Is it just me or does Dieting stink?!?!?

Okay, I’ll cut right to the cheese and drop a bomb… time to plunge a covered wagon on you; yes, I’m describing that God awful topic of earth shattering rumbles of *kitten*. Some of which so noxious, the environmental impact of its Ozone depleting fumes are the primary source of the deadly greenhouse effects on earth’s atmosphere.

So what’s the “inconvenient truth” about that rancorous stench that sends my children running for cover like Legions of men from Army’s of old that would fall on their sword rather than be engulfed in a cloud of sully? We’ve all encountered those undignified moments of close combat with Captain Sphincter. We’ve all emitted such toxic gasses that even your faithful family dog left no trace of their existence in your household after its abrupt exit through the doggie chute. The real question is, why?

Could it be that quest for a healthier you transformed your blustery weather into a fierce force of nature that could lay flat the enemies of Heaven and usher in an era of peace on earth? Is it possible that changing to a healthier diet from the crud lining your entrails caused a massive detonation of extreme bowel happiness that it’s a mere expression of gratitude blasting through the forbidden zone?

I mean seriously, am I the only one who’s experienced an uptick of eruptions that render the Black Friday lines at Wal-Mart free and clear for the picking? Being health conscience and watching my caloric intake has also caused delays in the departure of the A-Train’s path to the porcelain bus on Russet St. But I’ll leave those occasional intimate moments with Mr. Hanky for another discussion; however, the two go hand in hand like building a log cabin out of redwood. And like the effort to take the Cleveland Browns to the Super Bowl, I find it difficult, at best to keep a schedule with the weekly NFL games. But I digress.

One would assume that after staggering across the healthier side and dropping a hefty load of 84 pounds, the household would become a safe haven from deafening tones of egresses. But that certainty is all but reality. Yes, the diet is higher in protein, but otherwise well balanced. It’s still an issue that rears its ugly head all too often. How about you?