WOMEN...Too much insecurity?

Options
RachelSRoach1
RachelSRoach1 Posts: 435 Member
in Motivation and Support
Something I find surprising about myself is how insecure I have become over time.

Something that has gotten worse in the past year or so is definitely my insecurity in relationships.

Please understand I'm not talking about my husband. Frankly my husband and I are very close and have a very healthy marriage, praise God. That took a lot of work too, so I'm very proud of it.

But with friendships and stuff? I love the members of my church and my family and stuff but I am constantly... and I mean EVERY TIME I'M WITH THEM OR THINKING OF THEM... wondering if they like me, if I actually have any friends, if I made them mad, if I disappointed them, if I'm not interesting enough, if I talk too much, maybe too fat.... I mean come on.

Frankly as I was growing up I had the occasional best friend but I have never had a real focus on friends so all of this stuff seems so new to me. Is this normal for girls? I would love to have a close group of friends but those same insecurities tell me I'm not good enough to join one.
«1

Replies

  • trjolly1
    trjolly1 Posts: 24
    Options
    Maybe your better than they
  • YoYo1951
    YoYo1951 Posts: 370
    Options
    I can certainly relate. My insecurities drive me mad. I never feel good enough. Not deserving of good things. When people say something nice to me, I think they are lying. If a door is shut at work, I think they are talking about me, or I am in trouble. It really is a disgusting trait. I can't even walk to the restroom when I need to go, because someone might look at me. Where does that come from? I can totally understand where you are coming from, and it is very discouraging. Let us both move forward from this day, and act proud of who we are. I believe if you think about it, it will come. Good luck to you
  • INFJ
    INFJ Posts: 86 Member
    Options
    You're not alone! Just be careful it doesn't turn into anxiety over small stuff. At some point we have to say "maybe they don't think I'm perfect but who cares, they sure aren't!" :)
  • Jenny_Taylia
    Jenny_Taylia Posts: 540 Member
    Options
    Omg you are just like me. I dont know what happened but since I got pregnant with my forth I went from comfortably wearing girly shirts and short shorts...to only ever feeling comfortable in my husbands pajamas.When people looked at me 2 years ago, I thought they were checking me out...now when people look at me I panic...Do I have something on my face? Is my hair a mess? Do I look really fat in the face or something??? Its all I think about when Im in public.
  • shan899
    shan899 Posts: 40
    Options
    I definitely can relate!!!

    It sucks so bad when everytime I meet new people I am constantly wondering if I am saying all the right things, if I look okay, if they think I'm fat, if they think I'm mean, or if I'm too nice.....

    It becomes soooooo emotionally draining.

    And the one thing I worry about the most? How people think I look......So obviously my overweight problem isn't helping me.

    However.... we need to dig deep and realize that we shouldn't worry so much. We are who we are and if people don't like it....well screw em'!
  • RachelSRoach1
    RachelSRoach1 Posts: 435 Member
    Options
    My brother is the type to tell me not to worry so much. I know I shouldn't. I'm just so glad to know that I'm not the only one out there! I just hope that it doesn't escalate any further. Thanks for sharing your experiences
  • Mathguy1
    Mathguy1 Posts: 207 Member
    Options
    Here's a quote that I was taught in High School by a family member that I believe will help alleviate what you're thinking:

    "You wouldn't worry about what others think of you if you knew how seldom they do"
  • RDHome224
    RDHome224 Posts: 49
    Options
    I am the exact same way, I keep a very small group of close friends and even then I am still like "I wonder if I am making them mad" whenever I talk, although this is mainly because I have verbal diarrhea and pretty much everything I think comes out of my mouth.

    Today I told one of my guy friends that the pants he was wearing were the ones that "make him look fat". It came out before I could stop myself, and thankfully he understood that i didnt mean it as an insult, but that we had previously been talking about that particular pair of pants, and how they make him insecure, however it still sucked that I couldnt stop myself from blurting it out.

