Need help with making hubby understand
dbtman
Posts: 19 Member
Before I start, let me just say that I love my husband and he is a wonderful man! I wouldn't want to be with anyone else but him,
With that being said, I am having trouble explaining to my husband why I am trying to watch what I eat. In my husband's point of view, I look too thin as it is and that I should put on a couple of pounds. A couple of times he has even told me that I look sick. In my point of view, while I think I look ok, I would love to lose those last five pounds. Right now I think that I look "skinny fat" and I am trying to work on my body tone. With working on my body tone, I am also trying to watch what I eat.
As I said, my husband wants me to gain a few pounds so on weekends, he always bring doughnuts or something like that home. I try to refrain, but if I don't have at least one, my husband gets upset. Also, he likes to go out to eat on the weekends. Again, I try to order healthy stuff, but again it just makes my husband upset.
I don't want to argue, so I usually end up over eating on the weekends and then feel lousy about it. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. Arguing about my weight is really one of the only things we argue about. I just don't think it is worth all the arguements. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
By the way, I am 5'6" and currently weigh 120.
With that being said, I am having trouble explaining to my husband why I am trying to watch what I eat. In my husband's point of view, I look too thin as it is and that I should put on a couple of pounds. A couple of times he has even told me that I look sick. In my point of view, while I think I look ok, I would love to lose those last five pounds. Right now I think that I look "skinny fat" and I am trying to work on my body tone. With working on my body tone, I am also trying to watch what I eat.
As I said, my husband wants me to gain a few pounds so on weekends, he always bring doughnuts or something like that home. I try to refrain, but if I don't have at least one, my husband gets upset. Also, he likes to go out to eat on the weekends. Again, I try to order healthy stuff, but again it just makes my husband upset.
I don't want to argue, so I usually end up over eating on the weekends and then feel lousy about it. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. Arguing about my weight is really one of the only things we argue about. I just don't think it is worth all the arguements. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
By the way, I am 5'6" and currently weigh 120.
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Replies
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I hope I dont make you mad, but Ill tell you my story.
At 5 7 and 120 lbs (this was 5 years ago) I still wanted to lose weight. I knew I was thin but just like you I felt like a skinny fat. Everyone told me i was too thin but I thought they were crazy. I couldnt make anyone see my point of view on why i wanted to lose a few more lbs and it made me mad.
Now that I had a baby and gained (alot) of weight back that I had lost...and my husband begging me not to get as thin as I used to be...and I look back at the pictures of me and realize I WAS too thin...I was obsessed. Obsessed with weight loss, obsessed with being thin, obsessed with the image that the media portrays a woman should look like. I didnt need to lose weight...it was in my head. In my humble opinion...at 5 6 and 120...your already at the perfect weight. So my suggestion is to eat healthy foods at a calorie to maintain your current weight, and if you think you still have a little pudge on your tummy...tone it, but dont lose anymore weight. trust me...Ive been there, and its a horrible horrible mental battle to overcome!0 -
Have you tried to take him, sit down and have a "serious eye to eye conversation"? Something like "Honey, I have to tell you something serious, we need to talk... I'm on drugs!", type of serious? Just instead of saying "I'm on drugs" explain him what you wanna do, how important it is for you. That you need his support, etc. Not arguing and demanding or something like that. Just calmly explaining him what you are doing and how important it is for you and discussing it with him?0
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I must admit, that seems awfully light for a person at 5'6". Heck, my sister is 5'4" inches and weighs around that and she sometimes has to eat more as she'll start looking too thin - I've had to tell her to eat more. If you're unsure as to your body self image and what is healthy, as both of you seem to be arguing about it, I would go see a doctor and have them do a health evaluation of your body fat, weight, everything and maybe even take in printed copies of your food diaries. Basically, I suspect you'll find out that you're thin enough and you don't need to get thinner. If anything, you probably do need to eat more. I would at least increase proteins and veggies so your husband doesn't think you're starving yourself. He needs to see you eat, albeit healthy food.
Monica0 -
Just at face value, I think I have to agree wtih your husband. That said, the donuts and overeating at restaurants aren't exactly the right way to go about it either. There's a way to get more calories while still making healthy choices - look into calorie dense foods (nuts, nut butters, avocado, etc) If you're truly worried about being skinny fat, losing more weight isn't going to help you. Sounds to me like you need to switch gears and maybe think more about body fat percent, not actual body weight. If you're restricting your calories and not properly fueling your body, you're just as likely to continue losing muscle and will continue to be skinny fat. I would try to eat at maintenance and make sure you're getting at least 100 grams of protein per day. This will ensure that you're getting enough nutrients to support the muscles you have.
