. I live or will live(until Oct 31st) in this beautiful two bedroom lakeview condo and I love it so much that I don't want to leave. Since my mother has gone, we really see no point in keeping the condo so I am forced to move and live elsewhere. I am moving in with my boyfriend, and I am very excited about this, but I am so depressed about leaving the beautiful condo that I have gotten myself into a funk. I have talked to my trainer, I have talked to my friends, I have even called my mother in Mexico, nothing seems to help.

I am so depressed that I am turning to food. I am an emotional eater, and I know this is unhealthy, but I can't stop myself. I see food, I think of food, and I eat it. I am so upset that I don't know what else to do. On Saturday, I ate at a buffet and stuffed my face with way too much food, probably 3000 calories, including 10 cookies, brownies, steaks, chicken, buns, and many other things. On Sunday, I ate over 5000 calories (including mcdonalds, rolo icecream, etc). Yesterday, again, I ate mcdonalds. This morning, I ate a whole wheat toasted western, a giant chocolate chip cookie, and a carmel latte. Probably a 900 calorie breakfast. I feel like if I keep going at this rate, I will gain 10 lbs, 20 lbs, 30 lbs, and I will mess up my weight loss and this will not be good. I feel like this whole week is going to be a disaster, and I don't know how to stop myself. My weightloss has made me so happy, but I literally have no motivation to continue right now because of my mood and my emotional eating. After the move, perhaps I will feel better, set up my treadmill, join a gym, and get my motivation back again, but I could really use the support from others.

Does anyone have any advice for me? This is really a cry for help. I don't want judgement please, I just need some support from MFP and my MFP friends.

Replies

  • Jodibear58
    Jodibear58 Posts: 280 Member
    :flowerforyou: STOP :flowerforyou:

    You have been so inspirational to me!! Don't give up!!

    This time of year sucks for anyone who suffers from depression! The holidays are approaching and if you don't have loved ones around it can wreak havoc in your life.

    Here are my thoughts:

    :flowerforyou: Take time to be kind to yourself.
    :flowerforyou: Take out old photos of 100 pounds ago. You are amazing!
    :flowerforyou: Make a list of all the good things in your life.
    :flowerforyou: Make a promise to call your Mom weekly or twice a week just to talk. Schedule it on your calendar.
    :flowerforyou: Go shopping and buy yourself a new workout outfit
    :flowerforyou: Stay here on MFP and make mini challenges for each day. "Today I will....."

    There are lot's of other ideas, but you get the idea :smile:

    Good luck and keep us posted!!
  • blueeylb
    blueeylb Posts: 297 Member
    maybe you sould see your doctor are you on any meds? maybe that's something that needs to be checked out. everyone has changes in life some take those changes harder than others. try not to fall into those bad habbits. i really think you should do a visit with your therapist. wish you all the best!!
  • Ginnyesq
    Ginnyesq Posts: 109
    You are doing such an amazing job. Sounds like eating all that garbage didn't make you feel any better, did it? The happiest that I've seen you is here when you have done a great work out. Just something to think about...
  • Koldnomore
    Koldnomore Posts: 1,613 Member
    I am moving in with my boyfriend, and I am very excited about this, but I am so depressed about leaving the beautiful condo that I have gotten myself into a funk. I have talked to my trainer, I have talked to my friends, I have even called my mother in Mexico, nothing seems to help.

    Oh my dear, why not take the time to make your new home with the man you love 'beautiful' too? It seems like you have taken the next step in your relationship - this is exciting! Take some time for yourself and remember that having the love of a wonderful man is more important than any "THING" you could ever own, your health is more important than a "THING" too. THINGS come and go in life all the time. You can't be guaranteed that if your mom didn't move your condo wouldn't have been gone in some other way..a fire, storm, flood.. these things happen all the time. Focus on the REAL stuff, your health, being in love, having wonderful support here, your mom.

    Best of luck.
  • kr1stadee
    kr1stadee Posts: 1,774 Member
    Cry. Have an ugly-cry fest. You may feel better afterwards.
    If not, then talk to your doctor. Are you currently on any medications? If not, maybe it's time to consider looking into them, small doses, just to lighten your funk.

