When is it enough?
chandone01
Posts: 3 Member
Over the last 2 years I have lost 7 stones. I am 5'5" and now weight 145 lbs but I have a lot of muscle, I started at a size 20 and am now a 10/12. I thought when I lost all my excess weight that I would feel good about myself , my friends say i shouldn't lose anymore weight but when I look in the mirror all I see is the areas of my body that are fat or loose and don't feel that I have accomplished anything. Does anybody else feel like this, Is it normal and how do I accept my body how it is?
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Replies
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I'm very interested to read the replies to this. Unfortunately, I have nothing to offer in terms of advice.0
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Magnifying your flaws and minimizing your progress is a common practice in the fitness world. You shouldn't rely solely on the opinion of others, especially if they don't have any experience, but it's also important to have realistic expectations.
Setting a realistic goal and focusing on working towards it is a good way to drown out all the background noise.0 -
I don't think there is a magic weight where you're going to go YES! I have arrived!
Insecurity is a human trait that is pretty common, we all suffer from it.
Maybe instead of losing more weight, you can focus on maintaining and toning those problem areas as much as you can.0 -
something i've found which has helped, is practicing gratitude. every day i try to take a minute or two to be thankful for my weight loss, thankful for my willpower, thankful for the support of my friends and family.
gratitude tends to minimize problems in my life. makes them seem insignificant in the glow of all my accomplishments.0 -
Can't remember where I saw it, but there was a study on body image after weight loss, and typically, those who have lost significant weight have trouble with body dysmorphia (seeing their own body correctly). I would consult with a therapist and try to work on your body image. You've done a great thing for your body - now you need to feel good, too!0
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First of all ... WELL DONE on losing all that weight! That is an amazing achievement! I know how you feel, no matter how slim I get (not that slim at the moment ovbiously haha) I am never happy with how I look. I think that's how we're programmed.
My advice is to look at how far you've come. Maybe you just need to tone up a bit more? Find a sport that you enjoy so you're exercising for fun and not just for the sake of exercising, that's the thing that's helped me most. Then maybe you will tone up without stressing too much about the numbers.
It's hard for us to be happy with ourselves. We are just far too judgemental about our own bodies.0 -
I'm sure it's hard for you to be told you should look to quit, when you still see "problem areas". Most likely your friends have never had the weight loss journey you've been through, so they don't know about the constant obsession that has most likely plagued you.
Would love to tell you that you'll one day magically wake up and feel amazing about who you are, and could run down the road naked and not think twice about any judgement (not from police of course). But it's a gradual transition for sure.
Just thank your friends for noticing your hard work, and try and find one thing each day you like about yourself (internal or external). :flowerforyou:0 -
First of all congrats on the huge loss! Awesome job on your part! You need to feel good about yourself, is it normal not to? Yes. I am currently 5 lbs under my goal. I still see flaws. I have 3 kids, 3 c-sections, and my appedix removed. I have accepted some areas will not be as they were when I was 20. With each milestone we reach we have to be happy. If you have pics when you were your previous weight, compare. You have come a long way. We are the biggest critics of our own bodies. I had to pray hard to feel good about myself. Because if you don't abuse begins. Even if you have to place reminders everywhere, such as post its. Pics of the old you versus the new and improved, so-be-it. If you want to lose more that's up to you. I was informed to not lose anymore by my hubby. But, my plan was to at least be at goal. I wanted room so that if I gained weight during the holidays (which I always do) I wouldn't be back up and considered overweight. Which 10 lbs from my goal would have put me there. So if I were you, I would get to making post its, and start snapping on your phone. Wake up every morning saying " I am hot, beautiful, sexy, and some". My body may not be all I want it to be, but still awesome. Remind yourself constantly of the progress you've made. Especially when you're down and hard on yourself.0
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You did a great job! Congratulations!
BUT I am in the same boat! My goal weight was 135 lbs (I am 5'4.5") and I already reached my goal and immediately set another one at 130 lbs.
My pants are falling off, everyone tells me I shouldn't lose anymore but all I can see are my flabby thighs and rolls on my belly. It will be enough when I am happy with it, not when everyone tells me it's enough. I will get to 130 lbs and re-evaluate again.:bigsmile:0 -
congrats on the loss but why stop now? if you have areas that still need some work, there is nothing wrong with continuing to work on them0
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You did a great job! Congratulations!
BUT I am in the same boat! My goal weight was 135 lbs (I am 5'4.5") and I already reached my goal and immediately set another one at 130 lbs.
