Pregnant at 44?

My mom had me when she was 45. Everything went well during the pregnancy and the birth, so yes, it is possible.

But... the huge generation gap between us when I was growing up was not good for either of us. I was teased mercilessly at school for having an old mother who looked more like a grandmother. She was too old to understand me during my teenage years and it was an unbearable time for both of us. She couldn't be a 'fun' grandmother for my first child as she was too frail by then and she never got to know my second child as she had Alzheimer's by then...

So... think about it carefully, from the child's perspective

I have mixed emotions about this post. From the flip side, I had my first child at 39 - my mother's health, regardless of her age, has been touch and go. She has severe health issues, which have impacted her ability to be involved in my Daughters life. She IS involved, and more so than probably some parents, but her physical capabilities are very limited) There have been times it has made me sad, and I have thought "if she had monitored her diabetes better.. then... " fill in the blank. But the truth of the matter is, Even though there is that issue, and I can see your point, I don't think I can agree with this. In my case, it was more my husbands and My fault for waiting as long as we did to have kids, until my mom's health was less than optimal for her to be more of a participant in her life (and she IS involved, just not to the level of some younger, healthier parents).

My point is, She's NOT that old - she's in her 60's. Age isn't the only factor - health is also a point. But in the above scenario, the other option is to not be born at all. i.e., if your mother hadn't decided to have you, you wouldn't be here today. You wouldn't have your children, and the blessings that they are. Of course I have concerns, but this isn't just for me. Actually while I would LOVE a second child, the concerns do make me worried, so I waiver a bit. My Husband and My daughter - both would love another child. I have mixed emotions, but, I would like for my daughter to have a sibling to grow up with and confide in. someone who can be with her after I and my husband are gone.

I'm sorry - something in your post makes me very sad. It feels like you have some bitterness toward your mother, and maybe it's because she is sick now (my dad has Alzheimers, so I can relate), and the lack of her healthy presence is probably weighing on you.

Lastly, I was teased in school as well - but you know what? I really think having an older parent was probably not the cause of the teasing. Kids look for a reason to pick on other kids. I don't care what it is. Having an older parent may have made an easy target, but, just because that was part of your childhood, does not mean that kids could not have found another reason to pick on you - i.e., I could go down a laundry list of bullying scenarios that I was a victim of, and let me assure you, kids don't need to pick an obvious reason. They will find something - even if it's to MAKE something up. The kids that get bullied are generally easy targets for some reason - self esteem being one, so I really do believe that while this happened, it was not the sole cause of it.

Anyhow, I feel your pain. I can relate on much of what you have said, if for not the exact same reasons, I just try not to blame my parents for it. Though by reading your post, it has helped me recognize that I have done that to some degree, and I am a bit ashamed of it. My parents were wonderful, loving, and supportive. They did their best, many times not knowing how to do anything better, and I will love them regardless. I no longer have self esteem issues - and am a respected professional in my field. Yes there are reasons to not do this - and I respect them whole-heartedly, but I do not think the generation gap will be an issue - and maybe I am Naive about that. It's too early for me to know with my daughter, but if what you say is true, she's a lost cause, at 4 yrs old, as I am already 'grandmother' age to her.

That being said - I am getting healthier FOR her. My main reason for losing weight, getting in shape, is for her. I now chase her around the house, or her I, we run, jump rope, play hop scotch, you name it. I am not at an ideal weight yet, or health, but, just being in my 40's or 50's does not mean I won't be able to be active with her. If I take good care of myself now, even into my 60s or 70s I could be in good health, and an active participant in my child(ren)s lives. I have no intent of having another child without continuing my journey towards health and a hopefully a long active life with my children.

Good luck to you, and God Bless:flowerforyou:

It's weird to me how there's a lot of negativity about this thread elsewhere on MFP, despite the thread itself containing a lot of well-expressed posts and a ton of first-hand accounts. I don't get it. Kind of bugs me more than the obvious all-out trolling you find in other threads.

Oh really? Do tell Are you referring to THIS specific thread??