Has anyone who lost a significant gone through psychological

Fieldsy
Fieldsy Posts: 1,105 Member
edited September 20 in Health and Weight Loss
I am just wondering. Often times I find myself thinking that I am still the same heavy guy years ago and will never fix that.

Replies

  • rosysilhouette
    rosysilhouette Posts: 31
    well when I lost 3stone and went down to 119lbs i still felt like i was big, always wanting to lose more weight, but i think that was cause i was bordering on an eating disorder... i just never think i'll be happy with my weight but definitely not happy with it at the moment (144lbs)
  • BamaRose0107
    BamaRose0107 Posts: 635
    Believe me you are not alone. I am still going through body image issues myself. Some days I feel good about myself and other days I still feel like the obese girl I was growing up. I guess I got so used to seeing myself fat, I can't even recognize myself as healthy. According to my phsyciatrist its fairly common. I am working with him now so that I can feel confident in the new me. I spent so many years hiding I don't really know how to live and have fun. In time I think it will just get better and better.

    Congrats on your weightloss BTW:flowerforyou:
  • mattdef11
    mattdef11 Posts: 9
    Hey Fieldsy - firstly - wow 225lbs lost!!! Incredible!!

    Second.....well you may feel like that but the best way to get around that is to look at the trousers you used to wear!!! That really shows you how far you come!!
  • BrendaLee
    BrendaLee Posts: 4,463 Member
    Growing up overweight really shapes who we become...I know I would be a very different woman if I had never been big. I think it would take a lot of work to overcome all of the damage...especially if you've suffered a lot of abuse due to your weight. I have to say, I can't wait until I have that issue to deal with though. As odd as that sounds.

    __

    Fieldsy, you are such an inspiration...I know a lot of peole say that, but you truly are. Maybe you can take that, and let it become part of your psyche...part of your new role in life- the inspiration for those of us who need it.
  • Lisa0711
    Lisa0711 Posts: 1,405 Member
    My weight loss has been a rollercoaster. When I was 13/14 I got up to 215-220.. then I lost about 50 pounds and got almost to a comfortable size. When I did that, I still felt heavy, but I noticed how different I looked in pictures and finally it sank in. Then I went from 176 to 245.. in a year. That was really hard for me to fathom. I would get shirts and hold them up and think, "Oh I know this will fit!" and it would be so tight I couldn't even put it on. That hurts. But now since I've lost 50 pounds I still think I'm bigger! Again, looking at pictures of how much I've changed really says the most I guess. Also, now I can pick out shirts by looking at them and know whether or not they'll fit. It's getting better. I guess at times you'll still think of youself as much heavier, but over time it should fade mostly away! It seems to be working for me anyway, but I haven't lost near as much weight as you! (Congrats by the way!)
  • arfletcher
    arfletcher Posts: 143
    Growing up overweight really shapes who we become...

    I agree with this

    I waver between thinking of myself as a fat girl still - (something that I had become quite comfortable with and had come to embrace) - and not recognizing myself! I went through a bit of an identity crises a few months ago when I realized that there was no way to justify calling myself a "fat girl" anymore - I'm not.... It is getting easier - but I still catch my reflection out of the corner of my eye every now and again and dont recognize myself! And my minds eye picture of myself probably weighs 40lbs more than I do!

    Weight/food issues are hooked into our minds pretty good - it makes sense that when your weight changes and your food habbits change that there are going to be some phychological side affects :)
  • drvvork
    drvvork Posts: 1,162
    ... I spent so many years hiding I don't really know how to live and have fun.

    Congratulations on your weightloss!!!! :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

    But like BamaRose0107 said... I am also going through self-image issues... I don't like my photos taken (never have - always felt embarrassed :blushing: ) and still don't recognize myself as "small enough" BUT we all have to come to a self-agreement that we are healthy and work to be happy with ourselves - I know I'm trying!! I am guessing over time with maintenance it may sink in that this is who we are - that we are no longer that heavy person we were so used to seeing in that mirror (mirrors also not friends of mine :grumble: ). So, you are not alone. :bigsmile:
  • gummibaehr
    gummibaehr Posts: 143
    I just did the math this morning and I've lost nearly 20 pounds since August last year. Do I feel any different? No! I think it's deeply ingrained into my mind that I'm overweight. Even when I reach my weight loss goal, I think it will take a long long time for me to fully accept the "new me."
  • CasperO
    CasperO Posts: 2,913 Member
    Wise woman Brenda said:
    Growing up overweight really shapes who we become...<<snip>>
    Yup yup. I was a fat kid, and we moved a lot so I was always the new kid.