    You have done (and are DOING) amazing. Just think of all of the good days that you've had, compared to the 1 bad weekend. Get out, go for a run. Book a vacation, or even a spa day. Pay attention to yourself. You need it.

    You are amazing. Repeat that to yourself. "I AM amazing. I changed my life and my body. I am amazing"

    Good luck and I hope you're feeling better soon :heart:
  • knjitters
    knjitters Posts: 36 Member
    Condo with a lakeview does sound amazing - but think it will be frozen soon! Maybe you need a new way to look at this move.. you are moving with your BF whom im guessing you care alot of .. look at it more as a new beginning to amazing things.. maybe you and him can take on tasks of making it the boths of yours and not just his.. paint and decorate rooms. Winter is my depression trigger and after the weather in Michigan today its coming and fast.. I need to find new things as well.. like this is my sons real first winter that he will be able to play. So as much as i dont like it.. i get so see his beautiful face light up when he gets to play in teh snow the first time..
    Find the good the new and the amazing things that could come from this change!

    keep strong cause you obviously have great strength in this journey :-)
  • PomegranatePriestess
    PomegranatePriestess Posts: 2,455 Member
    First, I'm glad you said something. That took guts, because you have been such an inspiration to us that coming here and admitting that you are having a few rough days must have been really hard. It's a big step toward stopping the self-destruct cycle.

    It's hard to let go of something (like the condo) when you associate it with good things happening/being happy, and you're not really sure if you'll be as happy in the new surroundings. You're also feeling the loss of the closeness with your Mom at the same time which is a double whammy... so you'll need to find other ways to continue to feel close with your Mom. Can you Skype with her?

    You and your boyfriend should make a plan for the future together, to find a place together that you will enjoy as much or more than the condo. For now, you have a "soft landing" at his place, which isn't so bad, all things considered. I know you don't think it's ideal, but it will work temporarily right?

    You've done something amazing for yourself. You've lost 100+ pounds. Nothing you've done over the past few days changes what you accomplished. Forgive yourself, and just take some deep breaths. Have a conversation with the "old you." Think about what the "old you" from 100 pounds ago would say to you right now.
  • wwmorrow
    wwmorrow Posts: 118 Member
    Maybe your boyfriend would be willing to move into the condo???
  • cmacphee3
    cmacphee3 Posts: 278 Member
    This breaks my heart. Please, take it from me, you have to do everything you can to stop from regaining what you lost. I lost 112lbs, and regained 87lbs of it, and it was one of the most depressing things you can imagine to be back to a severely obese person after being "normal" weight and knowing how different life can be.

    I lost about 70lbs again, then regained about 60lbs of those when I was very depressed and stressed about my life, and now I'm back to obese and it is just so depressing and each time it is HARDER to lose the weight. If you think you worked hard the first time, it was much harder the second time, and now it feels next to impossible this third time. :(

    Please stop yourself from doing what I did, learn from my mistakes, find some other way to help your depression, the food is so temporary and the consequences are even more depressing.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    Um...if you are so depressed over this move...and don't want to move...then why move????
  • soulfulsally
    soulfulsally Posts: 326
    Focus on the excitement of moving in with your boyfriend. Spend your cash on home decorations, not junk food. Make a list of all the positives in your life and put some place where you'll see it frequently. You'll get through this!
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    Sounds rough, but definitely talk to your doctor since you've had a history of mood disorders.

    Why not have your boyfriend move in with you?
  • soulfulsally
    soulfulsally Posts: 326
    Maybe your boyfriend would be willing to move into the condo???

    Any possibility of this? It sounds like a nice idea.
  • jjennasmithh
    jjennasmithh Posts: 96
    Are you currently on any medications? If not, maybe it's time to consider looking into them, small doses, just to lighten your funk.

    I am on medications, for depression/bipolar disorder. They usually help when I am not this sad. I think this will pass, but I don't know what to do right now.
  • Wwonderful
    Wwonderful Posts: 145
    From your before and after picture, you are doing great! Do not stop now, keep going, put those recently bad eating days behind you, and get back on track. You may feel bad now, but if you keep sticking to your weight loss goals, you will feel much better in the long run, guaranteed!!
  • jjennasmithh
    jjennasmithh Posts: 96
    Um...if you are so depressed over this move...and don't want to move...then why move????

