How to tell a friend I am worried about their weight?

underthecherrytree
underthecherrytree Posts: 532 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I have a friend who weighed about 245 lbs. He has always been an off and on yo yo dieter. Before last night, the last time I had seen him was 4 months before. But when I saw him last night I was shocked. I didn't even recognize him. I literally walked past him in the restaurant without realizing it was him! He is sickly skinny. He told me he now weighs about 130 lbs. When I asked him how he did it, he told me he just eats chicken and veggies. He does not eat any carbs, and eats lettuce twice a day with apple cider vinegar. He has dark circles under his eyes and his bones are literally protruding from his face. He is so happy that he has lost his weight and so quickly. I don't even think he cares about the fact that he is starving himself. Should I say something? I don't know what to do:(

Replies

  • Fozzi43
    Fozzi43 Posts: 2,984 Member
    130 lbs is a low weight for a man, how tall is he?
    Maybe take a photo of him and show him? Sometime we can get a distorted view of what we look like in the mirror, I know I do...it's only when I see a photo that I think, yeah I look ok?

    Edited typo
  • GypsysBloodRose26
    GypsysBloodRose26 Posts: 341 Member
    I'd would say be happy that he lost the weight. Let him know you are happy about it. Then tell him he looks awful and he isn't being healthy. I like the picture idea. A picture shows us things we don't see in the mirror. Be honest with him, though.
  • bradphil87
    bradphil87 Posts: 617 Member
    You could say it in like a positive way. Ex. "Wow, you look amazing!!! Now that the weights off you could build a really nice body with a good bulk!!!" Something like that. Which honestly may be the perfect thing for him :) build up some muscle, gain some weight, eat at a surplus. It may be right up his alley :)
  • wildapril
    wildapril Posts: 97 Member
    How tall is he?

    You might encourage him to start eating more of his healthy foods, building a healthy body back up with weights and such.
  • SomeoneSomeplace
    SomeoneSomeplace Posts: 1,094 Member
    This could be way out of left field and may just be my experience speaking but are drugs a possibility?
  • douglasmobbs
    douglasmobbs Posts: 563 Member
    he told me he just eats chicken and veggies. He does not eat any carbs,

    That bit does not make sense, there are quite a few carbs in veg
  • underthecherrytree
    underthecherrytree Posts: 532 Member
    he told me he just eats chicken and veggies. He does not eat any carbs,

    That bit does not make sense, there are quite a few carbs in veg

    I wondered the same thing but didnt want to discuss it with him. I am thinking that maybe he just avoids bread?
  • underthecherrytree
    underthecherrytree Posts: 532 Member
    For those asking about height, he is 5'8". He mentioned to me that he is always exhausted so I kind of joked that he may need to eat some more. He just laughed it off. :/
  • MDWilliams1857
    MDWilliams1857 Posts: 315 Member
    I wouldnt say anything at all.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    It's always best to be direct. You want to express how much you care, but you are concerned that he's gone too far with the weight loss thing and you are concerned for his health. Show him a BMI chart, maybe.
  • caroleannlight
    caroleannlight Posts: 173 Member
    Be positive tell him how great it is he wants to be healthy. Tell him you came across some great tools for people who have lost their weight and want to maintain it and or improve body composition i.e. fat to muscle. There are some good websites and info etc. Maybe something like http://scoobysworkshop.com where he can put his own numbers in.
  • kaseysospacey
    kaseysospacey Posts: 499 Member
    this is a hard one but maybe you can tell him you're glad he lost weight but he needs to get back to a well rounded, healthy diet? 130 is light for most men. My SO is about 128 and he looks good but he's naturally tall and slender and it seems to be ok for him....for your friend (with dark circles, etc) it doesn't seem great. But really, he should see a nutritionist/doctor.
  • Shadowknight137
    Shadowknight137 Posts: 1,243 Member
    Just tell him: trust me, it's for the best.

    I didn't realize I was underweight until my friend literally screamed it at me, compared her weight to mine, showed me a BMI chart and pushed me over effortlessly. Seriously - show your buddy how weak he is now and he'll get a totally different outlook.
    That's what happened for me, anyway. Dropped about 20-25% of my body weight (70-something kg to a record low of 47) when I learnt I had coeliac, but didn't really care or notice - I legitimately felt healthy, strong and full of energy... riiiiiiight up up until my friend showed me quite how "delicate" I had become. It's a a real kick in the *kitten*, I can tell you. As for your friend, it may have the same effect, but it may not; I'm not sure since he clearly dieted pretty hard to get to where he is now and may be too proud of his weight loss or too scared of weight gain to do anything about it, worth a try though, I guess.
  • dunlunicor
    dunlunicor Posts: 189 Member
    130 is in the healthy range for 5'8. On the lighter side, but still healthy. Even if you think he needs to change his habits, unsolicited dieting advice will not help, especially if there is an ED at play...

