To all the self-saboteurs....

peraudacia_adastra · November 2012

Am I the only self-saboteur on here? I do wonder... If there are people like me out there, who do so very well for a period and then completely undo it - how do you stop yourself? How do you deal with it?

When I first dieted, I lost over 100lbs, and then hit a block. Now I yo-yo, and the ticker says I've lost 3lbs - I haven't got weighed, but I know after this past week it will be back up. I've been like this for nearly two years now.

I'm not a binge eater, though sometimes I do eat way too much. Usually, what happens is I just stop all the work, stop counting calories and eat what I feel like. It's getting me down so much because I was doing so well, and I go through periods of doing really well, then really badly, and I just go up and down, and I'm still 30lbs or so away from my goal weight.

Any advice? Any tips? Anything at all to make this easier? When I'm doing well, I'm geared up for the challenge. I know it's going to be hard and I know it's going to be worth it and I keep going and keep trying the way I shoud all the time. And then, I don't know... I think I'll treat myself, or I have a very good excuse why I'm not going to diet for a few days. Then, those very good excuses, once analysed, are pretty pathetic.

I know this is hard for everyone. I know you can't do it for me. I know it's mind over matter, and this is the deal, but do any of you have any advice at all, anything whatsoever that might make this even a tad easier?

And I don't care if you anyone answers this and says something sarcastic or mean. Just, if you have anything, give me what you've got. Maybe a bit of straight talk will help. I'm fed up with starting afresh, I just want to keep going and doing well. I won't ever give up, but this yo-yoing lark is ridiculous now.

Mustaine4Pres · November 2012

I spent the last two days doing that...not logging and eating whatever. I am greatly affected by my mood...the more depressed, the more i don't give a crap. however, I suffer for it later. i guess i need better coping mechanisms for my stress, but i'm still trying to figure out what those are...

californiagirl2012 · November 2012

Being fearful of failure can cause you to procrastinate, give less effort, or even self-sabotage.

"Moving past that comfort point and into that unknown is the sabotage point. Some people might think there is something that is actually physically wrong with their body, but I assure you your body is working just fine.

The sabotage point is almost entirely a psychosocial phenomenon where social feedback and even the progress you see in the mirror and on the scale start to change.

It can be tempting to just stop at your sabotage point because it feels ‘good enough’…but this is the time to rally more support and momentum to push past it and don’t stop until you’ve gone as far as you truly can go.

There is nothing stopping you from getting the body you want…except you." -John Barban

So just set your mind to keep going, FULL STEAM AHEAD!

Jfearn64 · November 2012

I think what you are going through is not that uncommon for what most of us experience. I have lost 30 lbs three times now. I work hard at watching what I eat and exercising to get to where I want to me. I don't waiver at all while I am trying to do it. Then when I reach my goal, I do just what you did, treat myself to eating what I want, drinking too much beer and the weight slowly comes back. I have continued to lift weights and exercise, but that cannot overcome eating way too much.

This time I believe it will be different for me. Time will tell. I had gained 13 lbs of the 30 I had lost prior to starting. I started P90X 77 days ago. Now I have totally changed the food I am eating not just the number of calories. I now eat 600 calories MORE than I did while maintaining. I have lost 15 pounds in 77 days and I am much better toned now. P90X is intense and effective. I love it. I don't think I will go back to my bad eating habits after this. I have learned so much about my body now and what it takes to fuel it properly.

You will find what works for you. It takes trial and error, we all go through it. Hang in there and take solace in the fact that you are not unique in your struggles.

Zylahe · November 2012

Yup doing the same here.

Stopped logging ==gained some back. Luckily i think i caught it before too much damage.
It is hard work logging, but its the only way that works ( for me)

Maybe you need to set yourself more realistic goals for you.

If i'm having a bad day/ week and i know i wont sttick to my budget, i change it so i don't go over by 500 cals. That way i wont lose anything, but at least i won't gain anything.
It means i'm delaying reaching my goal by 1 day.
Then when its not so bad, i say is it worth waiting an extra day to be in shape?
If the answer is no, then i go back to losing/ logging

You do need to have planned breaks, but at the same time, you need to know at the start of the break when it will finish.