My pants are falling off, everyone tells me I shouldn't lose anymore but all I can see are my flabby thighs and rolls on my belly. It will be enough when I am happy with it, not when everyone tells me it's enough. I will get to 130 lbs and re-evaluate again.:bigsmile:
And work out. It's not weight, it's health. And you will feel good if you do ENJOYABLE things that involve physical activity and keep you healthy.0 -
I am the same...I have lost over 180 pounds....some people do tell me I need to stop losing weight...but I am far from slim...especially around my hips/stomach/thigh....its a hard one cos I do believe I am realistic. I think sometimes when you have been big people compare you to what you are and THINK you have lost enough when inside myself I know I havent. I dont even like telling people how much more I want to lose cos I just feel like I have to justify it.0
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Accepting yourself as you are is one of the hardest things. Look around this website and you will see people who are as skinny as could be who aren't happy with how they look. At a certain point, it has nothing to do with objective reality.
I actually feel good about my body for the first time in my life, including times when I was skinnier. I think it's because I've been focusing on what my body can do and not on what it looks like. It can be difficult, but try to focus on all the amazing things that you can do with your body and not on the way your body looks, or, worse, the way you THINK it looks.0 -
It takes awhile for your mind to catch up with the changes in your body. Your weight loss is amazing!! It might help to talk to someone who is familiar with this kind of thing. They can help you learn to see the wonderful thing you've done for yourself rather than focusing on the flaws. They can also reassure you that what you are feeling is completely normal and very common, but ultimately, you will feel better when you learn to love yourself both inside and out!0
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You did a great job! Congratulations!
BUT I am in the same boat! My goal weight was 135 lbs (I am 5'4.5") and I already reached my goal and immediately set another one at 130 lbs.
My pants are falling off, everyone tells me I shouldn't lose anymore but all I can see are my flabby thighs and rolls on my belly. It will be enough when I am happy with it, not when everyone tells me it's enough. I will get to 130 lbs and re-evaluate again.:bigsmile:
And work out. It's not weight, it's health. And you will feel good if you do ENJOYABLE things that involve physical activity and keep you healthy.
Oh I do work out! I am at the gym 4-6 times a week, cardio and lifting.0 -
Can't remember where I saw it, but there was a study on body image after weight loss, and typically, those who have lost significant weight have trouble with body dysmorphia (seeing their own body correctly). I would consult with a therapist and try to work on your body image. You've done a great thing for your body - now you need to feel good, too!
I agree...women, especially, I think can be highly critical of themselves..you should be so proud of yourself..what an accomplishment! Kudos to you!0 -
You have accomplished normal weight and fitness. That's FANTASTIC! All bodies distribute weight differently and unless you are airbrushed there will be flaws. I still have cellulite but losing more would show ribs. It's no longer a weight issue, it is just how the genetics are. It's hardly worth a plastic surgery bill to me though, so I just enjoy being the weight I chose to be. See yourself thru your friends eyes and celebrate your hard work and success.0
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I get to a point in my weight loss where friends start telling me to stop even though I'm well within the healthy range (usually mid to high BMI) and a lot of the time they're are smaller than me. I think it's because my face gets quite hollow before my body catches up and makes people think I'm thinner than I am.
If you want to get them off your back you could try telling them that you're not trying to lose any more weight but are trying to put on muscle and still have to watch what you eat. Also keep with the weight training and you'll either put on weight or maintain while you're body gets tighter and smaller.
You say you have a lot of muscle - do you know your BF %??? I'm about 143lbs, 6'5" and 29.9% BF so obviously there is a lot of room for improvement with my body composition, I still have plenty of flabby bits too0 -
You should change your focus from how your body looks to what you can now do with it! Do something that makes you feel strong and healthy and you will feel better about your body.0
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Sometimes a number on the sacle doen't look like you thought it would look on your body.Any time you reach one goal you can alwasy set another one (as long as it's healthy). A lot of people decide once they reacha scale goal to strive for a different kind of goal like lower body fat % or more muscle tone. The desicion is yours you are the one who has to live with and in your body.0
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Congrats! I would be curious what your doctor thinks about continued weight loss. Everyone is built different. For example: my sister-in-law and I are almost the same height however she has a larger frame and wrist size. When she reached a BMI of 24 you could count her ribs/spinal bones, her collar bones were very sharp and her face drown in. When I have a BMI of 24 (we both had the same weight) I still have a double chin and a pot belly. We have the same doctor and she wants me about 20lbs less than her.
