No support

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bluemilan
bluemilan Posts: 17
in Motivation and Support
I have battled with my weight since i was a young teenager and 30 years down the line, something has finally clicked.

Since April 2012 I have lost 36.5lbs and 13lb has been since I discovered MFP.

Unfortunately I come from a family of thin people who seem to be able to eat what they like and not put any weight on.

Last night my mother presented me with a box of rum truffles, my favourite, and with a big grin on her face said,"you're doing great, but you need a treat!!"

Every time she comes to visit she brings doughnuts, cakes, chocolate and gets upset when i ask her to take them away.

My mother in law also has a weight problem and is really cheeky when i want to stick to my healthy eating plan when we are out for lunch or coffee.
Fortunately my husband and daughter have been better for once.

How does everyone cope without the support of loved one?
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Replies

  • bottoms1
    bottoms1 Posts: 3
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    People do not realize that treats are great but a healthy body and mind are even greater. A treat is not a treat when you feel like crap after you eat it. Stay strong for yourself
  • Dra57
    Dra57 Posts: 56 Member
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    Fortunately I do have my OH's support.
    However do remember that the family you describe have their own reasons (they may not even be conscious of them) to sabotage your weight loss and health gain.
    It is good to develop your inner resilience - basically do you want to do this or not?? If yes, then do it.
    How intimate are you with them? Could you, when there is no choc on the table, say that you are losing weight, you know how to treat yourself, they don't need to, and you would prefer they don't buy sweet treats for you as you won't be eating them? Or say if want to give you a treat buy you some scented bath oil (or whatever).
    Out for coffee? Skinny latte, no bun!! Nobody can put these foods in your mouth without your say so!
    You have done really really well so have a go at toughening up your responses and keep at it!

    If you fancy being a friend send me a request.
  • jakiram
    jakiram Posts: 25 Member
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    I´ve hurt the feelings of some family members by refusing to eat cakes and stuff and asking for dry rye bread or an apple instead. Then I have lied that I really can´t eat anything sweet/fatty etc. right now, because my stomach is not quite feeling good.... a little white lie. With some people I´ve just told them that I don´t fancy what they are offering.

    I feel like a true champion after refusing the treats. I do treat myself, but I do that by having a facial, having my hair done, buying a new nailpolish etc. And yes, sometimes I may drink a class of champange or eat a piece or two of candy. But when I do I´m the one choosing the moment and the amount.

    Someone said that the best exercise move is turning your head from left to right and back at the moment when you´re offered something that makes you fat.

    Stay strong! I´m right there with you!
  • Verity1111
    Verity1111 Posts: 3,309 Member
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    Someone said that the best exercise move is turning your head from left to right and back at the moment when you´re offered something that makes you fat.
    I love this lol
  • Dave198lbs
    Dave198lbs Posts: 8,810 Member
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    How does everyone cope without the support of loved one?

    try not to look at her offering treats as non support. She is supporting you.

    But, for you, she is doing it wrong. That isn't her fault. Most people who are not on this path really have no clue about "treats" and things like that.

    Be gracious, say thank you and don't eat them.
  • jimmmer
    jimmmer Posts: 3,515 Member
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    How does everyone cope without the support of loved one?

    try not to look at her offering treats as non support. She is supporting you.

    But, for you, she is doing it wrong. That isn't her fault. Most people who are not on this path really have no clue about "treats" and things like that.

    Be gracious, say thank you and don't eat them.

    ^This

    Losing weight doesn't have to make you ungrateful! Say thanks, put them to one side and say you'll enjoy them later.

    Then when she's gone, put them in the bin! Problem solved, feelings spared, weight loss mission maintained!
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    i have grandmas who know about my sweet tooth and try and feed me up. some times i say yes, and enjoy the treat, sometimes i say no... this has to be repeated at least 6 times, but a polite 'thanks but i'm full, i'll save it for tomorrow' is fine. then either bin it, or give it away!
  • bufger
    bufger Posts: 763 Member
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    I found that my mum was my 'feeder'. I'd control my portion and she'd add more on or she'd buy treats or cook a favourite really unhealthy meal whenever i'm trying to be good. I think its a psychological thing and i know she doesnt mean harm. Its lucky i dont live with her or it'd be really hard!

    My wife is also buying lots of crap recently which makes it harder for me. I just keep my eye on the prize and learn to say no. I'll have to say no at some point so i may aswell get that practice in now!
  • acg1687
    acg1687 Posts: 1
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    I think it is especially hard when you come from a family that rewards every accomplishment with food. When that is what you grew up with or are constantly around, you get accustom to that reward system (that's been my hardest habit to break). I think they best thing to do is the "thanks but no thanks" approach. Your health will be the greatest reward all by itself! oh...and a facial or 2 :tongue:
  • CentralCal559
    CentralCal559 Posts: 16
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    I can remember my mother doing the same thing and it used to really get me angry, then guilty because I ate the "treat", and the spiral began. I finally got the courage to put myself first. It took a while, because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, (no, I'd rather pack on the pounds than annoy someone) yikes!

    Now, my husband does the same thing. (I'm a magnet for treat givers!) Anyway, put yourself first, put your goals first. If they get mad, they'll get over it.

    Eventually, everyone will come around (remember the word 'eventually). It might take time, but you'll win in the end. Good luck.
    You can do it!:smile:
  • maria_elaina
    maria_elaina Posts: 53 Member
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    Sorry to hear you have no support, it's the worst, isn't it?