So maybe try, " i know the next week will be hard, so i'll take it easy on myself. But i have healthy snacks/ meals planned and ready to go. Then on Sunday when all the stress is over, i' m going to start my day with my stretches, and go for a nice walk to get some fresh air and start again"

midlsistr · November 2012

I see you've written 7 posts. Has anyone answered you? I hope so, otherwise that would be pathetic on the part of anyone who suffers from being overweight. And if you don't suffer from some kind of weight issue, then why would you be signed up on this website people?

I don't know why we self sabotage. I too do it. From the ridiculous, to the predictable.

I was skinny all my life until I hit menopause. Then the weight came flooding on. I had no idea how to diet. I wasn't doing anything differently than before. But, That was when I had a metabolism. Now, I don't!
So, I went on Nutrisystem and lost 60 pound in one year. That was brutal. BUT I looked great.
Most people stay on a food diet like that for approximately 2 and a half months. I lasted a year with everyone in my family telling t me:
"You know you're going to have to start eating regular food at some point " I thought to myself: Why should they care what I eat?
I'm watching them eat pastrami sandwiches in front of me giving me that speech. Not only is that insensitive, but a tad hypocritical coming from overweight people!!! I realized that some people want you to fail. Maybe even inside ourselves.

From other people than my family, compliments galore.
I was even asked constantly, If I had face work done because I looked 10 years younger.
Isn't that great? Isn't that enough from ever wanting to gain that weight back?
No!
I had a hugh fight with my sister where she called me fat.

Well, I wasn't, and went on a 6 month eating binge until I was right back where I started. 70 pounds heavier.
10 pounds heavier that what I had lost!
And now, she was right. I was fat!
That girl had my trigger.
And we all have triggers. Emotional eater? Depressed eater? Love the way food tastes ( Thats's me)!
WE all have triggers!!

It all seems so ridiculous that I let her take the power away from me.
Now, I'm starting that long road ahead of me again. A road that I promised myself I would never take.

Losing weight was harder than stopping smoking. But just like any habit….If you try to hold out.
The feeling will pass.
We all have triggers and weakness's All we can do is pretend we are all alcoholics and stop listening to our stinking thinking!

Good luck to us all

wholelottarosa · November 2012

I think you should have a look at your motives for self-sabotage.
For me it's probably to do with fear of failing (so I tend to give up before I even started) and oddly enough, because I'm used to being the 'cute but overweight girl' and I'm having trouble to see myself in a different way. I'm very insecure about my body and being a little fat seems to be a shield I'm hiding behind.

My solution? Keep on trucking and live by the day. If I have to start worrying about how much weight I will lose in a month, or how long it will take until I'm at target weight, I will either try too hard to speed up the process or give up. I'm only trying to think of today and what I will eat on this particular day. I'm planning my meals in advance, so I know how many calories I have left before I consider eating something extra.

Also, I'm falling off the wagon and climbing back on a lot. And I mean, a lot. But I'm going to keep going anyway and I find that where I gave up after 3 days at first, I'm now caving in only after 2 weeks. I call that progress, even if it's slow. It will take me a while to change this mindset where I set myself up to fail but I will succeed.

maricash · November 2012

I think a lot of people have this idea that you diet for awhile and then you get to your goal and then you are done dieting. I think this is often why people gain everything back. That is, they set a bunch of restrictions on themselves, keep to them for a while, lose weight, and then think, hey, I'm at my goal, now I can eat what I want. I don't know if you have done this, but there are few things in your post that make me think it might be something like this.

I think the key to not self-sabotaging is to think long term. Not just when you'll get to your goal weight but what you will do once you get there. You need to set up habits that you can keep for life. For me this has meant not depriving myself of anything. I don't restrict any food groups, I have no forbidden foods, and I don't feel guilty about anything that I eat. I just eat everything in moderation, stay within calories most days, and allow myself a non-logging day once a week or so. If I go to a party, I have some cake. I will eat Thanksgiving dinner and I won't feel bad about it. I am eating in a way that I can sustain, so there is no need for self-sabotage.

