The Re-Opening of the Unicorium Emporium
Charlie003
Posts: 1,333 Member
Welcome back to the Unicornium. We were shut down for a few weeks due to labor disputes, safety violations, and health issues due to the spreading of mad unicorn disease. We have since fixed those issues. We now pay our employees, we have put safety latches on the guns, and have started to refrigerate the Unicorn meet instead of leaving it to bake in the sun.
We have also added a few new products. These include, unicorn testicles in jello shots, which increases performance for days, we have refined our unicorn manure into a wrinkle cream that erases wrinkles. And we have discovered that Unicorn urine helps burn fat.
We still offer our original inventory of Unicorn meats and parts as well as free ranging unicorns that you can hunt for an additional fee. Our operational Director Mr. Cape. will be along shortly to explain the finer points of ingesting unicorns and unicorn by-products.
We have also added a few new products. These include, unicorn testicles in jello shots, which increases performance for days, we have refined our unicorn manure into a wrinkle cream that erases wrinkles. And we have discovered that Unicorn urine helps burn fat.
We still offer our original inventory of Unicorn meats and parts as well as free ranging unicorns that you can hunt for an additional fee. Our operational Director Mr. Cape. will be along shortly to explain the finer points of ingesting unicorns and unicorn by-products.
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Replies
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yeah!!! CCCHHHHHAAAAARRRRRLLLLLIIIIIEEEEE!
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How many calories in the Unicorns?
Are they gluten free?
Dairy free?
Nut free?
I'm concerned about soy. Is there a lot of soy in them?0 -
Unicorn urine... It's the new raspberry ketones.0
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what about the glitter poop? Calories?? What vitamins do they have?0
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How many calories in the Unicorns?
Are they gluten free?
Dairy free?
Nut free?
I'm concerned about soy. Is there a lot of soy in them?
They are nut free, but not feline free. At the Unicorium we feed the unicorns feral cats to keep them fed in the winter.0 -
Dont forget that eating unicorn under a full moon acts as a negative calorie, but also as a natural laxative.
If anyone has any questions, please let me know. I'll be happy to assist you.0 -
Dont forget that eating unicorn under a full moon acts as a negative calorie, but also as a natural laxative.
If anyone has any questions, please let me know. I'll be happy to assist you.
Some of our customers are afraid of glitter clumping in the intestines, please explain why that is a non-issue Mr. Cape.0 -
How much are they? Who do I send the cheque to? Do you ship to Canada?0
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How much are they? Who do I send the cheque to? Do you ship to Canada?
We sell internationally and we accept certified checks. We however do not garentee freshness.0 -
How much are they? Who do I send the cheque to? Do you ship to Canada?
We sell internationally and we accept certified checks. We however do not garentee freshness.
Would you consider Pegasus? I mean, Unicorns are awesome but I kind of want a horse with wings.0 -
Do you accept credit cards, and what if I want an alive one to kill and cook myself, is that possible?0
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Dont forget that eating unicorn under a full moon acts as a negative calorie, but also as a natural laxative.
If anyone has any questions, please let me know. I'll be happy to assist you.
Some of our customers are afraid of glitter clumping in the intestines, please explain why that is a non-issue Mr. Cape.
Unicorn glitter is an organically created compound found within the glans of unicorns. It will not clump or clot because the stomach pulls it into the bloodstream, where it can course freely through your veins as it dissolves into each blood cell. The result is a much stronger you. Unicorn glitter is one of the most healthy and organic supplement for muscle tone and strength training. Just stir in two scoops of Unicorn glitter with your protein shake and you're good to go.
We sell large canisters of Unicorn glitter for $39.95 MSRP and small for $24.99 MSRP0 -
So? No to Pegasus?0
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Dont forget that eating unicorn under a full moon acts as a negative calorie, but also as a natural laxative.
If anyone has any questions, please let me know. I'll be happy to assist you.
Some of our customers are afraid of glitter clumping in the intestines, please explain why that is a non-issue Mr. Cape.
Unicorn glitter is an organically created compound found within the glans of unicorns. It will not clump or clot because the stomach pulls it into the bloodstream, where it can course freely through your veins as it dissolves into each blood cell. The result is a much stronger you. Unicorn glitter is one of the most healthy and organic supplement for muscle tone and strength training. Just stir in two scoops of Unicorn glitter with your protein shake and you're good to go.