Good luck and I hope you find an answer that works for you.0 -
it probably has a lot to do with your expectations from the start. If your goal was to weigh 120 and be ripped with muscle and have 15% body fat and 86 lbs later you are wearing a size 10-12 then I can see why you are picking yourself apart. you should really focus on your accomplishments instead of your shortcomings. I know, easier said than done! For me it helps to set specific goals and celebrate those wins. Even if they are minor to someone else or to my overall weightloss goal. I set a monthly goal for weightloss as well as several fitness challenges. keeps my energy high. As for knowing when I am there, I have a certain goal I'm working toward. But since I have never seen my adult frame at a healthy weight, that number may change as I get closer.0
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You ask "when is it enough?" Depends on what you mean by enough. Enough weight lost? - Did you set a realistic goal weight for your age and size? Did you reach it? Then yes, it is enough. Is it enough exercising? Since exercise is something you will need to do to stay healthy then no, it is not enough.
Most of us see our flaws and fixate on them. It is like having someone over and they say how clean the house is but all we can think of is the pile of mail on the counter that no one sees but us. Allow yourself and your body time to adjust to the new you?
I'm 4'10.5" and have lost 72 pounds but do not have the body that I thought I would have. I went from a size 18W to a size 4 some size 2s, but all I see are the flaws. I talked to a personal trainer to see if the problems I saw and wanted changed were realistic. He felt that with time and a little work it was achieveable. I try not to fixate on the flaws but on what I've changed.
In other words...enjoy the clean house.0 -
With the amount of weight you have lost it can take quite a while for your skin to rebound. I have heard up to a year. That's likely adding to your jiggle. The hardest part is accepting what you look like with next to no clothing. After losing a lot of weight you will look great in clothes long before you *think* you look good naked.
I would suggest you focus on continuing to eat healthy and exercising. It will take a while for your body to recognize its new "set point" and at that time may redistribute whatever cushioning remains into different areas. Right now it is likely still thinking in the old mode.
BTW you're my height and my goal weight is 130, but I am also not really athletic so I don't have nor do I plan to have a lot of muscle. I don't expect to get to my goal until later next year as I still have 30 pounds to go. So if you really think you want to go lower than the 145 you're at, why not try for a few more pounds and see what you think of the results.
And congrats on the progress you have made!0 -
You should never stop watching what you eat and working out, just make sure it is in a healthy way. You will continue to tone and get in shape in the long run if you continue to follow a diet and exercise plan!! You can't "quite" or you will gain the wait back.0
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It sounds like it'll NEVER be good enough, and I suspect that's a problem with your mind rather than your body. You have lost 7 stone which is an AMAZING accomplishment, and by rights you should be shimmying naked from the rooftops telling anyone who'll listen how proud you feel of yourself!
A previous poster mentioned perhaps getting some therapy to help you deal with your insecurities & self-esteem issues, which seems like a sensible idea. Having lost the weight, chances are you look amazing, but if you don't *feel* it then it doesn't matter *what* your targets are, it's never going to be good enough for you.
Go easy on yourself. Keep up the healthy eating & exercise, and perhaps remind yourself how far you've come, and allow yourself to feel proud of yourself. Self-esteem isn't an easy thing to accomplish, especially if you're used to self-hatred. Good luck. xxx0 -
Over the last 2 years I have lost 7 stones. I am 5'5" and now weight 145 lbs but I have a lot of muscle, I started at a size 20 and am now a 10/12. I thought when I lost all my excess weight that I would feel good about myself , my friends say i shouldn't lose anymore weight but when I look in the mirror all I see is the areas of my body that are fat or loose and don't feel that I have accomplished anything. Does anybody else feel like this, Is it normal and how do I accept my body how it is?
I don't think it should ever be enough in some ways. Goal weight doesn't have to be the end of the 'journey'. To stay on track I constantly set new challenges for myself. None of my goals are weight related now, they are all fitness.
Few people look in the mirror and think they have the perfect body (and those that do are usually pretty annoying). But that doesn't mean you can't love your body. It's no different than a child or a mate. They are never perfect, but you love them anyway.0 -
Isnt it nice to be worrying about when to stop as opposed to when to start ??? Just saying :-)0
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Yeah I work out a lot, body attack, body pump and the gym, i am really fit but still all I see is my fat thighs and tummy.0
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You have lost 7 stone which is an AMAZING accomplishment, and by rights you should be shimmying naked from the rooftops telling anyone who'll listen how proud you feel of yourself!
This is now a classic :-)0
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