    Difficult situation. If it were me, I'd just keep to my own business and let him figure it out for himself.
  • EDesq
    EDesq Posts: 1,527 Member
    You say you saw him in passing at a restaurant and had not seen him in the 4 months prior, living in the same city. This does not sound like too good of a friend, more like acquaintances (lot of young people really do not understand Friendship); You should NOT say anything to him. Leave it to his Friends to speak with him, they know more about what is going on with him on a daily basis. That is probably why he "laughed" your suggestion off of eating more...You are just an acquaintance and what you say does not mean a lot to him.

    ETA: Also, 5-8" and 130 is not a bad wt for a man. Of course "we" like to see men muscular at that height; we have a natural inclination that shorter men look more masculine with muscle...and they do. But I have a friend who is 5-10" and about 130 lbs and has been in that range all of his adult life and was "skinny" as a kid growing up...he's healthy.
  • animatorswearbras
    animatorswearbras Posts: 1,001 Member
    For those asking about height, he is 5'8". He mentioned to me that he is always exhausted so I kind of joked that he may need to eat some more. He just laughed it off. :/

    Why don't you invite him to come on here say YOU need motivation and would love him as a fitness pal, he'll then have exposure to a lot of the info on here, he may be in the mindset that if he eats normally again he's just gonna put all his weight back on.
  • underthecherrytree
    underthecherrytree Posts: 532 Member
    You say you saw him in passing at a restaurant and had not seen him in the 4 months prior, living in the same city. This does not sound like too good of a friend, more like acquaintances (lot of young people really do not understand Friendship); You should NOT say anything to him. Leave it to his Friends to speak with him, they know more about what is going on with him on a daily basis. That is probably why he "laughed" your suggestion off of eating more...You are just an acquaintance and what you say does not mean a lot to him.

    ETA: Also, 5-8" and 130 is not a bad wt for a man. Of course "we" like to see men muscular at that height; we have a natural inclination that shorter men look more masculine with muscle...and they do. But I have a friend who is 5-10" and about 130 lbs and has been in that range all of his adult life and was "skinny" as a kid growing up...he's healthy.

    I never said living in the same city. We live 4 hours apart and met halfway for dinner and to catch up. We have been friends for over 10 years.
  • kimothy38
    kimothy38 Posts: 840 Member
    Tell him you are really worried for him. He may react badly, may think you're trying to sabotage his efforts etc so you need to make him understand that you are genuinely concerned as a loving friend. Not a whole lot you can do if he doesn't think there's a problem. Best of luck.
  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
    For those asking about height, he is 5'8". He mentioned to me that he is always exhausted so I kind of joked that he may need to eat some more. He just laughed it off. :/

    his BMI currently is 19.8 so hes still in the healthy weight range. hes in the lower end. 18.5 being underweight, so hes on the way down.

    I HAVE A PLAN!!

    You should meet up and say you have been trying to loose weight too, and some people on a forum told you to do a bunch of calculations to track your progress and stuff like that and that your interested in his diet.

    then you can do your own BMI, BMR, TDEE to introduce this.... and then all nonchalantly say "hey maybe we should do it for you too!" (maybe even include before and after weight to enforce the "YAY YOU" part)

    then do his BMI, say wow, cool its in the low end of your weight range (close to underweight) so now you can stop trying to loose weight and go onto a maintenance diet.

    then calculate his BMR and TDEE and explain what thats about.

    then go through his diet a bit and try to calculate it. explain that he should increase overtime to maintenance TDEE or he will go into an unhealthy weight range.

    this is a stealth way to deal with it. its a positive and non confrontational approach, shows you care and doesn't involve a whole bunch of "YOU LOOK LIKE YOUR DYING" etc. if you come at it from a negative angle hes not going to listen, and he will feel like you are a killjoy. you need to help him in a positive way.

    Although he might not look great now, his BMI before was around 37 - this is in the SEVERELY OBESE category so he's done very well to get it off, and if he can keep a healthy BMI now, will have literally saved his own life. hes actually healthy (kind of)


    so yah. education and praise. wins every time. high 5!

    7177.jpg
  • Deipneus
    Deipneus Posts: 1,861 Member
    He's been told before. I wouldn't do it.
  • SaraBiston1
    SaraBiston1 Posts: 45 Member
    Don't Go for that type of diet. That diet is not healthy weight loss. You must eat a proper number of calories a day. Go for some good exercise that will help you to lose weight. But don't try some bad diet which effects your health
  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
    Don't Go for that type of diet. That diet is not healthy weight loss. You must eat a proper number of calories a day. Go for some good exercise that will help you to lose weight. But don't try some bad diet which effects your health

    that was already established by the OP's original post.
  • Amberonamission
    Amberonamission Posts: 836 Member
    I wouldnt say anything at all.
    This
    I think this is a big "mind your business" thing.
  • zosia141
    zosia141 Posts: 44 Member
    What did you say to your friend when he weighed 245?

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