My sister is harsh. But right.

ReginasHorror
ReginasHorror Posts: 423 Member
in Introduce Yourself
I just came back from a visit from my family, where my sister (who is adopted from eastern Europe and can be a bit on the harsh side) told me that I had gotten fat. I would like to say she wasn't that harsh, but her exact words were, 'You know Steph, i hate to tell you this, but you've gotten really fat since I came back. I mean REALLY fat. You used to be so skinny, we could share the same size clothes when I was pregnant, but now, now you just really got fat." Now, technically I was fat already, and I knew it (seeing how we could "share clothes when she was preggo", but I have only gained ten pounds since she came back from her trip home to Europe, so i hadn't really thought of it like that.
Naturally, this hurt my feelings and I haven't been able to stop crying since I got home.
But tears don't solve the problem.
I remembered this app, I remembered my treadmill, and decided that it's time to make a serious change. I'm not happy with my looks, and I need to make a change, not for her, but for myself.
If you are willing, I could sure use the support, because I don't have much of a support system at home.
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Replies

  • YoojunNguyen
    YoojunNguyen Posts: 13
    Hi I'm KIeu, i know how you feel, I also know what it feels like to be overweight and be called fat by your own family members. Add me if you like, I also need the support.
  • gil_u
    gil_u Posts: 165 Member
    Hey, I'm sorry to hear that it brought you to tears, but I'm glad you are making the change! We all have had that "oh crap" moment where we realized that we need to make a change. I have had great support on here, and I'd like to help you as well. Add me if you would like.
  • kmuree
    kmuree Posts: 283 Member
    I'd like to smack her for that. That was a little harsh, honestly ..

    .. but at the same time, we all have our wake-up call, and wouldn't it be wonderful to be healthy, fit, happy and slimmer and shock the hell out of all of them?! :bigsmile: You can do this!
  • FitnessPalWorks
    FitnessPalWorks Posts: 1,128 Member
    Oh dear... so sorry she lacks presentation skills... but if you like humor feel free to add me.

    Humor has definitely helped me here and kept me coming back for more and to prove I can do it.

    You can too, just look at the success stories....

    And try to forgive your sister.... she probably just wants you to be healthy and be around a long time, but gets a big giant "F" for choice of words.....
  • maggiewithfins
    maggiewithfins Posts: 75 Member
    I've been asked if I'm pregnant a few times. I tried on all the dresses I liked in a vintage clothes shop and the hot salesman was amused that none fit. I use this as motivation to keep on track, but if I got down about it I risk overeating. Add me as a friend if you like :-)
  • sharonsaidloveme
    sharonsaidloveme Posts: 15
    this is a reallly cold feeling when your sister say that to you.
    ahh,this is my first time here
    dont know how to express some words ,coz there is a language barrier for me
  • mogletdeluxe
    mogletdeluxe Posts: 623 Member
    Firstly, your attitude is incredible - in the face of a harsh (no matter how true) comment, you pick yourself up and decide to do something about it. Kudos. Half the battle right there!

    Secondly, welcome :)
  • Sharkington
    Sharkington Posts: 485
    Eh...yes that was a bit harsh, but I have found that sometimes family members are the least tactful when it comes to bringing up weight - at least in my experience.

    However, I like that you are taking that harshness and turning it into something positive - getting healthier for yourself (and that should be the primary reason :)). You can do it - stay stay focused and healthy on your journey! I think you will find a lot of inspiration here.

    Feel free to add me if you want more friends. I am fairly new myself!
  • lanzaroteblue
    lanzaroteblue Posts: 198 Member
    Hi there,
    Thanks for posting such a painful moment - and welcome back.
    I started losing weight after a really low moment so I know how
    you feel.
    Feel free to add me too.
    Good luck
    Nicola xxx
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    While the words she chose were harsh, I think she said what was needed to "shake" you into realizing that you need to change. From the sounds of it, she cares a lot about it.

    Congratulations on taking the first step and coming here. Now, eat right, don't starve but don't stuff yoruself either and most importantly, MOVE! :)

    Reach to your sister for support. While she might be harsh, I think she wouldn't mind going out with you on a walk or eating right with you. Just a thought
  • AnnabellKE
    AnnabellKE Posts: 26 Member
    I'm sorry..add me if you want :)
  • Flixie00
    Flixie00 Posts: 1,195 Member
    I wish someone close to me had said that to me before I let my weight gain get out of hand. Funnily those close to me like to tell me that I am too skinny (I am not, I am at the top end of a healthy BMI for my hight) but never when I got big. Your sister's words may have smarted, but it sounds like she has your best interests at heart.

    Welcome to MFP and good luck.
  • vzryder
    vzryder Posts: 129 Member
    I feel that it could have been put a little more sensitively, if she felt this way or saw this in you. However if it has spurred you onto action, and you have now become focused and determined, good luck :)

    Feel free to add me if you like, or anyone who is looking for more support, happy in health to all. Pat
  • serenalesley
    serenalesley Posts: 58 Member
    I know that feeling. I found this site when I was looking for calorie information, having decided to start calorie counting after my dad told me that I was so much heavier than I've ever been before. (I told him that it was mostly due to my M.E. and the pain-relief tablets I'd been prescribed, but he was RIGHT, and that's the important thing.)

    Well done for using the comment as a trigger to change. I'm sure that's what your sister meant to happen when she pointed your weight out to you; rather than a mean comment, think of it as concern. That's what I did, and now, 2 months later, I'm a stone and a half lighter, and still losing.