We sell large canisters of Unicorn glitter for $39.95 MSRP and small for $24.99 MSRP
But if I take unicorn glitter and work out, will it make me bulky?0 -
How many calories in the Unicorns?
Are they gluten free?
Dairy free?
Nut free?
I'm concerned about soy. Is there a lot of soy in them?
If he's offering testicle jello shots, I would say that nut free would be a NO0 -
I have a slightly used Unicorn, do you accept trade-ins?0
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Dont forget that eating unicorn under a full moon acts as a negative calorie, but also as a natural laxative.
If anyone has any questions, please let me know. I'll be happy to assist you.
Some of our customers are afraid of glitter clumping in the intestines, please explain why that is a non-issue Mr. Cape.
Unicorn glitter is an organically created compound found within the glans of unicorns. It will not clump or clot because the stomach pulls it into the bloodstream, where it can course freely through your veins as it dissolves into each blood cell. The result is a much stronger you. Unicorn glitter is one of the most healthy and organic supplement for muscle tone and strength training. Just stir in two scoops of Unicorn glitter with your protein shake and you're good to go.
We sell large canisters of Unicorn glitter for $39.95 MSRP and small for $24.99 MSRP
But if I take unicorn glitter and work out, will it make me bulky?
Not at all. In fact it may slim you down. It works with your hopes and wishes and dreams. It wont do what you don't want it to do.0 -
So? No to Pegasus?
We can special order a pegasus for you but it is quite costly, maybe a little pony would be better suited to your needs. Some fly.0 -
So? No to Pegasus?
We can special order a pegasus for you but it is quite costly, maybe a little pony would be better suited to your needs. Some fly.
A pink one?0 -
Glad to see the place back in business:)0
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Oh, Charlie... Who are you? :huh:0
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So? No to Pegasus?
We can special order a pegasus for you but it is quite costly, maybe a little pony would be better suited to your needs. Some fly.
A pink one?
It's original color may not be pink, but it will be upon arrival. Thanks due to our pony painting department.0 -
So? No to Pegasus?
We can special order a pegasus for you but it is quite costly, maybe a little pony would be better suited to your needs. Some fly.
A pink one?
It's original color may not be pink, but it will be upon arrival. Thanks due to our pony painting department.
AND ORDERED!
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Do unicorn testicle jello shots increase pheromone production and overall sexuality? If so, I'll take 10 lots!0
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So? No to Pegasus?
We can special order a pegasus for you but it is quite costly, maybe a little pony would be better suited to your needs. Some fly.
A pink one?
It's original color may not be pink, but it will be upon arrival. Thanks due to our pony painting department.
AND ORDERED!
Would you like the matching shock coller for training purposes?0 -
Dont forget that eating unicorn under a full moon acts as a negative calorie, but also as a natural laxative.
If anyone has any questions, please let me know. I'll be happy to assist you.
Some of our customers are afraid of glitter clumping in the intestines, please explain why that is a non-issue Mr. Cape.
Unicorn glitter is an organically created compound found within the glans of unicorns. It will not clump or clot because the stomach pulls it into the bloodstream, where it can course freely through your veins as it dissolves into each blood cell. The result is a much stronger you. Unicorn glitter is one of the most healthy and organic supplement for muscle tone and strength training. Just stir in two scoops of Unicorn glitter with your protein shake and you're good to go.
We sell large canisters of Unicorn glitter for $39.95 MSRP and small for $24.99 MSRP
But if I take unicorn glitter and work out, will it make me bulky?
Not at all. In fact it may slim you down. It works with your hopes and wishes and dreams. It wont do what you don't want it to do.
Wow! It'll give me a body like Kim Kardashian! I wonder if that means I'll have to marry a rapper or an athlete. Hmmm...0 -
So, have you re-opened the "Quest to Candy Mountain" ride as well?
Are we going on an adventure Charlie???
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPONTneuaF4 0 -
I was told I needed to send my Unicorn to a Vet if it danced around for 4 hours or longer. Is that a problem with your Unicorns?0
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Would you like the matching shock coller for training purposes?
They're not pre-trained? This is a concern. Hmm... yes, I would like the shock collar and on maximum strength. If that's possible.0 -
Do unicorn testicle jello shots increase pheromone production and overall sexuality? If so, I'll take 10 lots!
It does indeed. You will be able to walk into any area and be guarenteed that at least 5 males or females will try to hump you leg.
Order on its way. Testicles best taken while warm.0
This discussion has been closed.
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