Not sure what you're doing for exercise but make sure you're doing some strength training. There are a ton of options out there but the one thing you need to make sure of is that you're challenging yourself. Many women are afraid of bulking but it's basically impossible with our hormonal balance unless you're taking steroids or training like a professional. Maybe look into hiring a personal trainer to give you specific advice on bulding up those muscles?
Here's a great article about it:
http://sd-****ens.hubpages.com/hub/Are-You-Skinny-Fat-Heres-What-to-Do-About-It
ugh, silly filter, that's
sd-d i c k e n s.hubpages etc0 -
I can definitely see why your husband is concerned. 5'6" and 120 seems very thin already. I don't think donuts are the answer, but I'd forget about the scale and work on strength training if you feel "skinny fat." Maybe eat at maintenance and lift and go by how your clothes feel/how you look.0
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A couple of weird things to ask yourself:
1. Is he jealous of your success? My husband isn't - he finds it motivating and he knows he has to do better himself. Due to his job, we're only together on the weekends, so I know that he has weekdays that he eats like crap. He even commented that he had to swing by the store the other evening to get stuff for salads because he had been eating too many fast food meals.
2. Does he like curves on a woman? Years ago I had proportions similar to yours - 5'8", around 120 and thought I was fat. Looking back at pictures, I was a stick figure with teased hair! Maybe instead of focusing on "losing" 5 more pounds, you should focus on toning or strength training.
I don't think he's trying to sabatoge you, but the two of you need to figure out a happy medium.0 -
Thank you so much for all the replies!!!! It has definitely given me some "food for thought" (forgive the pun). I think I do struggle with body image and I know that I back down from a fight way too often. You have all given me wonderful suggestions as to how to handle this.
Step one - I am definitely going to try to add more protein and more calorie dense foods. I am also going to try to make sure that my husband sees me eating
Step two - Even though I dread confrontation (even if it isn't confrontational, I make it out that way in my mind before the fact) I will sit my husband down and ask him what specifically he objects to and try to explain how I feel.
Step three - I know I need to add strength training to my work out routine. I HATE strength training so I am going to needs lots of motivation. Right now, my workouts are all cardio.
Again, thank you to everyone for taking the time out of your busy day to respond. It really has made me feel better today. :happy:0 -
Step three - I know I need to add strength training to my work out routine. I HATE strength training so I am going to needs lots of motivation. Right now, my workouts are all cardio.
I think you have a great plan!
Strength training doesn't have to be only with weights. The boot camp I go to 3x a week we do a lot of body resistance and dumbbell work - things like pushups, crunches, lunges, squats, dumbbell rows, tricep dips, wall sits, etc. Most of the exercises we do are for 45-60 seconds and then we move on to another move. I usually work out with 8 lb dumbbells and have definately noticed in three months how much my upper arms have toned up.0 -
You know, I understand it's your body, but I also think that he might be telling you what you need to hear. And, even if you are a totally healthy weight, maybe you could do a little bit to please your man. Not to mention, if it's a better body composition you're after, you probably SHOULD be eating more so all your weight training regimen gets the fuel it needs to achieve the results you want.0
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Before I start, let me just say that I love my husband and he is a wonderful man! I wouldn't want to be with anyone else but him,
With that being said, I am having trouble explaining to my husband why I am trying to watch what I eat. In my husband's point of view, I look too thin as it is and that I should put on a couple of pounds. A couple of times he has even told me that I look sick. In my point of view, while I think I look ok, I would love to lose those last five pounds. Right now I think that I look "skinny fat" and I am trying to work on my body tone. With working on my body tone, I am also trying to watch what I eat.
As I said, my husband wants me to gain a few pounds so on weekends, he always bring doughnuts or something like that home. I try to refrain, but if I don't have at least one, my husband gets upset. Also, he likes to go out to eat on the weekends. Again, I try to order healthy stuff, but again it just makes my husband upset.
I don't want to argue, so I usually end up over eating on the weekends and then feel lousy about it. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. Arguing about my weight is really one of the only things we argue about. I just don't think it is worth all the arguements. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
By the way, I am 5'6" and currently weigh 120.
All I can say is that on the BMI scale, you are very close to being underweight and without seeing a photograph, I can't say if I agree with your husband. He may have a point.0 -
Sorry but I think your husband is right. I am also 5'6". You're bordering on underweight. I agree that making better choices in eating (like skipping on the donuts, for example) is fine, but you're on the low end of the BMI scale, and I'm concerned about someone who is not overweight wanting to lose 5lbs.
I don't think you need to start eating junk food to make your husband feel better but as someone who has had problems with food and weight obsessions, your post is concerning and at first glance I think your husband has a strong point.0 -
Step three - I know I need to add strength training to my work out routine. I HATE strength training so I am going to needs lots of motivation. Right now, my workouts are all cardio.
I think you have a great plan!