    I have to, I guess money is a big issue, and neither my boyfriend and I could afford the condo alone. We are already almost all moved out, and I can't keep it any longer.
  • LauraDotts
    LauraDotts Posts: 732 Member
    I'm so sorry you are going through this. I understand how life circumstances can throw you off you diet course. Depression is a difficult condition. High carb foods will contribute to depression. Exercise helps fight depression. I know that eating healthy and exercising is the last thing you want to do when you are depressed but those are the routes out of depression. It's not easy but you have to make yourself do what you don't want to do in order to recover.
  • holly1283
    holly1283 Posts: 741 Member
    Be good to yourself. Next time the food seems overwhelming, leave the house and go for a walk. Even a short one. I'm also on meds for clinical depression. Even though it's not the same, I can be sympathetic. You have worked so hard you know you have it in you or you couldn't have done it the first time. Yesterday is over find something about today that moves you forward even if it is just for a short time. A feeling of accomplishment goes a long way. It seems as if you have good friends from the responses to your post. Lean on them. I wish you well.
  • Rays_Wife
    Rays_Wife Posts: 1,173 Member
    Okay some tough love! You have come too far to give up now!

    finish.jpg

    So you had a few bad meals. Big deal. Success is never linear

    success.jpg

    Now with that all said, I understand where you are coming from. I'm just coming out of a pretty big 2 month depression myself. After the high of completing my first 5K at the end of August, I just crashed and lost all motivation. But instead of going all crazy I decided to take a diet break and go into maintenance mode for awhile. Perhaps this is what you need in this trying time. Focus on getting through this tough time while just maintaining. Go up to maintenance calories, and continue to work out moderately (something as simple as taking a daily walk). Don't undo all your months of hard work! Then continue on with the rest of your weight loss journey when you are ready.

    It's okay to take a breather once in awhile. Just. Breathe. Relax. You can do this. Don't give up!
  • loadsandloads
    loadsandloads Posts: 353 Member
    :flowerforyou: STOP :flowerforyou:

    You have been so inspirational to me!! Don't give up!!

    This time of year sucks for anyone who suffers from depression! The holidays are approaching and if you don't have loved ones around it can wreak havoc in your life.

    Here are my thoughts:

    :flowerforyou: Take time to be kind to yourself.
    :flowerforyou: Take out old photos of 100 pounds ago. You are amazing!
    :flowerforyou: Make a list of all the good things in your life.
    :flowerforyou: Make a promise to call your Mom weekly or twice a week just to talk. Schedule it on your calendar.
    :flowerforyou: Go shopping and buy yourself a new workout outfit
    :flowerforyou: Stay here on MFP and make mini challenges for each day. "Today I will....."

    There are lot's of other ideas, but you get the idea :smile:

    Good luck and keep us posted!!

    This sounds like a great way to go from someone who already is on your side!
  • ardyguitar
    ardyguitar Posts: 8 Member
    Jenna,

    I think the fact that you are worried and seeking help means your head isn't out of the game yet. I have been here too, binging for several days, even a week and wondering if I was going to continue on this journey but what REALLY snapped me out of it wasn't that i'd gain weight back, what helped me focus was realizing I am going to go thru many more situations like this where I am sad, depressed (I also suffer from depression), and don't have the comfort of familiarity. I know for people with depression, change is VERY tough. But there will be many more instances in life that this will happen, are we going to binge every single time? We might as well learn NOW to not make this a habit and deal with our emotions another way. Now I tell myself, "Remember how you felt last time you binged for days? You felt like ****!" And I just push through it. You are a strong gal! If you can loose over 100 pounds and push through, you can do it now. Cry it out, hell even eat another "bad meal," get it out of your system then nip it in the bud! Good Luck Jenna!
  • Deipneus
    Deipneus Posts: 1,861 Member
    I feel for you. Mental health issues are tough. All I can do is offer you some encouragement and remind you of your success to date. I've not seen your profile before and what I see is someone who has SUCCEEDED losing 103 pounds! That ain't nothing girl! I'm pulling for you. Hang in there and continue to lean on your friends.
  • jjennasmithh
    jjennasmithh Posts: 96
    :flowerforyou: STOP :flowerforyou:

    You have been so inspirational to me!! Don't give up!!