Of course, you might be self-sabotaging for some other reason. But I do recommend that you take a look at your habits and ask whether they are sustainable. If they aren't, then figure out what is sustainable for you. For example, going to the gym everyday is NOT sustainable for me. Exercising three days a week is, so I plan accordingly. If you you hate the gym and then base your plan on going there every day it's not going to happen. You will be miserable and end up regaining. Good luck to you!

peraudacia_adastra · November 2012

Thank you everyone who has responded and sorry for the delay in answering - no one has ever responded to me in one of these posts, so I thought I was ok leaving it for a few hours to do a little work.

I need to re-read these responses, try and work out some things. All I can say now is:

1) I have always adopted a restrictive approach to dieting, and because I lost the weight I believed that it "worked". It is clearly obvious that it only did a part of the job and it wasn't maintainable, so I need to accept that. One of my problems is I was getting weighed a little too much, and I wanted fast results. I have stopped getting weighed as much (get weighed about once every few weeks) and it has helped a little, but I'm thinking perhaps I should stay clear of them a little longer. I do get a little 'weight-orientated' and that is something I have been working on.

2) I don't think I DO look at the long term, and perhaps this is part of the problem. The reason why I don't, I suppose, is that I've always been an overeater and that is my life long habit. Following a bad breakup, I lost most of my weight because I was so upset all the time I didn't much feel like eating. Then people started complimenting me and it gave me more reason. Now, although my original post is a tad miserable, I am actually very happy. I'm not so stressed I can't eat, and my boyfriend says I'm perfect. So, from that I had better conclude that dieting or changing eating habits is to be healthy and not for any other reason. That overwhelms me a little: as I say, I'm used to eating huge amounts. That needs looking at.

3) "WE all have triggers!! " - sometimes, I think I forget that. When I come up with my "good" excuses, I don't even think that people are having a wholly miserable time with life and still getting on with things.

Thanks again, everyone who commented. I'm going to re-read this a few times, have a think, and, well, try harder. People on here are doing so well and everyone is really inspiring. I think I have to say to myself that I'm not going to be the best dieter in the world (I always want to be the best at everything!), but I'll muddle through and win eventually.

lesliep107 · November 2012

Hi,
I'm so glad you started this thread.

I just ate waaaaay off of my eating plan--big weekend with me hosting a sleepover for 8 10-year old girls. I stocked this party with pizza and ice cream cake, cinnamon rolls and puff pastry treats and then expected myself not to partake.

Well I partook. Not only did I partake, I partook in a very big way.

I'm well beyond getting into the little hidden nooks and crannies of my own psyche to figure this all out. Much is wrapped up in body image issues and feelings of self-worth. What I am doing now that is different from before, is I'm coming out of the compulsive eating closet and looking for support.

So thank you for relating your story.

I also really like the idea of being realistic and looking ahead. Ok, I've got a big week ahead, I'm going to give myself a break.
Planning, planning, planning.

So good luck and keep posting. Together I think we can all help each other navigate this food thing. It's not easy. But, it's not impossible either.

fun_b · November 2012

I have been in the past but I am hoping I have turned a corner. I always seem to get to a certain weight and then I stuff it up by binge eating. However I now reached one of my smaller goals which I have been struggling with for a long time and have been doing a lot better lately.

kimothy38 · November 2012

I'm an expert at self sabotaging. When I want takeaways I'll suggest KFC or something to my husband and when he agrees it then absolves me of responsibility for eating junk food. I'll do baking etc for the kids lunch and though I don't eat the finished product I devour half of the mixture - in the kitchen away from prying eyes. I too gain weight when I stop logging because not logging makes it much easier to be in denial about the type or amount of food I'm eating. I lost 40kg in a year but couldn't sustain the diet and gained back every single gram (scarily I was the exact same starting weight this time as I was before I lost the 40kg a few years ago). I can be my own worst enemy sometimes. Some days are better than others and the binges have become less frequent but that monkey on my shoulder is always there. Journalling has really helped me - like logging food I find it helpful to log my thoughts as well. Supposedly you can track your triggers though I've never been good at that.

To all the self-saboteurs....

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