Helping my overweight teenage cousin

therealmax
therealmax Posts: 33 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Hi, Im looking for some advice on how to help my cousin who is 16 and very overweight. I've read threads before on how people want to help their spouses find the motivation to lose weight, but dealing with a teenager I don't ever know where to start. I am 25 and I was always the fat teenage girl, and I wish someone had just explained to me what a calorie was and what proper nutrition consisted of, and how to balance food and exercise. I haven't talked to her about her weight or how she feels about it because she is already a quiet, shy kid and I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I hate it when my family talks about her behind her back, or I hear her older brothers tell her to get on the treadmill.

Has anyone dealt with something similar? And been successful?

Replies

  • JustRenea
    JustRenea Posts: 82 Member
    i am a fat teenager....you can encourage her ...I mean...talk to her about it....maybe say how you're looking to loose 5-10 pounds (idk...you look at a healthy weight!! ) and ask her to maybe do it with you? I always found that helped when someone asked me to loose weight with them..wii fitness games are awesome but just getting her one (1. she'd need a wii first) will probably send the wrong message ....oh oh or just ask her to go on walks with you so you can chat and catch up...im guessing you live near her? ..but unless she wants to do it herself...you probably won't get far.
  • chnkydnknmomma
    chnkydnknmomma Posts: 258
    I have a teenage daughter who is overweight. I talk to her all the time about it, without being mean. I've been struggling with it all my life myself, so I understand how she feels, and she knows it comes from a good place.

    Maybe you can approach her when one of her brothers is being mean to her. Or just bring it up in a nice way. I'm sure being a teenager in 2012, she has access to the internet and is able to find information on dieting on her own, but it's nice to have someone to talk to who has been where you are.
  • therealmax
    therealmax Posts: 33 Member
    Thanks very much guys! Definitely going to try talking to her and seeing what kind of feelings she has
  • nxd10
    nxd10 Posts: 4,570 Member
    I was also just doing this with my very overweight sister. Started logging and didn't say anything about dieting/losing weight (which I knew she wanted to do), just told her she should log to see where she was.

    She learned so much just doing that, and it's the first step. It lets her make decisions on her own.
  • RoadsterGirlie
    RoadsterGirlie Posts: 1,195 Member
    I WISH somebody had sat me down and explained the concept of calories - I wouldn't have had to spend my late 20s overweight.

    Not blaming anybody I know of course, it was my own fault, but still...

    Maybe it was easier emotionally figuring it out on my own than hearing it from someone else, but I would have rather have started this journey sooner. Still, I'll take my mid-30s better than never, so it's better than nothing.
  • rompers16
    rompers16 Posts: 5,404 Member
    It could be a sensitive subject. Maybe you can start by just inviting her to walk with you or do any other physical activity.
  • Rayman79
    Rayman79 Posts: 2,009 Member
    I can't really comment on this from a female's perspective, but I wish someone would have had that chat with me as a teen when I started to... ummm... grow outward.

    I might have put up a little resistance, but looking back oh how I wish someone would have sat me down, given me the basics on nutrition - and showed me to get around a gym.

    At that age they may be overly sensitive and know 'everything', but peel back a layer or two and I'm pretty sure she'll appreciate the help!
  • MoreBean13
    MoreBean13 Posts: 8,701 Member
    I really like the idea of just getting her to log food and see where she stands.

    Also, I think maybe getting her a book on nutrition (not necessarily a *diet* book) might be a really good idea. It's almost like talking about sex in a way- the information teenagers share with each other can really be dangerous, and so the information is better coming from you or some valid source than letting her discover some of the ideas kids share with each other on tumblr or here or anywhere else. I would make sure to warn her that these counterproductive bad ideas are out there though- they're like the STDs in my analogy.

    Finally, maybe you could check in to SparkTeens. It's a forum specifically for teenagers- and I *think* it's moderated as such, to keep a lid on the rampant ED behavior. I can't say that for sure though, having never investigated it for myself.
  • Lift_hard_eat_big
    Lift_hard_eat_big Posts: 2,278 Member
    Be sensitive and encourage through your good examples.
  • therealmax
    therealmax Posts: 33 Member
    That's an interesting idea on getting a nutrition book, I'll have to look around and find something not too boring. Thanks for all your input, I really appreciate it!
  • ilovelucy711
    ilovelucy711 Posts: 381 Member
    Well, I am 19 and I am/was overweight only as a teenager and life was a bit tough. I wish someone would offer to walk or do some physical activies with me. Maybe give her incentives to help her loose weight? Like a new outfit, purse or something she likes. Or maybe cross something off of her bucket list once the weight is gone?
  • danasings
    danasings Posts: 8,218 Member
    I really like the idea of just getting her to log food and see where she stands.

    Also, I think maybe getting her a book on nutrition (not necessarily a *diet* book) might be a really good idea. It's almost like talking about sex in a way- the information teenagers share with each other can really be dangerous, and so the information is better coming from you or some valid source than letting her discover some of the ideas kids share with each other on tumblr or here or anywhere else. I would make sure to warn her that these counterproductive bad ideas are out there though- they're like the STDs in my analogy.

    Finally, maybe you could check in to SparkTeens. It's a forum specifically for teenagers- and I *think* it's moderated as such, to keep a lid on the rampant ED behavior. I can't say that for sure though, having never investigated it for myself.

    An excellent resource is the book "Intuitive Eating."

    ETA link: http://www.amazon.com/Intuitive-Eating-3rd-Evelyn-Tribole/dp/1250004047/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1353041178&sr=1-1&keywords=intuitive+eating
  • NocturnalGirl
    NocturnalGirl Posts: 1,762
    Lead by example. Don't mention her size or anything, she is most likely aware of that, just get her to go to the gym with you or exercise or whatever. Casually mention calories and dieting where it fits in. Watch her behaviour so she doesn't engage in anything unhealthy. Good luck!
  • Boolietta
    Boolietta Posts: 12 Member
    Previous posters have already offered some really good advice on here. I too was overweight as a teenager and secretly but incredibly unhappy about it. For me it was just an outward sign of how messed up and unhappy I was inside at the time for various reasons (I ate A LOT of feelings!!). Because of this and, despite the fact that the whole world could clearly see what I looked like, I would have been mortified to have it directly addressed in anything but the most sensitive ways. Apart from hating the way I looked, I didn’t want people to start asking questions about my feelings etc or things that could leave me in a vulnerable place. I would have interpreted suggestions to loose weight as “you hate the way I look, you think I’m disgusting, you’re right, I’m a piece of S**!t, I hate my self”. It may be that there’s a reason behind your cousin’s weight issue and so I would advise you to tread carefully. Or It may just be that she needs some help / education / motivation. Either way I guess she doesn’t feel too peachy about it & I would suggest that asking her to accompany you in activities, to help you, perhaps be the gym buddy YOU need to keep you motivated or stop YOU feeling self conscious etc. Once you’ve started down that road and find you are enjoying spending more time together and, hopefully, whatever activity it is you choose, you may find that directly addressing her weight problems becomes easier, especially if she notices she’s getting into shape. Anything else, if there is anything else, may follow.

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