    The stuff you deal with in childhood leaves marks that may never heal. Personally I've always overcompensated, acted like a blithering egomaniac. I know it's just bluster, covering insecurity with raging narcissism ("I will act like I am G-d's gift, and when you knock me down to 1/2 my size I'll still be pretty big"). It's ugly and overbearing and stupid and wrong, and I don't like it and I'm trying not to do it anymore - but it's hard. It's part of who I am.

    The skinnys tell you what an ugly stupid little not-good-enough dirtbag you are for so long that you eventually start to believe them. You hate them and envy them at the same time, and you hate yourself for not being good enough. And of course your loving G'parents say ingenious stuff like "they're just jealous",,, proving that adults do not live in the same world you do and you really are on your own. And then you emotional eat, 'cause that's how mom made it better when you were little, which of course just makes it worse. Grrrr...

    Well, now I've made some progress. I am far trimmer and healthier than I've ever been. Ever,,, in my life. I've been here for a while now, and I'm still shocked and thrilled and amazed and SURPRIZED when I get in front of a mirror. Inside my head I'm still heavy, I probably always will be.

    One thing I have promised myself and will always do my best to stick with - I will never ever be one of "those people"... If I achieve all of my goals - washboards abs/teenie waist/300 pushups without a break/8% bodyfat,,, the whole ball of wax - I will never ever disparage or criticize somebody who is heavier. I've been there, and I know how hard it is to be there and how hard it is to get out of there and I just won't do.

    Love your neighbor. My neighbor is a big big guy. I'll love him, that's what we're supposed to do.
  • LittleSpy
    LittleSpy Posts: 6,754 Member
    Agreeing wholeheartedly with Brenda and Casper here.

    When I look at myself in the mirror, I don't notice so much of a difference from about 60 pounds ago. But if I catch a *glimpse* of myself in a window or something I hardly recognize me. But then when I double take that glimpse to really look, I just see same ol' me again. It's very bizarre, actually.

    When I was 60 pounds heavier & I saw pictures of myself from the last time I lost weight (the wrong way) 6 years ago, I always thought "Man, I wish I still looked like that." And now that I'm SMALLER than I was 6 years ago, I still feel like I look like big fat me. I'm giving it time. I'm doing the horribly embarrassing looking in the mirror & naming stuff I like about my appearance thing. :laugh: I *will* get over it.
  • Fieldsy
    Fieldsy Posts: 1,105 Member
    thanks for the kind words every one, it means a lot

    I do agree that being overweight my entire life has made a huge impact on myself. I've learned how hard of a struggle it is to stick out like a sore thumb wherever I go. I also stutter so that didn't help much :smile:

    I want to have more confidence. I want to stop feeling insecure at times. This comes and goes for me. Some days I just feel like I am not good enough for anything, and other days I feel amazing.
  • muth3rluvx2
    muth3rluvx2 Posts: 1,156 Member
    Isn't this all true of anyone that's been emotionally/psychologically abused? Whether by peers, family, supposed friends - there are many, many things that leave irreversable scars - having a funny name, a funny accent, big ears, a big nose, being poor, being rich, being smart, being disabled, being "fat", being tall, being short, being skinny.....

    and this is what we all, as a society have to start to realize. very few are exempt - even if it looks and feels like we're the only ones.

    here's the fun part.

    in the end, we get to make ourselves. No one has to be the "fat" kid, or the "ugly" kid or the "dumb" kid. We are not children anymore and we get to call the shots about what our life will adn will not be. this is exceptionally empowering once it's truly realized. so sit back, close your eyes and see who you really are - not who "they" told you to be. and frankly, size hasn't a darned thing to do with it.

    (btw - I was the "ugly" kid)
  • CasperO
    CasperO Posts: 2,913 Member
    Being the fat kid is different. If you're tall/short/ugly/whatever,,, well that's unfortunate. But everybody understands that it's not your fault - including you. There's nothing a guy did to make himself 5'1" tall. He knows it, everybody else knows it. He might get picked on, but there are limits 'cause it's not his fault.

    If you are fat, right or wrong most people will assume that it's your fault - including you. You do this and you do that and it's your own fault. So it's a double whammy, unrelenting trouble and teasing, and people feeling that it's Ok to do it cause you asked for it. I'm not tall,,, and I'm not handsome - and I may have experienced a bit of shame or embarassment about those, but I never experienced guilt. Being chubby made me feel guilty, and that's the worst part of it all.
  • MTGirl
    MTGirl Posts: 1,490 Member
    I have to comment - what a great thread! I have found it incredibly difficult to change the picture in my head. I think that's why sometimes people are so shocked when they gain weight and have to see a picture of themselves before they realize how far they've gone. It's the same process in reverse. I still see myself as 300+ lbs. Even when I look in the mirror, I don't see much of a difference, mostly because I have a ways to go yet. The other day I pulled up my profile pics and looked at the one of me at almost my heaviest and compared it to the more recent ones. Still amazed. Still have to do that sometimes to convince my brain that I have changed! It is sinking in. I've been in this range for a year and a half, and I'm starting to feel my size. I'm also trying to finish this thing so I can be where I want to be and adjust to that image. It takes time - you have made an amazing change fieldsy - you are a true inspiration.

