New username same girl. : ). Add me!

Hi! I'm new here. I need motivation, help and advice. I was one of those always-skinny-never-had-to-watch-what-I-ate people. Well, now I'm 39, work full time at a desk and have 3 kids and 2 step kids and an ex. When I can veg, I sit in bed with the love of my life and watch tv and eat. I've put on 20 lbs. I left my abusive husband 5 years ago so a lot has changed in my life as well. I have ZERO motivation to exercise other than my mounds of clothes I can no longer wear. I am depressed because of how I look. I have never been this size. I never had to exercise and I think that is why I am so unmotivated. I'm very hard on myself for letting myself gain this weight too. Every day i obsess about what I've done to myself. I have tried losing this weight now for the last 4 years on and off. But here I sit. In bed. On my iPad. With an extra 20lbs.