Dating as a BBW
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It's online dating, start pooling them up. Don't just reply to one and then sit and wait...multiple dating is where it's at. get 3 or 4 converstions going at once, if one doesn't pan out, continue the search. you don't have to wait for a "match" either, go on the forums or click search and type in your criteria. I could waste hours doing this instead of homework lol you're going to find a lot of duds, but go out, have fun, experiece the dating scene in a different aspect. Don't head out looking for "the one" go out for a good time and some safe sex. trust me, I met my fiance 5 years ago on POF, but he wasn't the only one on the line until I knew for sure that he was it.0
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I met my current gf through match.com. We've been dating about 2.5 months now.
My advice would be just keep trying. I know that I sent out lots of emails, and the response rate was maybe 1 for every 4 or 5 I sent. As a male, it seems that it is still left up to us to make the first move, even in online dating, as I only ever got a few smiles and very few emails initiated by a woman (or it could just be me! Surely not!!!). It can certainly be very disheartening. So it was always nice to know that someone else had noticed me and taken some time to write, or just smile. I tried to respond to each of the emails (even if it was a simple no thanks), but I'd ignore the smiles if I didn't see a good match in the profile. But at least it made me look at them, when I might have just skipped them too quickly before.
So yeah - don't take the rejection/lack of reply too personally. And do put yourself out there! Good luck.0 -
I think that you shouldn't worry about them not responding back, it's their loss not yours. You should never feel you need to change yourself for anyone. There is a man out there who will be absolutely head over heels for you just the way you are, you just haven't meet the right one!
as for the internet dating, I'm not a fan. In my single days I tried it and it seemed like every guy was looking to get laid and made it blatantly clear lol.0 -
i met my husband on a dating website. it seems to be just a pure numbers game. the first 30 or so guys i talked to or tried to talk to were jackholes or had their head up their rears, and this was on a paid site. then i met my husband - that was 6 years ago in october. you just have to keep putting it out there over and over and over and over and over again. don't settle for mediocre, there's a perfect one out there for you!0
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There is a lot of really good advice in here~ As a BBW, formerly dating online as well, I can offer a few tips.
First, you have to accept yourself. You can do things to change your weight/health, etc., but you still have to accept who you are, right now. I've learned that everyone finds different things attractive/not attractive, etc. I see plenty of men that a lot of women find attractive, and I do not. Not everyone is going to think you are good looking or attractive, and you have to just accept that part of being a human beingy. That does not change just because you are skinny. I know a TON of men that are not attracted to skinny women, at all. So, there is someone(s) out there that will be attracted to you. Be honest and upfront about you are. Include full body shots along with the upclose face shots, so they see the REAL you
You can't hide who you are, if you intend to eventually meet/date this person.
Put out a lot of "feelers". I would send a simple, to the point message to anyone I was somewhat interested in, and if they reply, great! If not, they aren't for you. Don't get discouraged. "Hey, I liked your profile. Check mine out and if you're interested, jot me back a line or two". I sent a message to one of the most attractive men on the site, not thinking he would ever message me back. 1.5 years later and we are living together
Be positive. Nothing was more unattractive than a man that wasn't confident, or was constantly putting him self down to me. Whatever your insecurities, you need to put them aside to show him you love yourself and accept who you are and that you are worth his time 0 -
Internet dating is really hard no matter WHAT you look like. It's hard to put yourself out there. Rejection sucks. BUT. In order to meet someone you have to take a chance. It's hard and very scary, but you never know who you might meet. I met my partner on the internet and we have been together for over 7 years. Just be yourself. Post full body pics and be honest about what you look like. If someone doesn't respond to your inquiry...just move on. Obviously that person wasn't for you. The GOOD thing about internet dating is you don't have to face that rejection face to face. Someone WILL respond hun. It might take some time, and you might meet some real duds...but...you just might meet your next Mr. Wonderful. i wish you the very best of luck!!0
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I just thought i would say this cuz its something i've noticed.
BBW women love posting pics of themselves from the cleavage up. Then you go to meet them and find out they are more than what you expected.
I love thick women, i really do, but if you are a bbw, let it all hang out so people arent suprised when they meet you. You're better off disclosing what you look like first.
true story....you have to be honest about yourself....warts and all....
Genital warts?
Bwahahahahaha....i totally walked into that....SMH...
but thankfully no.....LOL...I'm a bit more careful than that....0 -
Just send a whole bunch and don't pay attention to who doesn't respond. That way when someone does respond you won't even know if you did send him a message or not. You can't be offended when someone doesn't respond to you. A lot of those things men just look at your photo and don't pay attention to who you are. If they are that shallow to not pay attention to the person you are then you don't want them in your life.0
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Personally, I don't think you should date until you've handled the self confidence issues. If you don't think you are truly amazing and deserve the best, you will probably settle for less than what you deserve because you think it's the best you can get or else you'll find an amazing guy who you do deserve but feel like you don't.
I will never again date someone with deep rooted confidence issues... I think you need to love yourself before you love others0 -
What's BBW?0
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I felt that way too. So I decided to try a bbw site so I could eliminate that insecurity. It worked, I met my fiancee on there and he's wonderful. We wanna lose weight together for our health but I know he loves me for me. No matter what. He'll love me fat, he'll love me skinny, he'll love me every day inbetween.
