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Motivation to be my own beautiful.
EmilyStephens813
Posts: 17
The Gym: Duh duh duhnnnn!
Going to the gym is probably one of the hardest things to get comfortable with, if you don't have a gym bag full of self confidence on the way in, that is. I want to be healthy, I want to look great, and I want to feel great so I have to start doing something about it. So I go to the gym thinking 'yep, this is it, this is where the magic begins!' And then I look at all the other girls and immediately feel not-so-excited for two reasons which I know deep down are just rediculous.
#1.) There are like a million barbie dolls all over the place. This bothers me for two reasons:
(a) They look amazing, and they make me look awful, not only that, but I'm going to look rediculous taking a break after 5 minutes on the treadmill when they spend so much time on there that they bring a full on novel to read while at it.
(b) Suddently I'm wondering what's so great about looking like all of them? I'm here to look great (and feel great) but at this point, all I'm thinking about is looks because that's all I can focus on, because I'm freaking out inside that I'm a pasty skinny fat, out of shape girl that didn't even shave her legs before putting on these tiny workout shorts...and the list goes on. But anyways, at that point, I'm bothered that my focus is on looking good, when at that same point, it's not even appealing to me to look just like all of them. That bothers me. When in this world did we ever need another barbie doll to look like, walk like, and work out just like all the others? Never.
#2.) I get discouraged when I see people two or three times my size that have been on the treadmill for 45 minutes or more. And I get discouraged when I see super skinny scronny people lifting weights that are bigger than my body.
It's obvious at this point that I'm way to focused on the physical aspect of working out and I need to cut it out. I need to find something that motivates me outside of being another barbie doll. Health should be number one, but it doesn't quite drive me the way I want it to. I need something more to keep me going through the crappy times when I'm tired, and achy and sick of not immediate results. So I searched around online a bit for pictures of different body types and found
this picture:
http://cdn.indulgy.com/bF/34/w4/2181499789311431uNvSfXDIc.jpg
and this one:
http://www.needlesandsins.com/2012/08/01/natasha_kai_tattoo.jpg
And it's weird because it just hit me at how important it is for me to be beautiful to myself, in my own way, and whether that puts me into a category that makes me one in a million or not, doesn't, and shouldn't matter to me. I couldn't stop looking at the first picture, so I ended up googling the athlete and found the second. The picture also opened my eyes to the fact that those million barbie dolls (that I'm secretly hating while at the gym) aren't all the same like I think they are. They all have differences that aren't noticeable on the outside with their yoga pants and pink t-shirts on. That right there, the fact that they all look alike and similar but none of them really are alike (aside from a general image/look), takes importance away from looks. Importance should be placed on differences, and embraced for all body types, regardless of how they look at the gym. If the majority of girls at the gym have the same body type, hair color, height and weight, well what the heck is appealing about it if it's so common?
I'm beginning to think if you feel beautiful, then you are. And there is nothing conceided, or wrong about that in any way.
I contemplated printing out the picture and using it as a motivator, but I don't want someone elses image to motivate me. I want to be motivated by my own beauty, that I currently have as me. Motivated by my own tattoos and moles, piercings and weird freckles and bumps and scars. All that beauty is mine and has been mine since the day I was born, and I think it will grow with me as I become healthier and happier.
I'm just ranting I guess. I'm not concerned about people responding to this or not, it just feels really good to get it off my chest, considering this revelation happened at 4:00am, when no one else in the world is awake to hear me blabber.
So I guess, here's to enhancing me, and my body, and my happiness - I hope everyone else is doing the same.
Going to the gym is probably one of the hardest things to get comfortable with, if you don't have a gym bag full of self confidence on the way in, that is. I want to be healthy, I want to look great, and I want to feel great so I have to start doing something about it. So I go to the gym thinking 'yep, this is it, this is where the magic begins!' And then I look at all the other girls and immediately feel not-so-excited for two reasons which I know deep down are just rediculous.
#1.) There are like a million barbie dolls all over the place. This bothers me for two reasons:
(a) They look amazing, and they make me look awful, not only that, but I'm going to look rediculous taking a break after 5 minutes on the treadmill when they spend so much time on there that they bring a full on novel to read while at it.
(b) Suddently I'm wondering what's so great about looking like all of them? I'm here to look great (and feel great) but at this point, all I'm thinking about is looks because that's all I can focus on, because I'm freaking out inside that I'm a pasty skinny fat, out of shape girl that didn't even shave her legs before putting on these tiny workout shorts...and the list goes on. But anyways, at that point, I'm bothered that my focus is on looking good, when at that same point, it's not even appealing to me to look just like all of them. That bothers me. When in this world did we ever need another barbie doll to look like, walk like, and work out just like all the others? Never.
#2.) I get discouraged when I see people two or three times my size that have been on the treadmill for 45 minutes or more. And I get discouraged when I see super skinny scronny people lifting weights that are bigger than my body.
It's obvious at this point that I'm way to focused on the physical aspect of working out and I need to cut it out. I need to find something that motivates me outside of being another barbie doll. Health should be number one, but it doesn't quite drive me the way I want it to. I need something more to keep me going through the crappy times when I'm tired, and achy and sick of not immediate results. So I searched around online a bit for pictures of different body types and found
this picture:
http://cdn.indulgy.com/bF/34/w4/2181499789311431uNvSfXDIc.jpg
and this one:
http://www.needlesandsins.com/2012/08/01/natasha_kai_tattoo.jpg
And it's weird because it just hit me at how important it is for me to be beautiful to myself, in my own way, and whether that puts me into a category that makes me one in a million or not, doesn't, and shouldn't matter to me. I couldn't stop looking at the first picture, so I ended up googling the athlete and found the second. The picture also opened my eyes to the fact that those million barbie dolls (that I'm secretly hating while at the gym) aren't all the same like I think they are. They all have differences that aren't noticeable on the outside with their yoga pants and pink t-shirts on. That right there, the fact that they all look alike and similar but none of them really are alike (aside from a general image/look), takes importance away from looks. Importance should be placed on differences, and embraced for all body types, regardless of how they look at the gym. If the majority of girls at the gym have the same body type, hair color, height and weight, well what the heck is appealing about it if it's so common?
I'm beginning to think if you feel beautiful, then you are. And there is nothing conceided, or wrong about that in any way.
I contemplated printing out the picture and using it as a motivator, but I don't want someone elses image to motivate me. I want to be motivated by my own beauty, that I currently have as me. Motivated by my own tattoos and moles, piercings and weird freckles and bumps and scars. All that beauty is mine and has been mine since the day I was born, and I think it will grow with me as I become healthier and happier.
I'm just ranting I guess. I'm not concerned about people responding to this or not, it just feels really good to get it off my chest, considering this revelation happened at 4:00am, when no one else in the world is awake to hear me blabber.
So I guess, here's to enhancing me, and my body, and my happiness - I hope everyone else is doing the same.
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Replies
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nice post.
i got all excited when i saw your profile that you live in Brooklyn, and then i kept reading and it's Minnessota.0 -
great post and i love both those pics (tattoos are amazing) i agree; differences are what makes everyone uniquely beautiful! so happy for you that you have this mentality
goodluck on your goals beautiful lady!0 -
i'm sorry but you can say that I am one of the gym "barbies". I can only speak about myself, but i never look around and judge other girls, no matter how they look like and how long they stay on treadmill. It took me so much hard work to get this body-and the girls that you see in the gym probably started like you did.
I mind my own business, and most of them do (don't pay attention to the ones that don't-they are not worth it)
work for that beautiful body you desire girl
i wish you all the best!0 -
Thanks guys
I do need to keep telling myself that everyone there is only focusing on their own workout...it's definitely tough.0 -
I'm certain that the people that are bigger than you didn't start out staying on the treadmill longer than you. it's a progression of hard work. For instance, the other day I went for a walk around campus and I had Endomondo running to track it. I walked a mile at a 3.5 mph pace! Now, this might not seem like much, and it surely wouldn't be for a gym 'barbie' but about a month ago I was huffing and puffing to make it a mile at a 2.0 mph pace.
What I'm saying is, yes, just focus on yourself. Allow yourself to be imperfect, but keep going and eventually you'll see results that will amaze you.
And by the way, seeing as I weigh more than TWICE what you do right now, I can assure you that not everyone, if anyone, in the gym is going to judge you. Some of us will, I'm certain, see you as a 'barbie' yourself. It's all a matter of perspective, though, isn't it?0 -
You're very right, it is all perspective - and there will always be someone better and someone worse than us at something. It just stinks that it's so hard to accept that, and not let it bother me.
And nice job on the walking! I'm just kind of starting, and it feels good to go farther than the day before and not be all out of breath! Thanks for the insight and inspiration 0 -
I joined a gym last Christmas. I didn't want to, I was very self conscious, but I did, and I'm glad I did. I used to pick the treadmill in the corner, I used to avoid wall mirrors like the plague, wear black baggy clothes and just keep my head down. I kind of created my own little bubble. I ignored everyone else unless spoken to (probably came across as a real misery, but it was my coping mechanism for being there and for my lack of self-respect!), I stuck my earbuds in and listened to upbeat music. I definitely didn't love myself, inside or out.
Over the ten months that I've been attending regularly I've seen all shapes and sizes, most smaller than I was, but come New Year's resolution time there were alot of very large people struggling away on bikes. I wish they were still there today. I'm proud to say that myself and one other lady that started back then are still attending regularly. She has lost over 5 stone (yes, I've looked! Her backside and hips are amazingly smaller and I smile when I think how well she's done, going from walking slowly to jogging); you can see she is way more confident, we now smile at each other probably because we both recognise how hard we both work and I struck up a conversation with her to tell her that you could really see progress (never would have started a conversation last year!). I do find that people look at each other, but I've accepted that it's human nature and I just hope that they are silently and mentally awarding kudos for effort on the machine like I me!
If I were at the gym just to see my shape change I think I would have given up long ago, it's a slow process, but I'm there because of the endorphins first, health, stamina and strength are all joint second. I admit that part of the reason I started was to look better, but the more time I spend thinking about my journey this year, the more I have realised that really, looks are way down there in order of importance. Yes, it's great to like what you see in the mirror, but I think if I looked a million dollars but had no self-respect then I wouldn't feel as good as I do today with increasing self-respect and an obese (if you trust BMI charts) body.
I'm not shy of putting a tighter top on now (still black!) and if my belly sticks out, then so be it, because I'm there working on it, and one day it'll be flat! It's all in the mind! If you feel good mentally, you believe you look good on the outside, or you can live with any perceived imperfections. Just keep the focus on you, you're doing this for you, for whatever reason, be that physical health, mental health, and celebrate difference, it'd be boring if we all looked like Barbies :happy:
I LOVE your closing sentence!
Sorry, I've waffled on, tempted to delete the lot, but it's something I feel quite emotional about sometimes and I loved your reflective post so much that it made me reflect too! Accepting where you are right now, acknowledging that you can make changes if you want to, and celebrating efforts. These are what really matter in my opinion. Keep up the good work!0 -
Maybe you should put the same amount of time you spend in the gym on meditation and building your selfconfidence? It can be done! There are tons of books, find what works for you. And if the gym makes you feel this bad, dont go! Workout at home or outdoors, dont make it harder then it already is.0
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Bump. Need to read and respond later .... I so relate0
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To be like a barbie doll you sometimes need other things that don't involve a gym. You need to assess how much work is needed to reach your true goal. Will you need something extra like a cosmetic surgery? are you really willing to go that far? Is that what you reeally need? Are your goals realistic?
You might also want to check if you're going to a normal gym or not. I used to attend classes in a gym that somehow only attracted athletes, barbies and schwarzeneggers. I got as discouraged as you seem to be. My aim was to leave morbid obesity behind so you can imagine i truly felt out of place in there. I started going to another gym and you can see lots of differnt kinds of people. Some are barbies and hulks, others are elderly, children, people in need of physio therapy, others re struggling to regain their health, and many others just go to the gym for the fun of it. And i feel great there!!!
So maybe it's just a matter of finding another gym. I wouldn't advise you to workout at home, since there are many others at the gym who fight against the same insecurities and there they are, winning the battle against themselves and showing others how there's a lot more to it than looking like a model.
Really, it's your choice who you want to be. No one can blame you for feeling you have to be like a Barbie doll. But please know that to be happy in life you don't need to be one.0 -
Well said! You really do have to be here for yourself and no one else ... and from a man's perspective on "barbie dolls" ... everyone's tastes are different in this world. What one man finds attractive and hot, might be a complete turn off to the next. It's why we say there is someone for everyone in the world. Don't get wrapped up in wanting to be or look like someone ... be who you are and concentrate on goals you want to achieve and you will be fine.
Oh and BTW, I hate the gym too. Which is why I love P90X .. I can't rock it at home in the privacy of my own basement, where I don't have to worry about all those insecurities I carry with me the gym. Yay!! And yes, the windows are covered with black plastic. LOL
From one MN peep to another ... if you focus on nutrition (think proteins, low carb, no processed junk, low fat) and stick with it, you will transform yourself. Give it time!!! “Patience is passion tamed.”0 -
Great post. I have the same insecurities you mentioned when going to the gym. I never can work out as long... or look as good. It's so intimidating. But, differences are what makes this world turn. So... I need to love that I am different.0
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Emily
Having read your post and seeing your ticker, I think you are suffering from a typical human feature of not looking at things with the correct perspective. Admittedly being male I went back to the gym at nearly 300lbs and was fed up buying bigger clothes, but I went with the selfish attitude that I was doing it for me. So I went in and did my workouts, due to work I was there mostly at quiet times so I felt I was doing my bit under the radar of others so not as much as I thought , but as the weight has come off I have had comments of encouragement from people I have rarely seen. At 47 and starting that heavy I am far from being eye candy for the Lady :laugh: customers, still heavy and large round the middle but I am getting where I want to be.
So having said all the above, the main things you need to know.
Be Selfish
Do it for you.
You will look around it's only natural, but never compare yourself to anyone else.
Good luck with making you the person you want to be
Andy0 -
Not that I've never noticed somebody else at the gym for one reason or another, but I've never looked around and batch-judged the other people. I guess that means I have the right attitude: I'm not there for anybody else. I don't judge. I don't compare. I get in there and get the job done to the best of my ability.0
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I love your honesty and I know you see others beauty from the inside because it's evident in your post. We all have our demons about our own self worth but we all have good and beauty in us. I know you have because you are painfully honest in your statement.
Go for what you want. You are beautiful and so is everyone else. Whether you have weight to lose are are trying to get healthy, we all want the same thing...self acceptance.
Be happy with who you are. Thank goodness we all don't look the same.
All these responses I'm reading are awesome. Thank you all for understanding her post and giving your advice. They all are a great read and I truly enjoy them and can relate to most all of you.
Good luck to all of us on this quest for self acceptance or whatever you are accomplishing. Thank goodness for all of our uniqueness...looks are only skin deep.
Stay real and be honest....it's awesome that some of you in those gyms have acheived what some others wish to...you may be intimidating to some but you are also motivating...thank you for that....
It's taken me years to feel comfortable in my skin......I am now to the point that I want to be healthy.... I work where people are sick, maimed and dying every day. They've showed me dignity in just surviving day to day. I'm sure most of them would like to be out there no matter how they look.(To me they are beautiful) They would just like to feel good...After working there I learned to enjoy what I have and realize you have to be thankful and make your own happiness.............
Good luck to all0 -
Well first of all - thanks to everyone for all the responses, and input and advice! I honestly didn't expect anyone to reply, but I'm really glad every one of you did.
Because I don't have a ton of time, it's hard to respond to everyones posts - not that you all are expecting me too, but after reading all of them I would absolutely love to.
It's great to get both perspectives and I just want to say - wow to those of you that have stuck to it and gained strength and gotten healthier and gained weight - great job! You're all truely a huge inspiration and I hope that down the road I can related to your accomplishments! It's really nice to know that there are a lot of you that know exactly what I'm talking about. It's also great to hear that those of you that are intimidating at the gym could care less about other people and what their doing, I'm going to have to keep that in my mind when I hit up the gym on Monday again.
Really - thanks to everyone All your responses made me feel a million times better and I'm a little more optimistic about the future today than I was yesterday. 0 -
Also - I'm taking all your suggestions! Couldn't thank you all more for such great thoughts and ideas!0
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Don't worry about anyone else at the gym only worry about you b/c you are there for you. In fact screw everyone else at the gym. Just crank up your music and block everyone else, just do you.0
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