my shameful secret: full story no pix!

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Replies

  • jan_birdie
    jan_birdie Posts: 3
    Thank you for sharing. I lost my brother years ago and I think it triggered some self-sabotage behaviours. You're right: we have to be strong for our children. I wish you well.
  • glahlstedt
    glahlstedt Posts: 308 Member
    thanks for sharing your story. i can't even imagine. my sisters are my best friends, and losing them would mean losing a part of me. anyways, being honest is key! you must feel a little bit better that you have opened up, even if it is to strangers....

    i'm glad that you are going to get help. i will pray for you!
  • PatsyFitzpatrick
    PatsyFitzpatrick Posts: 335 Member
    Samm today is the anniversary of our beloved father who also died from cancer. He too had only a few months from the time he was diagnosed. It is hard even 11yrs later I miss him so much. But you are her voice to speak to her children of her strength. To remind them of her love for them and for life. To always know she would have loved to stay but it was not meant to be. Amanda would want them to carry on and be healthy. Our first wealth is our health. Remember to take care of you. Eat well, drink for life. Do not create demons from the loss of your angel. Let the anger go. Live so Amanda will be proud of who you have chosen to become. Lose the anger it will only hurt you. Our doctors made mistakes but as my father said. "Doctors only practice medicine"

    You are here on MFP and you will get healthier. God Bless you Samm and may you always honor your sister Amanda with healthy choices and happy memories. I have to remind myself I had papa for many decades he was only really ill a few months. Choose the years of joy when remembering Amanda. Her illness does not define her unless you allow it to.

    <hug>
  • stephanj
    stephanj Posts: 898 Member
    Please please forgive yourself for any 'imperfect' thoughts or reactions you had to your sister's illness. You were and are having a very sane reaction to a very brutal experience.
    If anything this is instructive of how we should all be kinder and gentler with ourselves. Hugs to you.
  • zozie73
    zozie73 Posts: 26
    My dearest Sammi,
    I have known you online for many many years and yet never met you despite the fact that you live fairly close, but soon we are going ice-skating and to climb that wall (maybe the skywalk too) with our children.
    This is the first time that I have know you to open up to the full story of your darling sister Amanda (in the sky), and although I managed not to cry, I have thought long and hard about what to say in reply.
    You are so very very strong and all your children and family love you deeply, they follow in their mothers footsteps and are using the strength that they have got from you to be successful. I know that you are very proud of them and that they are of you (I've seen the photos and read the comments). But for me more importantly, and very selfishly I have drawn strength from you and from reading what you have written today and that you are now facing the demons that have haunted you for too long. That strength will help me in the months to come as I face horrors of my own and it may have stopped me from going down a destructive path, as today I feel stronger (I've not cried today).
    Amanda would be proud of you and the way that you are facing your own demons just as she faced hers.
    Love ya Hun
    Zozie xxx
  • kenazfehu
    kenazfehu Posts: 1,188 Member
    There aren't many of us who could handle such a tragedy one bit better than you have. Hell - I wanted to die when my doberman died after a long illness two years ago. I couldn't do much of anything productive for weeks.

    Hugs and best wishes. Grief will have its way with you, but brighter days are coming. Take your memories of your sister into life with you; share it with her.
  • romach79
    romach79 Posts: 277 Member
    This kind of makes my problems and challenges seem to small and petty compared to someone who has had real hardship and adversity. I admire your courage, and offer condolences for your loss. Perhaps you can use your dear departed sister as motivation to achieve your goals - do it for her. Good luck, and God bless.
  • jenluvsushi
    jenluvsushi Posts: 933 Member
    Thank you so much for sharing your extremely touching story. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes as I type this. Please do not feel ashamed by how you coped or anything else. Today is a new day and the best thing you can do is to live your life to the fullest in honor of your sister. I am sure she would want you to be the healthiest you can be and to be happy. You deserve it. God bless you!!!
  • enigmachik
    enigmachik Posts: 150
    hugs <3
  • TJbubbles23
    TJbubbles23 Posts: 22 Member
    I just want to give you hugs! Grief impacts people in different ways. Be healthy and live for your sister xx
  • dillydally123
    dillydally123 Posts: 139 Member
    I don't really know what to say but I couldn't read that and not respond. Best wishes with getting well and healthy. x :heart:
  • beachgal0626
    beachgal0626 Posts: 1,912 Member
    I am so proud of you for sharing such a personal story, and it was very moving to me. Even though I don't know you, my heart breaks for you and all you are going through. May today be a day of new beginnings for you -- sending you best wishes and many hugs.
  • finding_sammi
    finding_sammi Posts: 207
    totally blown away by all the kind words and love n support I felt reading them (this time I had tears for a different reason :flowerforyou: ) I do feel better for sharing, and I know now that grief and all the emotions that go with, are just a process we have to go through, and no matter how many barriers we put up /distractions we give ourselves, to try and put off facing those feelings, the feelings dont actually go anywhere, just sit quietly waiting til you're ready to deal with and heal them :/ No scratch that, the feelings dont JUST SIT QUIETLY etc, they shout ever louder to be heard (with me to the point of clinical depression and illness)...

    I'm ready to face all those demons now (aka the bad feelings/thoughts/memories) and du know, however tough it is, I'M GONNA MAKE IT :smile: Thank-you all so much for being part of my journey Home :heart:
  • RedHeadDevotchka
    RedHeadDevotchka Posts: 1,394 Member
    I think you will find, so many people on this site have given into food for emotional reasons similar (although not exactly like) you. I think that you are very brave for posting this on this site and I hope you do get better. Sorry for your loss, but hopefully you will begin to have a healthy relationship with food. :flowerforyou:
  • jwd28
    jwd28 Posts: 765
    Wow. What courage and strength you've shown by sharing such an intimate story with us. I can only hope that it has helped to lift the shame and guilt you've been carrying around.

    I am so sorry to hear what your sister had to endure, and equally sorry about what you have had to endure as a result.

    Very best wishes to you as you take your next steps toward a happier, healthier you.
  • finding_sammi
    finding_sammi Posts: 207
    just wanted to say that I started a group called: dancing with divas and demons. It's for anyone who wants to work on the reasons they have an unhealthy relationship with food and who would like to work on mental junk, not just get to their ideal size/weight whatever.

    Thank-you all again for your kindness. You have helped me more than you can know xx

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