    Aside from that side note (clearly I have the typeing version of verbal diarrhea as well lol) insecurity is everyones downfall. Men just rarely admit to it, but its there in them too, women are just more open about their insecurities, especially being insecure about being insecure :P
  • Jenny_Taylia
    Jenny_Taylia Posts: 540 Member
    Options
    I definitely can relate!!!

    It sucks so bad when everytime I meet new people I am constantly wondering if I am saying all the right things, if I look okay, if they think I'm fat, if they think I'm mean, or if I'm too nice.....

    It becomes soooooo emotionally draining.

    And the one thing I worry about the most? How people think I look......So obviously my overweight problem isn't helping me.

    However.... we need to dig deep and realize that we shouldn't worry so much. We are who we are and if people don't like it....well screw em'!

    Yup. For me when I am done talking to one, or a few of my friends....I immediately wonder what they talk about after I leave. Did I say anything stupid?

    Also, I always worry I talked too much so Ill try and be quiet, but then Im the weird quiet one...If I do talk...Im the weird loud one.

    All I can think about with people who new me last year is are they thinking "omg she got so fat" ??

    I literally have not taken one single photo of me for over a year because Im too ashamed with my weight and I dont want people (like on FB) to see how big I really got.
  • gingerveg
    gingerveg Posts: 748 Member
    Options
    I am wondering if you are living your life or trying to be someone you want others to like. Break free, be yourself, and live your life forget about everyone else. There is no way you will win everyone over. Quite honestly, someone who does this does tend to become pretty boring over time because they are not evolving into the unique person they were meant to be. Just my opinion though.
  • roohill
    roohill Posts: 87 Member
    Options
    I can relate to feeling insecure as well. I suffer from a good deal of anxiety, and I believe it developed largely from my insecurities. I lost 80 lbs in 2005 and still felt very insecure. Even when family members saw me after my weight loss and hugged and told me how proud they were, I STILL somehow convinced myself they were just being nice. It's only been recently that I have just really stopped caring so much what others think. Ive started focusing more on myself... and realizing what I think of myself should be my main concern, not what everyone else thinks. Just being here, watching what I eat, and exercising sparked the fire in me to branch out my focus to bettering other aspects of my life as well! Wishing you best of luck on your journey. :)
  • RachelSRoach1
    RachelSRoach1 Posts: 435 Member
    Options
    I am wondering if you are living your life or trying to be someone you want others to like. Break free, be yourself, and live your life forget about everyone else. There is no way you will win everyone over. Quite honestly, someone who does this does tend to become pretty boring over time because they are not evolving into the unique person they were meant to be. Just my opinion though.

    I agree! Honestly when I'm not worrying about everyone else my husband and I are imagining a growing family and eventually buying a plot of land and raising our babies :)

    I really appreciate everyone's input.
  • Beezil
    Beezil Posts: 1,677 Member
    Options
    I used to be that way. Now, I just avoid large social situations. Not because of anxiety, but because the noise gives me a migraine usually. lol. I think as I've gotten older I've gotten more used to people, though I don't have many very close friends. I like it that way though. Maybe part of it is realizing who you truly are and becoming comfortable with yourself as a person, and maybe that's just something that comes with age. :) I wouldn't concern yourself too much with it though, just try not to focus so much on what other people might think. What you think of yourself is all that truly matters in the end.
  • INFJ
    INFJ Posts: 86 Member
    Options
    Yup. For me when I am done talking to one, or a few of my friends....I immediately wonder what they talk about after I leave. Did I say anything stupid?

    Also, I always worry I talked too much so Ill try and be quiet, but then Im the weird quiet one...If I do talk...Im the weird loud one.


    Omg, for me, definitely this! ^ ^ ^

    So glad I'm not alone too!
  • LoraF83
    LoraF83 Posts: 15,694 Member
    Options
    I used to feel that way, when I was your age. I worried way too much about what people thought, their expectations, what they were capable of compared to what I was capable of, if they liked me, if they didn't, and on and on and on.

    I'm pretty much to the point that I don't care anymore. I think it comes with age and practice. I'm comfortable with who I am. I don't let drama into my life, so the people close to me are supportive and caring. We share interests and hobbies. My husband and child are the most important so I don't have a crazy social life or anything, but that's fine.

