Emotional Eating - coping?

schustc · November 2012

I just received some depressing news. Not a death, nothing majorly serious, but, it's news that has my husband and I giving up a dream that we had.

I had thought we had this issue resolved, and we spent the past year, almost to the day, working to resolve this issue, and now find out that no matter what we do, this dream will probably never be realized - at least not without some serious life changes beyond what we have done already.

It's at times like these, that I realize how MUCH of an emotional eater I am. I had made chocolate chip cookies with my daughter last night, and they are sitting on the counter.

I didn't have any last night, and this morning, opted to adjust my calories today to squeeze one in (at about 134 cals).

They sit there. As does some other tempting foods that I normally would be fine without. And there is this voice in my head that says "F* it...just eat>>>....."

which I follow with the question "Am I really hungry?" ... NO. I did have one of the cookies as I allotted for it, but it took great self restraint to stop at one.

Next question: is it a craving for something sweet/chocolatey? ... NO... I already satisfied anything like that with the single cookie that I had.

not hunger. not cravings. Very Sad. Usually food was a comfort for me, and now I am struggling to find something else.

As I sit here typing this I realize that what I REALLY want is to cry. Eating has been a way of stuffing the emotions down deeper, and without it, Crying may happen. Is that a bad thing? no, not necessarily. Do I want my husband to SEE me crying? NO. because part of this is due to him getting laid off 4 years ago, and with our lovely economy, he was out of work for 3 years. The job he finally got, was at a GREATLY reduced income, 2/3 of what he was making.

We struggled for the past year with him working to get to a point we thought would allow us to do some things we have been wanting to do, and after working the numbers today, we realized this isn't going to happen, or is just as remote as it was a year ago, even after doing some major re-haul of our financial situation. I don't want him to know how upset I am about this - because I know he will feel bad and feel like he needs to change his job somehow. I don't want him to do that. He likes where he is. It's less stress, and he's happy.

It just sucks that we have been doing everything we can - prior to him getting laid off, and then squeezing even tighter for the past year, to make things happen.

Anyhow - this is a long way of saying, what do you do when you are sad and just want to EAT? I'm surprised I've made it this long. AND maybe part of my coping is to post it- get it out - etc...

what do YOU DO?

gerripho · November 2012

I hear you loud and clear on the situation. Perhaps the worst part of what you are going through is this lousy economy and the fact that you and your husband are both seemingly powerless to do anything more about it. That feeling of powerlessness is tearing apart many families. Be thankful that you are going to be one of those families that overcomes! I also think it would be okay to tell your husband how down and out you feel so long as you make certain you are not blaming him. Let him know how terribly proud you are of all that he is doing for the family. There are men out there who would let their pride get in the way of taking a job at lesser pay. You got yourself one of the good ones who puts providing for his family ahead of his pride and ego. In other words, you got yourself a keeper and should let him know.

Now, for what to do. Exercise! When you're feeling a bit down, go for a power walk. Ask hubby along. Pound out any exercise DVD you may own. Exercise is your friend for times like these.

You have overcome so much, overcoming the urge to stuff your face may be the easiest thing you do this week.

Davideajames · November 2012

WOW! Reading what you wrote really made me feel as if I was not alone in this. I get to be the exact same way and I just want you to be reassured that you are not alone. If you ever need someone to talk to I would love it if you would add me to your friends and we can talk. I have always been an emotional eater just like my mom was. I am in psychology classes now and I have learned that these traits are hereditary but even though they are part of our DNA they can be changed and altered. It's not easy and I do not know what dream you had that you will not get now but I do know that I had a dream of becoming a chef and owning my own restaurant but when I became worse off I ended up having to quit the job I was doing and I've been in a nursing home ever since. I wish you a lot of luck and please do not feel defeated in this because what you tell yourself is what you will become. You will overcome this struggle and things will get better for you and your husband. I know that you do not want to make your husband feel bad but sometimes it helps to talk about it with the one you love. Just saying he's your best friend and maybe he's feeling the same way but does not want you to know. Dealing with this alone is not right though. He may be feeling the same way and just needs to be reassured that YOU know it's not his fault and you do not hold him responsible. He may be feeling like you do but does not want to open up for fear of you being upset. Just talk to him and if you need someone else to talk to I'm always here. Facebook or on here. I wish you luck. Davidea James

fit4lifeUcan2 · November 2012

I used to dive into a bag of cheese curls when I felt like that lol or even drink a couple of glasses of wine. Now I go for a walk. It helps me clear my head and put things into perspective. I remind myself that others have it much worse and we're lucky to still have each other. If you meet someone who is in worse shape than you ..as bad as this may sound, it makes you realize you don't have it so bad.

schustc · November 2012

Thank you both very much. I have assured him that I want him to be happy. I don't want him to feel bad about this. 3 years without work was a tough shot to the ego, and I don't want to hurt him.