    I do think that sometimes that is why people regain the weight though - because they fail to force their brain to begin to "see" the change and they change their outside to agree with the picture in their head. I don't know if this even made sense to anyone but me! I hope so:happy:
  • gym_rat
    gym_rat Posts: 94
    I've lost about 80lbs and have roughly 10lbs more to go. The biggest mistake I made was thinking that as soon as I reached a certain number, I'd automatically be "happy." Not true!
  • muth3rluvx2
    muth3rluvx2 Posts: 1,156 Member
    Being the fat kid is different. If you're tall/short/ugly/whatever,,, well that's unfortunate. But everybody understands that it's not your fault - including you. There's nothing a guy did to make himself 5'1" tall. He knows it, everybody else knows it. He might get picked on, but there are limits 'cause it's not his fault.

    If you are fat, right or wrong most people will assume that it's your fault - including you. You do this and you do that and it's your own fault. So it's a double whammy, unrelenting trouble and teasing, and people feeling that it's Ok to do it cause you asked for it. I'm not tall,,, and I'm not handsome - and I may have experienced a bit of shame or embarassment about those, but I never experienced guilt. Being chubby made me feel guilty, and that's the worst part of it all.

    I guess I never saw it that way, myself. But then, I wasn't a normal kid. I didn't judge so perhaps my views aren't really applicable. Obviously, I classify "chubby" with the rest. It's something that's not like the others for the others to point at and ostracise. I can promise you though - the damage is not any different. No matter who's "fault" it is or isn't. Childhood is an extremely painful time for some of us, which is unfortunate. But now - look at you - all of you - and me. Who is walking the high road? Who has turned out to be the bigger man - pun very intended - ? You've already acknowledged some of your shortcomings. Do you realize how much of a sense of self and strength and confidence it takes to do that???? Alot. A whole lot. :-)
  • sonjavon
    sonjavon Posts: 1,019 Member
    Being the fat kid is different. If you're tall/short/ugly/whatever,,, well that's unfortunate. But everybody understands that it's not your fault - including you. There's nothing a guy did to make himself 5'1" tall. He knows it, everybody else knows it. He might get picked on, but there are limits 'cause it's not his fault.

    If you are fat, right or wrong most people will assume that it's your fault - including you. You do this and you do that and it's your own fault. So it's a double whammy, unrelenting trouble and teasing, and people feeling that it's Ok to do it cause you asked for it. I'm not tall,,, and I'm not handsome - and I may have experienced a bit of shame or embarassment about those, but I never experienced guilt. Being chubby made me feel guilty, and that's the worst part of it all.

    I completely agree with you. Being a fat kid is different than being short or tall or having acne or having a disability. Teachers treat you like you're lazy. Gym teachers take you on as their "pet project" - they're going to :"fix" you. Friends like you for your "funny" personality... ya know the facade you put on where you smile and poke fun of youself in hopes that it won't hurt as much if you instigate it? Instead of being beautiful - you settle for being cute or funny or the worst... "having a pretty face".

    I've always been up and down in my weight too. I wasn't a fat young child... but I matured very early. In 2nd grade I was wearing a bra and had hips. My father was very afraid that I would be fat... don't blame him - his parents did it to him... so he watched what I ate like a hawk - signed me up for Weight Watchers. When you're young and someone tells you that you're fat - you believe them. I thought I was fat all through high school - and I wasn't... I was a little overweight - but mostly just shaped like a woman - not a girl. At 35 - I'd give anything to be as "fat" as I was then. Thing is - it's a self fulfilling prophecy - I now look like what I thought I looked like back then.

    I don't trust my own judgement now though... I look back on some pictures and I was downright slim - and didn't know it. I didn't realize I was fat until I saw a picture of myself and literally didn't recognize myself. I've made people promise to tell me when I become "thin" - because I'm not sure that I'll know.
  • muth3rluvx2
    muth3rluvx2 Posts: 1,156 Member
    Fieldsy,

    I think the short answer is no - you're not alone. Many of us have our psychological demons to battle and it appears that many of them revolve around a sense of image. I still can't get it out of my head that I'm the ugly kid.... no matter how many say otherwise, it just won't sink in. Now, add this weight I've gained to that into the mix... whew. It's pretty harsh. Fat AND ugly? jeeze. Great.

    But no one else sees me that way. Its all in my head, scars left over from childhood. Which is why I said what I did about relying on who you are on in the inside. Who here is a rotten person?

    Takers? Anyone?
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