People who disagree with your goals

STurbs33
STurbs33 Posts: 134 Member
in Motivation and Support
My goal has always been to be thin. Every year I did the same thing: gain 5-10 lbs in the winter, then bust my *kitten* to lose it for the summer. When I joined MFP earlier this year, I learned a lot about weight lifting and my goals changed. I don't just want to be thin anymore. I want to be strong, with muscles and lower body fat %. While I'd still love to see the numbers on the scale go down, if I still like what I see in the mirror, I'm really not all that concerned.

This winter, I have decided to bulk for the first time. I've done my research and feel pretty confident in what I'm doing. I've gained weight, but I still look and feel great. The last time I weighed this much, I did not look or feel this way. I feel like I'm finally starting to realize the triviality of scale weight (in some cases) and truly appreciate the process of changing my body composition.

My only issue right now is my sister. She does not agree with this approach at all. She loves yoga, and cardio. If she bought her own groceries, she'd likely buy vegetarian. She's always been thin, too. Now, I like cardio (hockey, soccer, gym classes etc.) and I don't mind yoga. But I LOVE lifting weights, so the majority of my routine involves weights. She thinks this is completely asinine, insisting that I need cardio to lose weight and I'm crazy for doing cardio only once a week. She thinks that I'm going to become the hulk if I keep lifting weights. I tried to explain to her that losing weight isn't my goal right now, and I'd rather improve on my strength. When I told her that losing body fat was more important than losing weight, she rolled her eyes at me. She screamed that she's a nursing student and she knows a few things about being healthy/losing weight and I should listen to her once in a while.

I love my sister, but this has left me beyond frustrated. I don't want her to start lifting weights with me or anything, but I'd just like her to see that I have different fitness goals than her. We should be able to respect each others' goals. She may want to look like a Victoria's Secret model, while I'd rather look like a fitness model one day. Both are beautiful, but they are still very different.

Sorry for the giant wall of text, but I really needed to vent. I also think it can be said for the entirety of MFP. Everyone has different goals, so why can't we just respect one another's goals and move on?

Replies

  • anemoneprose
    anemoneprose Posts: 1,805 Member
    1, she's your sister, so there's always that. 2, she's studying to be a nurse, and probably wants credit for that. 3, it'd be easier on everyone if you stopped trying to convince each other. Don't wait for her approval or waste time arguing in circles, just lift, and discuss in a year.
  • SLRamirez2012
    SLRamirez2012 Posts: 297
    My husband likes me thin, but he is always stating "Just don't lose that BUTT!!" and my mother-in-law I don't think likes it.. (mind you she is heavily overweight, so I believe slightly jealous.... But if it is making you happy, then go for it.. don't let other people stop you!~
  • mandylanerocks
    mandylanerocks Posts: 100 Member
    I think those above me are right. you can't keep trying to explain.
    I wish I would have realized this sooner myself. I was in a similar situation, & still kinda am. some of my friends & family don't think I'm doing this right (but OBVIOUSLY I AM since I've lost SO MUCH)... that I shouldn't just eat some of the "bad" stuff I eat, I need to eat healthier. Which what they are referring to is that, if I want some ice cream, I'll have it! I just make it work into my goals for the day. I don't exercise A LOT but some. I use my digital scale for everything (if I can) & my mom thinks I'm "over doing it"... um, really? its GO BIG OR GO HOME. obviously I'm doing something right. & I've tried to explain to everyone that its NOT a diet, its a lifestyle change that I'm making for good.
    but I've quit explaining (mostly). I just tell them a little bit if they ask questions, but I don't try to convince them anymore. I have MFP friends who support me & my guy. that's really all I need!
    so just let it go. that's my advice, haha. sorry for my giant explanation, guess I needed to vent too ;)
  • CarmenSRT
    CarmenSRT Posts: 843 Member
    Learn 50 ways to change the subject. She's not going to change her POV, no sense wasting your breath.
  • yksdoris
    yksdoris Posts: 327 Member
    This made me think of my my mother in law (who recently passed. she was awesome, I miss her) and her sister.

    They were raised Catholic; my MIL grew up to be a non-practicing rather secular Catholic and her sister grew up to be a Jehovah's witness. Both lovely people and they loved each other a lot. However, by the time I arrived in the family it was established that the religion that was followed (main visibility in whether or not a prayer was said before dinner) was determined by who was hosting. Religion was never discussed.

