I just feel sad and mad at myself! :/ I need inspiration.

Verity1111
Verity1111 Posts: 3,309 Member
in Motivation and Support
I feel so sad and I know I shouldn't feel sorry for myself, but I am doing right now! I was this weight in high school (169) and I worked my toosh off to lose it! I went to the gym 4 or 5 times per week for 3hrs per day. I also walked a lot more and whatever else I could do for exercise. I lost about 25lbs in 2 1/2 month. I was in shape and more tone than ever, but then I broke my leg/foot w.e. and ruined it a little. I was still in pretty good shape and lost weight later, right before our daughter. So when I got pregnant I gained 50-70lbs and totally had no idea what I was doing to my system. I was clueless, which is why I don't make negative comments to people who don't know now if they need to track their juice, donuts, or whatever else. I sometimes wonder if it matters what I do to work out because I let my gorgeous (yes Im conceited lol) body get marked up and stretched out by overeating while pregnant and Im scared I cant tone now. I am so worried I will go through all of this and still hate what I see. I miss feeling confident and happy, which I have only felt a few months of all my 22 years. That is all really. I just needed to vent. I keep stopping my journey and overeating and binging because of these feelings. Just saying "Stop feeling sorry for yourself" doesnt help, so if you have any real advice of inspiring words I would appreciate it. It is also very difficult for me to say this because I am a very "strong" "confident" person and I don't like to let people know I'm ashamed of myself.

P.S. I have paused & restarted this journey a few times due to stress and being busy with my kids and I just want to be SO dedicated that I can't stop for a second. IYKWIM

Replies

  • allthenamesaretaken1
    allthenamesaretaken1 Posts: 98
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  • littlemsmetal
    littlemsmetal Posts: 68
    For every woman who hates her maternity marks, there's another woman who would die to have them!

    It's SO hard to lose weight when you're negative. Try to keep motivated as much as possible. There are tons of tips and tricks, you just need to try some and figure out what works for you and you will get there. It's such a pain in the *kitten* to be tired and get up and try to get pumped up, believe me, I have a newborn so I'm feeling your pain! However, think of how many times you held yourself back and it just seemed too far in the future. I bet that's been going on for a long time. Think how far along you could be in that time instead. Don't let anymore time go by, you can do this!
  • honduranian
    honduranian Posts: 4
    I am proud of you for venting out in the open sometime people just need to be heard and I hear you all so well. it will be okay you can lose the weight and get back to where you want to be. I will encourage you along the way and I ask that you encourage me on my jpurney as well
  • Crookey21
    Crookey21 Posts: 311 Member
    what works for me is i get excited about every single pound i lose because i know im going in the right direction. im the same way and i eat when im feeling down or negative so i have to make a big deal about what i do lose. i weigh myself approx once a week or sometimes 2 wks because i know i can get discouraged if i dont see any changes day-to-day. Knowledge is power so i also read and learn as much as i can about dieting and fitness.

    Hope this helps.
  • Smokey19
    Smokey19 Posts: 796 Member
    I don't know what it is like to be pregnant because I was never able to carry children. I lost one at 4 wks. and was told to never get pregnant again. But I do understand wt. gain. I started on medication that caused me to immediately gain 30 lbs. and I then gained another 34 lbs. on top of that until I weighed 304 lbs. I started a little over a yr. ago to really watch what I was eating and counting my calories and I've lost all my weight in that time period. I was going to the gym 4 days a week, alternating cardio and strength training, but I had to stop going when my parents had to move out of their house and then again when I had major abdominal surgery 2 wks. ago. I know that, with the help of this site, you can do this. It is structured really well and helps you see what you eat, what you should eat more or less of. It also helps you log your exercises and you can see your total and net calories taken in. Feel free to add me.
  • mogletdeluxe
    mogletdeluxe Posts: 623 Member
    What an open and honest post. Well done for writing it.

    Your body gave birth to a baby - such a wonderful thing. Do not kill yourself with guilt about the changes your body has undergone; that very body enabled you to have a child.

    You can get there, I promise. I absolutely ruined my body with years of overeating - stretch marks, saggy skin, dimples, chub rub scars, the works. I thought I was kind of beyond redemption.

    You can change your body. Of course it takes harder-than-hard work and unwavering dedication. But your body is your canvas - sure, you may maintain some physical reminders of what your body used to be like when you were at your biggest. But, on the other side of the journey, you may very well be quietly grateful of those reminders.

    Being sad and angry at yourself with achieve nothing. Nada. Zip. This is in your hands.

    All the best.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    first off, you dont need to do hours and hours at the gym... its quality not quantity!

    and you CAN get your body back, but its gonna take a lot of HARD WORK!

    its a lifestyle change, but that doesnt mean you cant ever eat nice things. i am goign out for dinner tomorrow evening, and will be guzzling down 3 course without a shred of guilt because i know i will stay within my weekly net calorie goal.

    set your cals to lose 1lb per week, no more, as you dont want too bit a deficit which'll make it harder to stick to.

    you CAN do it!
  • JanaCanada
    JanaCanada Posts: 917 Member
    It's all about perspective, luv. Sometimes, you just have to accept that which you cannot change - stretch marks being one of them. My husband finds mine beautiful, as they are a permanent reminder of the love we share, and how that beautiful love created new life.

    As for weight...depending on how hard you work, you may be able to get back to pre-baby weight...or you might not. If you want it badly enough, you will do whatever it takes. It won't be easy, but it IS possible! Weight is something you CAN change!

    At age 53, I know my body will never magically snap back to the one I had in my 20's, but I'm OK with that. I just want to be healthy and strong for retirement, so Hubs and I can spend as much time as possible together until God calls us home. :smile:
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
    I won't lie to you, depending on genetics, you might not like your body naked as much as you did before. But even so, you can like it just fine with clothes on, and you'll still look better clothed or not if you're in shape than you will if you're out of shape.

    Sometimes you just have to do the best you can with reality, even though it sucks donkey nuts.
  • Colleen118
    Colleen118 Posts: 491 Member
    Giving birth is a blessing! Those marks are a permanent reminder that you created something wonderful! Hate them, but love them as they are a part of you and the greatness you are! I completely feel you! I went from 125lbs to 207 at delivery with my first born. ALL WATER, doctor said it was toxemia or something (my son is now almost 19). I had two more in the 2.5 years following him. Never got as big. A year after the 3rd was born my doctor told me I was really skinny and tht by toning and working out I could reduce some of the "flab" left from the scarring.

    I let life and parenthood get in the way and just gained it all back and put on an additional 10lbs from when I gave birth to my son. I then decided it was time to change. I workout and eat far better than I was. I wish every day I had not used not having time as an excuse not to take care of myself. I look younger and generally have a far better mood and outlook on things even though my underlying circumstances remain as they've been all along. I firmly believe that by taking the time to fix me, it is fixing MORE of me than I bargained for... I am bi-polar II and depression is usually far worse for me during this time of year. This year I have FAR LESS "episodes" and they aren't anywhere near as severe.

    YOU CAN DO THIS!!! It is hard and takes dedication but who better to be more dedicated to "fixing" than you?! Don't let it get you down! Fight it now and fight through it now. When you slip in the rain you don't wallow in the puddle do you? (well if it's warm rain I might but that's just fun then!) NO! You get up and dry off as quickly as possible making sure to "play it cool" in hopes no one noticed, right?

    This new change is the same. Gradual changes. Attainable goals. Start at 5lb loss goal. When you hit that set the next goal to 10lbs lost. Same with building stamina for working out. Start small and FORCE yourself to increase, push yourse;f outside of your comfort zone in order to create a new, better comfort zone that will lead to you being happy and active in your family's life. I wish I had been just that. I always sat the sides when they played bll with friends while the hubby got in and played right with them. I wish I had had the courage to get over myself then. Now, I have a 2 year old grandson and I LOVE chasing him around because I can :D
  • sissie2955
    sissie2955 Posts: 47
    You should be more happy about teh joy of your child than how your body looks. This being said from a woman who was told she would never have kids. I jumped to 389lbs!! I hated myself then AND I will be honest I am 235lbs now. That is 154lbs LOST and you know what I do not like my body. BUT I am extremely appy that I was blessed after losing 127lbs I got pregnant and had a baby and I gained alot of weight as well. I did not start my journey again until my boy turned 2. But I started again.

    YOu may not like your body, but I will tell you one thing I will tak ethis body, stretch mamks, scars, hanging skin and flabby arms over being the weight I was. I enjoy life to teh fullest with my son. I still have ups and downs but my joy comes from the Lord and the blessing of my child and the amazing weight loss I have had, REGARDLESS of how I look to myself
  • Verity1111
    Verity1111 Posts: 3,309 Member
    For every woman who hates her maternity marks, there's another woman who would die to have them!

    It's SO hard to lose weight when you're negative. Try to keep motivated as much as possible. There are tons of tips and tricks, you just need to try some and figure out what works for you and you will get there. It's such a pain in the *kitten* to be tired and get up and try to get pumped up, believe me, I have a newborn so I'm feeling your pain! However, think of how many times you held yourself back and it just seemed too far in the future. I bet that's been going on for a long time. Think how far along you could be in that time instead. Don't let anymore time go by, you can do this!

    It is less that Im not motivated, more that I rarely get "me" time or space. 4 people in one room. 7 people in one level of this house. It is crowded and I have no where to exercise and since my husband works full time and I go to school full time I get discouraged because I cant exercise and I want to and Im scared Ill end up skinny, but with a ton of loose skin and ugh Id rather be fat. -_- Im just feeling down lately Thank you for the encouragement xoxo I want to Zumba so bad right now too lol
  • nicsalt
    nicsalt Posts: 86 Member
    Don't give up. You are really worth the effort. Every pound you gain is another that will make you feel sad and only adds to the number you have to lose later. Don't make something that's already so hard even harder. Please don't be ashamed of yourself. No one is perfect, that's not realistic. The point is to accept the bumps in the road and recognize them as just that. Keep moving forward. You can reach your goal.

    Hang in there!
  • ashlbubba
    ashlbubba Posts: 224 Member
    Slow and steady wins the race.. if you pace your weight loss the skin will have the best chance to recover.. we're here stressing over body image with you ..:flowerforyou:
  • Verity1111
    Verity1111 Posts: 3,309 Member
    I think I didn't say one part or explain it. I am not upset because I was pregnant and gained weight, I am upset I knew nothing about weight gain, so I ate like a pig and used being pregnant as my excuse without realizing what I was doing to my body (and my teeth too :/) at the time. I don't mind the stretch marks as much as what they mean, apart from my lovely daughter, which is that I may not be able to tighten my stomach and tone, or so I think. I just wonder if I will have tons of loose skin or not be able to tone at all because of the stretch marks/stretched out skin. We'll see as my journey persists I suppose.

    @allthenamesar :] It is less the marks more the loose skin :/ If I looked like that Id feel awesome haha

    @honduranian Thank you. Id be happy to do so. You seem very nice. I just feel so suffocated in this situation. Lots of people in a tiny space plus always busy no time for me when I barely have time for my kids, or thats how I feel. Im sure I just need a vacation.

    @Crookey21 Me too! I love losing a lb, but then Im like so what youve already made yourself sick and youve already done this that and the like. I just am bad at moving on and letting go of mistakes Id say. You seme to be doing awesome now! Nice loss on your ticker :] Thank you for the advice, I appreciate it.

    @Smokey19 I'm sorry you lost your baby xoxo My cousin lost her baby the day I concieved our daughter and it made me feel dreadful. It wasn't the pregnancy's fault I gained, it was me not thinking. I spent my entire pregnancy looking up how to do right by the baby as far as when the baby was born and totally did not consider what I was doing to my own system. Thanks for offering to let me add you. I've seen you around and your weight loss is inspiring :]

    @mogletdeluxe Thank you. I find it hard to admit when I've done something wrong and it just sucks to look back and go "Oh I missed that tiny (HUGE) detail of my own health while looking up info 15 hrs per day about how to change a diaper" lol. You really don't look like you ever had a bit of stretch marks of sag by the way. LOL Not from here anyways, but who knows. Just so you know I'd kill to look like you. lol Well, not literally kill, but I'm Just sayin!

    @TavistockToad Oh yum lol I been eatin unhealthy again I lasted dedicated for like a few days LOL Now Im trying to push myself back into the healthy high protein thoughtful zone. I'm just so stressed with school lately and I wanted to stop with my entire life even food seeming like work. I am trying hard to get back on track now. Thank you!

    @JanaCanada I think people misunderstood lol. When I said I stretched myself out Im scared I can not tone :/ Like Im scared I cant have abs because Im all stretched out. I don't know. Maybe Im wrong. You really sound very sweet and thank you for the kind post. You seem like a very kind person for some reason and gentle.

    @MaraDiaz Thanks for being so blunt! LOL. Im just afraid of loose skin a lottt. I dont want to get surgery because Im so against that but if I have to I will. I can not stand loose skin and I dont know how my confidence level would drop.

    @Colleen118 I know the marks are less of an issue. It annoys me that I have so many, but it is more the skin. I am scared because since the stretch marks are there Im worried I can not tone my stomach anymore. True I do try to play it cool LOL Im very confident in public and people actually tell me they envy it a lot. Deep down its just me making sure no one walks all over me or even tries to.

    @sissie2955 It wasn't the kids who did it though, it was me. The fact that I was pregnant was my excuse to overeat. That is why it bothers me. I mean if I had eaten healthy and had stretched out my body Id be just as annoyed, but feel less guilty and bad about myself if that makes sense. 154lbs? Woo nice work! It also shows drs are not always right about not having kids because I know a few people like that.
  • Verity1111
    Verity1111 Posts: 3,309 Member
    @nicsalt Thank you. That really means a lot to me. "You are really worth the effort" I'm not sure anyone has ever said that to me.

    @ashlbubba Thank you. I pray you're right and as long as I'm not starving myself and I drink a lot of water it can tighten up at least some. xoxo
  • gbellsatx
    gbellsatx Posts: 37 Member
    Losing weight and being healthy is a marathon and not a sprint, it’s not about how fast you get out of the blocks but how consistent you are over the long haul. Set some small goals, identify your strengths and identify your roadblocks, get a core support group family, friends, online whatever it takes. Map out a plan, reward yourself with small successes. What’s even more important is your still here.
  • Christine1110
    Christine1110 Posts: 1,786 Member
    You just have to decide you want the weight off more then the junk food!! I have a hard time controling myself if I give in to sweets. I have been good lately but I cave in also. I made up my mind I wanted to hit my goal weight more then the junk food.
  • michellemains1983
    michellemains1983 Posts: 14
    First off, let me start off by congratulating you all on all your weight loss successes...you all are inspiring in your own individual successes. I too....am overweight...I never really was "thin"...But, I am embarrassed to say I'm definitely at my heaviest..I too also feel worthless & a failure..I hate feeling like I should hate myself and be miserable about myself...And, I want to lose weight-not just for myself.... But, for my family, friends and husband Andy. I tried losing weight- I'd do good....then I feel like I'm slowly starting to get bored...because, i'm working out by myself..and, I'd rather feel like I'm in a weight loss support group..and not just a weight loss loner. If anyone, is interested in becoming "Fitness Pals"..please send me a friend request-I'll support you if you need it...take care everyone! :)
  • yorkiemom0820
    yorkiemom0820 Posts: 71 Member
    love it!!!!:flowerforyou:
  • 1PoisonIvy
    1PoisonIvy Posts: 933 Member
    For every woman who hates her maternity marks, there's another woman who would die to have them!

    It's SO hard to lose weight when you're negative. Try to keep motivated as much as possible. There are tons of tips and tricks, you just need to try some and figure out what works for you and you will get there. It's such a pain in the *kitten* to be tired and get up and try to get pumped up, believe me, I have a newborn so I'm feeling your pain! However, think of how many times you held yourself back and it just seemed too far in the future. I bet that's been going on for a long time. Think how far along you could be in that time instead. Don't let anymore time go by, you can do this!
    [/quote

    Well said, it is a badge of honor, I have a niece that would do anything to be able to have children!!]
  • yorkiemom0820
    yorkiemom0820 Posts: 71 Member
    The post I made was about the tiger strips! You will accomplish your goals, stay focused! Good luck!:flowerforyou:
  • theologynerd
    theologynerd Posts: 264 Member
    Keep in mind that stretch marks will fade. They can look so angry and permanent right after giving birth! The skin is an organ, and can shrink down in amazing ways, as well. My original goal weight was met when I lost 80 lbs., but when I got there, I wasn't impressed with what I saw. I was disappointed, but thought about it this way: what was I planning on doing when I got to my goal weight, quit dieting and exercising? No... so if not, then really, what's the big deal to lose a little more? If I would have told myself I was a failure for not looking the way I expected, I would have destroyed my progress. So, here I am on my way to a new goal. I have no idea what the number on the scale will be. I just know that right now, I want to lose more body fat and get more muscle. It helps me to think of myself as an old work horse, just slowly plodding along, getting the job done. Consistent. Stubborn. Reliable. I am a stay at home mom of 3 kids, so I understand the time issue. I use my own body as weight for strength training. This helped me so much. I was 150 lbs. in a size 9/10 jeans from Maurices, but doing the body weight stuff took me to a size 5/6 at the same weight. Just modified push ups, lunges, squats, planks, toe raises, etc. I don't need much time for those. Pop out 5-10 push ups here, 5-10 there. Lunge down the hallway instead of walk. I really have zero excuses to not work out.
  • Verity1111
    Verity1111 Posts: 3,309 Member
    Thank you everyone! So nearly 90 minutes of Zumba CORE (Wii) later I think I found my inspiration! I LOVE this game to pieces and I think I could play it every day. :] I'm not sure if it will help my muscles or not, but it sure made me nauseous. Haha. I loved it! xoxo

    @gbellsatx This is true! Thank you. I really love that. My new goal is to burn 1000 calories in one day with Zumba. I have burned 1200 in 2 hrs, but I haven't had that much of a workout in a long time now. Thank you!

    @christine1110 I just bought 2 snickers LOL I will have one too because I just worked my toosh off! :] Or just a half of one. I like junk food, but I enjoy exercise way more to be honest with you. Thank you for the reply and advice, I appreciate anything you say to help me. :]

    @michellemains I'd love to add you! Thank you for the offer. There is nothing better than knowing people care and want you to succeed. I wish you the best of luck.

    @yorkiemom0820 I love the picture too! Thanks for the comment, free bump for me lol!

    @1PoisonIvy I keep saying it isn't the marks, but the skin. I don't mind the marks, I say my tummy is on fire. Lol. I am worrie more about if they may cause me to not be able to tighten my skin. If I could tone and not have a huge amount of loose skin, but still be marked up, I would so take it. lol. Thank you for the reply!

    @theologynerd I seen you around and was going to (attempt to) add you maybe two days ago, so hello again to you. :] I'm not sure what exercises to do even though people tell me. I tend to forget as I've never seen or heard of them. lol. I'm not yet capable of a burpee, or that thing people do on their side, I think that is a plank? lol We'll see. I would like to do some crunches and sit ups or push ups. I'm not sure if crunches or sit ups strengthen muscles, but I did them previously, maybe 100-300 per night before sleep and I toned a lot. Thank you!

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