25 things women should know about men.

Lawlz.


Stereotypes are fun.

8. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

Lolz

Thanks so much, you made my day. I needed to laugh at my husband a little today!

I dont think I've ever seen an eyelash curler lol

Lawlz.


Stereotypes are fun.

Lawlz

So are wet blankets.

No they're not.


Proof: You're absolutely no fun, at all. Ever.

Lawlz.


Stereotypes are fun.

Lawlz

So are wet blankets.

No they're not.


Proof: You're absolutely no fun, at all. Ever.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Oh, god... I'm dying over here. Thanks for that! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Then there's “The Men’s Top Ten Rules for Buying Gifts for Wives” by I. M. Anidiot:

Rule #1: If you are forced to unlock your wallet and part with your beloved cash, purchase something that serves more than one function, preferably functions that will benefit you as well as your wife. The little woman can’t get enough gadgets and power tools to make her life more convenient. And don’t forget to be thoughtful - buy extra batteries.

Rule #2: Buying flowers for no reason whatsoever will make a wife suspicious that you have done something immoral, illegal, or both. Flowers are for apologies only. Why buy something that will eventually die, anyway? And really, what’s the USE of flowers other than to decorate a funeral parlor? When her time comes, buy her all she’s ever wanted.

Rule #3: Jewelry is pretty but it’s not permanent. Sooner or later, women have to take it off. Then you’ll either be stuck under the sink trying to fish it out of the sweaty drainpipe, or following the stupid dog around for days with a pooper-scooper after he’s mistaken a brooch for a hamburger patty.

Rule #4: Giving candy as a gift will only make your wife suspect that you think she’s fat. Then you will have to deal with the teary consequences as you backpedal your way into the doghouse. Even if she’s not fat, do you really want to give her something that might push her in that direction?

Rules #5: A weekend getaway vacation? What, and miss your Saturday evening lodge meeting/bowling night/poker game/hockey practice with the buddies? ‘Nough said.

Rules #6: Perfume smells nice…at first. After a week, you’ll miss her usual “fried bacon and laundry detergent” scent. Perfume has cling-on power. It’s no picnic being teased by your beer buddies because one wifely hug has you smelling like a girl. Perfume is also a dangerous gift because it has the power to drown out the best of manly aromas such as “that new car smell” and barbequed meat.

Rule #7: A night out without kids is a nice gift idea, but purchase the theatre tickets well in advance; otherwise, your wife will choose a “chick flick” at the box office. Should you fail to plan ahead, then purchase the jumbo sized popcorn and hold it shoulder height. This will hide your face from the smarter guys who pre-purchased their Arnold Schwartzeneggar movie tickets when they see you enter the theatre doors marked “Thelma And Louise”.

Rule #8: Unless you really like raw fish skewered with kelp on a toothpick, don’t even think about a restaurant dinner as a gift. Women will never choose the all-you-can-eat buffets, man! Nor will they opt for steakhouses that let you have the five-pound T-bone for free if you can eat it all at one sitting without dying of a heart attack on the premises.

Rule #9: If you’re inclined to present the little woman with clothing, you’d better know her sizes perfectly. Give a size 20 woman a size 2 shirt and she will think it’s a gag gift. Give a size 2 woman a size 20 shirt and she will gag you. Never, ever buy lingerie. Your taste runs somewhere between leather panties and metal spikes, while her taste undoubtedly leans towards Little Bo Peep, and never the twain shall meet. If you really must buy lingerie, never buy too small. If you unwittingly make this mistake, never excuse yourself by claiming, “But, Hon, I held it up to the clerk. She looked about your size.”

Rule #10: Never agree to skip the husband/wife gift exchange at Christmas and opt for the one large joint purchase unless you put it in writing. Women are notorious for breaking oral husband/wife agreements. Without a contract, come Christmas morning, you’d better have something under the tree for her, as there are sure to be at least ten gifts for you there.

///
~Excerpted from "Parentally Insane: Insights From The Edge of Midlife" by Julie Donner Andersen

Love this!

I am confused about #4.....Do you not help him?

I am too...but my question surrounds the fact you have a husband.

26. Men like boobies.

This is actually #00 - It is knowledge gained by both sexes at the moment of birth. Remember, ALL men hit the nipple

23. Men are self confident because they grow up identifying with super heroes. Women have bad self images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

I grew up identifying with dinosaurs.

Lol these are funny

26. Men like boobies.

This is actually #00 - It is knowledge gained by both sexes at the moment of birth. Remember, ALL men hit the nipple

even gay guys like boobs. even girls.


everyone likes boobs.

"22. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you; I want to marry you; I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave so fast, they leave skid marks."
Bwahahaha! This made me LOL. C'mon guys. We're really not as gooey and sentimental we pretend to be. There really is method in our madness!

I found these pics on a friends page and it got me thinking, so I found that list.

Love this!!!

And #5 the cell phone one, could not describe my boyfriend better. Lol!

Um 21 and 25? He didn't forget to call and he forgets everything? :ohwell: