Stay strong..

My weight has been an issue since I was younger. I've had lots of failed attempts. Thinking back, I see that I've been doing it wrong. I havent allowed myself to remain strong through it all.

I lost grip on my life shortly after I lost my dad. Shortly after losing my dad, I lost my job, and at that point in time I wanted to die. I didn't care if I made it through another day of life. Set on destroying my life, I fell into a state of depression. I became weak, broken, and felt unloved. Not only did I lose my dad, but my family fell apart, worse than it had been before. Instead of leaning on those who were there for me, and loved me I focused on the ones who betrayed me, and attempted to destroy me. On my whirl wind path of destruction, I managed to find myself. Not before gaining 80 pounds in 9 months time. I ate without care, I slept all day, sat at my computer for hours on end, wasting 9 months of my life just trying to kill myself. I was on a path of self destruction, and if it wasn't for my mom and my husband I wouldn't have made it through the hardest challenges without drowning. Thankfully, they saw me sinking and they were my lifeguards, there to save my life. They gave me the choice of going to get some professional help, or doing it on my own. I chose the hard way, I did it on my own. I don't regret that in anyway, because its helped form me into the lady I am today, but sometimes I wonder if I would have gotten the professional help if I would have sunk a little less. I often find myself sinking back into what I was, who I don't want to be. At times I wonder how I was even worth trying to save, I was so mean to everyone. I hated me, life, and everyone who helped me live. I need love, compassion, and to feel safe again. Some way some how, my husband did exactly that for me. I almost lost my life, my family, and everything that meant the world to me. I'm still constantly fighting my depression, at times I dont feel like I'm worth it. But I think Ive found the answer. I've not had the faith in myself. Ive never felt that I was strong enough to get through this, and put this in my past. I've over come soo much in the past 7 years, and Ive not given myself credit. My weight had shown it. Im not going to put myself down as I have in recent months. I'm not giving up, I'm going to remain strong and do what it takes to find this new lifestyle I must follow in order to get back those 9 months Ive thrown away. Hoping to add af ew more years on top of it.

I want to say thank you to everyone who has followed me, and helped push me during my weight loss journey. Thank you for loving me as a person, and telling me that Im inspiring. Even the most inspirational person needs to hear that off and on. I share this story not to have people feel sorry for me, but to show that there is hope out there. My new motto is going to be Stay strong, and you will see how strong you can be. When Im on the treadmill or elliptical at the gym and I dont think I can give it my all, Im going to remember that. Stay strong, and I'll go down this journey with you.

Anyone who needs inspiration, or would like to help push me a little when I don't feel like pushing anymore, feel free to add me. I appreciate having active fitness friends.

Forever changing my life,
April Val!