    This time of year sucks for anyone who suffers from depression! The holidays are approaching and if you don't have loved ones around it can wreak havoc in your life.

    Here are my thoughts:

    :flowerforyou: Take time to be kind to yourself.
    :flowerforyou: Take out old photos of 100 pounds ago. You are amazing!
    :flowerforyou: Make a list of all the good things in your life.
    :flowerforyou: Make a promise to call your Mom weekly or twice a week just to talk. Schedule it on your calendar.
    :flowerforyou: Go shopping and buy yourself a new workout outfit
    :flowerforyou: Stay here on MFP and make mini challenges for each day. "Today I will....."

    There are lot's of other ideas, but you get the idea :smile:

    Good luck and keep us posted!!

    Very good ideas, perhaps I will go join a gym tomorrow and buy a new work out outfit!! I really need a pick-me-up, and it can't be food! I am also getting my nails done on friday with a good friend. Hopefully this helps!
  • Jodibear58
    Jodibear58 Posts: 280 Member
    Good for you!! Sometimes doing things like that for yourself can be a great motivator! Now all I need to do is follow my own advice ha ha ha!!
  • AmbieSweetz
    AmbieSweetz Posts: 72 Member

    This time of year sucks for anyone who suffers from depression! The holidays are approaching and if you don't have loved ones around it can wreak havoc in your life.


    ^^^^^^ This!! It is starting to creep up on myself as well, due to this being the first Holidays w/o My Daddy.

    YOURE DOING AMAZING!!!!
    Tomorrow's a new day, start new!!
  • luvtcuk
    luvtcuk Posts: 69 Member
    All I can say is You did an amazing job. You are such inspiration to me. I am sorry that you have to go through a tough time right now. Maybe you can

    1. go for a walk every time you think of food.
    2. Make new goal: fitness goal.
    3. Find new sport?
    4. Keep making good choices or don't take a break from weight loss.
    5. Maybe reward yourself some cash each day you stay on track. At the end of the week/month you can use that money to do whatever you want, but not for food.
    That is my 2 cents.

    I hope that help. See you around.
  • rileysadams
    rileysadams Posts: 4
    I LOVE food...and let's be honest that rolo ice cream sounds AMAZING. We've all got our escapes for when we're down. Some people get lost online, spending time with friends/family. Heck, some people actually do drugs (heaven forbid), some read books, etc etc. A lot of us use food, but most of us have something else that let's us escape too. For me it's getting outside and enjoying nature (hiking, cross-coutry skiing, etc). The point is, find a different escape that is compatible with your goals. We all need escapes. You'll find one that works for you and you will succeed. You've come this far, there is no way you'll let yourself go back. 100+ lbs! are you kidding me?! Your will power is WAAAY too strong to back down.
  • suckerlove
    suckerlove Posts: 198
    I understand your struggle, I have been diagnosed with schitzoeffective disorder, bipolar disorder, severe depression and anxiety. I have been getting down myself lately and I'd have to recommend maybe talking to your psychiatrist to look at changing your meds. You can only stay on the same meds for a period of time before they just stop working, at least in my experience and I was diagnosed over 20 years ago. It sounds like you have some wonderful things happening in your life as well, I hope you can concentrate on the good things. You have been so inspirational to me and so many others. I pray you get through this soon.
  • LaceyMorley
    LaceyMorley Posts: 45
    Maybe you need to increase your dosage to help you get out of this funk. You can always tapper back down later or in the spring after winter and the holidays have passed.
    I know what you are going through. My daughter was diagnosed with Autism this past year and it put me in a downward spiral for a long time. I was a mess! The cherry on top was I gained about 50 lbs in a year. Since then I've been diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety, Major Depression, and OCD. I am currently taking Wellbutrin and it is really helping. We all go through tough things in life but the key to come out on top is to remember where you came from and where you want to be, to seek professional help if you need it, and remember every day you make a choice on how you want your life lived.

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