    You just have to keep practicing confidence and know that you are worth respect and kindness. And if that's what you give out, that's what you'll get back.
  • VelociMama
    VelociMama Posts: 3,119 Member
    Options
    I used to feel that way, when I was your age. I worried way too much about what people thought, their expectations, what they were capable of compared to what I was capable of, if they liked me, if they didn't, and on and on and on.

    I'm pretty much to the point that I don't care anymore. I think it comes with age and practice. I'm comfortable with who I am. I don't let drama into my life, so the people close to me are supportive and caring. We share interests and hobbies. My husband and child are the most important so I don't have a crazy social life or anything, but that's fine.

    You just have to keep practicing confidence and know that you are worth respect and kindness. And if that's what you give out, that's what you'll get back.

    I'm on my way here, but not here myself yet. I still have a lot of insecurity in social situations, but it has gotten much easier for me as I've gotten older and wiser.
  • lveh8lve
    lveh8lve Posts: 162 Member
    Options
    I definitely can relate!!!

    It sucks so bad when everytime I meet new people I am constantly wondering if I am saying all the right things, if I look okay, if they think I'm fat, if they think I'm mean, or if I'm too nice.....

    It becomes soooooo emotionally draining.

    And the one thing I worry about the most? How people think I look......So obviously my overweight problem isn't helping me.

    However.... we need to dig deep and realize that we shouldn't worry so much. We are who we are and if people don't like it....well screw em'!

    Yup. For me when I am done talking to one, or a few of my friends....I immediately wonder what they talk about after I leave. Did I say anything stupid?

    Also, I always worry I talked too much so Ill try and be quiet, but then Im the weird quiet one...If I do talk...Im the weird loud one.

    All I can think about with people who new me last year is are they thinking "omg she got so fat" ??

    I literally have not taken one single photo of me for over a year because Im too ashamed with my weight and I dont want people (like on FB) to see how big I really got.

    Thats why I haven't gone to a high school reunion!! I was 115 in HS (very skinny) now I'm 100+ more lbs. I really didn't want people to see me so big so I haven't gone to one. I hide photos on FB as well so people can't tell.

    I was always treated like garbage by people growing up. It was so bad, my parents had to put me in a different school for high school. I at least got respect in the new HS, but there still were "those girls".

    I feel very similar insecurities. I usually have a few close friends, but thats it. Freshman year in college I had a ton of friends, but I drove myself crazy trying to appease everyone. Now, I really don't care anymore what people really think (aside from my weight, which is a big issue for me). I'm usually very quiet when I meet people for the first time (which some people think is snobby!! Im like uhhhh hello im shy!) then when i get used to them ill chat it up.
  • beccannes
    beccannes Posts: 88
    Options
    I used to dwell on what others thought of me and I know exactly how you are feeling. I had a TON of good friends and when I needed them the most a lot of them had turned their backs on me. Ironically *this* was the moment I was able to break free from the burden of worrying about what others thought of me. I did a lot of soul searching and found myself. Now I am able to interact with others without as many worries, Sometimes the insecurities do come back although I have to push them out and remember, hey if they do not like me for me than they are not worthwhile-I still have some work to do on myself:) If you are being a genuine person and somebody does not like you for that than that is their loss.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    Options
    You're preaching to the choir.

    I'm so insecure it's ridiculous. Am I ugly? Does this make me look fat? Are you sure?! Does this person really like me? Am I drinking this water too loudly? Do my coworkers think I'm incompetent (even though I always do my job just fine). Am I scrunching my face too much?
  • ChasingStarlight
    ChasingStarlight Posts: 424 Member
    Options
    I am really surprised by all of these answers. I don't think it normal, and I think maybe you should get some help with it. I have plenty of friends and I never for one minute wonder what they think of me. If they don't like me or think badly of me, they can piss off and find someone else! Life is much easier if you can go around thinking you are awesome all the time! I don't really know how I got here though, was not so self confident as a child.

Categories