I've been picking up part time work for the past year as well as my full time job, and we have a young child. Now I have to decide if I am going to quit the part time work - because it's not really worth the extra time if it's not going to help get us to the end result. i.e., no use killing myself if the payoff isn't there.

we've been together for over 18 years - he IS my best friend, and I believe I am his. it's our dream - though probably more mine than his - that is slipping away. I don't want him to feel any worse than he probably does. I'll deal with it somehow. even if it means 'talking' about it to complete strangers

I love him dearly. We'll make it through. I KNOW that. my diet - I'm not so convinced of!! LOL

evmoses · November 2012

Just remember LIFE IS A ROLLERCOASTER! For everyone. I am 57 yrs old..married 40 happy years with two adult divorced daughters and two fantastic grandsons. I have seen great times, good times and devastating times in my life. I know many people with everything they want that are not as happy as I am....I , also ,know many that are less fortunate than I. The best things in life aren't things. The fact that your hubby is less stressed and happy at his job should be a major focus. He will live longer. To me that would be more of an upside than anything else I could think of. Having said all that and believing all of it I ,too, know about emotional eating. When your kids are unhappy (divorces) and you can not fix it it is so hard to cope. You just have to remember that some things you cannot change and look for the great things you do have.

I sincerely wish you a peaceful heart and a healthy body! Good Luck! :flowerforyou:

kenazfehu · November 2012

I'm an emotional eater, too. What I was doing to myself hit me hard the first week of September, and I decided to stop doing it. It's been rough. Now it seems that my stress is coming out in my body (ulcerative colitis and a bout of shingles). I have increased my exercise plus I've got a list of things that I need to take care of around the house - things to keep me busy.

I hope someday it feels natural. Right now it's a struggle. The stresses never stop.

P.S: It sounds like it's time to build a new dream. I'm working on that, too.

mgobluetx12 · November 2012

i agree with exercises! You can sweat out your stress and frustrations and your cravings will most likely disappear by the time you finish. I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time. Hang in there!

TorontoDiane · November 2012

emotional eating is filling a void...

once you realize that.. it does make it easier...

its a lesson that takes alot of time to overcome.. I have only been really conscious of it for about 4 months.. the awareness of what and why are my triggers are pretty obvious.. stress/frustration mainly.. and not being able to cope over one thing or another..

but if you sit back and realize.. that cookie is not symbolic of anything other than a joy which you should indulge in, every once in a while..

having a plate of them will not resolve any issue in fact will make you feel worse about yourself...

a few weeks ago I craved a pecan tart.. I went to the store and bought 1.. I put it on the counter and had a staredown with it.. then I left the room for about 15 mins.. came back it was still bothering me.. I knew this tart although small was 320 calories of not very much nutrition.. so I came back .. cut the thing in 4.. yep tiny tiny bite size piece it felt like.. so I figured I can deal with 80 calories but not 320.. so i had it.. and yes, it tasted good.. but what I realized was.. I bought the tart because of something that was upsetting me at the time I bought it.. and after that bite.. my problem did not resolve itself.. this is my story.. so I wrapped it up in paper again and walked it down to the trash.. and that made me feel better... because I really did crave that for filling what was the "norm" for me, for years... and that "norm" got me over 100 pounds of overweight un-necessarily and .. its the small steps I am trying to change daily.. yes I am still enjoying some trigger food but when I put it in my mouth.. I am aware of everything now.. how it tastes and why I am eating it.. and I do not ever now overdo it.. because the person I have to answer to is me.. and I do not want to step backwards anymore.. I want to move forward and get the body and state of mind I deserve !!!!