Strength training doesn't have to be only with weights. The boot camp I go to 3x a week we do a lot of body resistance and dumbbell work - things like pushups, crunches, lunges, squats, dumbbell rows, tricep dips, wall sits, etc. Most of the exercises we do are for 45-60 seconds and then we move on to another move. I usually work out with 8 lb dumbbells and have definately noticed in three months how much my upper arms have toned up.
Good ideas - cardio and lots of it is not going to do anything about skinny fat - you need strengh training of some sort and you need to take a serious look at your own body image - 5'6 and 120 is borderline underweight......0 -
If you feel you are skinny fat maybe you should concentrate on toning and building a little lean muscle mass rather than losing fat. I don't think losing more weight will help you achieve your goal of not being skinny fat. Maybe your husband would support this goal and not undermine your efforts to eat healthy. Maybe instead of donuts you could make a nice protein rich breakfast. I bet he would like that.0
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If you're truly worried about being skinny fat, losing more weight isn't going to help you. Sounds to me like you need to switch gears and maybe think more about body fat percent, not actual body weight.
THIS^^ THIS^^ THIS^^
Get into strength training. Eat to maintain, and tone up.0 -
I didn't read everything but if it were me I'd decide what was right for myself, and then I would tell hubby "Look here babe, I'm fit, I'm healthy, this is what I want for me. Support me or be quiet. I love you!!" Good luck.
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Hrm. He might be right. If you are 120lbs and 5'6" and still feel "skinny fat" losing more weight may not be the answer. Building muscle might be what you need to get the physique you want. You could work on building muscle (heavy lifting, small calorie SURPLUS) over the winter then again try to lose that little big of remaining fat this spring and you'll be much happier with the results.
*Edited it because I said deficit when I meant surplus.0 -
Step three - I know I need to add strength training to my work out routine. I HATE strength training so I am going to needs lots of motivation. Right now, my workouts are all cardio.
I think you have a great plan!
Strength training doesn't have to be only with weights. The boot camp I go to 3x a week we do a lot of body resistance and dumbbell work - things like pushups, crunches, lunges, squats, dumbbell rows, tricep dips, wall sits, etc. Most of the exercises we do are for 45-60 seconds and then we move on to another move. I usually work out with 8 lb dumbbells and have definately noticed in three months how much my upper arms have toned up.
So so true!! Don't forget that as women we NEED that strength training for healthy bones when we get older!!
My other advice, don't make your results about the scale, make sure you feel good in your own skin and that is all that matters.0 -
Btw, I'm 5"6 1/2 & 120 pds and I think I look pretty good and I'm sure you do too.0
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I'd suggest looking into New Rules of Weight Lifting for Women, StrongLifts 5x5, or Starting Strength.0
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Tell him that he needs to help motivate you in your strength training efforts, and that bringing home doughnuts isn't helping anyone. They're tasty, and I enjoy them from time to time, but they're not going to help anyone feel less fat when used as a nutritional supplement.0
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I do not think you should lose 5lbs but just tone and that will probally give you an extra 2lbs of muscle but you will look good.0
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I agree with most posters that you really shouldn't be trying to lose weight - you should just be working on body comp - getting more fit. If you really don't want to lift weights, try kettlebells. Anything by Lauren Brooks is great - you will definitely see some results.0
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Even as a woman, I think I understand where your husband is coming from. You ARE thin. I'm 5'5, 160 lbs. My goal weight is 140 which is a healthy, lean weight for me. Men also want curves to hold onto, not bones.
Eating healthy is fine, but you may have an unhealthy relationship with your body image. I think he is afraid for you. I think you need to put on some healthy weight and just focus on toning.
Just a thought. Good luck.
Remember skinny does not necessarily = healthy0 -
Your profile is closed so I can't make a judgement call on your looks.
So all I will say is this: ultimately, it's about health, not weight. As long as you are healthy, you're good.0 -
Sorry. I double posted.0
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Step three - I know I need to add strength training to my work out routine. I HATE strength training so I am going to needs lots of motivation. Right now, my workouts are all cardio.
I think you have a great plan!
Strength training doesn't have to be only with weights. The boot camp I go to 3x a week we do a lot of body resistance and dumbbell work - things like pushups, crunches, lunges, squats, dumbbell rows, tricep dips, wall sits, etc. Most of the exercises we do are for 45-60 seconds and then we move on to another move. I usually work out with 8 lb dumbbells and have definately noticed in three months how much my upper arms have toned up.
Thanks for the great suggestions for weight training. I am going to try to work these into my routine.
Also, I want to thank everyone for their responses. I am starting to realize that I may be looking at this matter in the wrong frame of mind. I now know that I need to work on toning and not losing more weight. It will be a very hard transition for me to make, but I do know that ultimately, my health is what is most important.0
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