    You can do the same, you really can. All you need is a strong desire to change, and it sounds like you have that. And remember, maybe when you've lost your first stone, to thank your sister for helping you, because I honestly think that's what she was trying to do.

    I'd wish you luck, but that's not appropriate. Instead I wish you stubborness, determination and success.
  • aries7298
    aries7298 Posts: 225 Member
    Feel free to add me.... and yeah, on your step forward! :flowerforyou: actually I just sent a friend request!
  • LittleMissRainey
    LittleMissRainey Posts: 440 Member
    We all need a 'lightbulb' moment - glad yours came (though not with the tears) and you can start your journey :)

    :flowerforyou:
  • HealthyGinny
    HealthyGinny Posts: 821 Member
    Been called fat to my face quite a few times too... Know how you feel. Feel free to add me if you want :)
  • dawndw
    dawndw Posts: 203
    Firstly, your attitude is incredible - in the face of a harsh (no matter how true) comment, you pick yourself up and decide to do something about it. Kudos. Half the battle right there!

    Secondly, welcome :)

    I second what she said.........feel free to add me if ya like!!!
  • ___Tania
    ___Tania Posts: 2
    I can completely relate to this.

    If it's not a family member saying it to me then it's me saying it to myself.

    All we can do is carry on and take it positively as a step in the right direction.

    Good luck and stay strong
  • ChrissME
    ChrissME Posts: 33 Member
    A few years ago I had to have surgery to have a tumor removed. I joked and told my sister that I hoped the tumor weighed 40 pounds. She pinched my flabby chin(s) in front of a LOT of people and said, "Well, having that tumor removed won't take care of THIS." That was the most hurtful thing she's ever said to me -- and she's said a lot. I've never gotten over it. Words hurt, but we move on and do what's best for us. I may be fat, but she's not very attractive. :wink:
  • markysan
    markysan Posts: 33
    As a person who works with East Europeans quite often, I find thats just the way they are. Very direct, and not very diplomatic.

    Clearly you havent ignored whats shes said, but on a positive just think of her as a verbal slimming aid lol. Dont take it to heart though.
  • livinbb
    livinbb Posts: 84 Member
    Feel free to add me. I also don't have much of a support system at home (my hubby is a chef and does not have a weight problem and therefore eats what/whenever he wants!) and have found this site and the people on it are what keep me going.
  • momar74
    momar74 Posts: 56 Member
    Let's assume that your sister sugar coated and try to convey the same thing - do you think it would have had the same impact? Change in behavior is so difficult to come about that at times, it does require something blatant or traumatic.

    My blatant/traumatic moment came when my mother told me, that my entire body was puffy and I looked older than my uncles who are twice my age. Obviously, I didnt want to hear these things, but I used this as a catalyst to change my behavior.

    My mother cares about me enough to say these things, so I can make behavioral changes and get healthier.

    Your sister cares about you and wants you to be around for a long time.
  • Jamie_Lauren
    Jamie_Lauren Posts: 211 Member
    My sister (who has been a tiny size 6 her whole life) once told me that if I got any fatter she would ban me from the kitchen and force me to exercise!

    Sometimes your family can be your harshest critics. They can tell it like it is, but know that more often than not it comes from a good place. :flowerforyou:

    ETA: my mother once sat me down and gave me the "you'll never find a husband if you don't lose weight" talk.
  • lucyinthesky2007
    lucyinthesky2007 Posts: 98 Member
    :-( I'm sorry your sister couldn't seem to put things more tactfully! Most of my family has tact issues too. They all know exactly how to make an already uncomfortable situation that much more uncomfortable. I feel your pain! That being said we all had our kick in the pants moment that brought us here. Glad your here! There's so many great supportive people here. I know you will be back on the right track in no time :)

    *feel free to add me too
  • family_girl2626
    family_girl2626 Posts: 46
    Add me if you would like. We all have wake up calls. My wake up call ( the one I finally listened too) was when I had to order a work jacket in XXL (mens). I was disgusted with myself :sick: and decided I wasn't going to be wearing it for long. The decision was made in an instant the solution however is a lifelong project. We had a warmer winter than usual so I did get to wear the jacket throughout winter months but now it sits on the hanger in my closet as a reminder of where I don't want to be. :smile:
  • CocoCerise
    CocoCerise Posts: 18
    My brother is like that. He went as far as telling me that I won't be as successful in life, unless I lost 80lbs. I told him "F*** you and get a life!" lol But I did know I needed to lose weight, but it was definitely not his job to tell me how much.

    I'm here for you!
  • DixieStarr76
    DixieStarr76 Posts: 44
    There is a difference between harsh and cruel. I'm so sorry that you were hurt, but you are taking that negativity and using it as motivation. That's exactly how you're going to get through this and become a healthier version of you! You can add me if you want. Good luck!!
  • SueGeer
    SueGeer Posts: 1,169 Member
    Sometimes we need that extra touch of honesty to spur us into action. I've gained massively in the last few months (my 50th birthday; sister's silver wedding party; 2 weddings; 2 week cruise.....all within 4 months). Am now the heaviest I've ever been (even when pregnant). Nobody's actually said anything, but......I know what they're thinking.....

    Have added you :heart:
  • peuglow
    peuglow Posts: 684 Member
    The funny thing is, I've heard so many people complain when no one told them they were getting fat. Like people don't realize their clothing sizes going up, or their waistline expanding...

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