Awesome!!!0 -
Bump0
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To be perfectly honest, if you are not confident and if rejection would really bother you, I would suggest against online dating.
Online dating is a numbers game and getting more rejection than acceptance is just part of the process.0 -
Lita
All I can tell you is just love yourself alot.. put yourself first and do a lot of wonderful non food treats such as manicures, pedicures, find a fitness outlet, great hobby and pamper you !!!!
as far as a man is concerned.. work on your self esteem.. you are not meeting the right type of man it seems..
meeting only men who are into voluptuous women is helpful and there are sites for that.. however it seems you are wanting to improve who you are as a woman because you do not feel good about your weight issues.
I am a volptuous woman and I have never seen my weight as being an obstacle for not living my life properly. In my world travels, I have climbed pyramids, scuba dived and I am a very outgoing woman.. Look inside yourself and love who you are before you seek love from someone else of the opposite sex and when you do venture out in the dating world, you will be really in a position to enjoy yourself.. but take a bit of time to feel really happy and positive about who you are and what you can offer the potential man who deserves to be in your life.0 -
I just thought i would say this cuz its something i've noticed.
BBW women love posting pics of themselves from the cleavage up. Then you go to meet them and find out they are more than what you expected.
I love thick women, i really do, but if you are a bbw, let it all hang out so people arent suprised when they meet you. You're better off disclosing what you look like first.
Ditto!! Put some "real" pictures of yourself on your profile and then send some messages out. Then you will know if someone is truly interested and not just a superficial *kitten*. I also would rather someone just not reply rather than sending me a message back saying they are not interested.0 -
I know plenty of women of all sizes who found love online. I know what you mean about self-confidence getting in the way. I think I would just remember that physical appearance, while definitely a major factor in initial impressions, isn't truly everything to the right people. If you don't get a response to a request or a wink, it's not just because of how you look. It might be the words you used, your interests, or something in your profile that doesn't work for someone out there.
Keep at it! And try to remember that EVERYONE gets passed over in one way or another on those online sites, not just you! Good luck. Hope you find someone fun to spend time with! 0 -
Bump0
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This happens just as often when you're no longer a BBW ---
I used to think it was my weight, now I just think men are mostly just jerks looking for someone half their age to get a roll in the hay. Most of them are married or involved and lying about it. Online dating sucks!0 -
I would just let it roll of your back. Most of those that do not want to give you the time a day you do not want anyways. I was on A LOT of those different sites and had dates, and a couple serious relationships, then I met my now husband on Match.com! I never would have thought I was in his "league", so I saw him on there for months and never did anything. Then he messaged me, and we fell in love and were engaged 3 months later, yes 3 months later, and married a year and a half after that. So all I have to say is PUT yourself out there, cause sometimes guys are just as worried about the rejection, and if you do not get a reply back at least you tried.0
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Just try not to take it personally when you get no response. They are complete strangers, and are not rejecting YOU really, just a very tiny part that you have put out there to be seen.
This!! I used to do some online dating. I got a lot of responses from guys that didnt interest me (age, profession, cockiness in the ad). I didnt respond unless they sent me more than 1 message. If the attraction isnt there then for me, nothing else could ever come from it. PIctures dont say everything but they say alot. In my ad I was always completely honest and open and I would sent out messages to some hotties and never got a reply. It bothered me at first but then I realized I was better off without them anyway. I want the one that goes "WOW I've got to get to know her!!" Not the one that writes me back as a courtesy.
Keep on trucking!!!0 -
There is a guy out there looking for you, you just haven't crossed paths yet. Keep working on yourself and the rest will happen when your self confidence reappears.
BTW, what does BBW stand for?0 -
I always figure its just that I'm not their type. Doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you or I, we just aren't 'it' for them. It takes all kinds, and everyone has different attractions. Don't beat yourself up, but you will not move ahead unless you make a step. Good luck!0
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There is a guy out there looking for you, you just haven't crossed paths yet. Keep working on yourself and the rest will happen when your self confidence reappears.
BTW, what does BBW stand for?
it means:
Big Beautiful Woman0 -
I feel ya! Finding a decent that is actually a grown up, and doesn't spend 24/7 in his parents basement playing video games is hard enough, let alone guys who will want to date us chubby chicks!
I agree to put up full body pics though... I would WAY rather be rejected before I actually know and like the person, then after we have been chatting for a while, I start to like him and we actually meet, because he can't handle my bootyliciousness
Try expanding your search to include the closest big city... I live in a small town where available men are hard to find... let alone desirable men who would want to date ME in return.
I also try to be pretty realistic on the guys that I will initially message... I know that I'm not a 10... I don't message guys that are a 10.
Good luck! you can add me if you want and at least we can be rocking chubby chicks together!0 -
Hey its definitely tough, ESPECIALLY online.
Most men, unfortunately, are superficial *kitten* when it comes to online dating. I met my wife off Match.com, but before I met her I was rejected / ignored etc from plenty of women. It happens and unfortunately most people will rather just dismiss a polite message than answer with a no thanks. Personally, I would take a no thanks harsher than no answer at all, but to each his own.
I'm not sure if I was able to help at all, but all I can say is hang in there and that someone will be waiting to be matched with you!
Good luck!
^ Thank you for your post. I have not been on the dating sites yet. I will be more prepared. Thanks. :flowerforyou:0
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