its that old saying.. the angel and the devil on the shoulder.. listen to the voice of reason in your head and pay attention to that.. because the negative part of ourselves has been winning too long !!!!!!!!!!!!!

good luck to you

Diane

aqua_marine_light · November 2012

Pray.

jnchorn · November 2012

I wish I had the answer for you. This has always been a struggle for me. I had an abusive childhood and food was the only form of comfort I had. As an adult, it's still what I use. I use to exercise a lot but with a recent injury I haven't been able to. Just try you best everyday, don't give up. Every morning when you wake up, forgive yourself for the previous day and keep trying!

matthew621 · November 2012

I didn't want to accept that I was an emotional eater, I made excuses. I worked hard this summer and lost 10lbs. I'm a teacher and once school started back I was once again overwhelmed with stress at home and work. I am angry at myself because I allowed myself to gain all the weight back by hitting Sonic for a $0.99 (teacher discount) for a route 44 for the day and picking up fast food for dinner, telling myself it was one less thing to worry about..fast, easy, comforting. I realize now that when I shove food down my throat it really is a means to keep my emotions bottled inside. With the holidays around the corner a whole new layer of stress already weighs heavy on my mind. I am going to try journaling and walking for an hour while listening to music (my family is just going to have to understand that I need that time). I am also going to try guzzling water and green tea and eat an apple a day. I think sometimes when we are dehydrated we don't think quite as clearly, making it easier to throw our hands up and say "Oh well, I've already slipped...might as well make it count." I recognize I haven't said anything that has a "wow" factor...no quick fix, no magic diet, but doable. Any movement is better than no movement. And if I can kick the soda out I have a real chance for some weight loss and rehydration. Good luck, you're not alone.

Yolanda4160 · November 2012

I spent years as an emotional eater. Just like others have said, the food was simply filling in the void.Until I learned that and found other ways to fill the void, I was on a self destructive path and didn't even know it. I will pray for you and your family. God Bless........:flowerforyou:

WalkingGirl1985 · November 2012

I totally understand where you are coming from..my fiancee also has been out of work for about 3 years. He decided to go back to school just after he was laid off from him job where he was one of the best workers of 2 years. He has 1 semester after this, and praying that he finishes soon and gets something..an offer..anything. I know we will all make it through these hard times..I am pretty big into emotional eating too and use food for every emotion...even to reward myself if i had been good for a while. All I can suggest like others have been on here, is take a walk..find a DVD you like..take a hot bath, listen to some tunes..and lose yourself that way. Maybe writing down your feelings on a piece of paper can also help. Best of luck, and hope you guys get more comfortable soon..

SarahAFerguson · November 2012

I'm in the same boat as far as emotional eating goes. I've also had the experience of a spouse who was out of work for an extended period and returned to work to a job that was less than what was expected. It was rough, really rough. As far as coping without using food as medication I've been working at that myself and posted looking for some support, see the link below

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/790949-coping-without-using-food-as-medication

schustc · November 2012

I wanted to thak all of you very much for the kind words. I really am not as bad off as most people. We have food to eat, a warm house, 2 cars, and 2 jobs and then some. Its just that .. well.. we both had planned on, from before I was pregnant, that I would stay home with the kids should we have any. I worked until my daughter was 5 months old, and then we talked about making the move. And that was when he lost his job after 15 years, and was out of work for 3. He was the stay at home dadm but I held on to hope that when he did find work, we could get back to our goal.

Then work came and the dream began to slip away, when we realized our finances couldn't handle his new lower income on its own. So I took on a part time job, to help restore the balance and pay things off. We did that, and we Again, for the 3rd time, are faced with it slipping away. This time, it is due to the oversight I had with his insurance benefits costing 600 more per month than mine. Again it is slipping out of reach. Now we are reviewing if there is anything more we can do. Aside from move to a cheaper home (in this economy? Selling? Not likely and we like our neighborhood) there are some slim options, and not without risk. A tough decision, but I know many are in worse situations.

I somehow managed to allow myself THREE cookies today at different times, AND come in under calories. Amazing, and I feel good. I don't feel deprived, and still succeeded. And found out that 4 egg whites with turkey breast is incredibly low in calories, while having a ton of protein. I am full on150 calories~ how often does that happen? Thank you so much again!

Emotional Eating - coping?

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