People see you as overweight still?

firstsip · November 2012

Here's the long story: This is the second time I'm posting a (serious) topic in motivation and support in the last three days, so I'm going to preface everything with, "I think I'm suffering from serious hormonal mood swings for some reason, and I'm not USUALLY this crippled by insecurity."

I ballooned up from cortisol bloat due to serious thyroid issues causing further adrenal issues (which I had had a long time ago, too), even though I was active, young, and ate decently (undereating has always been my issue, as I struggled with anorexia for a long time).

Because of this, I went over the "BMI" scale for the first time in my life, even though most of it I was fighting to stay "underweight" due to obviously huge mental issues.

I joined the site to do everything I could to counteract this, as I had known how "successful" I'd been at rigorously controlling everything I put in or put out of my body.

Well, of course that triggered a relapse in late Winter/early Spring and I took a break from the site. Dealt with some issues, came back, and tried JUDDD/AF/IF. That triggered it, too, and I had empty days where people would critique me for "not logging," when really there was nothing to log, and I was caught in the constant terror of succumbing to not eating, instead of eating... which was, with the constant hormonal problems I have had over the last decade, not resulting in the quick weight loss that my body had had in my teens.

Then, after frequenting the forums and finding inspiration in MFP celebs like LorinaLynn and Helloitsdan (name dropping!), I decided to try weight lifting.

For the first time in my life, I was successfully controlling the ED monster I always lived with. I realized, "Well, shoot, I HAVE to eat to gain and sustain this muscle." Granted, my calories have been fairly low for strength training (1200-1500), but that's a big step for someone who ate one meal (if that) for the majority of my adolescence and adult life (adolescence was generally spent on one meal a day... every few days).

Finally I was feeling good in my body. My "normal size" clothes all fit, inches have dropped, and I've lost about fifteen pounds since I started here (even though the pounds haven't changed much lately, the inches keep dropping, and I keep getting tighter and stronger).

The thing is... according to BMI, the skewed body fat % calculators everywhere, measurements, clothing sizes, etc... I'm not overweight. I haven't been in months.

Someone very, very close to me (like, sees-me-naked-on-a-daily-basis close to me) said I still "looked overweight... but you're making great progress."

This person is notoriously objective, not controlling, not an *kitten*, etc. So this hurt. Bad. They did not say it in a vindictive or angry manner, and it came up in the context of me looking for reassurance after my initial bout of insecurity I posted about yesterday because my body fat % didn't seem to be changing... and they mentioned yesterday as thinking I looked like pictures of "35% body fat" women, when I've been around 25-26% the last three months (22% according to the Bailey calculator, but I'm not thinking that's on point).

I know I've made great progress... but I've been under the "overweight" point for months on any scale, with only an increase in muscle tone and a decrease in inches, clothing size, etc.

Needless to say, this weekend has been like a weekend from hell. All the insecurities weight lifting had helped me fight all came rushing back; the happiness at seeing things in the mirror I had never seen before (I can tell you I was a cardio monster in my hardcore anorexic days, so I was always just soft and boney, not tight and firm) seems foreign.

I'm terrified that I'm having some sort of "reverse body dysmorphia," where I think I'm looking better, and I'm actually not.

Here's the Short story: People always come on here talking about being unable to see their weight loss, but having others see it. What about the opposite? What about when you're finally happy with your body, you're healthy, and someone says the opposite? Does this happen to anyone else?

or

How much does it suck to always fight an ED, and the ED forums here always seem to be full of pro-Ana/Mias or the biggest trigger worthy posts ever. :brokenheart:

r3ban1x · November 2012

When people are used to seeing you look a certain way it may appear to them that you are "overweight" b/c they are so used to you being underweight. I was always "normal" weight and my fat family told me to eat and I was too thin and when I gained 20 lbs in a year to be just slightly overweight they were practically like "whoa fatty when are you due?" Because it was such a contrast to how I'd always looked. Since you've had problems with eating disorders in the past and are finally feeling good about how you look you should focus on how YOU feel and what the numeric facts tell you about your health otherwise you will drive yourself crazy.

firstsip · November 2012

Thanks for responding to my tl;dr diary here.

That makes sense, and yeah, I'm really, really working on not letting what others say/think bother me, but it's so hard when it comes from people you least expect it.

I think I'm well on my way to crazy anyway :drinker:

firstsip · November 2012

Well I don't know your actual weight or BMI but... While I do know how discouraging it is when you work hard and get fit and lose weight and people are still like oh did you lose any I didn't notice keep going.... This whole deal about being "overweight" is really subjective. So many people here at their goal weight still look overweight to me. I look overweight to me too, and my BMI is 22.5. My BMI was 20.5 for most of my life and I still saw myself as slightly overweight then too. It's not that I'm crazy, it's that I don't have a lot of muscle so I've probably always had a BF% greater than 20-25, and all of my friends are pretty skinny people so that's my standard. The word "overweight" is just way too vague. Unless you're personally happy with your current body all I can say is... Keep working!! That's what I tell myself anyway.

But this happens to me all the time since I have a lot of friends/family who see me rarely so they're still not used to the post-weight gain me. During the summer I met a friend I hadn't seen in a year, and she said right off the bat something like did you gain weight again??? It made me so sad because I had *technically* lost weight, a whole 3lb, lol. But I mean even if you don't count it it's still no weight change so her implying I *gained* weight was so discouraging. But now that time has passed I just see it as more motivation to lose weight: She won't be saying that the next time I see her!!!

I agree that "looking overweight" is subjective, but the BMI/Body Fat %/Waist-Hip ratio are all supposedly objective measures.

By no means am I not going to keep working, and I sure hope that's not what you gathered from my post. It's more the absolute depression that came from making such big gains and having someone mention that I apparently don't look healthy.

I guess it's the like, anti-vindication.

P.S. You look so far from overweight, I guess this is a lesson in how perception's a *****!

People see you as overweight still?

Replies

Categories