    It was a true "agree to disagree" situation without the passive aggressive "but I'm right and you're going to Hell"

    Maybe you and your sister can work out a similar balance: you both want to be healthy, you just have different ways of getting there.
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
    Firstly, I think your goals are awesome.

    Secondly, let your sister know in no uncertain terms that your goals are important to you and politely request that she respects them, although doesn't have to agree with them.

    Thirdly, there is no thirdly.

    No wait,

    Fourthly, tell her if there comes a point where it looks like you will become a she hulk you will do this amazing thing called...changing your routine. It's not like you're going to go to bed slim one day and the very next morning wake up suddenly huge as if my magic. This is not a Kafka novel....
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,149 Member
    Your sister needs to go back to class and learn weight lifting won't turn you into She-Hulk (you need a blood transfusion from Bruce Banner for that).

    Tell her: "I have my goals and you have yours. We're not going to agree, so let's just not talk about it, m'kay?
  • sjohnny
    sjohnny Posts: 56,142 Member
    Learn 50 ways to change the subject.

    And the first of those, that I've found particularly effective, is to say MYOFB. Why do you need your sister's approval to do what you want to do? Your goals are your goals and shouldn't be up for debate.
  • Scarlett_S
    Scarlett_S Posts: 467 Member
    I think its a preference. I have a weight I hit that I am uncomfortable at and that is as high as it gets -- when my size 8's are tight. But I've found I can weigh more and burn more the more I lift, so that is what I strive for. I still like to eat though, so I do cardio everyday. It might be 30 minutes, it might be an hour, but I want the calorie burn from it.

    I see different body types too. I am never going to be a waif thin person. In my experience, people who do a lot of running, cardio, etc., have that appearance. I don't think it means they are unhealthy at all, just different.
  • AddieOverhaul
    AddieOverhaul Posts: 734 Member
    My brother and I are both trying to lose weight. I've been very successful, he did okay for a while and then gained most of it back.

    I changed my eating habits and work out a lot.

    He doesn't work out at all, never has, and insists that the best way for him is through food alone.

    We don't agree, so we agreed to not really talk about it anymore. We now only talk about weight loss in an encouraging way like, "You look like you've lost some weight, good work," or sharing healthy food ideas.

    We are also complete opposties in terms of politics. We just don't talk about that anymore, it's too frustrating. You don't have to agree on things to have a healthy amicable relationship, you just have to set and respect boundaries in regards to certain topics where you don't see eye to eye.

    Good luck! Bulk away!
  • celebrity328
    celebrity328 Posts: 377 Member
    My husbands family was supportive at first when I started to "try" and lose weight but as Ive lost well over 50% of my goal so far now im getting the "you should stop" speech. I am respectful to my family but make it very clear these are > MY < goals and being supervised by a doctor who is fully supportive of my goals :)!
  • HealthyBodySickMind
    HealthyBodySickMind Posts: 1,207 Member
    Sisters, gotta love 'em. Mine and I don't see eye to eye on many things.

    My husband, on the other hand, is scared to death that I am going to bulk up. He thinks VS models are "too muscley", lol. Bless his heart. I'm just going to keep lifting. He hasn't kicked me outta bed for beintg "too muscley" yet, haha.
  • DarcyGibbs
    DarcyGibbs Posts: 44
    Any time you make a change in life, this forces change (or the perception of it) subconsciously onto those around you. People ****ing hate change, it makes them feel out of control and often inadequate in comparison. Love your sister for her good intentions, let go all of the frustration you feel about her trying to pigeon hole you. Live your life on your terms and enjoy it, by being happy you give other people the liberty to be happy for you. as well.

    As for the factual ****, don't worry, you aren't crazy. Lifting weights will not make you into the hulk, it will make you hotter than a wood-fire oven. The same goes for pretty much every thing else you mentioned.

    Go get it, and be happy about it too :)
  • dragonlagan
    dragonlagan Posts: 6
    I'm a guy who sees Fit as better than Slim.
    As people ave said you both have different goals and muscle does weigh more than fat so you'll get heavier but have a low body fat. If explaining to your sister that you're trying your own thing/way of doing it and she can't accept it then maybe it would be best to avoid talking about it with her. She might end up being detramental to your progress and goals. Took me losing the negative people around me to finally push through my insecurities of weight loss.
    Hope you get it sorted soon and all the best with the weights

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