    I live with my parents and my Dad just doesn't understand food. He's spent his life eating so badly he's given himself diabetes, but he still refuses to accept that I may have a better idea about nutrition than he does.

    He thinks I have a "problem" like an eating disorder and takes my rejection of his food as a personal insult. Every 30mins I'll get "do you want a donut?" "do you want a cake?" "have some chocolate" which is MEGA difficult because I find keeping my cravings under control particularly difficult anyway.

    But I just use this to spur me on. He has literally made himself ill with his attitude and I'm determined not to follow in his footsteps. Every time my weight goes down its a big "up yours" to the pressure my Dad puts on me and I am even more proud of myself for losing the weight because of the will power I've had to display.
  • geebusuk
    geebusuk Posts: 3,348 Member
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    Not really one looking for 'support', but also have serious problems resisting temptation when offered food by friends etc.

    With some friends recently who have pestered me to eat because "you can't do that all the time, take a break" I've explained "well, that is exactly how I got to the point of having to lose 60lb" and then "so, I really have to stick to it, because last time it took me two weeks to get back on track, so I wasted two weeks of exercise" and then "well, I could, but I'd need to go for another half hour cycle ride to keep on track, or all that hard work would be wasted".
    But then I'm not so bothered about hurting people's feelings etc.
  • Zomoniac
    Zomoniac Posts: 1,169 Member
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    I get that a lot. My dad invariably invites me out for a (very nice) curry ever weekend. I invariably decline. The response is always "you take it too seriously, you can let yourself go once in a while". I do. Once in a while. Not a 3,000 cal meal once a week. I just ignore it, and take solace in the fact that I know better than him what I have to do and what my limits are.
  • Dave198lbs
    Dave198lbs Posts: 8,810 Member
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    Sorry to hear you have no support, it's the worst, isn't it?

    she does have support.

    Just not the appropriate kind for this part of her journey.
  • Smokey19
    Smokey19 Posts: 796 Member
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    I come from a family of really overweight people. My brother and I are on this journey together and that helps having someone to talk to. I also like this site for all the friends that I have made that talk to me everyday and support and encourage me. They answer a lot of my questions the best that they can. My husband and his family are actually all underweight and can eat whatever they want to. I have to keep all kinds of sweets in the house for my husband to snack on all the time. I had him put some of them in the bedroom where he snacks on them all night long and that helps. I would accept the gifts from your mother and then give them to a neighbor or take them to work for your coworkers to nibble on. Just get them out of the house and out of sight. I bake a cake for my husband who is only able to eat about half of it, so I give my neighbor the other half as soon as it is baked so I don't feel tempted to help him eat it. You can do this. Keep ordering healthy at restaurants and know that you aren't going to get there support and turn to your friends on here. A group of friends can be really helpful. They even let me rant and rave sometimes and support me everyday. Please feel free to message me anytime and please add me. My name is Kimberlee, 49.
  • slimtrimgoody
    slimtrimgoody Posts: 16 Member
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    When someone tries to sabbatoge me, I simply say, "no thank you, my doctor and I are on a mission to get my BP, glucose and cholestoral levels down and I'm sick and tired of taking pills." Trust me, it never fails. Keep up the great work and good luck!:bigsmile:
  • Dave198lbs
    Dave198lbs Posts: 8,810 Member
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    When someone tries to sabbatoge me, I simply say, "no thank you, my doctor and I are on a mission to get my BP, glucose and cholestoral levels down and I'm sick and tired of taking pills." Trust me, it never fails. Keep up the great work and good luck!:bigsmile:

    good lord....her granny offers a treat and says, "you are doing so good" you deserve a treat and you say she is trying to sabotage her? that is just a sad way to think
  • bluemilan
    bluemilan Posts: 17
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    Thanks everyone.

    My mother although now in her 70's has criticised me all my life. It suits her for me to be overweight, so she can go on about me being so different to my brothers, "dont know where we got you from" "must be a mix up in the hospital" or worse "dont think your ours, everything we like ,you cant stand"

    I am an extremely fussy eater because my mother cant cook! I have always tried to eat healthier than my family, but difficult when resources were limited. I taught myself to make soup from 6 yr old because it was the one thing I would eat.

    I know my eating habits are from my childhood and since i am now 43, its an extremely difficult task to try and break bad habits. I was never an over eater, I just didnt like eating--I still force myself to eat every few hours-I was never hungry. I think that may be because my mother was such a terrible cook. I can still see the inch of fat on the spaghetti bolognese, which put me off meat completely and fat.

    We get invited for Christmas dinner and mine consists of a plate of brussel sprouts because I dont like turkey and everything else is either done in goose fat or smothered in butter!! I think she does it on purpose, and why do i go, because I feel sorry for my dad and I wouldnt want them being on their own. None of my brothers ever go so I feel I have too.


    Sorry for moaning but once i get started, I can feel the anger and tension rise.

    As her best friend pointed out a few months ago, "you may love your mother, but you dont need to like her." Very wise woman.

    Thanks again and good luck in your continual journey

    LA
  • bradphil87
    bradphil87 Posts: 617 Member
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    My biggest motivation is the non supporters. I show them everyday, when I workout, when I eat right, when I look and feel great....they hate it, and I love to piss them off!!!!! Lol
  • Lynnedts
    Lynnedts Posts: 2
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    It's not easy. So much of our social life is tied up with food. It's trying to make choices from a menu that kills me. As bradphil87 says, it's easy to resist the non supporter and show them you can do it but the people who are genuinely trying to help but manage to screw with your head are a nightmare.

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