thought things would be better...

shonovo
shonovo Posts: 104
in Motivation and Support
hi all,

I am feeling HORRIBLY right now!! I've been on a binge for 2 days.... I am eating to eat my stress away and because I feel so worthless. I know I am doing this for my health and that is a priority but I am so frustrated because my whole life I thought that if I looked better, it would be easier to date. In my religion, there is a lot of pressure for girls to be dating now and it is the thing to do. I was used to getting decline after decline when I was bigger and so I thought losing weight would help that... well I was wrong... still getting decline after decline. I know I still have 20 more lbs ( I already lost 51) to lose but I feel like if I look the way I do now and I am still getting declines this hopeless. I know my main priority should be health, but I feel at such a loss because of this and I am REALLY struggling right now. I need to get out of the self- sabatoge cycle and stop stuffing my face bc then I will just look worse, besides that fact, its like killing me. My stomachs killing. I feel like garbage. and I dont know why I am still getting declined by all the guys :( !!!! Sorry for this depressing post but I need some help in getting out of this funk and looking at the bigger picture... Thanks so much in advance!

Replies

  • goldk
    goldk Posts: 1,651 Member
    You look fantastic and you've come so far. Don't beat yourself up. You should be doing this for YOU, your health and not anyone else. Give it time. Everything will fall into place. :flowerforyou: :bigsmile:
  • 10goal13
    10goal13 Posts: 54
    Hey, first of all stop being so negative!! if you want things to be good in your life, make positive changes, dont be constantly thinking you can't get a date, you don't look good, i am eating junk and binging etc, just stop!! Don't push for a date, if its forced its probably not meant to be, let life happen, it will come. Well done on losing weight so far, but as for the binging, i have been through this, i think it happened because i lost weight too quickly, i thought i was never going to stop binging, i did it for months, i think it is your bodys way of saying it needs fuel, one day it just stopped, and i have been binge free for over a year now! One good thing to follow is do NOT buy any food that you can or will binge on, and make sure you are having balanced meals throughout the day and not starving yourself.

    You can do this!! You are just thinking about it all wrong, change how you think, it will become easier :) add me if you like!
  • MeMyCatsandI
    MeMyCatsandI Posts: 704 Member
    You need to love yourself FIRST! Work on being happy. Happy with your life, happy with your new body, happy with things in general. You'll be amazed at how other people see you once you radiate happiness.
  • lisamarie2181
    lisamarie2181 Posts: 560 Member
    :( Please don't feel that way Shoshana, you are doing an amazing job, and dating is not easy, I am right there with you! I have gone on so many dates with a bunch of losers that can't even hold a conversation and I swear everyone of them has an issue that is a deal breaker. I question where are the normal guys are, I definitely feel your frustration! lol Don't let it get you down hun, you have to sift through a lot of garbage sometimes to get a good one. And don't let family and friends pressure you, you need to focus on you and working on making YOU happy before having to worry about making someone else happy.

    I also know all too well of the self sabotage, used to do it ALL the time myself. Just take each day at a time, and work to make each one the best you can. Sometimes we get into funks or just lose a motivation, it is all mental. It will get better over time, work on trying to see what makes you binge, what you are stressing about, or what emotion is there when it happens. you have to find out what triggers these things and work to fix them. It just takes time and patience. You will get through this and once you love you, your confidence will go up, your self worth, everything!! Hang in there hun, I am here if you need me!!
  • shonovo
    shonovo Posts: 104
    :( Please don't feel that way Shoshana, you are doing an amazing job, and dating is not easy, I am right there with you! I have gone on so many dates with a bunch of losers that can't even hold a conversation and I swear everyone of them has an issue that is a deal breaker. I question where are the normal guys are, I definitely feel your frustration! lol Don't let it get you down hun, you have to sift through a lot of garbage sometimes to get a good one. And don't let family and friends pressure you, you need to focus on you and working on making YOU happy before having to worry about making someone else happy.

    I also know all too well of the self sabotage, used to do it ALL the time myself. Just take each day at a time, and work to make each one the best you can. Sometimes we get into funks or just lose a motivation, it is all mental. It will get better over time, work on trying to see what makes you binge, what you are stressing about, or what emotion is there when it happens. you have to find out what triggers these things and work to fix them. It just takes time and patience. You will get through this and once you love you, your confidence will go up, your self worth, everything!! Hang in there hun, I am here if you need me!!

    Thank you so much lisa!! I really want to talk to you. I will message you on Sat. night. Thank you so much!!
  • jesz124
    jesz124 Posts: 1,004 Member
    Personally I think you look brilliant. You have a lovely face, and now a body to match it! Men will come in and out of your life but as long as you like yourself and do things to make yourself happy and confident then you'll find the right one. The opposite sex are attracted to confidence. It's a very sexy quality, love yourself and be self assured and they will be flocking found you! You look fantastic, well done on your loss!
  • shonovo
    shonovo Posts: 104
    Personally I think you look brilliant. You have a lovely face, and now a body to match it! Men will come in and out of your life but as long as you like yourself and do things to make yourself happy and confident then you'll find the right one. The opposite sex are attracted to confidence. It's a very sexy quality, love yourself and be self assured and they will be flocking found you! You look fantastic, well done on your loss!

    Thank you so much!!!!! I am really working on it... I think I needed to hit this low to pick myself back up again... I keep telling myself I am worth it andI am working really hard on the confidence thing!! Thanks so much for your support!
  • alvalaurie
    alvalaurie Posts: 369 Member
    You, my dear, look amazing! You have an amazingly infectious smile and any guy who "declines" a date with you, is an idiot! (but then, there are ALOT of those out there!) You have come too far to let yourself be depressed like this. First of all, you must learn to be happy with yourself, then the confidence will kick in. I'm sure you've been told many times, but you're young & have plenty of time to find that special someone. I held onto my V-card till I was 25 and got married the first time (at ripe age of 30) out of desparation to not be alone anymore. It was the biggest mistake of my life b/c I settled for what I could get, not what I deserved! Good things come to those who wait and you should not let others pressure you into dating b/c THEY think you should be. THEY don't realize how hard it is to find a decent man that will treat you the way you deserve!

    Hang on hun, be patient and keep your chin up. You're beautiful and amazing and in time, everything will come together! :flowerforyou:
  • hamiltonba
    hamiltonba Posts: 474 Member
    You look fantastic and you should be doing this for you not so your "more" datable. However, I understand the need to want to be attractive to others. How about if you joined some social clubs through your church or volunteer? Keep yourself busy and you won't focus so much on a boyfriend. Good luck and don't let this bring you down!
  • 50kgtoofat
    50kgtoofat Posts: 125 Member
    Don't sabotage yourself over the inability to get a date.. Losing weight is not a miracle pill to get lots of dates, funny enough I get just as many fat as I do skinny!

    You need to do this for you, you are gorgeous and you have to believe it.

    Once you are positive about yourself, doing things you enjoy going out with a big smile on your face then the dates will come (although you can't be a wallflower!!). Also don't pressure yourself the more you stress about dates the less they will come.
  • iAMsmiling
    iAMsmiling Posts: 2,394 Member
    You look great and you've already done soooo much!

    Most importantly, as big as all problems feel right now, you're just 21 years old! You've got the best in front of you. Just keep doing good things and be patient.

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